Para akong nanlamig sa nakita ko. This is the least expected thing that I'm thinking of—to see him.
I couldn't even feel my own feet, my mouth's dry I can't think of what to say. Malamig naman sa backstage pero pinagpapawisan ako ng malagkit.
Why? Just why are you here?
"Congratulations, Noona."
His voice. That same deep, baritone voice from him that I couldn't forget.
He's standing right in front of me like everything's surrounding us stopped for a while. Na walang ibang tao dito kundi kami lang. I want to move back but I can't even take just one step. I want to talk but I couldn't open my mouth to utter words.
He handed me a bouquet of flowers which is not very normal. I'd know, hindi siya sweet na tao. But why is he giving me that?
Nagpalipat-lipat lang ang tingin ko sa bouquet at sa kanya. Damn, hindi ko alam kung sino yung maganda. Kung siya ba o itong hawak niyang mga bulaklak.
Does my mind betrayed me just now? Damn, Kouren Park!
"Women like flowers, noona. Do they? Please take this. I'm sorry I don't know your preferences in flowers." at nagsalita na naman siya. God, why does he have to be dashing like that?
This is a formal event so he's wearing very formal too. He's wearing black tux and his hair is brushed up against his head. Did he watch me perform? Shit, bakit hindi ko alam?
I tried to open my mouth. "Ah-"
"Kouren,"
I heard Joonhyuk called my name and gently placed his hand on my arm like he's trying to assist me.
"H-hi, Joonhyuk." shit, ang awkward ko ba tignan? Pinilit kong ngitian siya pero yung lumabas yata e mukhang parang gusto ko nang magbanyo dahil najejebs na ako.
Joonhyuk looked at us as if he's confused. Gosh, oo nga pala. He knows about Karin but he didn't know what he looks like!
"Do you know each other?" curious na tanong sa akin ni Joonhyuk habang nakatingin siya sa amin ni Karin.
"Uh y-yes." I nodded and let out an awkward laugh. Yuck, I suck at this. Mukha akong palakang gutom.
I leaned into Joonhyuk and simply whispered, "He's my ex, Kyojin Karin."
Napa-'o' ang bibig ni Joonhyuk at saka tumango nang marahan. Jusko, baka biglang magkaroon ng commotion dito! Joonhyuk's standing apart with the person who caused him to be hospitalized two months ago!
Wait lang, paano kung biglang magka-commotion dito? Magkakagulo dito! Damn, dapat ko silang paglayuin. This is not the right place and time to talk!
I saw Joonhyuk offered his hand to Karin. Akala ko hindi niya papansinin kasi alam ko naman na suplado siya by nature pero na-shookt ako nung biglang nakipag-shake hands siya dito!
Na-abduct na ba ng aliens si Karin? Parang hindi siya 'to, wait lang!
"I'm Kyojin Karin." he introduced himself. Hindi siya suplado pero ang dark pa rin ng aura niya. Paano kung hindi niya bitiwan ang kamay ni Joonhyuk tapos bigla niyang i-suplex, di ba? Jusko, wag naman po!
"I'm Hwang Joonhyuk. Nice to meet you. Finally." he smiled. Aba naman Joonhyuk, bakit parang galak na galak ka pang makilala siya e utos nga niyang ipabugbog ka di ba?
"Noona," sabay sa pagbitaw ni Karin sa kamay ni Joonhyuk saka naman siya tumingin sa akin at inilapit sa akin ang bouquet. I was about to get it when I notice that Joonhyuk's also holding a bouquet of flowers as well.
Jusko ano ba 'to? Ang ganda ko naman yata?
My heart, please lang kumalma ka.
"Noona, I have to say something important."
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. I glanced at Joonhyuk but he just shrugged innocently.
I gathered my thoughts and took a deep breath. Hinawakan ko yung dulo ng bouquet at inilapit kay Karin as a way for me to refuse it. Ang bongga sana at mas maganda sa hawak ni Joonhyuk pero sorry, kailangan kong tanggihan.
"Thanks for coming though, Karin, but I don't need it. If you'll excuse us." I simply said and turned to Joonhyuk. "Let's go." inangkla ko ang kamay ko sa braso niya. He flinched pero hindi niya pinahalata. Di naman kasi uso sa amin ang skinship kahit 'dating' kami sa mata ng public.
"Hey, may sasabihin daw siyang important. Aren't you going to talk to him?" pasimpleng tanong ni Joonhyuk nung hinila ko siya at tumalikod kami.
Umiling lang ako at binilisan kong maglakad. Pero napapansin kong lumilingon pa si Joonhyuk sa kanya kaya hinila ko ng malakas ang braso niya."Hey, ano ba! Wag mo na siyang tignan." pinandilatan ko siya ng mata.
There's nothing to talk about. The moment I messaged him after what happened to Joonhyuk, I literally removed Karin Kyojin away from my system as if he's not existing. I blocked him on Messenger and I even deactivated my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Kakao Talk na lang SNS app na meron ako.
Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto niya but I need to pull myself together.
"Kouren noona, you need to listen to me. Give me at least a minute to talk."
Nanlamig ako lalo nang maramdaman ang kamay niya sa bewang ko. What the hell? Sumunod talaga siya! He looks a bit impatient but he's trying to keep calm.
Nahalata kong may mga nakakapansin sa amin sa paligid. Jusko naman, ayokong mag-eskandalo dito. Patay naman ako pag nagkataon!
"Kouren," bumitaw sa akin si Joonhyuk. Omg, is he for real? "It looks like he's going to say something very important. Pagbigyan mo na, sandali lang naman daw." he smiled at me.
"Joonhyuk—" I tried to protest but he overtalked me.
"I'll just wait in the car. Just message me pag tapos na kayong mag-usap. Ako nang bahalang mag-explain kay Jinseon at sa mga kolokoy." he tap my head and winked at me.
Bakit ang perfect ng taong ito? He's not normal!
Nag-bow siya kay Karin saka naglakad palayo sa amin.
Omg, now we're alone.
Ano nang sasabihin ko?
I hate you? I despise you? I love you? Shit! Anong I love you, Kouren? Loka-loka ka talaga! Nakamove on ka na 'di ba?
"Your fake boyfriend give us time to talk. C'mon, follow me." biglang sabi niya.
Napaatras ako, "No. Kung may sasabihin ka, sabihin mo na agad ngayon. Dito." I stood up straight. You go girl! Bawal marupok, please!
Imbis na sumagot siya, hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako palabas ng backstage at pumasok kami sa isang....comfort room? Ng boys?
What the heck?! Kakausapin niya ba ako o re-rape-in? Yung totoo?!
"Hoy anong problema mo? Bakit dito tayo mag-uusap?" I snapped.
Nilock niya ang pinto at saka ipinatong ang bouquet sa sink. Tinignan niya ako ng matagal bago siya nagsalita.
"Ayoko lang ng maingay." sagot niya.
"So kaya nandito tayo sa restroom? Baliw ka na." dinaan ko na lang sa lakas ng boses ang kaba ko.
There's so much thing in my head now, I am not expecting this to happen let alone think of stuffs that I need to say towards him. Sobrang lakas na ng tibok ng puso ko na parang anytime sasabog na. I ain't ready for this confrontation.
Napatili ako nang bigla niya akong buhatin at ipatong sa gilid ng sink sa tabi ng walang malay na mga bulaklak. He tightened his grip on my hips and leaned his face to mine.
"Karin, ano bang ginagawa mo?" sinusubukan ko siyang itulak pero masyado siyang malakas at parang hindi man lang siya natitinag sa ginagawa ko.
"Noona, please come back to me." he said.
Napabitaw ako sa kanya, "What did you say?"
Instead of answering me, his hands cupped my face and kissed my lips hardly, sweetly, longingly.
I know I have moved on but I guess forgetting him and at the same time loving him is a bad habit to break.