Clap clap clap clap clap.
Skin against skin, hands roaming my every inch but not in a loving way not in a toe curling, mouth dropping, eye rolling to the back of your head way. It was in a disgusting pocessive way in a not so caring way in a way no one should be touch.
I didnt want this, I didnt ask for it, how is this my fault. I did what he said, how he said, when he said. What did I do wrong, my eyes start to sting with unshead tears my teeth are biting on the pillow jaw clamed in place, my hands tied to the headboard and he enjoys every second of my suffering. He pounds into me as if he has been starve all his life and is now getting a meal for the first time. I hate that my body reacts to him, I hate that he thinks it's because I like it. I feel hands wrap around my neck making it hard for me to breath my vision starts to go black but I'm thankful, this is a good sing, he is almost done. I will be able to shower and check on my baby's they need me to stay strong.
I wake to my phone ringing my heart is beating at a fast pace I'm sweating and my sheets on the floor. It was a bad dream, or a memory what ever you want to call it. My phone rings again and I answer not bothering to see who it is.
"Yes?"
"Hey." I look at my phone and see its Lisa." Just calling to see if you were gonna be able to make it?"
I look at the clock on my nightstand it reads 11:00.
"Uh, yeah sure. I thought you said noon."
"I did just making sure, are you ok, were you working out or something?"
"Yeah working out." Its not completely a lie, well yeah it is but I don't know her you cant blame me for keeping it to myself.
"Ok see you soon."
"Yeah, I might be a little late."
"Thats fine just text me when you're here."
"Ok"
With that we end the call I get up of the bed and get ready for my daily run. It's a good way to think, release some stress and helps me get some of Hadeon's energy out before we go around people.
I stretch and run for about an hour, come home relax get some food and get ready for the barbecue. By the time I'm ready to head out its 2:00. It took me a while to convince myself that I would be fine and if anything went wrong I could just come back home no one would stop me I'm a grown up I can make my own decisions. At the end I stepped out. Lisa had sent me her address and I let her know I was on my way. When i got to the address some guy at the gate asked for my name apparantly I wasn't on the list so they called Lisa she told them to let me in. When I parked I saw she was waiting for me.
I put my hand on Hadeon to calm my nerves he sat up straight noticing how tense i was. I looked back out the window and saw Linda approaching, no escaping now I got out the car and Hadeon followed like always by my side, getting in position with out me having to ask him.
"Glad you can make it, listen, I know theres alot of people but you dont have to feel uncomfortable and if at any point you do I'll walk you inside or to your car no questions asked."
"Yeah, thanks."
We made our way to the yard her talking about how she was existed to have me over and she couldn't wait to introduce me to some of her friends. But when we stepped out I froze, way to many men, all tall, most very buff I was certain they could definitely kill me and get away with it. My mind went into overdrive, Hadeon acting quickly moved infront of me stepping between me and the enemy.
I couldn't think wich was good, means I'm not lost in a memory. But I also couldn't move I wasn't sure I was breathing. I took a step back trying to put more space between me and them trying to feel save, i thought she said it was a family barbecue, way is there so many guys. I can hear some one talking in the distance but I cant make out what they're saying I think its Linda I'm almost certain but I'm focused on the croud who is now looking at me. Shit, shit, shit, shit! You have to move, you have to go, this is not save.
Bark! Bark! Bark!
Hadeon, his here. I'm save, I'm fine, I'm gonna be fine.
"Look at me! Mazikeen, honey look at me! Don't look at them. You're fine. Breath!"
My head snaps in the direction of the voice and Linda is looking at me there something in her eyes, something I see every day in the mirror looking back at me.
"Hey, your back, good. If you cant be here I understand I'll walk you back to the car."
"No I'm fine."
"If you say so, but you need to call off your dog, he doesn't look happy."
I look at Hadeon his ready to attack if anyone gets close his barring his teeth drool coming out of his mouth ears perked up listening to see if anyone come close.
"Settle" and his back to normal I pat his head. "Search" and off he goes looking for anyone with bad intentions, searching the crowd to see if theres anything or anyone that can harm me.
"What's he doing."
"Looking for danger. It helps him feel better if he doesn't do it he wont calm down. He'll be back in a minute I cant move till then." I notice some guys approaching us. "Ask them to wait a minute, please. Hadeon wont like them coming till his done."
She looks at the guys and asked him to wait then Hadeon come back to my sind and sits, his done, no danger, time fine. I look at Linda and nod my head letting her know it's ok to move and she starts pulling me towards the guys that were coming our way. I look to my side to make sure Hadeon is following and to my surprise his not his still sitting next to the door. That's new.
"Hey guys this is Mazikeen. We meet at the grocery store yesterday."
"Keen is fine" I say looking at the ground. Dont make eye contact it's better that way. They wont get any ideas.
"Mazikeen, never heard it before." One says. "My names Kriss, it's nice to meet you."
I see a hand appear infront of me and debate wether or not to shake it I look at Linda who noods at me, why is she being so nice to me. I reach out my head and before i can actually take it I hear Hadeon.
Grrrrrr!
That's not good my hand falls and my head whips around. Shit kids, theres kids heading towards him.
"Hadeon, come." He shoots up and comes by my sides the kids turn towards me, "settle" and he sits.
"Wow. That was cool." I look up to see a guy who looks to be younger then me, and that's when I realize all of these guys have biker jacket on. Why?
I look around and almost every guy has one and some of the girls. I look at Linda and sure enough she has one.
"You ok?"
"Hadeon" that's all he needs once again he steps in between me and everyone else, shit they have to be in a gang or a club something dangerous, all I know about this is what I've read in novels and books and it's not good.
I take a couple steps back and bump into something hard. I look up and what I see has me feeling all kinds of thing. Beautifull green eyes, tattoos lots of them a nice trimmed beard dark hair and high cheekbones I swear this man most have been carved by God himself when he had extra time, lots of time he is perfect I slowly turn and look at this man up and down a nice sculpted body a nice tan not to much muscles just the right amount and my lung just stop working my brain quiets down my heart slows down and I'm sure I'm about to take my last breath. Fuck, what is this.
"Hadeon" I whisper. And with in seconds his infront of me. Growling at the unknown man, warning him. The guy takes a couple of steps back. And my brain goes in to over drive. Trying to figure out if the guy is a threat I know he didnt do anything but my brain is not comprehending what happend or why.
He takes another step back and I raise my hand "stop" he stops all his movements. Hadeon is ready awaiting my order but I dont know what to say, I look over to Linda, but why, why am I looking for her. She nods. I dont know why but I step foward and around the guy, head back to my car and get me and Hadeon in. My breathing starts to even out. I see my hands shaking, I'm sweating but I'm smiling. My stupid ass is smiling, it wasn't what usually happens it wasn't the same but I still did not know what to do with it. I sit in the car for a couple of minutes just trying to relax and then there a knock on my window and there he is. I slowly roll down my window just a little to allow him to speak without me having trouble hearing him.
"Hey. Just wanted to know if you where fine, you've been sitting here for sometime now."
Again I say nothing my stupid self cant form words.he smirks down at me but doesn't pressure me to answer.
"Do you need anything?"
"No, I... I.. I'm. I'm fine."
"You dont look fine." I once again stare at him.
"So, Hadeon that's a very unique name."
"Yeah, its Ukranian means destroyer."
"Suits him, when his in defense mode right now he just looks really sweet."
I look back at Hadeon. Laying in the back relaxed. He does look sweet.
"His a sweetheart."
"My names Eric. People call me Ink." I laugh at that.
"Mazikeen. Keen in fine."
"Nice to meet you, I heard you were here with Linda, one of the old ladys."
"Old lady?"
"Oooh so she didnt tell you?" And that's how it all started but just because a new chapter start doesn't mean my old ones are forgotten.