HEY LOVES. SO, I ADORE THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF 'IN MY HEAD' (here is the link for it: https://youtu.be/x4lkiicBEA4) BUT I WANTED TO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR THE SAD VERSION ABOVE, WHICH INSPIRED THIS IMAGINE. GIVE IT A LISTEN, & HAVE TISSUES READY. IT'S TRULY A MASTERPIECE, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS. ALL RIGHTS. LOVE, V- XO
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"𝘔𝘺 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯'𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 ."
" 𝘍𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘍𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘕𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 "
"𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘰𝘺, 𝘐 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶."
" 𝘞𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸, 𝘣𝘶𝘵, 𝘣𝘰𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 "
" 𝘛𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶"
"𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘹, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘹 𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘌𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩"
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Imagination is a dangerous thing, sometimes, when you start to really believe it. I created him in my head; the Jonah Marais I thought was real; was all in my head. The guy who appeared on YouTube, on stage, on twitter, facebook, instagram, in interviews, to his fans-he wasn't who I thought he was.
I thought I was in love with the idea and fantasy of him rather than the reality and truth of him.
So, now, I stood, facing the real-life version of my perfect lover who was stood in front of me. "I can tell something's changed." He sighed, his voice weak and feeble as he said those words to me, tears brimming his eyes.
This was always the danger with falling for a celebrity, someone who can present themselves as whatever they wish to be through a screen. You never will truly know who they really are until you meet them, and in my case, date them for two years. Granted, some celebs might be the same in real life and through a screen, but, no doubt Jonah wasn't who I thought he'd be.
"Jonah..." I breathed, tears beginning to swell up in my own eyes as I watched how his heart broke in front of me.
"I just...I loved you for so long before I even met you, watching you through youtube and through everything else...I guess that I imagined you differently." I cried, the hot tears rampaging down my cheeks one after another. I guess I was angry at myself for letting my imagination get the better of me, which in turn is now hurting someone who I...who I love, despite the fact that they weren't what I expected them to be.
"So, is what you're saying, that I'm a disappointment to you?!" He yelled, his cheeks flaring red as he threw his hands around angrily, which was understandable.
"No, not a disappointment, Jo, never. I created someone in my imagination, and you-"
"So I am a let down! I didn't fulfil your expectations, so I really did let you down!" He roared, angrily wiping his tears from his face. "It's my own fault, Jonah.." I said quietly, my knees going weak as I realised how much of I let down I was.
"What gave me the right to expect to have someone I made up, on my own?" I sobbed. "Who am I to expect you to be someone I created, someone who is imaginary and in my head? It's my own fault, not yours. You were only ever being yourself. I let you down by expecting too much of you." I cried, gazing at him through the hazy vision that my tears were creating.
"Then, I'll make this easy for you." He stated through gritted teeth, as though he was trying to not cry, crumbling my heart to pieces.
Watching him be in pain, because of me? It was like a sword was being forced into my heart. I just knew, I knew, I'd made a mistake. I said he wasn't a disappointment because though he wasn't what I imagined, he was all I wanted. He was everything to me. He was human, not pixels on a screen. I knew this, I realised this. I guess, now, it was too late. Why would he want me after the way I've treated him.
"We're over." He sniffed, walking past me as I fell to my knees. Those two words inflicted an unbearable amount of pain, loss, and so many more feelings I would do anything to be numb to not feel them. When he said this, I knew I'd made a mistake. I knew how I felt, I knew what I needed to say. I knew three words I had to say to him; three words that neither of us had said in this relationship, as they held so much meaning that people take lightly. The sense of losing him was ridiculous, I felt like I wouldn't be able to cope without him.
"J-Jo.." I cried, walking into his bedroom as his roommates stayed well away from us, knowing we needed space. "P-please." I sobbed, watching him pack his things into a bag. He obviously knew I wasn't going anywhere, though I didn't live with him, he just wanted to be anywhere other than where I was, even if it meant leaving his own home.
"No, y/n, you should have thought this through before you told me I was a let down." He mumbled, screwing up messily a white t-shirt before throwing it into his duffel bag.
"Please, though I don't deserve you, hear me out." I begged, following him like a lost puppy to the front door as he tossed his bag over his shoulder.
"You're right, you don't deserve me. I deserve someone who actually likes me for who I actually am." He said quietly.
"Just because you weren't who I imagined, doesn't mean I don't adore who you really are." I whimpered, his hand paused just centimetres away from the handle on the front door.
"I...I love you...I've never said that to a guy before...I've never meant it or felt it with anyone else, but you..there's no doubt in my mind of it." I cried. His back still faced me as he paused.
"You're so much more incredible than anyone I could ever have created in my head. I don't know why I ever didn't realise this, why I felt like telling you that you were different in my imagination, but I love you...that's the only thing I need you to know, whether you walk out of that door or not. you're better than any figment of my imagination." I sobbed.
"You love me?" He asked, turning around and dumping his bag by his feet.
"of course I do." I cried, looking into his eyes as I tried to read any emotions I possibly could, and all that was evident was his anger and sadness softening.
"Yet, you doubted me." he said sadly. "I know...and that, that was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I truly love you. I am so in love with you." I sniffed, messing with the ends of my sweatshirt, that was actually his, pulling it over my wrists which was a nervous habit of mine.
"I'm so, incredibly sorry." I sniffed once again, not daring to look up at him.
He deserved better, but I was selfish enough to want him all to myself.
"So, I'm better than you thought I'd be, eh?" he snickered, taking a step towards me. "Way better." I smiled weakly, continuing to look down in an ashamed manner.
I just love this boy more than I thought was possible.
"And, you love me?" He asked, placing his large hands on either one of my shoulders. "mhm" I mumbled. "I love you to the moon and back." I sheepishly admitted. "I'm just sorry I didn't realise or say it before." I truthfully said. "Well, you know what the good thing is, my love?" He gently said, his finger under my chin as he lifted my head up to face him.
"The good thing is, that you must have really loved me enough to spend all that time thinking about me before we even met, for you to create me." He smiled, making me smile weakly too. He was right, I never realised that before. What does this boy do to me?
"And, you know what else is good?" He asked, forcing my eyes to meet mine which is what I was avoiding, by moving his head to my eye-line.
"I love you too."
And with that, he stayed.
He was better than any figment of my imagination.
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hey loves. thank you for being patient while this took forever to upload. I hope you guys liked it! it was difficult to write, but I really hope you loved it.
more imagines coming really soon! much love, v xo