Envision a nightmare.
Your worst nightmare.
What do you think of?
Demons? Ghosts? Heart wrenching fears?
That's typical.
But I envision angels.
One particular angel.
An angel with perfectly quaffed raven hair, warm dark brown eyes, and full pillowy lips softer than satin. My angel has a deep husky voice and knee weakening smile that can literally make you stop breathing.
A true angel, with a gentle heart, an old soul and an intellectual mind.
An absolutely beautiful angel.
But he's not just any angel.
This angel is my demon.
That's what demons are right? Fallen angels?
This angel is the demon haunts my dreams, twisting them into nightmares.
Body numbing nightmares that pulls fear from my soul and true tears from my eyes. I hyperventilate, sweat, and panic at each wake, waiting for my mind to realize it wasn't real so my body can calm and relax.
This has got to stop.
It has been over 8 years since I've seen him.
It has been over 8 years since I've talked to him.
The very demon, the fallen angel that haunts my nightmares is indeed someone I know.
Someone I know very well.
Someone I have known since I was a little girl.
Someone I cried with.
Someone I confided in.
Someone I fell in love with.
Someone I think about every day, even after 8 years of no contact.
His voice resonates in my brain and I can remember how warm and comforting his hugs were. I can hear his laugh, and feel the ghost of his fingers between mine.
I watched him love everyone around him, but never me.
That was my living nightmare.
My teenage years were torture, being 'friend zoned' by my dearest and closest friend. He loved me, sure. But he always loved me as his friend, he never loved me as a woman. He saw me as a sister, as part of his family, but never in the light of romance.
It was pure torture.
Kim Seokjin was my best friend for 15 years.
He and his family moved across the street from my family when I was 5 years old. That whole summer we spent together, and when we started school, he was the youngest in our class being a full year younger than the rest of us.
He was a genius.
Smarter than any person I have ever met in my life, he could have finished school before the rest of us, but insisted on having a normal high school life.
I never felt alone with him. I never felt afraid. He was my support and my encouragement. He made me laugh when I was sad, and came to me with all his own secrets.
He was my world.
I never dated; I never saw anyone else but him.
And believe me I tried.
My first boyfriend Jaebum was a great guy. Handsome, funny, and kind. And I did like him. I liked him a lot. But I could never shake Jin from my thoughts.
I longed for him. I wanted to be with him and I did whatever I could to get him to notice me. Notice the woman I was.
But he never saw me.
I watched as he dated girl after girl, and though he was a bit of a heartbreaker, I watched those girls fawn over his looks, his athleticism, but never his soul; never his mind, never his heart. They fell in love with the face and the charming attitude, but they never loved the person underneath.
Not like me.
I loved him from the day I was 10 years old when my mother explained to me what love was.
I knew I loved him then.
I loved the way he spoke and how much he cared for others. I loved how he adored his sugar gliders and took care of them carefully. I loved the way he laughed and how jumpy he was to loud noises and sudden movements. I loved how big of a heart he had, always putting his friends first.
But that is all in the past.
Now I am 28 years old.
I am single.
I have my own house - huge house.
Still single.
But I have a job.
My dream job.
One that I had wanted since I stepped first into my first dance class.
I am a dance instructor for Cat's Eye Dance Studio, and I train 5 different idol groups. My contract is confidential and my partner Jimin and I work behind the scenes.
This job is the reason why I left to begin with.
The day I got my offer letter I was 20 years old, in the middle of my University years and still heartbroken over the man who stole mine. He had gotten engaged, and the girl was just awful.
Maybe I was biased?
But as soon as I got my letter, I ran as fast as I could to Yoongi, showing him the acceptance letter.
And that's when we made our move.
We left.
We left his horrible family behind; we left the fake friends we claimed to have, his ex-girlfriend Raelin and Jin.
I left Kim Seokjin.
I left him without saying goodbye.
I left without explaining.
I left with no note.
I just left.
Yoongi and I even got new phone's and phone numbers completely starting our life over on the other side of the country.
I disappeared.
Here I am 8 years later sitting upright in my huge bed, the room dark, and my hand resting over my heart. I was breathing heavily trying to recover from the nightmare that shook me.
Not too much longer later did I hear my bedroom door creek slowly open. I watched a soft glow light up my room just enough to be able to see someone standing at my door.
"You alright?" He asked leaning against the door frame crossing his arms on his chest and his right ankle over his left.
"Yeah." I panted swallowing thickly. "Thank you."
"Another dream?"
I nodded and lifted both of my hands to my face rubbing the tears away from my eyes. "Im sorry. Did I wake you?"
"No. Namjoon and I were just in the study talking."
"Was I that loud?" I asked dropping my hands into my lap looking toward him.
"Kinda." he replied now stepping inti my bedroom. "You were crying pretty heavily, and I didn't realize you were asleep until I heard you gasp loudly. That's when I realized you woke up from another dream."
By the time he was done talking he had crawled into the bed, up and over to settle next to me and wrapped me up in his arms pulling me into his body. He always did this after my bad dreams, and honestly I loved it. I felt my body start to relax and the nightmare starting to fade from my mind. "Go ahead." I said, knowing he was biting his tongue.
"What?"
"I know you want to ask, so just ask."
He paused for a moment before he pulled from me and sat up looking down to me. "Was it about him?"
"Yes." I replied with no hesitation. Yoongi was my best friend, and the only person who knew about how I felt about Jin. He was the only one who I told, and the only one I trusted to know.
No one else could know.
Not even Jin.
"It's been 8 years, Noona." He softly said lifting a hand to wipe my hair from my face. "How is this still happening?"
"I don't know." I groaned rubbing my hands over my face again.
He gently pulled my hand from my face making my eye peek up to his handsome face. "Do you think maybe you need closure?" he asked.
"No." I snapped quickly. I wasn't going to let him do that. I knew where he was going with that.
"I disagree."
"You are entitled to do so."
He sighed heavily and didn't respond. He must have been too tired to fight me on this. I was going to tell him that I was fine and he could go when we heard a light knock on my bedroom door.
"You guys alright in here?"
"Yeah." I called back. "Wanna join us?"
I heard Yoongi chuckle from beside me as his boyfriend made his way towards us. "Oh yes." He replied with a wide grin, each of his dimples indenting his cheeks. "This was always a fantasy of mine." he teased crawling on top of me and kissing my cheek. He then turned to a smiling Yoongi kissing him quick on the lips. "Hey babe."
"I am not having a threesome with you two." I laughed. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"Until I give up." he replied moving to my other side so I was sandwiched between them.
"Joon, please don't put ideas in my head." Yoongi chuckled as he snuggled back into the pillow I was laying on.
They both wrapped their arms around me and like always, I felt my heart swell with love between my best friend and his boyfriend. Yoongi and Namjoon had been dating for well over 5 years now, and Namjoon moved in with Yoongi and I after a year of them dating. He quickly became one of my best friends, and one of my favorite people. He treated Yoongi better than anyone, even me. He made him happy and they were very deeply in love.
But recently I found out that Namjoon is actually bisexual. And when my nightmares started up a few months ago, he would try to help by making me laugh, teasing about having a threesome.
Tempting....
But no.
"It's really not fair though." Namjoon continued nuzzling into my neck.
"What isn't fair?" I asked him.
"You slept with Yoongi."
"That was YEARS before I even met you." Yoongi defended lifting his head to look at him. "I was still in the closet."
"So? You still got see her naked."
"I would like to point out that you, also, got to see me naked." I replied remember the day he walked in on me showering.
"Okay, but who the hell shaves their legs with the shower door open THAT wide...really?" I heard from the other side.
"When I'm in my own bathroom, I will do what I want." I laughed. "You should learn to knock!"
"I wish you wanted me as much as you wanted her babe."
"Suga Bug, I have you every night, and there is no way that you will leave my dick, I give it to you too good for you to leave."
"My statement still stands." He narrowed his eyes to his grinning boyfriend making me start to giggle between them.
"Babe, I was implying that I wanted you every night."
"You two are too much." I laughed taking hold of both of their hands.
They softly chuckled along with me before there was a comfortable silence that engulfed the room. "Do you feel better?" Yoongi asked after a while, squeezing my hand softly.
"I do, thank you. Both of you." I sighed looking between them.
"No problem, Noona." Namjoon replied kissing my cheek. He leaned up and let go of my hand before lifting it high and bringing it down in a sharp slap, right on Yoongi's ass. Yoongi let out an annoyed growl and gave Namjoon a dirty look. "I want you." Namjoon smirked. "And I'm feeling a little needy, so you may have to use me like you did the other night." He winked at him before sliding off the bed and strutting to my bedroom door and down the hall towards their shared bedroom.
"Oh, I am going to fuck him so hard he won't be able to walk tomorrow." Yoongi growled.
"Too much info, dude." I groaned as he crawled over me to get off the bed.
"We will talk again tomorrow, okay?" I nodded and he started walking out of my room. "Goodnight, Noona." He smiled and shut the door softly.
I let out a deep breath, and honestly I didn't want to go back asleep. I wasn't tired in the slightest.
Shower.
Maybe if I take a hot shower it will relax my body a little better so I can sleep.
Maybe if I play loud music, I won't be able to hear my roommates fucking.
Maybe if I play loud music it would drown out my thoughts of him.
Maybe I can forget, even temporarily about the invitation I got three months ago.
The invitation both Yoongi and I got.
The one Seokjin surly received as well.
The one for our 10-year high school reunion.