Masha
I grimaced when Toni pushed another bunch of clothes on me, and groan out loud when I saw how colorful everything were.
I'm regretting coming with him. I know I should put an effort because as he insisted we were shopping for me. But going around from store to store just to buy a bunch of clothes that I will only wear for a little bit of time when I turn into a whale because of the twins, was kind of excessive if you ask me.
I know I should feel excited. I should feel good because I'm pregnant with Louis children, but until now I still don't know what to feel.
Not that I still didn't accept becoming different, and being something I should have known but because of everything I've been through, I guess what I'm feeling now, is what I should have felt before when I first got the news.
I'm excited? Maybe a little. Feeling thrilled? Not so much, I guess. Anxious? Well, most of the time.
I do not grow up normal. All through my childhood, I never felt the love of a parent to a child. So I don't know what to feel. I don't know what is expected of me.
And I can't say it to Louis. Even though I'm sure he will comfort me, and tell me that I would be a good father to our children, because I know that I will never be.
What kind of lessons will I instill to our children? On how to kill. Gosh, just thinking about it makes me feel that I don't deserve to be a parent.
"Please just stop."
I flinched when I heard Toni's exasperated voice. I know that he's also one of those people who always reminded me that my past will never affect how I rear my children but the doubt is deeply rooted within me, I can't help but worry.
Sighing, I take a sit in one of the settee in the store and look upon Toni's worried face.
"I know. I know. But you can't stop me from feeling this way. I can't even stop my self. Its just hard not to think about it."
"Believe me, I can understand what you're coming from. But you can't think like this forever. Instead you should focus on what you need to do from now on. Maybe by doing so you can find within yourself on how to be a good parent to your children."
Chuckling to myself, I took Toni's hand and hold it. "Thank you. I'm happy to hear that."
Toni smiled and gripped my hands with a little bit of strength, "You don't have to force yourself to be strong. Sometimes it is not necessarily good to take it all and worry in your own. You can lean on the people around you. It would be better if you can trust us. We are here for you. Don't forget that."
I can't help the tears from falling out of my eyes. I don't knew when but maybe deeply within me I always wanted to hear someone say that to me. I guess, being alone is never meant for me.
With renewed strength, I took a deep breath and grin at Toni. "Okay, I'm alright. Everything is going to be fine. Come on let's go. Let's finish this."
I'm full of positivity. Throwing all my worries away, I let myself get drag by Toni.
That time, I stopped thinking of everything that could happen in the future. No one will ever know what will happen next. Sometimes its better to focus on what's happening right now. Because the important thing is I have Louis, I'm pregnant with his children, I have my friends, I'm happy and content.
But sometimes unexpected things always happen eventually...
And that happened when they were busy arguing while walking through the parking lot. Toni is struggling with their shopping bags and I'm grumbling, telling him that I can help him to carry some of the bags. But he doesn't want to. He insisted that he will carry everything.
That's when a black van suddenly stop in front of us. I am startled. Even Toni didn't expect it. We were comforted by the fact that we were near Louis pack. That we were safe here.
They both shove us in the van. We struggled in the beginning but when they shove a gun in my slightly bulging stomach. I just stop fighting. And that's when I knew that whoever this people are, they knew who am I.
"If you don't want your unborn child to die, stop struggling. My bosses only wanted you. Only you. Not some freak child. So killing a whelp will not affect us. We will still get our money. But how about you? You still wanna fight?"
Despair filled my heart. With shaky breath I force my body to grow limp. The man just smirk at me and haul me to the sit while he bound my hands and tape my mouth shut. The same with Toni. He also stop fighting, and let them manhandled him.
I don't know what is happening now. I'm not sure who wanted to kidnapped us. But whoever he is. He better pray because if I can have an opportunity I will strike. I will kill them all. For threatening me and my babies, they will need to feel my wrath.
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