I spent the rest of the day hidden away with Raven in the tech room. The rest of the camp, along with the Grounders were outside training, but I had no interest in that. Instead, I opted to contribute by watching Raven work, and trying to help whenever I could. Mostly, I just stared at the radio, waiting for Bellamy to call.
Raven looked up from what she was doing, glancing at me before turning back to her work, "Haven't you ever heard the saying 'a watched pot never boils'?"
I huffed as I sat back from intently staring at the small device, "Why hasn't he radioed yet?" I wondered. I had been a ball of anxiety awaiting his call. It hadn't even been a day, but it felt far too long.
"They probably aren't even in yet." Raven reassured. She fell silent for a moment before she stopped working, "You really care about him don't you?"
I felt a small blush rise to my cheeks as I looked down at my hands, "Yeah," I whispered, "I really do."
She walked over to me, pulling me into a bone crushing hug, "I love you, Avery. You know you're my little sister, right? Forever."
I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her in return, "I know. And I love you too, and will always be your annoying little sister."
We both broke into laughter, it was the first time I had laughed since Finn.
The remainder of the day was spent laughing with Raven, recalling memories we had from when we were younger, memories about Finn.
I felt better than I had earlier in the day as I made my way to bed that night. There was still the looming worry that Bellamy wasn't okay, but I felt somewhat less stressed after spending the day with Raven.
My stress returned, however, as I walked into mine and Octavia's shared tent. She was sitting on her cot, her head was down, but even then I could see the bruises that littered her face and upper body.
I rushed towards her, my heart dropping, "Tavia, what the hell happened to you?" I demanded, sitting down beside her.
She looked over at me, "Nothing," she muttered.
I scrunched up my face in confusion, "What do you mean nothing? You're covered in bruises. Who did this to you? Because I swear to-"
She let out a small sigh, "Aves, I'm fine! It was part of training. I-I wanted to prove myself to Indra, to the Grounders and I met my match...that's all."
I froze as I stared back at her, "You wanted to prove yourself to them?" I felt myself getting angry again, "Why would you need to prove yourself to them?"
Octavia stared back at me in shock, "Avery, come on. You can't seriously be getting mad at me for this."
I stood from the bed throwing my hands up, "They killed my brother Octavia, they tied me up and tortured me for something I didn't do, they-"
She cut me off, her eyes darkening at my words, "Your brother killed a whole village of their people."
My face fell as I felt my emotions getting the better of me, "Guess I know who's side you're on." I whispered, tears filling in my eyes, "Have fun with your new friends."
With that I turned on my heel and marched off down the hall. I could hear Octavia calling after me but I didn't stop. I knew deep down that I was being irrational, however I couldn't force myself to see Octavia's side of things, not now at least.
---
The next morning I was back with Raven as she worked away. I had spent the night in one of the common rooms, not wanting to spend the night with Octavia. The longer I went without speaking to her, the worse I felt about how I had treated her. However, I wanted to give her her space, so I decided to wait it out just a bit longer.
"What's going with you?" Raven asked, her eyes boring into mine.
I glanced over at her, taking my eyes off the radio I had once again been staring at, "Nothing." I muttered.
Raven nodded, but she wasn't convinced, "Well then why are you acting like this?"
"Like what?" I questioned.
Raven paused her work completely, letting out a small sigh, "You're never like this. You're always positive little Avery, and now, you're telling us you want to die for something you didn't do, getting in fights with your best friend-"
I looked up suddenly, "Octavia told you?"
She shook her head, "She didn't have to, I can tell by the fact that you're not sleeping in your tent, and the fact that you're a little extra mopey today."
I felt embarrassed at her words. I knew that I had been feeling different, I just didn't know it was so obvious to everyone else.
But, I didn't want to let her know that anything was wrong. I could handle my emotions on my own, I didn't need to bring anyone down with me, "I'm fine." I finally said, putting on a fake smile, "Totally fine."
---
Halfway through the day, Clarke entered the room, a small device in her hand. I watched her with dark eyes as she handed it to Raven, asking her if it was possible to replicate it.
Raven switched the thing on, and for such a tiny item, it sure made a lot of noise. It was a high frequency ringing that made me want to cover my ears. Raven winced as she nodded, "Yeah, I can totally replicate this frequency."
"Good. If we can neutralize the Reapers, the tunnels are an option," Clarke explained, before adding, "Get on it."
Raven rolled her eyes as she turned towards the blonde, "You don't have to give me orders Clarke.. I got this" she snapped, bitterness in her words.
It was at that point that I could hear Octavia's voice from down the hall, "Raven!"
I wanted to be a coward and hide, not ready to face my best friend who I had treated so terribly, but instead I stayed where I was. Octavia barely even looked at me when she entered the room. Her bruises looked worse today, they made my stomach churn.
"Any word from Bellamy?" she asked hopefully.
Raven shook her head, "Nothing yet."
Octavia visibly deflated, "Lincoln's still missing too...he should be back by now!" she was getting worked up, and for good reason.
This would usually be the point where I would step in to console her, but I remained silent. Clarke took my spot, reaching out to comfort Octavia, "They'll be okay."
Raven looked down at the device in her hand with a small humourless laugh, "They better be...the whole plan rests on Bellamy getting in."
An angry look shifted onto Clarke's face as she moved to look at Raven, "He will."
For the first time since Clarke had entered the room, I spoke, "Or he won't."
Her head snapped to me, surprised I was speaking to her. "He'll be okay, Avery."
I shook my head as I stood up, "You don't know that Clarke, for all you know, you just sent him to his death."
"Avery-" She was cut off by the sound of her name being called over the intercome. I was assuming it had something to do with the Mount Weather guard she was currently holding hostage.
Clarke listened to the announcement before looking back at me, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
I pointed towards the ceiling where the speaker was, "Didn't they just call you?" I asked, not really in the mood to have a heart to heart.
Clarke shrugged, "I can walk and talk."
I weighed my options for a moment, before giving in, "Fine."
We were silent for the first few moments as we walked down the corridors. I was waiting for Clarke to say something, but when she didn't I spoke up, "What do you want?" I muttered, not looking over at her.
Clarke grabbed my arm, causing me to stop walking. I inspected the hold she had on me before meeting her gaze, "I thought we were walking and talking?"
She let out a frustrated sigh, "Will you please just let me explain?"
I took a step back, "Explain what? How you killed my brother or how you sent the man I love to his potential death."
Clarke's eyes widened slightly at my revelation about Bellamy, and truth be told so did mine. It was the first time I had admitted out loud how I felt about him, and I was less than thrilled that it was to Clarke.
Nonetheless, Clarke kept speaking, choosing the glaze over the latter part of my sentence, "Avery, you have to understand why I did what I did."
Shaking my head I tried to fight back the tears of frustration that were ready to flow, "I can't!" I yelled, gathering the attention of some passersby "You killed my brother, Clarke. You knew what you were going to do and you didn't even warn me. You took away the most important person in my life and you didn't even tell me! "
Clarke was staring at me with sad eyes as she spoke, "Avery, they were going to kill him in a much more painful way. You felt only part of the pain he was going to endure ... I wanted to stop his suffering-"
"I don't care what they were going to do! This is about what you did." I was crying as I met her gaze, "Why couldn't you have let me gone with you. I should have been there for him, I should have figured out a way to stop all of this. I failed my brother and now he's dead."
I looked up to the sky to try and stop the rapid flow of tears that were streaming down my cheeks, "I let him down, and I don't think I can ever forgive myself."
Clarke was silent as she stepped forward to pull me into a hug, "This is not on you, Avery. Finn loved you more than anything and he knows, he knows that you loved him too."
I was limp against her for a moment, the tears falling down my cheeks, but eventually I wrapped my arms back around her. I needed to learn to forgive. Clarke did what she did to protect Finn, and I needed to stop projecting my guilt onto her. My feelings had done a complete 180, but I knew that forgiving Clarke was something I needed to do.
"And I'm sorry," she whispered pulling back, "About letting Bellamy go. But I wouldn't have sent him in if I didn't think he could do it."
I gave her a small nod, letting her know that I understood, "You're a good leader, Clarke." I mumbled.
She gave me a warm smile before turning towards the direction of the prisoner, "I've got to get going. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Yeah," I muttered, "See you later."
-an-
okay so poor aves is really struggling here :( but at least she has come to peace with clarke! next task is an octavery apology (yes i just gave them a ship name). i hated having the two besties fight but i feel like that best shows what kind of place avery is in right now.
anywho, please vote and comment if you enjoyed!!
-maddy xoxo