I woke up to the sound of birds cooing outside my window on the window ceil and I sat up and realized that I was in my bed covered up with my blanket and V's Jacket still on me and my picture beside me.....what? how did I get over in my bed I swear I fell asleep in my window seat while crying?and how did this picture get back in my room I swear that I threw it out in the hall?, I looked towards the window seat and at the picture but I shot my eyes back over to the window seat when I caught something with my eyes.
When I looked back at the window seat I caught Jungkook sleeping in the window seat...did he walk in to check on me and found me sleeping in the window seat so he picked me up and put me in my bed?, is he the one who put the picture by my head?, I quietly got out of bed and put on my boots and grabbed V's jacket and the picture and I quietly walked over to Jungkook and saw his blanket falling off and him shivering, I look out the window and see it snowing and I see two little love doves sitting in the window snuggled close together keeping each other warm, Suga called them love birds because they mate for life and once the other mate dies they never mate again and remain alone.
I felt one small tear fall from my eyes.....Suga said that we where just like the love birds....he said now that where together we will stay together forever and if one of us dies then we will stay single and never date again, if only he meant it, I pull Jungkook's blanket up over him fully covering him up and he stops shivering and I look at him, he looks so peaceful when he's sleeping...as I look at his face I see slight tear stains down his face....he was crying?....I look sigh and whisper, " you big idiot", I laugh a little bit, " you shouldn't be crying....it hurts me when you cry and don't tell me why", I lean down and kiss him on the head gently as a tear falls down my face and I grab my beanie and leave out of the room as more tears fall down my face.
I shut my door softly and quietly walk through the dorm....everyone must still be sleeping because its quiet in here, I reach the front of the dorm room and put my beanie on my head and zip up V's jacket and I open the front door and look back at the dorm then I walk out of the door and close it quietly and I walk to the elevator and take it down to the first floor, when the elevator opens I walk out on the floor and out the front door into the cold winter snow and I take the path that leads around to the back of the building, I stop and stare at the door of the glass structure and I sigh as I feel the cold snow land on V's jacket and melt.
I walk towards the door of the glass structure and I open the door immediately engulfed with a warm breeze and I walk into the glass structure as the door closes behind me and I walk through the narrow passage way and through the door frame into the massive dome and I walk and stand in the center surrounded by all the beautiful plants and my eyes meet the bench and I walk over to it and sit down and I let out a sigh as more tears fall down my face, I know why Jungkook is crying....he's crying because of me....I look down as more tears fall, their all so exhausted and stressed because of me, Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, V, their all so exhausted because of me, Suga....Suga's gone because I made him leave because he wants nothing to do with me.
RM and J-Hope.....they are stressed because of me and that's because V, Jimin, Jin, and Jungkook are all running to them and constantly annoying them with questions and arguments that all involve me, I feel tears fall down my face as I reach into my jean pockets and pull out my passport and airline ticket to go back to where I live at with my mom and sister....I look at the fresh print on the ticket that I purchased yesterday as my voice cracks and tears fall, " I wont be a problem for you guys anymore....it will be like I never existed to you all", I cried as I pulled out the picture of me, Suga, and V and I held it in the same hand as my plain ticket, ill pretend I'm going to bed early.
Once I hear all their doors shut and I feel as if they are all asleep ill pack my clothes and write my note to them telling them I'm sorry for the problems I have caused you all and ill tell them don't come find me and don't try and come back for me at all, ill tell them by me no longer being here with them will be less of a problem on them and that they should take me being gone as a reason to allow them to fix their bond that got so drastically ruined because of me, I looked back down at the picture and cried more as I held the picture in my hand tight and I pulled the wallet sized group picture of me, Suga, Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, J-Hope, RM, and V all together in front of the club sign of the club we all went to for new years in my home town.
I walked out of my room and was heading towards Rachel's room I was gonna wake her up and take her out for coffee and breakfast and I was gonna talk to her and say sorry for ignoring her so much and explain why I did it, I stood outside of Rachel's room and sighed as I knocked softly on Rachel's door and waited for an answer, when I didn't hear a response I knocked again, " Rachel?...Its V are you awake?...can I come in really quick?", I waited for another response....I began to get worried when I didn't hear her answer so I opened her door and walked in, " Rachel?", I walked into her room and looked at her window seat where I left her only to see Jungkook asleep there instead.
What's he doing here?, I looked towards Rachel's bed only to see that her covers on her side where flipped opened, I looked to the corner of Rachel's room where I saw she had her luggage bags out, why is her bags out for?....we don't have any trips planned or anything and neither does she?.....so why is her bags out for?, I walked to Rachel's closet and opened it, all her clothes where still hanging up but her boots and beanie where gone along with my jacket, I began to panic and scurried over to her night stand and opened up her drawer and looked through it.
As I looked through her drawer I noticed that the picture of me, her and Suga was gone along with the wallet sized picture of me, Suga, Jungkook, Jin, Jimin, RM, J-Hope and her in front of the club sign that we took her to for new years In her home state I kept looking through her drawer when something caught my eye, it was a pink paper folded over another piece of paper I opened the pink paper and saw a folded up piece of white paper, filled with fear and worry I unfolded the white piece of paper and my heart broke when I realized that I was looking at a recite for a purchase of a plain ticket back to America to where Rachel lived at with her mom and sister.
I felt tears fall down my face, " no Rachel no no no ", I quickly threw the recite back in the drawer and ran out of Rachel's room and out of the front door of the dorm without a jacket or anything and I ran to the elevator and I smashed the button multiple times, " come on open open OPEN ", when the elevator door opened I darted inside and smashed the first floor button multiple times until the door closed, the whole way down I was pacing back and forth in the elevator crying and freaking out, Rachel is planning on leaving?.....no no no, this is all my fault because I ignored her.
I screamed in the elevator and kicked the walls denting them as tears fell, can this elevator open before I loose my angel for good, as soon as the elevator doors opened on the first floor I ran out of the elevator and out the front door of the building into the snow with tears pouring down my eyes as I stood there and looked from side to side amongst all of the people and cars roaming the streets in hopes of seeing Rachel somewhere amongst them so I can run to her and hug her and apologize and beg her not to leave please, when I couldn't see her a started crying, No please no she cant be gone SHE CANT BE?.
I slid down the brick wall to the snow covered ground in tears as I cupped my ears and cried, no she cant be gone?, my angel just cant be gone? god please no?, as I was crying I noticed a familure boot print in the snow, through my blurred teary vision I looked closely at the boot print and saw the word Gucci in a small square and on the top of the boot and heal I saw little hearts, Rachel? that's her boot print I know it is because I'm the one who bought her the boots that leave this print, I stood up and looked ahead of it and I saw a whole path of her boot prints leading to the back of the building, THE GREEN HOUSE, I got up and ran following the path till it stopped at the front door of the green house.
I grabbed the door and flung it open and ran in it and I ran down the narrow path as I heard the door slam shut behind me and I reached the door frame and I saw her there sitting on the bench amongst the roses in tears as she clutched tightly on to the pictures and the plain ticket, " RACHEL", she looked up at me and stood up and said my name, " V"?, when she said my name I ran to her with tears in my eyes and I hugged her tightly, " don't leave please don't leave me".
I looked up when I heard someone scream my name and I stood up and saw a crying V standing in the door frame, " V"?, after I said his name he ran over to me in tears and he hugged me tightly and I hugged him back and he spoke to me, " don't leave please, don't leave me", how did he know I had plans to leave?, I kept hugging him as he cried and I also cried, " V...how did you know I was leaving?", he gently began sitting down on the bench crying still clinging on to me like a scared child clings to their mother so I sat down with him on the bench still waiting for my answer with tears in my eyes.
" V please look at me", he pulled his head away from my shoulder and he looked at me with tears still pouring from his eyes and I softly placed my hands on his face crying and I felt him place his cold hands over my warm ones as he clutched on to my hands and my heart skipped a beat, " V how do you know I'm planning on leaving?', he let out a shaky breath and said in a cracking voice, " I came to your room because I...I....I", V was having troubles speaking because he was straining his breathing and it scared me and I kept my hands on his face and he kept his hands on mine, " V breath its ok breath calm down and breath", I heard V's struggling breath start to slow and grow normal but he still spoke with a breaking tone, " I went to your room to get you up and take you out to coffee and breakfast so I could apologize to you for not speaking to you and tell you that I didn't speak to you because I thought I was making it worse".
My heart broke at V's words....how could he possibly think by him talking to me was making my depression worse?, I felt more tears fall from my eyes as V continued speaking, " I had knocked on your door and waited for a response but I didn't get one so I knocked again and said that it was me and I asked if you where awake and if it was ok for me to come in", V began to shiver and it caused my heart to break more, " V your freezing let me grab you one of the blankets in here", I went to get up as I moved my hands from V's face but he grabbed my hands and he cried more, " no please just stay here with me and sit down...please don't go", I looked at V and he was crying and shaking and my heart broke.
I nodded my head yes " ok V ill sit I wont go anywhere", I sat back down and V kept holding my hands as he cried, " please let me finish explaining", I nodded my head yes again " ok V go ahead", I sat and looked at him and he let out another struggled breath, " w-w-when you didn't answer me the second time I got worried and I opened your door and walked in to check on you but when I walked in you weren't asleep in the window seat where I left you at and it was Jungkook instead of you so I looked at your bed but you weren't there either but your blankets on your side where moved and my jacket and the picture I left by your head was gone to", he let out another sob....so he was the one who brought the picture back in.
I noticed V look down crying again as he held my hands and my heart began to flutter and break then V looked back up at me with tears pouring out of his eyes as he spoke again, " I then saw that you had your luggage bags out and I was confused because we don't have any trips coming up yet and neither do you so I ran to your closet in a panic and opened it but all your clothes where still hanging up so I ran to your bed side table and looked through the drawer for anything when I noticed our group picture was gone to so I kept looking through your drawer and that's when I found your receipt for your plane ticket".
I was about to speak but he cut me off, " when I found your receipt for your plane ticket I threw it back in the drawer and ran out in hopes of catching you and asking you to please don't leave a.
nd when I couldn't find you I-I-I slid down the wall crying until I saw your foot prints left by your boots I bought you I followed them here and then that's when I found you", my heart broke more and I spoke " V I'm right here its ok...but I should leave because I caused so many problems....me being here is causing you all problems amongst each other If I leave you guys should use that to fix your relationship", tears where pouring from my eyes as I stood up and pulled my self away from V and walked over to the door frame.
As I stood there crying I felt V hug me from behind and I felt his tears fall on my neck and I felt him shaking, " no....please don't leave...your not at fault for us having problems...please Rachel....don't leave me please.....I", I heard V go silent but he kept on hugging me from behind with his head still on my shoulder and his tears falling down my neck and more tears fell from my eyes when V's voice rang out again, " ever since you got here with us Rachel everything has been perfect and better....please don't leave", I pulled away from V again and walked back over to the bench and stood with my back facing V.
" I have to go V I have made everything worse", I cried more tears and sobbed as my breath hitched from crying so much, " ever since I've been here all I have caused you guys to do is fight and argue with each other and it was not like that until I got here", I looked down crying again as I once again felt V hug me from behind but pull me closer to his muscular chest with his strong arms around me and I could feel his hot breath on my neck causing me to shiver I felt him tense as he spoke to me close to my ear making me nervous, " but your forgetting the beautiful memories and moments that you created for us because of you being here".
I felt his tears strike my neck again as he spoke, " Rachel please....don't leave....don't go please...I need my angel here with me......please....don't leave me...I need you", my heart once again skipped a beat and I closed my eyes as more tears fell, " V I'm no help.....im causing you all so many problems", before I could finish I was cut off by V's voice becoming more clear and his grip on me growing tighter pulling me closer to his chest and I could feel his heart beating so fast ramming it against his chest and I swear I could sense his cheeks growing pink, " stop saying that...your not a problem you never have been and you never will be but Rachel please don't leave me....please don't go.....I love you".
I gasped when I heard V say I love you and I was about to turn around and face V but his back hug tightened around me and I placed my arms over his and I felt him intertwine our hands and speak, " please don't leave me....I need you here with me...I know what we said and did on Christmas that night at your house was a mistake that was not meant to happen but Rachel that kiss we shared....is what helped our friendship grow....and I know I have no chance at calling you mine but please....don't leave me...I love you so much and I don't want to loose you...please...don't leave".
I broke down in tears more....he remembered....we where both so drunk when we admitted our feelings and when we kissed each other....I wanted to forget and I wanted him to forget....he hurt me when he said to me he wished that never happened I was hurt because my feelings for V where real but he just wanted to be friends and I accepted that but I still was hurt I sat on the window of the stairs on the outside of the apartment we lived in at home and I cried and that's when Suga came into my room that night and told me his feelings that same night....Suga became my first that night....and he took away my pain....and now V...just reopened that wound again....I fell to my knees crying.
V fell with me and he kept back hugging me tears in his eyes, " I'm so sorry Rachel....im sorry for hurting you that night...and I'm sorry for not realizing my feelings sooner....and I'm sorry for ignoring you these past months when you needed me the most...but please don't leave....I love you...please don't leave me", I nodded my head yes....." I wont leave V...", I felt his hug grow tighter as I stopped crying....yea I wont leave...ill stay...but not for him...but for everyone else because if I leave .....ill hurt them all....and I won't hurt....my family.
It was hours until my flight finally landed, the cab dropped me off in front of BigHit and I paid the driver and watched him as he drove off, " home sweet home", I smiled as I couldn't wait to get in and see The Guys.....but Rachel especially....my smile grew wider at the thought of seeing her....but it quickly faded as I thought, what if they still haven't found Rachel yet?.....or what if they have found her but....she's to terrified to see me?.....It will kill me seeing her terrified of me....I have to fix this....I go to head to the front door but I stop when I see two sets of tracks in the snow leading to the back of the building.
" what on earth?" I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and leaned down and studied the tracks,I see boot tracks with the word Gucci in a square and hearts on the top and heel of the track and then I see a pair of sneaker tracks that have the Gucci tiger on the whole track....im surprised all this snowing falling didn't cover them, " that's strange Rachel's boots and V's sneakers have these imprints on them, I looked to see if the tracks lead anywhere else but they didn't, I stood up and followed the tracks and they lead to the entrance of the green house.
I smiled remembering how I saw Rachel in here when she first moved with us....she had a bad run in with one of the employees and they had threatened her and I found her in there crying in the roses, maybe she's in here now....she comes here a lot to think or when she's upset....maybe ill surprise her, I opened the door quietly and shut it quietly and I walked down the narrow path way to the door frame and I smiled and walked through the door frame, " Rachel are you in here?", I walked in only to see V holding Rachel in her arms and I was immediately pissed.
I heard someone walk in...I thought it was just one of the other members until I heard a familure voice say my name, " Rachel are you in here?", I tensed and looked near the door way and was greeted with a familure pissed off look, " ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RACHEL?", I pull away from V and stand up " no its not what it looks like", I go to walk near him and he holds his hand up and stops me, " save it Rachel", the figure turns and walks off", and I move " no wait", I go to walk through the door when V grabs my wrist and I look at him, " let him go Rachel stay here with me", I ignored him and pull my wrist free and walk through the door only for V to grab my arm tighter now, " Rachel let him go please stay here with me he's not worth it", " V LET ME GO".
I pull my wrist free and run after him, " NO WAIT STOP PLEASE", the figure turned around and looked at me, " go back to your little boyfriend Rachel and leave me alone", he turns and goes to leave and I grab his hand softly crying , " listen to me please its not wha", I was cut off, " NO YOU LISTEN TO ME", I saw tears in his eyes, " I came back here for you....I came back here because I missed you like hell and I wanted to fix things with you because I know what I did was fucking stupid...but no I came back to seeing you in another mans arms....a man that need I remind you that you have a romantic past with....A MAN THAT BROKE YOUR FUCKING HEART", I jumped a little as he yelled.
I grabbed his hand again, " no please don't go", he pulled his hand away from me with a jerk, " DONT TOUCH ME", I jumped again and he immediately had guilt, " just leave me alone Rachel", he turned with a jerk causing something to fall out of his bag and I walked over and grabbed as I heard the door slam shut and I immediately gasped when I saw what fell out of the man's bag.
I woke up after a while and sat up only to see that Rachel was gone, " Rachel ? where are you?", I waited for a response but I didn't get one...immediate panic raced through me and I shot up and ran to her bed...V's Jacket and the picture was missing I looked in the corner only to see Rachel's bags...why does she have her bags out?, I then realized and I ran to her closet and threw it open only to see all her clothes where still in there except for her Gucci boots and her beanie.
Immediately my eyes swing to the open bed side table drawer and I walk over to it and see our group photo is missing and a receipt for a plane ticket back to America, " no NO NO", I grab the receipt and run out of Rachel's room and through the hall yelling, " GUYS WE GOT TO FIND RACHEL SHES PLANNING ON LE", I stopped yelling when I reached the living room where I saw RM, Jimin, Jin, V, and J-Hope all standing around the table and I see a crying Rachel sitting in the chair and clutching something in her hands and I walk over to her, " Rachel do you want to explain why you have a receipt for purchasing a damn plane ticket back to America?"
I was waiting for Rachel to answer but she just stared at me crying I was about to confront her again until Jimin gave me my answer for me, " relax Jungkook she was going to leave because she thought she was a problem for all of us but V caught her and changed her mind on the whole thing", I looked over at V with fire in my eyes and he looked back at me..." well thank you V...for changing her mind....that answers my one question now on to my next one and I want Rachel to answer me not the rest of you", I walked over to Rachel and sat beside her.
I looked at her and spoke gently, " Rachel why are you crying? what's the matter?", she began crying again and it took me by shock, " I-I-I- I ruined everything....I-I-i-I hurt him", I was confused and I looked at the others and all of them except V all shrugged their shoulders just as confused as me and I looked over at V who was avoiding eye contact with every one and I sighed angry, " V?.....who is she talking about?...who did she hurt?", V avoided me and I yelled and slammed my hand on the table making everyone jump, " GOD DAMN IT V WHO IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?", V broke down in tears as he said one name I hated hearing, " Suga", me and all the other members yelled " WHAT?", I got up and stormed over to V about to grab him, " SUGA CAME BACK AND YOU DIDNT TELL US AND YOU LET HIM GO NEAR RACHEL....IM GONNA KILL YOU"., I went to charge after V but Jimin and RM held me back.
V then got angry and yelled back at me, " HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO FUCKING KNOW THAT SUGA CAME BACK FROM HIS DAMN VACATION AND GO NEAR RACHEL WHILE ME AND HER WHERE IN THE GREEN HOUSE TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US ON CHRISTMAS AT HER HOUSE?", He what?...I was even more angry...we all know about that moment because it was hard not to know about it when Suga and V got Into a fist fight in Rachel's living room and me and Jimin had to hold back Suga while RM and Jin held back V and J-Hope was soothing a crying hysteric half dressed Rachel And I was filled with anger and I yelled back.
" HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSE TO FUCKING HELP HER NOT WANT TO LEAVE BY BRINGING UP THOSE PAINFUL MEMORIES IN FRONT OF SUGA ARE YOU TRYING TO GET HER FUCKING KILLED V", I was about to yell more until Rachel yelling broke us apart, " THATS ENOUGH", we all looked at a crying Rachel and she spoke, " I AM SO TIRED OF ALL OF THIS FUCKING FIGHTING AMONGST EACH OTHER WHERE SUPPOSE TO BE FUCKING ADULTS NOT HIGH SCHOOLERS", all our mouths dropped we have never herd Rachel this upset before and Jimin and RM let me go and I looked at V but walked over to Rachel and sat back beside her.
I sighed as I looked at her, " did Suga hurt you?", she sat down and cried more " no he didn't", I was surprised to hear this but I kept asking, " did he touch you or say anything to you at all?", she cried more and I hugged her, " no he didn't touch me I touched him but he pulled away...he told me don't touch him and just leave him alone....he said he had came back for me because he missed me like hell and he wanted to fix things with me because what he did was wrong and stupid and then he left", I couldn't believe what I was hearing and from the looks of it neither did the others especially V because they all had a look of confusion on their faces.
I looked back over at Rachel and spoke again, " do you believe him?", she was silent for a few minutes and I was about to ask again until she answered, " yes", she looked up at me tears still falling out of her eyes and she spoke again, " yes I believe him", I looked at Jimin who looked at me then I looked back at Rachel, " why do you believe him?....what made you believe him this time?", she looked down at the object in her hands and spoke with her head down.
" When Suga turned around and left this fell out of his unzipped pocket on his bag", I looked at the table as I watched Rachel place a pill bottle on the table and we all looked at it with shock.....it was the same pill bottle that we found near Suga's head when he was unconscious...but it was a newer bottle and I looked at Rachel, " its the pill bottle we found by Suga when he was unconscious so what?....what about it makes you think you can believe him Rachel?", I looked at her and she was crying and shaking her head no and she spoke, " NO you don't understand Jungkook I know he wants to change by the bottle".
I shook my head still not believing her, " what don't I understand Rachel?....just because the pills fell out of his bag does not mean he wants to change how do you even know if he is even taking the pills Rachel?", she then yelled and it made me jump, " BECAUSE JUNGKOOK THE BOTTLE WE FOUND BY SUGA THE FIRST TIME WAS COMPLETLEY FILLED", she sighed and I spoke, " what's different from that bottle and this one that fell out of his bag?", she then looked at me with a serious expression and spoke, " the first one was completely filled....this bottle here", she picked up the bottle and held it in front of me and spoke again, " this bottle right here is half empty ", I was shocked, " what?", she handed me the bottle and said, " if you don't believe me Jungkook look yourself".
I took the pill bottle and opened it and sure as day the bottle of pills were.....half empty.
END OF CHAPTER THRITEEN
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER FOURTEEN