“What are you talking about? Maddie what is going on?” Damian asks with concern written all over his face. We're finally in the car and I feel like a balloon that deflated. All the tension is gone now that I'm out of the hospital.
“Okay, you know how you said that you thought that I was dead?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He responds.
“Well, I really was dead.”
“Holy shit! Wait what? I knew it! I was right, Mondays suck.” You have no idea.
“Yeah but the problem is that I don’t remember how I died.”
“Are you serious?"
"Yeah.."
"How do you not remember?”
“Okay that’s another thing.”
“Fantastic.”
“I was a ghost.”
“This is just some sick joke.”
“Damian, listen to me. You are one of my good friends. One of my only friends, actually. When I have someone close to me, I never lie to them. Even if it means that their feelings get hurt, I never lie to them. You are one of those people that I would never lie to. I’m telling you the truth, and you have to believe me.”
He says nothing and we sit in silence. His facial expression is something that isn’t easy to identify. It looks like a mix of hurt, anger and confusion. When he looks over I just don't know what to say. I open my mouth to explain and he cuts me off.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Damian whispers.
"Do you seriously think that telling someone that they're alive now is something that goes over smoothly? I also just didn't want to hurt you."
"How would you hurt me?" His ocean blue eyes search my face and I just stare right into his.
"You seem like the kind of person who doesn't like being lied to, and I think that saying that I didn't die would have been a lie."
"Well you're right about that. I don't like being lied to."
"I'm so sorry about lying to you. I just didn't know what to do and I also don't feel like going to a mental hospital. "
"Well, it's your lucky day because I'm not going to send you to a mental hospital. But you need to explain more about this being dead and turning into a ghost shit."
"Okay, so honestly I'm not too sure what happened. I don't remember how I died because like a memory, it faded after a while. Supposedly, the one thing about your death that you remember is a very important detail. The important detail is a woman screaming. And when you found me, I was only alive for about three hours or so. I woke up in my coffin after yelling at one of my friends. I was still a ghost at that point. My friend Liam could see me as a ghost. But when I went into the hospital I could only see figures walking around your head. He could only see me. That's why we are going back to your house to meet him there. I also needed to get out of there because they have it on record that I'm dead. Does any of this make sense?"
"Everything except the ghost part and the coming back to life part, but other than that I think I've got it all down."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that. I understand that you weren't exactly sure what to do and, let's face it. It's weird telling someone your whole death story. I get it. And I also know that you are someone that keeps your word."
"How do you know that?" I ask.
"Because you won't tell anyone about this."
In an instant, his soft lips are touching mine. His pale pink lips are touching mine. And I kiss him back. I kiss him back. I pull him in only slightly and I can feel his warmth that is like a heavy blanket made for the winter cold. I've never been kissed before, and yet somehow I know what to do. I can feel his nose pressed against the side of my face and his shaking and sweaty palm holding my head up. A shock of chills ran up me making me shiver. Absent mindedly I threw my arms around his tall neck. When I pull him in closer he goes deeper and deeper. My eyes flutter open and I look at his eyes. I've never noticed how he has brown in his eyes. Those little tiny specks make his eyes even more gorgeous than before. Electricity was running wild through my body. I'm like a wire with tiny little sparks coming out of it at this point. I reach for his lips for just a moment and then I pull away, leaving only an inch or so of space between us.
"That was my first kiss.." I say through a nervous breath.
"How can that be your first kiss?" He retorts.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask trying to hold in a laugh.
"You know what I mean."
"So, you're saying that I did a good job on my first kiss? Sweet! I must watch way too much TV then." I reply.
"Way to ruin the moment, Maddie."
"It's my honor. Quick question, don't you think we should start driving now?"
"That would probably be a smart idea, yeah."
When we start driving I play the whole kiss over and over in my head. How it intensified out of nowhere in a matter of seconds. The taste of his soft candy cane lips. How I noticed the brown specks in his eyes. How I actually didn't ruin my first kiss, which is a real shocker for me to be honest. Everything is stuck on replay. I probably shouldn't tell Liam, I think to myself. Oh crap. I was supposed to call him when I got out of the hospital. I should probably do that now so he's not freaking out.
"Hey can I use your phone to call my friend that we're meeting at your house?"
"Yeah sure. It's in the center console."
"Thank you!" I say having an exaggerated smile spread across my face.
I pick up the phone and quickly dial Liam's number. When it stops ringing I let out a breath and smile a real and genuine smile.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me. I'm out of the hospital."
"Okay good." You can hear the relief in his voice. It calms me down a bit more. "What is the address of your friends house?"
I look over at Damian and mouth the word 'address.' He says it's 44 Winslow Street. I repeat what Damian said to Liam and he says that we will see him soon. I tell him thank you and hang up the phone.
"How long should it take for him to be there?"
"Not too long I don't think. I'm not sure. He didn't say where they are."
"Okay. So are we supposed to drive back to my house?"
"Yeah, I think so. What time is it? Do you want to get something to eat?"
"It's 3:00. Yeah we can get something but just not Dunkin Donuts." I frown and he laughs. Laughter has one great quality that I will always adore- it's contagious. It brings a warmth and the perfect level of joy to the room, or car in this case. In the words of Albus Dumbledore, "Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light." No one could have said it better than good old Dumbledore.
"Well, I'm going to let you pick where we go considering the fact that I insisted on Dunkin Donuts."
"Hmm. Do you like Panera?"
"I love Panera! You have good taste my friend."
"Panera it is then."
After our delicious meal at Panera we arrive at Damians house again. You'd think that since the kiss we'd be a little bit, I don't know, more comfortable with each other. On the contrary. It was extremely awkward. Damian, to my surprise was very stand off-ish. I wanted to say something but I didn't want him to be offended or anything. But, being me, I ask him anyway.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, I guess."
"You are so full of crap. What's wrong?"
"Honestly I'm not really sure."
"You're thinking about the kiss, aren't you?"
"Yeah."
"Did you not like the kiss or something?"
"No no I liked it, a lot. I just don't know why I did it, that's all."
"Well, I can tell you right now that you seemed like you had a crush on me when we first started hanging out. It's not a big deal if you do, but that's my only explanation."
I don't know why Damian would be confused as to why he kissed me. Honestly I don't think it matters why he kissed me or not if he says that he enjoyed it. I know that I enjoyed it. If he likes me though, I don't know if I like him back. I love both Liam and Damian but I have never kissed Liam. And I don't think that I've ever wanted to.
"Do you have a crush on me?" I ask.
"Yeah, I think I do." He whispers.
And just like that, it happens. My head immediately starts pounding again. Why do I always have bad timing for everything? I reach out, searching for something to hold onto but I find nothing. Everything is starting to blur. In the front of the house I hear a door open. Liam, thank god. Each and every part of my body is shaking like a leaf waiting to fall off of a tree. Someone is sitting in front of me but I can't see who. All I can see are the same transparent figures dancing around in the air. Shit this can't be happening again, I think to myself. I try to visualize every figure gone and everything the way it was. The figures fade, and I relax. Once they are finally gone I look at my surroundings with a immense amount of relief.
"Maddie? Maddie what the hell was that? Are you okay?" A voice asks. I look up and I see Liam.
"I'm not sure. That's why I wanted you to meet us here."
"Maddie? What else is going on?" Damian asks. He presses his warm hand against my back.
"Well, like Liam, I can see ghosts. That's why I went to the hospital after I blacked out. But there's something that's different."
"What do you mean?" Liam asks.
"Well you could only see me when I was a ghost, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well I can't see one specific person. I see figures of people that I don't know and they don't try to make contact with me like I did with you. I don't know why I'm like that but I figured you might be able to help, considering the fact that you did do some research. At least I hope you did."
"Maddie, as much as I would love to help, I'm not sure what to say. I did do some research but it said nothing about different types of mediums. You either see ghosts or you don't I guess."
"That's okay. Sorry to drag you all the way down here though. I'm sure it took you a while."
"It wasn't too bad. We didn't hit any traffic so the drive was only a few hours."
"That's good." Why is it so awkward between Liam and I now? You'd think that he would be squeezing the living crap out of me but it's the exact opposite, almost like he's afraid of me. He was never afraid of me before I died, why so withdrawn?
"Well, sorry that I couldn't help much. I should probably get going. Don't want to be home late by the time I get back. I have to go back with Ray so he can get his car."
"That's it?" I retort.
"What's it?" Liams asks mockingly.
"What happened to the Liam who was my best friend who was there when I needed him? I thought that you would be glad that I was alive. But I was wrong. Did you even think about me at all? The first thing that I thought of when I climbed through ten feet of ground was, I hope Liam and Ray are okay. I should probably go find them. I knew I should have just stayed dead instead of become people's burden just like I did when I was alive."
"I have nothing to say." Liam responds. So instead of saying anything more he walks out the door and drives away into the California night.