The kissing had been wonderful.
Really and truly so very wonderful, that I'd felt as if I would soar skywards forever..................
Never had I experienced such passion from one single act in my entire life before and I did not ever want it to end.
Kissing this man, I mean actually kissing him from the heart and not just following a film script, was such a truly magical experience that I found that now I had been totally captured within his spell.
As we parted I felt as if my knees had suddenly grown very weak and I wobbled a little. Then these lovely big hands grabbed me gently around my waist and I'd been grateful for my little bit of unbalance, for it meant that he was now holding me within his arms once more!
Reliving the events of last night had now given me a warm, fantastic glow inside, as I vividly remembered the way in which this wonderful, gentle man had held me in his arms, caressed me with light, sensual fingertips and kissed me with such passionate, tender lips that had totally taken my senses into orbit.
Now, standing beneath the soothing hot shower in this unfamiliar place, I had allowed my head to tilt right back to let the soaking wet tresses of my hair hang down the full length of my back.
I then dragged my hands slowly down my wet face and was instantly reminded of how soaked from the rain I'd actually been last night. Although this time the water was warming, soothing and comforting, rather than the coldness of stabbing raindrops that had hit me hard and stung at my skin.
The two of us had actually been caught out by the suddenness of a severe rain storm that had instantly soaked through our clothes and into our skin, but thankfully not our mood. Some may have believed it to have been somewhat romantic, but I begged to differ. I had been cold, I had shivered and my lovely new dress had clung to me like a limpet and had showed off every lump, bump and imperfection that I possessed.
But that did not deter me from the wonderful new feelings that had been coursing throughout my entire body. I felt as if I'd been waiting for these moments since forever and I wasn't going to allow anything to spoil it, not even the rain!
Now, as I began to think back, I hoped that my memory could serve me well and might be jogged as to the very reason why I had ended up being in this unknown room in the first place.
It was all such a confusing blur that I had woken up in that lovely comfortable, warm bed in this most wonderful of rooms and not in my own bed in my own little flat!
Could it really be possible that I was in fact......................
In his house!!
My heart began to pound frantically inside my chest and I felt suddenly very dizzy.
Oh my.......... Could this really be true?
Could I actually be here? Inside the home of film star Alan Rickman?
Could that be even possible?
As I continued to stand beneath this luxurious, warm shower with all sorts of lovely expensive lotions and potions at my disposal, I had at first believed that I may have woken up in one of those very expensive, lavish hotels somewhere.
Maybe I had, but it was really hard for me to remember the circumstances that had brought me here in the first place. It was also kind of odd why Silva was also here. If this was indeed a hotel room, then why was she so familiar with everything?
I concluded then that this really must be the home of Alan Rickman, but why was I here?
What had happened last night for me to end up staying inside his beautiful house?
To say that I felt confused was a severe understatement and bewilderment was absolutely prevalent in my poor old befuddled mind.
God........ , I do hope that I hadn't disgraced or shown myself up somehow. That would have been an absolute disaster!
Oh, heaven's I wished that I could remember the turn of events that had resulted in me ending up in this room........
Probably in his home!
Of all the places!
This was pretty mad to say the very least!
I had to think back to the events of last night. I had to get it right in my own head and try my absolute hardest to relive those wonderful moments of last night................................
***
"Are you quite alright, Miss Stevens?". Alan Rickman was asking me as he looked right into my eyes in that sensual way of his.
I blinked up at him, trying to compose myself and also trying to speak but finding both almost impossible to actually achieve, such was the affect that this wonderful man was having on me.
" Because, I think we should now be going". He said gently, as he cautiously let go of me.
"Going? Going where?". I asked, now looking back into those wonderful expressive eyes that were now looking back at me, most curiously.
We were standing out here together in the middle of Trafalgar Square, in the very epicentre of London's fair City and I still could not fully believe that I was actually within the company of none other than film star, director and accomplished Shakespeareian and theatre actor Alan Rickman himself!
This was just so bizarre and beyond comprehension, never mind the fact that we were now also both soaking wet from an impromptu rain shower and I had actually just proclaimed my total love for him! Which, in itself, had actually resulted in the most wonderful spontaneous of kisses it had ever been my privilege to experience.
Adding to this, I had also got no shoes upon on my feet, after a rather strange confrontation with a security guard and was now also wearing Alan's rather large black jacket over the top of my soaking wet, expensive little cocktail dress. The man himself was stood there beside me and was himself completely soaked through too. His once crisp, white shirt was now clinging to his torso but it still hadn't stopped him from spending the last few minutes just kissing me with such tremendous passion that we both became totally oblivious to the the rest of the world around us as well as to the state of our appearance.
"I thought we had a premier party to go to?". I asked him, as I stroked a hand down the full length of one of his lovely strong, hairy arms.
"You're not suggesting that we actually attend......... Are you?". He asked, with a frown, and turning his head to the one side.
"Why ever not?". I asked, with a wicked grin, "You're not ashamed of the way we look are you?".
He stared at me. His eyes were just so beautiful when he stared like that. But you could never tell what he was in fact thinking. Something was going on inside that head of his, there was no doubting that at all, but he was so impossible to read. He could go either way when he was thinking something through.
The trouble is with Alan though, it did take him ages to answer anything. It was as if he had to analyse every little bit of detail before committing himself to speak.
I decided to answer for him!
"Ahh.... I know what you're thinking". I proclaimed, when really I had not a clue!
Again the big man beside me tilted his head to the side and deep furrow lines had now appeared in the middle of his forehead.
But I carried on:
"You're thinking that we cannot possibly go to the premier party because we are soaking wet through and look totally dishevelled. I can totally understand your concerns with the fact that you don't want us showing up to this event looking like a couple of vagrants from off the streets in front of all your big, swanky, rich film star friends. Well, I can let tell you this for nothing Mr. Movie Star....... I don't really care and you shouldn't either!".
There I had said it!
I had actually been looking forward to attending this party so very much. I was wearing a brand new dress, my hair and makeup had been done beautifully by a couple of my closest friends and I had felt like a million dollars! Just because I was a bit wet now and I had lost my shoes to some security guard earlier on, didn't mean that we still couldn't go! I mean did it really matter that much about our dishevelled appearance? I bet hundreds of movie stars get caught out in the rain before attending such events at some time or another!
Alan continued to stare at me. He was obviously still thinking, but I was growing impatient. He then tilted his head and sucked in a breath:
"Why are you so insistent on always trying to anticipate my words". He said rather slowly.
I widened my eyes at him.
"Our appearance, although a concern to me was not the reason for my apparent apprehension". He continued.
It was now my turn to frown at him! As a sudden realisation started to hit me.
Perhaps he never actually intended to take me to the party after all!
I mean he hadn't said he was going to take me.
Even if the invitation did stipulate that I was probably expected to attend!
Maybe Alan only wanted me to experience what it was like to walk along the red carpet. Just to see for myself what it was all about to have the press, all of the cameras and the screaming hoards of people behind barriers shouting out. Perhaps I was only ever meant to see the film with him and not go to the after premiere celebrations after all.
So no after party for me then and definitely no hotel room!
I bent my head down and felt like a scolded little child, even though he hadn't raised his voice to me. But I had now realised that, what he really wanted to do was actually take me home and then probably attend the party alone without having me in tow.
I couldn't really blame him though, to be honest. I expect that if we did go there together, everyone would be staring at us and asking all kinds of questions. Questions that Alan did not want or even need to reply to. I mean, just look what it had been like in that little holding area I had to stand in, an hour or so ago!
The speculation and questioning there had been bad enough!
I took in a big breath and looked up at him.
"It's alright, I get it". I sulked, "If you want to go on alone, well that's fine. I'll just take myself off home now. You don't have to walk me to my door or anything like that. It's not very far from here anyway, so I'll be absolutely fine".
"What do you mean?". He asked, tilting his head at me and continuing to frown.
"The premiere party". I shrugged.
"I somehow assumed that I'd be going there with you tonight, that was all. But I fully understand why you don't want to take me. That it really wasn't in your plans, so don't worry about it".
I took in a long breath before attempting to finish off my statement.
"Although I can't pretend not to be very disappointed. I had been looking forward to going but.................. ".
" What on earth are you going on about now? ". Alan suddenly cut in, stopping me in mid sentence.
" You see..... There you go again. Trying to anticipate what I am about to say, when you are in actual fact quite wrong with your constant inherent assumptions".
I swallowed hard.
Oh goodness.
Told off again!
"Look, I understand that you may be this way because you're trying to somehow protect yourself from possible disappointment, but in all honesty it would do well for you to wait and see what unfolds firstly before jumping in and coming to all kinds of false allegations. Do I make myself clear? ". He asked, sternly.
I nodded my head, then looked down and began to bite away at my bottom lip nervously, at being told off yet again!
Suddenly I felt the gentleness of a thumb prising away the soft flesh of my mouth away from the harshness of my teeth.
I looked up to see, again those gentle, green eyes looking back into my own, as he now gave me a little smile.
"Now then". He spoke quietly, "Would you actually like to accompany me to the after premier party".
I nodded my head enthusiastically.
"Also in the knowledge that everyone there will be talking about the film". He said.
"Well...... Yes". I smiled, "Of course they'd be taking about the film! It is a film premier party after all".
I was a bit concerned that Alan would even need to point this bit of information out to me! Did he not think that I knew what an after premier party actually was!!
I mean of course everyone was going to be talking about it!
Alan cocked a formidable eyebrow at me, as if he could tell what I was now thinking, before straightening to his full height and without taking his eye contact away from me, then suddenly said:
"A film that neither of us actually saw". He pointed out.
My mouth dropped open.
Of course.
That was what his reservations were!
Everyone at the party would be talking about this scene and that scene and how well the part was acted........ And that ending! Oh, how brilliant was that! And wasn't the music great and wasn't it fantastically shot and what a great story it was and we would have absolutely no idea what on earth they were all going on about!
"Oh whoops!". I said, clasping a hand over my now opened mouth.
"Whoops indeed". Alan confirmed.
I stared at him for a moment, then began to smile.
"We should still go". I announced.
"Really?". He asked.
"Yes..... Why not?". I grinned.
"Because, like I've already told you, everyone there would have expected us to have at least seen the darn thing and you've already outlined the bit about our appearance". He said.
"So?". I asked him, "What of it. It'll be fun".
"But you have no shoes on". He said with certain slight reservations and suddenly looking down at my feet.
I glanced down at them also and started to laugh, as I wriggled my toes.
"So my feet are a bit dirty, so what. I can always wash them!". I laughed.
"My concern was not about they're cleanliness, more of their safety". He said, seriously.
"I'll just have to be careful then won't I". I beamed at him, "Make sure I don't stand anywhere near someone wearing stiletto's......... Or hob nailed boots! In the meantime, my feet could still do with a wash............ Come on!".
I suddenly caught hold of both his hands and walked backwards, pulling him forwards, towards the wall of one of the famous Trafalgar Square fountains.
"Help me up". I grinned, now with my bottom against the wall and with my hands on top of it.
"Are you joking? You're not seriously going to wash your feet in there are you?". He asked, looking beyond me and at the water.
"Do I look as if I'm joking? Anyway, It's clean. It's one of the cleanest waters in London, I shouldn't doubt". I said, trying to wriggle myself up onto the wall, "Don't forget, I only live just over there. I see these fountains getting cleaned daily".
Before I could explain myself any further, Alan had bent down a little, grabbed hold of my legs and had hoisted me effortlessly onto the top of the wall.
I was a little taken a back for a moment, at the quickness of his movement as he then also spun me around so that my feet were just above the water. I allowed myself though, to lean into him and could instantly feel the warmth from his body beneath the dampness of his shirt and smiled to myself with total satisfaction, wallowing in the moment of our closeness.
"Well........ put your feet in then, if you're going to". He spoke almost seductively into my left ear.
I could feel his hot, sweet breath against my neck, the deepness of his sensual voice like liquid honey dripping into my ears. It didn't matter what he was saying, every word he spoke seemed to have the same effect on me as I now had the feeling of pure ecstasy right here beside me.
"Are you putting your bloody feet in there.......... Or not? ".
He asked, getting somewhat irritated by the fact that I was just sitting there, leaning up against him.
"You really have no idea do you". I spoke quietly to myself, as I thought about the wonderful voice he had and just how oblivious he seemed to be about it.
I hadn't really meant to speak out loud like that, but anyway he had heard me now and I could also feel that he was looking at me rather strangely.
"What are you going on about now?". He asked.
"Um..... It's your voice". I answered turning slightly to look at him.
I could feel the deep sigh of resignation inside his chest.
"Has anyone actually ever told you that you have such a fantastic deep voice". I said, as if I was the first one ever to have pointed this out to him.
I watched his face as I saw him roll his eyes.
"Only........ At least, every other day". He sighed.
" Oh.....". I answered, my tone full of disappointment.
"Now then, are you going to put your feet in there or am I just going to have to bloody well throw you in". He said, almost laughing.
I stared at him.
He wouldn't really push me in there....... Would he?
But not willing to take a chance, I now ploughed both my feet into the waters below me and gasped out loud.
"Jesus!! It's bloody cold!". I exclaimed.
As I then splashed my feet into the freezing water regardless of its temperature!
"Ooh.... I can't do this for very long". I went on, "No.....no, That's it. I want out".
I then leaned back to get myself away from the terrible coldness of the water and suddenly felt myself being lifted up into the air as Alan had put one of his lovely strong arms beneath my legs and my back and had hoisted me effortlessly off the wall and then placed me back down onto my feet again.
"Thanks". I smiled up at him.
"It was totally my pleasure". He said seriously.
I then looked down at myself and in particular my cold, wet feet.
"I think that was a bit of a stupid thing for me to do really" I mumbled. "Look they've turned blue!".
Alan was also looking down.
"Well then, if you would allow me". He said.
And in an instant he had bent down on his haunches, picked up my right foot and was now rubbing some much needed life back into it with a pair of warm, strong hands. I wobbled a bit and so to steady myself I put a tentative hand onto his back.
This was quite unbelievable really.
Here I was, in the middle of Trafalgar Square, on a damp Tuesday evening with the moonlight shining down upon us and having my very cold, wet feet actually massaged by none other than film star Alan Rickman.
I mean, who would have seriously believed that?
And once more, nobody around us seemed in the slightest bit interested.
"Other foot". He then said, as I was invited to change legs.
I still kept a steadying hand onto his back as I was still wobbling a fair bit whilst he massaged my other foot.
"You're feet are freezing". I heard him mumble, "Are you quite sure that you still want to go to this party?".
He said looking up at me.
"Yes. Of course I do". I grinned.
"But you can't go there with nothing on your feet. That's just madness. May I suggest that we go back to your flat this instant so that you can put some shoes on, after all it is only just around the corner". He said, now straightening himself to his full height.
I shook my head hurriedly, remembering the awful state of my poor old flat and also realising that I really did not own a suitable pair of replacement shoes anyway!
I knew that he had already seen the sort of chaotic, disorganised mess my flat was actually in, so there was no need to subject him to that all over again now, was there!
"No its ok honesty". I suddenly said, "I'm more than happy to go like this. You can let everyone know that I'm just your weird hippy friend if you want". I smiled up at him.
Alan cocked an eyebrow at me.
"I feel as if I really should insist that you put on some proper footwear". He said, slowly.
I started to shake my head at him.
"No, look I only have, in my possession a pair of gym shoes, my work flats and some extremely high heeled boots that I can hardly walk in. Oh, and my fluffy bunny rabbit slippers". I smiled. "They are actually my favourites ".
Alan was now frowning at me.
"I was given to believe that you women have a wealth of shoes at their disposal". He queried.
"Not me". I answered, shaking my head. "I'm truly one of a kind".
"I'm quickly beginning to realise that". Alan said now looking at me with a worried expression.
"Anyway, to tell you the truth, those shoes were the only ones that actually went with this dress". I concluded, looking down at myself.
"Well, might I suggest that you change your dress then. You surely must have an alternative one you could wear". He said.
I shook my head vigorously.
"No, I couldn't do that! Besides, this dress was bought for me for this very occasion by a very special person, besides I don't have anything else I could possibly wear in front of all those celebrities and such like. Not that I'd even consider wearing something else anyway. No, I'll stick to this one, if you don't mind. It's beginning to dry out quite nicely as well now".
"That's more than can be said for my shirt". Mumbled Alan.
I followed his eyes with my own as he then looked down at himself for a brief second. I, however lingered a lot longer than a second as I somehow found myself suddenly wondering what lay beneath the wet, clinging material that had once been his crisp, clean white shirt.
I was now trying to imagine what sort of body he actually had. I had no idea just why I was thinking this, but now it had entered my head, it was kind of hard for me to ignore! I mean, was his torso toned and muscled, did he work out at all, or was his body disappointingly flabby and a bit overweight.
I was lost for a moment as I contemplated how it might look, when he suddenly spoke again:
"Was it a he or a she?"
I looked up suddenly and away from my thoughts about the state of his body and blinked up at him.
"What?". I asked, my voice, no more than a pitiful squeak.
Alan cleared his throat in that now unmistakable way of his, before he then went on:
"The person who bought you the dress?". He asked. "You just told me that someone very special had bought it for you. I'm just curious to know which it was, male or female".
I smiled to myself.
Was it possible for him to in fact be jealous? If indeed I lied and told him it was a he?
Why was he actually bothered about who had bought me the dress anyway?
It really had nothing at all to do with him.
But somehow it pleased me to think that jealousy could be behind his question and again I felt myself smiling as I deliberately delayed my answer to him.
That was until a sudden vision began to penetrate into my mind of a beautiful girl sat there beside me in the back seat of a car, who earlier on this evening had proudly told me that Alan had actually bought her the dress that she was wearing.
My stomach now began twisting at the very thought of this pretty young actress.
If he had bought a dress for her to wear for a night out with her friends, then what on earth was he doing standing out here, in full public view, in the rain, passionately kissing me!!
I frowned to myself.
Could it possibly be that Alan was only after one thing with me?
Was that the real reason for him being so insistent that we go back to my flat?
It was certainly beginning to look like it!
Although....... To be truthful, I did find it quite hard to believe that he would actually stoop to such levels. He somehow did not seem the sort that would do this!
But you can never tell and the fact of the matter was, that this awesomely pretty girl had a very strong connection with the man who was now standing here next to me. I didn't quite know what it was, but there was definitely something and it was most likely that they were in a relationship together.
I drew in a breath and felt almost angry with myself for being drawn in like that.
How could I have been so stupid to actually believe that he would ever want to be with me! When in truth he could never, even remotely love me when he had such a beautiful girl friend such as Silva!
"What difference does it actually make? If it was a he or a she?". I now asked, be it rather stiffly, "You bought Silva's dress for her didn't you? ".
He looked at me for a second. His expression was again, unreadable.
If he wondered why I had suddenly changed my demeanour towards him, he did not show it. In fact he seemed not at all worried about the reason behind me answering his question with one of my own.
He took in a breath.
"Indeed I did....... Miss Stevens". He answered slowly,
"But I was merely enquiring after who might have purchased your attire as it would seem a particular loved one must have. It appears to hold some sort of sentimental value to you, hence your insistence on wanting to wear it, that was all".
I stared at him for a moment.
"Oh, I see........". I answered him slowly,
"Well it wasn't a boyfriend or anything like that". I found myself almost snapping at him.
"Well...... I'd have been very disappointed if it were". He said, querking an eyebrow at me.
I wanted to smile then, throw my arms around him and show him in no uncertain terms that there was absolutely no other man in my life, apart from him!
But how could I now?
With thoughts of Silva now very prevalent in my mind.
How could it have been even possible to do something like that, in the knowledge that his heart actually belonged to another.
I gave out a huge inward sigh.
Perhaps it was for the best that I returned to my lonely, old messy tip of a flat after all. At least I would save my heart from being ripped out and smashed into smithereens all over again. I should just simply have to hide myself away from him to save myself from certain heartbreak.
It had been nice and all, especially the kissing. But I needed and wanted more from him than just a stupid one night stand!
So swallowing hard, I looked up at him. Alan was now staring at me, possibly waiting for me to elaborate more about my dress. But the moment had passed and I had made my decision.
"Look, I don't think it would be a very good idea if I was to come with you to the party after all. Besides I won't know anyone else there and you'll be wanting to socialise with loads of different people. I wouldn't want to cramp your style, by just standing there............ Saying nothing ". I explained the best that I could.
But Alan was suddenly looking decidedly disappointed and not in the least bit relieved like I thought he might be.
" I see". He said, rather slowly.
"I'm sorry". I concluded.
Then I went to turn away, only to feel a sudden tightening on my upper arm which stopped me immediately.
Alan had caught hold of me and was staring with hurt in his eyes at my sudden refusal to go with him.
"This hasn't got anything to do with Silva, has it?". He asked slowly.
I gulped, for it quite obviously had everything to do with her and the expression on my face must have told him so.
"Look". He went on, now letting go of me. "Silva is a very dear and trusted friend of mine, I believe I've told you this much before".
He now began to scratch, somewhat impatiently at his forehead.
"You have to realise that sometimes, just sometimes the needs of others are.............. well, are just as important as that of your own and on times you just have to be there to offer all the help, guidance and support to those who require it".
I glared at him.
Just what on earth was he going on about?
Was he trying to justify his relationship with her by saying that she only really needed him?
Well, It seemed to me that if ever there was anyone who didn't need help of any kind it would in fact be Silva!
I mean, you only had to look at her to realise that she was confident, self assured and patently very beautiful. Why would she be in need of anyone's help, let alone that of Alan Rickman!
I would have thought that if anyone was ever capable of finding their own way in this crazy, God forsaken acting world we now found ourselves in, it would certainly be her!
Of course, it probably had loads to do with contacts he most likely had with various different producers and directors. But what I failed to understand was why she was forever in his company?
Oh heavens, this was so utterly confusing. My mind could not cope with any of this. I had no idea what he was playing at, felt as if I was unable to ask him outright about her and there he was standing there expecting me to accept it all, after just totally snogging my face off!
"I'm so sorry Alan, but I...........". Again, I started to move away.
I couldn't really give him a proper explanation of exactly how I felt. Anyway, I would have thought that a man with his kind of intellect would have been able to at least realise things for himself!
" You can't go". He hurriedly blurted out, the suddenness of his voice stopping me dead in my tracks.
I turned slowly around to look at him so that he was now able to look right into my eyes in that seductive way of his.
I had allowed him to do this, just by turning around and now I had become totally captured within the soft, gentleness of his attractive, piercing green eyes and there was now, no escape.
I felt a short, sharp breath catch itself within my throat as I tried in vain to swallow.
My heart rate had also started to gain a bit of speed as my breathing became more rapid.
Could this quite suddenly be it?
Was he about to tell me that I couldn't go because..........
Because he was actually in love with me!
My heart was now beating at a furious rate inside my chest and I began to feel almost dizzy from a sudden lack of oxygen as I now held my breath, waiting for him to speak again.
"You can't go......... Because............ Well, because...........
You're still wearing my jacket and I need it to be able to get into the party". He said pointedly.
"It's protocol you see in these kind of places, that the men are properly attired".
A little smile now crept across his handsome face.
"What?". I asked, staring at him as I tried to digest his words, the words that I hadn't expected him to be saying.
"My jacket". He went on, now smiling as he approached closer towards me.
He then took the lapels of the jacket into each of his oversized hands and pulled at them.
"So you see, if you want to remain warm, you have to keep it on and if you keep it on, you will have to come with me". He spoke, his voice was somehow seductive.
How could he just do that?
How did he have the ability to just raise my hopes up, out of all proportion one minute, only to crush them down the next, whilst still being able to keep me on tender hooks with just a semblance of a smile.
This man was so utterly infuriating!
I looked down at his hands that were still holding onto the lapels of the jacket and found myself breathing more and more deeply.
Trying to control every breath, trying to compose every inch of my body, for I knew what I had to do.
I knew what had to happen so that I could keep my sanity, to protect myself from enduring any more harm. To save me from probable hurt and heartbreak.
My mind had been screaming at me all evening to do something. To end it now, jump ship and get out of this situation once and for all.
I began to wriggle, to free myself from the constraints of the jacket and pull it off from over my shoulders. I could see that Alan was staring unbelievably at me but I didn't care, I was now ridding myself from his clothing and therefore also of him.
I had to do it. I could not go on with all of this self doubt that he was putting me through. It just wasn't fair of him to keep expecting it from me!
I then handed him the jacket. Stretching my arm outwards towards him with the garment in my hand.
"What are you doing?". Alan sighed, shaking his head.
"Giving you back your jacket". I stated.
"And why are you doing that?". He sighed again.
I took in a breath.
"I told you. I'm not coming with you to the party". I stated. "I'm going home".
Alan tilted his head and frowned.
"But I thought you wanted to go?". He asked.
"I've changed my mind". I said firmly.
Boy....... this was tough.
Here was this man, whom I was desperately in love with, standing there looking totally bewildered and confused by my refusal to go to a lavish star studded party with him. I mean, what sort of a woman was I? I hadn't even given him a plausible reason why.
But I knew my own mind. I knew that I would end up terribly hurt. It had happened to me before, I had fallen for a man who had kept a relationship secret, I wasn't going to allow it to happen to me again!
I swallowed hard.
"Here, take it". I demanded, forcing the jacket into his unsuspecting hands, "I have to go".
He took it from me reluctantly and I then and turned around to begin to walk away from him.
This hurt. This hurt like hell and the sudden appearance of tears that began to well up into my eyes confirmed the devastation I was now feeling.
Walking barefooted, across the damp, cold tarmac of Trafalgar Square, away from this most wonderful of men was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Especially when I could still feel the warmth of his arms still wrapped around me, the taste of his lips upon my lips, the quiet whispers of his voice in my ears..........
Oh God, this was so terrible.