The program started with a holy mass. When the mass was ongoing, I was silently observing every elderly to the other side of the chapel. Each of them had a different expression. Some were frowning, while others looked bored or had these sad eyes, others were actively involved and had a bright aura, and some just kept a straight face. Observing that, I imagine what kind of family neglected them. Maybe the ones who were frowning couldn't reconcile with their family that's why they got neglected. Others looked bored maybe because they're tired with life and they just patiently waited for their time in heaven. I assumed maybe some looked sad because the pain that their family caused was still an open wound. And those who looked bright and active were simply contented. Although I'm not sure about that because I believe that usually, the ones who smile hides the worst pain.
As they introduced their selves one by one, I felt something warm and fulfilling in my heart as I watched them. Suddenly I felt like I was hypnotized when my whole attention was on them. The feeling was very unusual to the point it was hard to explain in words. But I knew it was something overwhelming because tears started to pool in my eyes but I was quick to wipe them away. I knew others wouldn't understand why would I turn on the waterworks so I tried to hide what I felt. They introduced themselves in different ways which reflected their personality. I imagined their own stories with the expressions they had which made me empathize them. This actually triggered more tears in my eyes. I just felt so soft-hearted when it comes to the elderly. I think it's because of my dad who is the same age as them. Just by merely hearing them speak about their self, it made my heart smile. Throughout the whole outreach program, this feeling of entrancement was definitely a highlight.
After feeling all of that, I looked forward to interacting with them. But I am the kind of person who is not really good at small talks, and I am not usually the first one who initiates a conversation. That made the situation a bit awkward with the first lola I interacted with. She admitted that she was shy, I asked a question then she'll give a simple answer. It was too simple which made the conversation short. I saw how sad her eyes were which made me asked if she was happy in Kanlungan ni Maria. She said yes but the tone o her voice tells it otherwise. I realized maybe she was longing for her family especially when I found out that she was just new to Kanlungan ni Maria. Meanwhile, the lolo I interacted with had a jolly personality. He actually took me to their room then gave me a black shirt. At first, I didn't know what we were supposed to do with the shirt. I thought he wanted to change clothes but I realized he wanted to give it to me. I felt that overwhelming feeling again inside of my heart. Though, this lolo was a man with a few words, I still enjoyed talking to him because in some way I knew he was teasing me. He usually laughs at my reaction because of his answer and seeing him laugh made me happy. I actually felt a little disappointed when I asked if he remembers my name. Then he shook his head no.
With the two conversations I had, I realized that they didn't want to open up their shell. It's like they wanted to avoid my questions regarding their life. I guess it was still a sensitive topic for them to talk about and I completely understand that. It was still awkward because they didn't ask me any questions. It felt like they weren't really interested in me. This made the conversation very short. But still, it was a good experience to help someone in need. It felt fulfilling to do benevolent work.