It wasn't as terrifyingly anxiety ridden as I'd expected. Normally in situations such as these, I'd start to panic as the time neared, but not this time. This time I was numb. Which was a form of complacency to itself, with how obvious it bore itself outwards from the centre of my chest. I hadn't forgiven her, how could I? But I wasn't angry either.
Now there was a distance, a pervading numbness that I could only liken to a wound that had festered. All too aware that it only hurt if you touched it.
We laughed the same laughs, but now it seemed tinged with the melancholic filter of nostalgia, as if we were old friends reuniting after years of being apart. Fond of the memories of closeness we once had, but all too aware that the chances of it being like that once again seemed unlikely. Despite it being a tentatively warming time, I was somehow sad at this realisation. There is no way I'd be willing to open myself up like I once was. A tinge of self hate spiked its fangs in the knowledge that if I was open like how I was with Victoria, and I got hurt in the same manner once again; I couldn't bare it. I was too weak for it. What's worse is that as this realisation began to fracture its way outwards, I was hyper aware of the effect it would have on everyone in my life. I could see them, Aramis, being held at barely any closer than arms length, and I do nothing about it. Is it selfish of me to do nothing, despite being armed with this knowledge? I convinced myself that it was easier this way. Better to be alone than to have the worry of others also burden your shoulders. Especially if their worry... is you.
We talked for what felt like hours, sat in this cafe like we did regularly and both of us paused when we realised this could be the last time we did this in a long time if not ever. The disappointment hung in the air like a pot of secrets, filled to the brim and threatening to spill. But it did not.
Her chestnut hair was tied neatly behind her head in a low ponytail that rested over her left shoulder. In fact, she looked uncharacteristically neat and uniform today. Where as before she would be awash with a wild abandon of different colours, her hair free to do as it pleases, and a playful smile on her face. Today she wore an outfit one might attribute to a work out or doing hard labour work in general. Still fashionable, mind you. It was clothes that hugged her body, enabled as little resistance to her movement as possible.
"He's not coming; is he?" She asked averting her gaze to the dregs of coffee that remained at the bottom of her mug.
"No, I didn't bring him nor tell him I was meeting with you." I replied, almost hesitant to speak of Aramis before her. Like she could pluck his very name from the air and sharpen it into a tool with which to hurt him.
"That's a shame. I'd like to apologise to him too, but I suppose you can do that for me?"
"I will."
"Good. Thank you. V: I really am sorry for what I've done. I do hope you'll believe that, if not now, then in some time. This whole thing... It's just a mess." She said with an exasperated sigh. I didn't respond. I didn't know how to, the answer was caught in my throat. The truth was I had forgiven her. I'd forgiven her a few hours after I'd come upon the revelation that she had betrayed me. I wanted to move on, and be happy. I wanted to go back to the fun fair and just have a night out with V, Jace, and Aramis. But that wasn't going to happen. The things that needed to happen for that to happen were too unlikely, too particular, too... unwanted.
Forgive, but never forget. That was the strongest belief I was raised in, and it had become somewhat of a reflex to the point where I find myself incapable of holding a grudge or anger. Yet, here all I wanted to do was forget. Forget that any of this had happened.
"I best be off" Victoria said, patting the table as she pushed herself up from it, my heart somewhat lurching with her as she did so.
"Really? You don't have to go just yet if you don't want. Stay. Stay with me, and I'll buy another you another coffee. Look, they got a new barista and he's also pretty cute?" I found myself babbling at her.
"Sorry V, I've got a bunch of things I need to sort out. Jace is waiting for me so... I guess this is it, huh?" She rubbed her legs before crossing her arms as if to stave off the chill of a sudden breeze.
"Then I'll come help. I want to say goodbye to Jace anyway..." I'd no idea what had come over me at this point. But as I stood staring at her, a slightness of tension rolled from her shoulders as she relaxed a little, letting out a slightly defeated sigh.
"Okay." She said, and immediately we began walking through town. To my instant regret there came a sudden wave of awkwardness that thickened the air in its wake. We walked in this silence, like all the subjects of the world fell short of being worth talking about in this moment.
We both knew what it was. It was me. Hanging on for that last little second, before life changed even further. For good.
*******************************************************************************
Eventually, we'd made our way into a large garage. So large it looked like it could be its own warehouse. Our shoes clacked loudly against the concrete floors, echoing through out the mostly vacant space. There were a few cars, perhaps about five, and one seemed covered underneath a grubby sheet of some kind. The odd power tool lay scattered here and there, and thick, dusty, cobwebs hunkered down in most of the corners.
I felt somewhat uneasy entering this place, as I followed behind Victoria. Like the largeness and almost emptiness of this building was swallowing me whole and I just didn't know it. Like there were eyes on the back of my head, a predator in the brush. Victoria seemed to pick up on my unease as she picked up the pace while humming a cheery tune, that worked in distracting me from my thoughts. Causing me to crack a little smile.
Soon we came across the sound of tools at work. Bangs and clicks from various instruments working in concert against the metal of a car. We found Jace, as he slid out from underneath the vehicle. The white of his tank top smudged with oil and grease, mirrored by his hands and strong arms.
His eyes seemed a little duller than usual. He was never one for showing much emotion other than his normal complacent expression, but here he looks tired and defeated. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes looked a little puffy with redness, and I began to wonder if he had recently just been crying.
" 'sup" He spoke with a nod of the head, while Victoria kissed his cheek, before leaning on the car.
"Are we good to go?" She asked, running her hands along the red sheen in admiration. I wasn't much for cars; knew next to nothing about them. But this one looked nice I suppose. It was a convertible. Red. A manual. I didn't think about it.
"Yeah, we should be good. I'm just gonna get washed up and we can go." He responded turning from me briefly to speak with her.
"Jace, I just wanted to say good bye" I started, awkwardly stepping a little forward. "Look after her will ya? I hope you both live a happy life and have a safe journey."
He yanked me a little roughly into his arms, and gave me a tight squeeze. My back frighteningly popped, but immediately felt good after which made me laugh as he let the hug go. He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, catching my eyes with his.
"Don't worry, I will, and Listen: I'm sorry about everything okay? About Flint. I'd no idea he would go that far with it." He said, causing me to give a knowing glance towards Victoria who averted her gaze sheepishly.
"It's okay, it wasn't your fault" I responded
"Is Aramis with you? I should probably apologise to him too"
"No, he doesn't--"
"Yes." The deep, unmistakable voice of Aramis sounded behind me, calling my heart to flutter happily as I turned to watch him step from behind a support pillar. I was immediately happier upon his arrival, conflicting with the sudden realisation that he had been following me and watching me without my permission.
My legs made to pull me towards him, answering the yearning it didn't know it was screaming for; yet I held my ground and watched as he looked to Jace and Victoria. Purposefully avoiding my own stare in his own admission of guilt.
Jace was the first to step forward. Opening his arms wide as he latched onto Aramis with a tight hug. Receiving one just as equally as strong in return. They laughed a little as Aramis ruffled Jace's hair and all I could do was smile warmly as the pair shared a few words, a little too mumbly for my curiosity to handle.
Aramis then looked to Victoria over Jace's shoulder, who was standing sheepishly in front of the car. Hands held behind her back as she looked to the floor, like a child in trouble.
Aramis stepped passed Jace, but stopped some of the way. Victoria would have to come to him if she meant her apology. Which she did, first hesitantly, then she threw her arms around his shoulders, causing him to catch her at the waist. The pair squeezed each other for a few seconds, holding on to one another in happy silence.
"This is for taking him away from me." My brow furrowed in confusion at the words that registered in my ears as Victoria stepped away, an angry scowl on her face.
Aramis turned to look at me, a distant look as worry began to sprout in the pit of my chest. My eyes were immediately drawn to the blade in his side that he gripped with his hand.
"Avery?" He called out, taking a step forward; his body flaking into a cloud of embers and ash as it collapsed before me.
A/N: Don't hate me. Shits goin doooooooown find out next time on: Witchbite (enter cheesy theme tune)