Feeling his gentle breathing in my neck, his arms around my waist, I was stroking through his arm up and down lost in thoughts and just hugged him even stronger to myself, as I remembered the day, I choose him over everyone and everything. The evening I lost the last of my friends just to lose him too, the next morning; even though he was never even mine. Oh, he'll never know.
4 years and a couple months earlier
I sighed finally sitting onto my couch on a Saturday noon, legs up, wine in hand.
Yes, it was noon, but I was crashed physically and mentally but already hyped for the evening when I will get the chance to finally see my favorite band of all time live for the first time, from the VIP row! And it was anyway a long and exhausting week.
On Monday I got out of bed as an assistant publicist of 30 seconds to Mars with nothing but two meetings in my calendar and the Backstreet Boys concert on Saturday. By the time Wednesday rolled around I was the official publicist of the band as David left for another job. On Thursday morning I was on a flight to New Orleans, to be there on Jared's on-set interview on Friday; where David was supposed to be, but he quit instead. Saturday morning, we flew back home together with Jared as he finished filming, thank God, because he got a terrible flu to deal with.
On that Saturday, I wanted nothing more but to have some drinks and have fun already, seeing my boys live and of course my friends in real life.
The timeless boy band had a reunion concert in Los Angeles and 3 months before that, for my Birthday, my friends from the LA Uni, Moira and Adam and my friend slash boyfriend, Sam, got all of us VIP tickets, plus they gifted me a Meet and Greet pass as well.
Sam and I got together just a bit before my birthday and him being so patient with me and my crazy work schedule, helped us evolve our relationship.
Although I haven't seen Moira and Adam in person since my birthday, and only could spend a couple of hours a week with Sam, we kept in touch, but their messages started to fade away, as well as Sam's got more and more desperate and I hoped the concert can reconnects us, and I can spend more time with them now that Jared and the band has couple of months off.
Walking to my fridge I quickly realized I have no food or whatsoever, so I had to do a quick grocery store run, which was a great way to kill some time and while in the store I wondered if Jared had anything at home at all, so I picked up some fresh fruits and some tea for him as well and figured I could just drop by on my way to the venue.
Done shopping I opened some ready meal to eat but a few bites in I realized I was way too excited to eat. I was ready to party.
At six in the afternoon I was standing in front of my mirror with a smile, trying to gather my thoughts on what I will say to the band when I finally meet them. I wore black jeans with a grey top and threw on a plaid shirt, leaving it unbuttoned ready to rock. I curled my hair into beach waves and put a red rose clip on one side to get it out of my face.
Sending a quick text to our group chat to let them know I will be there in an hour, just in time for the opening of the gates, I jumped into a cab and went to Jared's with the health pack.
After pushing the doorbell the second time I assumed Jared is not home, but since I didn't want to bring a bag of fruits to the concert, I dug out my spare keys what I got as now my office was in Jared's house temporary, and I opened the front doors, when I heard my phone beep.
Sammy:
"Can't wait to see you 2nite. Hope the Sunday together still on? <3"
I smiled at Sam's text message and I replied quickly.
"Me too! Yes!! weekend is def on! <3 I want nothing more than beach and u. After the concert of course 😉 :P"
I smiled walking through the hallway then looking up from my phone I saw Jared laying on the couch in a robe and underwear only, surrounded by used tissues.
"Jared?" I asked surprised walking closer.
"Hey... oh... it was you..." he cleared his throat. "Sorry I didn't want to... get the door, I thought... the important people have keys anyway," he forced a smile as he coughed painfully.
Standing above him he looked even more miserable than in the early morning. He was anyway awfully skinny because of this stupid movie he dedicated himself to, but now the flu made his pale cheeks flushed, his red, veiny eyes to have dark circles around. He seriously looked like he was on his deathbed.
All I felt was anger.
"What the hell are you doing on the couch in underwear! You need sleep, blanket and a hot tea!" I stated outraged.
"I have work to do," he stated, and I looked to the laptop on the coffee table and I simply closed it.
I know he held himself together on set and during the interview, not showing how sick he is, but now letting himself go showed me how bad she really feels... He... sorry...
Rayon months are over.
Thank God, but that was my other concern. Now he has to get back to reality. Be himself again and I just knew the shadow of Lily just going to come back crashing down on him again.
"No, Jared, you have getting better to do. The flu got the best of you, thanks to starving yourself. I brought fruits; I am going to make you some smoothie. It's a good start to get some energy going. Until then, you gotta go up to bed."
For a moment I thought he is going to protest but he nodded as he pushed himself to sit and stood up, wrapping the robe around himself.
"Do you think you have fever?"
"I don't know... I might... I feel really dizzy," he admitted, and I stepped closer gently placing my palm onto his forehead and he closed his eyes as I moved my arm and placed the back of my hand now to his cheek.
"Jared you are very hot," I stated concerned as he opened his shining eyes, most probably from fever and a light smirk appeared on his weary face.
"Thanks, you not bad yourself either. Like your hair this way."
I just rolled my eyes with a smile.
"But for real. Get in bed, I'll be there in a minute,"
"Wow, Avery back off, wanna go on a date first, maybe?" he just couldn't stop, and I chuckled waving him off and he let me off the hook as he started to walk upstairs.
As I peeled the kiwis as fast as I could I heard the honk of the cab outside and I sighed.
"Fuck..."
I ran out to pay the driver and let him go. It will be cheaper if I just call another taxi in ten minutes.
After the smoothie and the tea were ready, I quickly texted the group.
"Guys, I will be a bit late, good we have VIP tix! Don't wait for me outside, I'll meet you inside. xo"
After searching for the pills against fever I poured some water into a cup also, put them all onto a tray and made my way upstairs where Jared was on the bed, sitting with a book.
"Here you go, all you need to have for a good sleep," I smiled as I put the tray next to him. "Take the medicine now, it should work in 45 minutes. Drink the smoothie. It only has half a banana and two kiwis in it, so it won't be overwhelming for your stomach. Tea and water for later on," I smiled as I moved to puff up his pillows behind his back.
"Avery, you are an angel. You shouldn't have to do this all," he stated leaning back onto the pillows.
"It's okay, really," I smiled at him. "Get under the covers," I stated pulling the blanket up, but he shook his head.
"Fuck no, it's so hot I could die!" he whined.
"Jay, you have to. Sweat will help you get rid of the bacteria," I said pushing the blanket on him anyway. "You just have to change the sheets in the morning."
He sighed annoyed driving his hands out from under the sheets and huffed as he threw them on both sides of him.
"Here you go," I smiled giving him the pill with the water and then the smoothie. "Now after that just try to sleep." I said as I straightened up ready to go but I heard Jared moving around and turning back I saw he got out from under the sheets.
"Jared,"
"It's hot, I can't take it!" he whined frustrated and I saw his neck already shining from sweat.
I breathed deep looking up to the ceiling.
So, this is what my Mom used to call a "man-flu". Get it.
I looked back at him as I grabbed the doorknob.
"Just rest, okay?" I smiled lightly looking back to him.
He nodded, looking miserable and so small in that big bed, let alone in this huge room.
I rubbed my forehead then peeked at my watch. Okay... I can do this...
"Just a second," I said and disappeared in the bathroom.
I arrived back with three wet cloths and sat onto the bed next to him pulling one of my leg up.
"Here, two to your wrists," I said gently putting the cold cloth onto his wrists what made him jerk as I wrapped it around then the second one as well. "One to your forehead," I laid it onto his head, and he jerked up again then breathed deep. "And now under the cover. This should help."
"Thanks," he mumbled closing his eyes and I smiled gently.
"Okay," I breathed as my phone beeped again.
Sammy:
"Where are you? On your way?"
"In a minute" - I typed as I stood up.
"Rest well, I gotta go," I smiled then walked to the door ready to call a cab when Jared spoke up.
"Av...?"
"Yeah?" I turned back as I opened the door.
"Can you... stay just... a bit more with me?" he asked lost and giving up.
"I... I actually have program for tonight," I stated desperately holding onto the doorknob stronger. "Want me to call Shannon?"
"Oh... Noh, he is out of town but... it's... it's okay..." he mumbled as he leaned back on the bed taking a sip from his tea then rubbed his swollen eyes as he breathed deep through his mouth as his nose was totally clogged.
I know it wasn't anything like that, but it reminded me of my late father, when I left him in the hospital despite him asking me to stay. Guilt took over me. I, then promised myself I will never leave the ones I care about when in need. Never. Never again.
This is just a fucking flu, but Jared easily made it look like he is dying, and I felt a pit in my stomach when thinking of leaving him behind, all alone.
Another beep made me look at my phone.
Sammy:
"What's going on, we just got in."
I felt my heart tearing into two as I stared at the screen then back to Jared who I haven't seen in this bed shape like... ever.
I know he is a grown man he can deal with it... he doesn't need me...
"Are you staying?" he asked looking at me with big hopeful eyes and looking back into his eyes I pressed my lips and ended up nodding slowly.
"Just... let me make a quick call," I whispered with a forced smile and walked out, closing the door behind me I took a deep breath as I called Sam.
"Avery, what the fucking hell are you talking about? Work?? On a Saturday night? The concert you have been waiting for is on tonight! We bought you the tickets, remember? You should be here what exactly is more important than that! Than me?"
He was screaming in anger and I couldn't blame him.
Tears fell from my eyes and I wish I could go, but I just couldn't leave Jared alone. I physically couldn't.
"I'm so sorry, Sam..."
Walking back to Jared's room, I wiped my tears and walked to sit on the edge of his bed looking at him as he looked back at me.
"Thank you for staying..." he mumbled grabbing my hand and I looked at our hands with a light smile and then back up to him.
"Anything else I can do for you?" I asked, putting my other hand on top of his.
"Just... give me company," he sighed. "I can't sleep... wanna play some... card games or some? I need to get my thoughts away from how shitty I feel," he mumbled.
"Yeah... cards... sound good..." I muttered, looking at his hand in mine and I just moved my other one to stroke the back of his hand slowly, up until his elbow and back a couple times.
I raised my gaze up to him just to see him following the trace of my hand, then looked up to me as well, curiously by my actions probably, and I sighed.
"I'll grab the cards, but then you get under the blanket," I stated firm as I moved to pick up a deck from his drawer and sat back next to him.
"Yes, Mom," he rolled his eyes as he pulled the blanket over himself.
The card games turned out pretty fun and it brought some smile on his face what I was more than happy to see.
"Alright, you won again, it's boring, I'm out," he stated annoyed after two hours of intense games, throwing the cards down and I grinned.
"Oh no, there is something you are not good at," I chuckled picking them back up and he just rolled his eyes.
"It's because of the flu. I can't think clear," he muttered blowing his nose.
"Sure," I smiled putting the cards away.
"Please, sleep in the other room; you don't have to leave," he offered.
After a long shower I sighed putting my perfectly done hair up in a bun and washed my make-up off having mixed emotions.
I loved the evening with Jared, but I felt sad about what I have missed.
I wanted to write something to the group chat, but I didn't find words and I felt like I need to give them a normal explanation of why I skipped, but I honestly didn't know what to say.
The next morning, I woke up feeling a bit better.
I liked the fact that yesterday evening we did bond with Jared and I hoped to have our friendship grow. He was always someone I looked up to and was afraid for so long to try to approach him and now it would be the best to be able to call him a friend.
To be able to hang out outside of work, just when we did when Lily was around.
Getting out of bed and putting my clothes back on, I walked to his room as the door was open, but couldn't see him there.
Walking down I saw him grabbing his jacket on, sunglasses and hat with it.
"Hey... are you... going somewhere? Feeling better?" I asked stunned.
"Hey!" he smiled back. "Yeah the fever is gone, and I had a good night sleep," he nodded grabbing his keys. "I still have a clogged nose, but I feel okay so decided to join my friends for brunch. Feel free to eat anything you can find in the kitchen, leave whenever, I gotta go now!"
And with that he was out of the door to meet with his... friends.
I just looked at the place he was standing just a minute ago as I lowered my shoulders.
"You're welcome..." I mumbled and took a deep breath shaking my head defeated and that is when my phone buzzed in my hand.
Looking at the screen I felt even more shattered.
Sammy:
"Avery, I can't do this anymore. I'm done. It's over. I hope you had fun working with Jared yesterday..."
My lips started to tremble as I felt tears filling up my eyes but through my blurry sight, I could still see the next notification popping up onto my screen.
Moira removed you from the group chat "best of ". You are no longer able to send to or receive messages from this group.
I let my tears fall as I leaned to the wall looking up to the ceiling as I cried out what echoed in the big, empty hall.
I buried my face into my hands feeling utterly alone.
I shook my head then rubbed the tears out of my eyes as I grabbed up my bag and left the house feeling like a complete looser. I should have never came to Jared's.
I will never ever do anything for him outside of work; I thought and it was just like that until those pair of ocean blue eyes looked at me like looking straight into my soul. He had me in his web with his words.
Oh, he'll never know.