I stormed out of that room like I was chased by a horde of angry demons. That devastated broken look that grew in Isabelle's eyes when she touched the swelling on her face remained frozen in my mind and heavy pressure settled on my chest. What was wrong with me? Why the fuck did I hit her? I had always condemned men who resorted to physical violence against women and now I was acting like one of those scumbags. There was no justification for my actions whatsoever and I was beyond ashamed of my behavior. The only decent thing I could do was to man up and return to that room, but I was not in the right state of mind to face her. But you can't just leave her there.
The thought of asking Anne to tend to Isabelle filled me with detest because I had made a promise that I wouldn't hurt my wife only a few hours earlier and I didn't want Anne to see her upset twice in one day.
But I didn't have to dwell on it much longer because a solution to my predicament presented itself before me when I approached the stairway. Theresa was standing in front of a side table in the corner, pretending to be fixing up a flower arrangement with shaking hands. She appeared to be upset like she was doing something wrong and forbidden and I'd caught her red-handed. There was something odd about her being so close to Isabelle's room because her tasks required her to stay on the ground floor, but I wasn't in the mood for another interrogation. Instead, I called her name and waited for her to acknowledge me. She froze when she became aware I wouldn't leave and slowly turned around to face me.
"Sir, I am sorry—"
"No need for that," I said and offered a curt smile. "Miss Isabelle had a small accident in her room. Can you please see to it that she gets some ice as soon as possible?"
"Of course, but...what happened?" she asked in a voice that was filled with worry, but I could tell it was feigned.
This girl would never learn. Perhaps asking her to do this was a mistake, but I had no other choice. My face settled into a more menacing expression and I fought to keep myself in check.
"That is none of your concern," I retorted. "Please, don't bother my wife with unnecessary questions and not a word to anyone about this or else I will make good on my promise and you will be fired. Have I made myself clear?"
She swallowed and nodded. "Yes, Sir. I will take care of it immediately."
"Please make sure that you do," I warned. "The matter is urgent."
As I descended the stairs, still very much shaken by what had happened, I went straight to my office and locked the door behind me. Leaning against the wall and taking in a deep breath, I took out my cell phone to call Helen and saw a few missed phone calls and a message from Jared asking me if I wanted to meet him in Aquarius which was a lounge bar we often frequented.
Having company wasn't something I needed at the moment, but staying in the house—under the same roof as Isabelle—would drive me insane so I chose for the lesser of two evils and replied to Jared that I would be there in an hour. I didn't even bother to tell anyone where I was going. Determined to escape, I just sat in the car and left, feeling like a coward.
On my way to meet Jared, I called Helen and asked her if she could go shopping with Isabelle the next day and make sure my wife got an entire makeover. Money was no object. I wanted Isabelle to wear something that was at-least semi-decent. To my relief, Helen didn't ask any questions and she had simply agreed to come.
It was a short drive to the lounge bar and by the time I got there, Jared was already sitting at the very back, waiting for me. The artificial blue lighting that shone against the white furniture hurt my eyes and it took me a while to adjust my vision to the surroundings. That might have been the initial reason why I thought I was hallucinating when I saw Jared all sobered up and dressed in the latest businessman fashion. I was pleasantly taken aback by the sight and even more impressed when I saw he had ordered us two tonics without a drop of alcohol inside.
"Who are you and what have you done with my drunk asshole of a friend?" I asked as I took a seat across from him.
Jared rolled his eyes and his index finger almost touched his thumb. "Cut down on the enthusiasm, Sebastian. I'm this close to hitting the bottle and losing my shit."
"Are you and Amelia back together yet?" I asked with slight caution.
"Kind of," he admitted, "but it's a little delicate to say the least."
"What do you mean?"
"Get this..." Jared leaned forward and laughed with irony. "She wants me to court her."
I raised my eyebrows, surprised by this new development in their relationship.
"You know the drill...take her out to dinner, buy her flowers, walk her to her apartment and shit like that. It's all romance, no sex," Jared explained.
I couldn't help but to snicker and shake my head at him. "How do you deal with the no sex part? You are not exactly famous for practicing abstinence."
Jared exhaled. "I haven't gotten laid in exactly two months and I'm trying to survive by taking more showers than back in high school...So yeah, if you want me to be specific—it pretty much sucks and my balls are about to explode, but I don't care. I'll wait for as long as it takes. I really want her back. That's all that matters."
My eyes dropped to the floor and I thought how lucky he was to have found a woman like that; a woman that you would be willing to sacrifice everything for and never look back.
"I hope it works out for you, Jared," I said. "From one man to another...You are blessed to have someone like Amelia in your life. If she ever forgives you, make sure you don't get back to your old ways and lose her again."
Jared nodded and then looked at me with near pity. "How are you getting along with your new wife?"
The memory of the moment I hit her appeared before my eyes and I ran my hands over my face, still feeling very much disturbed by what I'd done.
"We're not getting along, to put it mildly," I admitted. "This marriage is hell."
Jared's face settled into an expression of worry. "Is she that bad, Sebastian?"
I smirked in disbelief because that was the very fucking problem. Had she have conducted herself like that god awful person that I made her out to be in my mind it would be easy, but this girl was nothing like that imaginary woman I had prepared myself to marry. She was unlike any woman I had encountered before and I did not know how to deal with the reality of it.
"She's this shy, introverted and painfully polite girl who reads books all day long and never goes shopping." Hearing my own description of Isabelle made me feel ridiculous because it was not even close to what one would consider a wife from hell.
"That doesn't really fit the profile of a gold digger," Jared said in a perplexed tone, "...let alone a gold digger who would sign that contract."
"I know." I exhaled. "She might not be what I expected, but there is no doubt in my mind she agreed upon every single despicable condition to trap me into this marriage."
Jared shrugged. "Stranger things have happened, Sebastian. When money and status are involved, people react in unexpected ways. I can imagine that someone her age would do whatever it takes to get out of that small town and make a better life for herself," he said and then looked at me with strange interest. "Have you...you know...consummated the marriage?"
A shiver of awareness ran through my body and his words made me remember the one and only time I'd claimed her body. I still saw images of blood on her thighs; I still saw her crying in that bathtub. I looked around the white interior for a moment to calm down and make the memories go away.
"Once...on our wedding night and it was a disaster," I confessed.
Jared took a sip of his drink. "So I take it she didn't quite meet your standards?"
I smirked with unhidden irony. "Let's just say I have no desire for a repetition of that episode."
"Then how the hell are you going to get a divorce?"
"I don't know, Jared," I said in all honesty. "I thought I had a plan, but I don't know anything anymore. This girl...I don't understand her and when I try to, I just get more fucking confused."
"Have you tried to talk to her?" Jared asked.
"Yeah," I said, "and that didn't end well. I am not quite myself in her presence."
Jared gave me an incredulous look. "You mean...you like her?"
"No," I asserted firmly. "I mean I hate her so much that I am capable of causing damage."
Jared's eyes went distant like he was considering my words. "You know love isn't so far removed from hatred, Sebastian."
"Don't get all poetic on me, Jared," I snapped. "This situation is too fucked up to result in anything else than misery and ruined lives. Love was and never will be a part of the arrangement."
"Never say never," Jared said in a voice that lacked the note of teasing I expected. "Like I''ve said...stranger things have happened."
He smiled and I rolled my eyes in slight annoyance as I finished my drink, thinking it was time for me to leave and go back to my complicated life and this mysterious woman who was driving me to the brink of madness.
***
The first thing I did when I woke up was arranging for the locks in every adjoining bathroom in the house to be replaced so that they could no longer be locked. Perhaps I was being paranoid, but I wouldn't take the risk of Isabelle locking herself in like that ever again. It was still early in the morning when Helen appeared in the dining room just as Anne served my breakfast. Anne's face lit up when she saw Helen and they practically ran to hug each other.
"It's so nice to see you Anne," she said softly. "I've missed you."
"Likewise, sweetheart." Anne smiled. "Would you like me to get you something to eat?"
"No thanks, I'll grab a bite in the city with Isabelle." She took a seat at the table and at last acknowledged my presence. "Morning, big brother. I didn't think I'd see you. I was certain you'd be headed to work by now."
"I'm working from home," I explained. "You're quite early. I don't think Isabelle is ready yet."
"Not a problem." She shrugged. "I'll wait."
Anne offered to go check on Isabelle and ask her to come downstairs and it made me feel relieved and restless at the same time because I didn't know in what state she would find her in. A cloud of darkness settled above my head at the thought of what had happened the previous day.
"So, how's the married life?" Helen asked once we were left alone, disrupting my thoughts.
"If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about it," I said in a cold voice.
"Wow, that bad?"
"Like I've said, I'm not in the mood to discuss it."
"Aright, alright..." She raised both of her hands in the air and rolled her eyes in a playful manner. "I get it—no small talks in the morning, your crankiness."
I snickered almost against my will and shook my head. My little sister was impossible. I turned to look at her and I noticed there were bags under her eyes and she looked tired like she hadn't had a much sleep the previous night.
"How are things at home?" I asked with a pinch of worry.
Her expression turned serious and she let out a deep breath. "It's getting worse. You won't believe what happened yesterday."
I could already feel the approaching annoyance that was about to claim my system. "I can't wait to hear it. What did Dianne do this time?"
"Well, Caleb was seriously late from work and wouldn't answer any of her calls," she said as she snatched a piece of my croissant. "Then she started drinking and accused me that I knew where he was and that we were laughing behind her back, but she'd make us pay. I just let her ramble on and I called her delusional along with a few other names by choice. That only made her more pissed off so she ran off to daddy to complain. He asked me to apologize."
"What?" I asked in disbelief.
"I know," she said. "I refused and told him hell I'd never apologize for something that wasn't my fault. Then Caleb came home and all hell broke loose. She ran to the driveway and attacked him. I never felt sorry for him before, but the poor guy didn't know what hit him and she just continued yelling at him. Then, she pushed him and..." Helen started laughing so hard she was running out of breath. "I'm sorry. I know it's not funny, but he tripped and fell into the fountain...You know the one with the peeing angels...and it looked like all three of them were peeing on his face while Dianne screamed at him that he was a piece of shit."
I couldn't help but burst out laughing at the image because I hated that conceited bastard and for once, I thought he got what was coming to him.
"But wait, there's more," Helen said, catching her breath. "She just left him there and the gardener had to help him get out. Caleb was so furious and Father was watching everything from upstairs."
Now both of us started laughing even harder because everyone knew how much Caleb liked to suck up to Father. For him to be humiliated in front of his worshipping idol like that had to have been devastating. Suddenly, Isabelle entered the room and the fun was over.
Both Helen and I turned serious at the sight of my wife who appeared to be so uncomfortable that she could barely bring herself to look at us. Following up on the strong instinctive need to assess the damage, my eyes froze on her face. It was clear she'd tried to do everything possible to hide it because her hair was down and she had applied a lot of heavy make-up to mask the blemish, but I could still discern the traces of light swelling on the part of her cheek that I could see and my throat got constricted with guilt. Helen stared at us with a clear sense of confusion, but she pretended to be oblivious to the fact that something was wrong and tried to lighten up the mood.
"Isabelle, I'm so excited to see you again. I can't wait for us to hit the city." She gave Isabelle a hug and removed the hair from her face in the process.
The ugly bruise got exposed and it was visible even under all those layers of make-up that she usually never applied. I stared in horror that I could barely contain from showing because it was a lot worse than I thought and I knew Helen saw it as well.
"I'm happy to see you too. It will be a lot of fun shopping with you," Isabelle said in a small, exasperated voice.
A deep blush spread on her face and something clenched around my heart as she winced when Helen turned her face to look at her swollen cheek.
"Isabelle, what happened?" Helen asked, her voice dripping with absolute worry.
The moment I hit her once again replayed itself in my memory and I couldn't breathe. Our eyes met for a short moment and I was burned by the apparent apprehension I saw in those dark brown irises.
"It was an accident," she whispered in a barely audible voice, looking away from me.
Helen narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "An accident?"
"One of the maids accidentally slammed the door against my face when I tried to leave the room while she was walking in," she explained and I lowered my gaze as shame claimed my system.
"Ouch, it looks painful," Helen said with overwhelming sympathy and I couldn't take a moment longer in Isabelle's presence because I would snap and break something to find relief.
"It will heal." I heard her meek reply as I was getting ready to leave.
"You should be more careful next time and avoid these sorts of incidents," I said without looking at her and left the room as quickly as I could.
I was aware that it was an asshole move to taunt her with the possibility that it might happen again because I had sworn to myself that I would never stoop to hitting her another time, no matter how badly she provoked me, but—for some inexplicable reason—I didn't want her to know that. The things I felt when I'd seen her bruised face terrified the hell out of me and I fought with everything I had not to give into them.
Work offered a much needed distraction and I buried myself in my obligations, pushing the thoughts of Isabelle aside. Emily called me to confirm I had a late conference call scheduled with clients from Beijing and it meant I'd have a long day ahead of me, but I didn't mind. I preferred working to lying in bed for hours, being tortured by this persistent case of insomnia that happened almost every night. Sometime in the afternoon, my cell phone rang and I picked it up without bothering to check the caller name. It turned out to be a big mistake since it was my fucking father who just wouldn't back off.
"Did you knock her up yet?" he demanded.
I couldn't believe his fucking audacity.
"I'm working on it," I lied as my voice dripped with irritation. "Nothing's changed since fucking yesterday. Is that all you have to ask?"
"No. Actually I'm calling about something else," he said. "Helen is with you today so I thought you might talk to her. You're the only one she'll want to listen."
"What do you want me to talk to her about?"
"She got into a fight with Dianne yesterday and said some pretty mean things. Can you please get her to apologize so I can take Dianne off my back?"
"I'm afraid I can't help you, Father," I refused with gusto. "I think it was about time for Helen to stand up for herself. Perhaps you can talk to Dianne on her behalf and ask her to stop harassing our little sister."
"Sebastian, we must not forget that Dianne is going through a very difficult time." He tried to guilt trip me. "Her marriage is falling apart. Caleb told me he'd file for a divorce if things don't get better."
"I am sorry to hear that, but she has no one to blame for this mess but herself...you know she wasn't supposed to marry him in the first place."
"I know, Sebastian, but we need some peace in this house." His sounded like he was troubled. "Your mother is going insane. She can't take much more of this conflict between your sisters and none of them is willing to listen to me. Please, son, I need your help."
In my entire life, I could have sworn this had been the first time I heard my father say 'please'. It was considered to be a sign of weakness; at least that was what he taught me. For him to humble himself like that was very unusual and it was a sign that he really was at his wits end. As much as I wanted to, I was unable turn down his request.
"Fine," I relented. "I'll talk to Helen, but I won't push her to apologize."
"It will be enough if you just take the time to talk to her, Sebastian."
"I'll call you later, Father," I said and hung up the phone, ignoring his repeated demand to talk to Helen.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of soft laughter coming from the hallway and I realized Isabelle and Helen were back. The fact that Isabelle seemed to be so relaxed and carefree around my sister filled me with a strange feeling and I hated myself for trying to imagine how it would be like if she acted that way in front of me. They were climbing the stairs and the giggling noise was replaced by ominous silence. I contemplated on returning to work, but after a few failed attempts of trying to inspect new drawings, I found myself leaving the office and heading upstairs. I knew there was no need for me to go after Helen because she would never leave the house without greeting me, but I was still drawn by the sound of that laughter. As I approached Isabelle's room, I heard them laughing again and fuck...I just couldn't stay away. Pulled in by that recognizable flowery scent and this inexplicable need to see her laughing, I knocked on the door and waited with impatience.
"Come in." I heard Helen's voice and let myself in.
The moment I entered, the laughter subsided and Isabelle turned serious and silent but I didn't analyze her reaction. Instead, I was taken aback by the sight of my wife, dressed in a classic little black dress that complimented the shape of body to such an extent that she looked like a goddess. The shiny fabric that ended just above her knees and the high heels she was wearing made her look sophisticated and classy, but it went beyond that. She looked stunning and so gorgeous that I couldn't stop staring. Even the ugly bruise on her face didn't take away from her beauty. Damn. Father was right. Isabelle was not just beautiful. She was breathtaking. How could I have not seen it before?
"Well, you made it in time, brother. Isabelle just tried on her magnificent combination for the dinner, which, by the way, I can't believe you haven't told her about yet. Well, what do you think?"
For a moment, I remained silent. My eyes were still glued on that magnificent dress, but I could discern that Isabelle didn't appreciate the attention. Most women exuded an air of seductive confidence when they looked their best and they thrived on the heated stares they received from men. Isabelle, on the other hand, avoided meeting my gaze and she appeared to be self-conscious and...ashamed?
"There's nothing wrong with it," I said in a matter-of-fact tone and forced myself to look away.
"Oh, come on!" Helen said with clear irritation. "Are you blind?"
No, I wasn't fucking blind, but what did she expect me to say? There was no chance of me confessing just how much I enjoyed the sight of my wife in that dress.
"No. When one is fishing for compliments, I choose not to give them. Simple as that," I snapped, warning her that she should let the topic rest.
"What's wrong with you today? You're grumpy all the time." Helen said in a teasing voice that held a note of accusation.
"I've been working all day and I still have a late meeting to attend. I'm exhausted, so please, bear with me Helen." It was a load of crap, but I wasn't in the mood for explaining myself to anyone, not even Helen. "I need to talk to you about something, so come to my office when you're ready. I'll be waiting,"
I let my eyes linger on Isabelle for another short moment before I let the room and headed back to my office. Beautiful; she was so fucking beautiful that it took my breath away.
I restarted my laptop and managed to open one single e-mail when Helen stormed into my office and rushed to my desk with an unusual sense of purpose. Before I could ask her anything, she slapped me so fucking hard I thought my head would spin.
"What was that for?" I asked with unhidden anger.
"You know damn well you deserved that," she accused. "What the hell are you doing to that poor girl?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said as I rubbed my hand against my cheek. One thing was for sure—Helen packed a meaner punch than Isabelle.
"In case you haven't noticed, Isabelle is fucking terrified of you, Sebastian."
I gave her a reprimanding look. "What has she told you, Helen?"
"Nothing," she revealed, "not for my lack of trying, but she refused to talk about it. It's like she has some weird notion that you can hear every word she says." She was silent for a moment and then she asked, "Did you give her that bruise?"
Letting out a heavy breath, I hit my palms against the table and all it managed to do was to give me a headache that I knew wouldn't go away anytime soon.
"Well?" Helen insisted.
I swallowed and something snapped inside of me. "I did, but before you say anything I fucking regret it, okay?"
Helen looked at me with apparent disbelief. "Sebastian, when did you start acting like a caveman?"
"When I was forced into a marriage with a goddamn stranger," I swore, letting out my frustration. She could judge me all she liked, but she had yet to walk in my shoes. "What do you want me to say, Helen? My life is a total mess."
"Did you apologize to her?" Her voice softened.
"No." I exhaled. "No, I didn't apologize. I haven't quite worked up to that yet."
"Well, maybe you should." Helen sounded upset again. "You know she doesn't deserve all the shit you put her through! It's not her fault you had to marry a stranger from Rosemont."
I laughed without humor. "Yet she has agreed to sign that obnoxious contract and she married me when she knew I couldn't stand her. Doesn't that say enough about her character?"
It was the same question I'd asked myself over and over again whenever I'd feel tempted to give into insanity that at times took over my system, but there was never any answer; only more frustration.
"If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else. Frankly, you should count your blessings. Compared to some of the women you could have ended up with, Isabelle is like manna from heaven." She stared at my stunned face for a moment and then shook her head. "Men can be so blind sometimes. I'll see you around, big brother!"
She was gone before I got to talk to her about Dianne and I was left feeling like a complete asshole again. First Anne and now Helen demanded me to be more careful with my wife. I counted them as one of the closest and most loving people in my life and now they were both condemning my treatment of Isabelle and they didn't even know the worst of it yet. Hell, even I couldn't rid myself of that feeling that ate at me everytime I saw the misery on her face, but I couldn't deny that the fury I felt for being forced into this marriage still burned strong; stronger than anything else. Nevertheless, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I hated her, I couldn't deny that she would not leave my mind. Throughout the day and night, the image of her face was there whenever I closed my eyes.
It was past midnight when I concluded my conversation with the clients from China and headed to the master bedroom, feeling drained and exhausted. I passed the hallway with the room where Isabelle slept and I paused, looking at her door. Slowly, I walked closer and stood in front of the doorway, not meaning to disturb her. All I wanted was to inhale that intoxicating flowery scent. But somewhere within me, there was a need that pushed me to open that door so I did just that, telling myself that I wouldn't move a step further and instead watch her from the distance. It was an empty promise because I took one step forward and then the next until I stood right in front of her bed. Moonlight shone on her pretty face and her golden hair that was spread on her pillow like a halo around her head. I couldn't help thinking that she looked like a sleeping angel. So innocent, so uncorrupted...and mine for the taking. No. Push it back.
I could see the swelling on her face and I wished so badly that I could take it away, but I knew that I couldn't. Of its own accord, my hand reached out to touch her bruise and the sleeping beauty stirred under my touch and moaned softly. Suddenly, my eyes fell on her lips and I started thinking about impossible things...Like what it would feel like if she smiled at me or touched me of her own free will. I tried to imagine it, but my mind responded with unyielding blankness so I gave it up. The torture didn't end there because the more I looked at her, the more I felt tempted to...kiss her. There was nothing to stop me from giving in to this shameful urge to be gentle with the girl I had sworn to hate; it was just me, her and the darkness around us.
Devoured by this need that wouldn't go away, I started leaning forward, wondering how her lips would feel against mine, but I stopped myself at the last moment, realizing that I couldn't. It would only make everything worse. Clenching my hands into fists, I barely managed to pull away and I let out a harsh breath filled with torturing frustration that ate at me from within.
Shaken by my inability to keep control over the situation, I left her room and went downstairs to the salon because I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. As I played the piano for what seemed like hours, my mind kept coming back to her...to the most mysterious and beautiful woman I had ever seen. The last coherent thought I had that evening was that her skin felt so soft under my fingers...like pure silk.