I looked before me, finding the cutest guy in the world smiling back at me. My heart warmed seeing him smiling like this. I missed it soo much! He opened his arms towards me. I couldn't help but ran to him and started to shower him with my kisses.
"My baby Ali!" I cooed as I took him in my arms and nuzzled my nose on his cheek.
"You've grown so much!" I said in baby voice and he started to giggle.
"Didn't you became a handsome boy? Huh?" I cooed and he giggled more.
"Ati!" He pointed at himself.
"Yeah, you are Ali!" I beamed
"Bi Bi!" He pointed me and started to giggle. I hugged him close to me.
"Awh baby! I missed you!" I cooed
"Assalamualikum, Sister-in-law, hope you didn't forget me." I heard Nusrat saying. I smiled at her feeling embarrassed.
"Walaikum Assalam." I smiled and side hugged her.
"I didn't know you guys are Coming." I said as I sat down on the couch and Ali got out of my arms and stood up. I widen my eyes.
"He can walk!" I exclaimed. Everyone started to laugh.
"Don't grow up, cute boy!" I whined. With shaky legs Ali started to walk towards my Father in law.
"Sabrina, are you alright? You look pale." said Nusrat sounding concerned. I smiled and shook my head.
"Had a stay over with Alice last night." I chuckled. Yet I lied.
"I was visiting my in laws then Mom called me saying you are gonna stay. Boy! I couldn't help myself from coming! I really wanna spend time with you!" Nusrat squealed. I chuckled.
"Assalamualikum!" I heard Eman. He came and sat beside Nusrat.
"Walaikum Assalam, Eman." I smiled.
"Where did your romeo go?......... Here you are!" Eman pointed behind me. My heart skipped a beat.
"Assalamualaikum." I heard him. After a freaking week I heard him! I slowly turned my head towards him.
He looked sick. As if he had been ill for ages. His stub has long forgotten to trim. His eyes weren't twinkling. My all time fit husband was looking rather weak. I gulped. It's all my fault!
I watched him as he greeted Dad. I didn't care I had my whole family around me. My eyes teared up seeing him so helpless. I wanted to hug the life out of him. I wanted to hold him so bad. I wish I would have been more thoughtful.
"Ahem, Sabrina. I think you gawked at me brother for a while now. I thought you got used to of his ugliness." Nusrat scrunched her nose and immediately a pillow flew to her face.
"HAMBURGER!" Nusrat snapped and got up
"Oh that doesn't look good!" Hamza said as he good up. He was smiling but that was all fake. Something was missing on his playful behaviour.
"I'm gonna kill you!" Nusrat yelled as she ran after him and he ran for his life.
"Mamamama!!!!" Ali cheered from his grandfather's lap.
"I think I should leave now." Dad said as he got up.
"No please. Have dinner with us." Mr Khan said.
"Next time. Samina is alone at home." Dad said as he bid goodbye.
"Hamza!!!!! Mr Hossain is leaving!" Mrs Khan called back. Hamza jogged towards Dad and hugged him. Dad took his leave.
"Hamza darling. Take some rest. You look really ill." Mrs. Khan said as she caressed his cheek. Hamza weakly smiled at her. For a second our eyes met. He immediately looked away. I saw him walked away.
"You should also follow him." Mrs Khan said. I hesitated but nodded. With slow steps I went to his room. I kept slow pace to kill my time. By the time I reached his room, he was nowhere to be seen . I heard the water running. I sighed and sat on the bed.
I smiled thinking about our first night right here. How he kissed me on the cheek. The first time we shared a bed. That beautiful night of our lives. I don't know for how long I was cherishing the past. I was dragged back when I heard the bathroom's door close, showing my hot husband in wet hair. He rubbed his hair and started to walk around the room, pretending I don't exist. I patiently started to wait for him, as he set his hair, took out things from his bag, then plugged in his phone and laptop, finally started to work. I was wondering how come he successfully did all the works without even looking at me once.
After it seems like an hour, me staring at him and him ignoring me continuing his works, I decided to leave the room. It was afternoon. I went downstairs finding Mr. Khan playing with Ali. I smiled. Ali waved it me and I waved back. Then again he got busy in hitting the floor with plastic bottle. Mr.Khan pointed his chin at the kitchen and I got it. I went to the kitchen finding Hamza's Mom preparing dinner.
"Can I help?" I said politely. Mrs.Khan didn't even look at me and said.
"No" very curtly. I was taken aback. I stayed in the kitchen door and watched her working as I thought she'd get mad if I enter the kitchen. After a while she looked at me and let out a dramatic sigh.
"You won't go unless I give you a work, right?" She said in a very fake exhaustion voice. Yet her eyes were sparkling like a kid, who is doing something very mischievous. I failed to understand her. So I nodded. And the the kitchen started echoing her laughter. She came and hugged me.
"Oh, Sabrina, I didn't mean to hurt you,my child. I just wanted you to rest. How can I be so cruel Mother-in-law who would order her daughter in the first day at home?" Mrs.Khan started to laugh. By the time I understood she was playing with me, I joined her. She broke the hug and looked at me with her loving eyes.
"Something must be bothering you soo much, anyone could've gotten I was playing." She said softly and caressed my cheek.
"No, it's just I didn't get it. You know, I might have thought you could be cruel." I joked. She gave me a fake hurt.
"Ouch! I'm hurt." She said playfully with that we started to laugh again.
"Please, Mrs.Khan let me help!" I gave her a pout and she sighed.
"Yeah, yeah sure." She rolled her eyes and turned back and I gave her a back hug. With that we started to chit chat about life. Nusrat came after a while and joined us.
We set the table and I was told to call Hamza. I sighed again. Am I ready to face him? I was going to the living room. But one thing stopped me. I stayed still on my position and cherished the scenery before me. Hamza was playing with Ali. Though he looked worn out, he was actually laughing. I leaned on the wall and stared at them. Thinking how it would be when we will have our very own one. Hamza was pretending to eat Ali's tummy and the room was filled with his giggles. I was never a baby person. But Hamza surely is. I felt a light tap on my shoulder, found Nusrat smiling at me.
"They look so cute, huh?" Nusrat smiled and I nodded.
"He will be such a great Dad, Sabrina. I know. it." Nusrat said and I sighed. I hope he will. At least we won't stop talking to our kid!
"Everyone! Off to the table we are starving!" Nusrat called and they all joined in the table. I was forced to sit beside Hamza. The moment I sat beside him, he moved his chair a bit away from me and to cover that up, he hugged his Mom who was beside him.
"I missed you, Mom" Hamaza sighed. Mrs.Khan kissed his forehead and patted his cheek.
Dinner was full with laughter. Cause of Ali. Hamza and I acted like the other one is not present there. We cleaned all the dishes and the table and the boys helped us. Nusrat took a very fussy-sleepy Ali upstairs and Eman was shortly called cause she needed help. Hamza went to his room so did his parents. I was left in the living room, checking mails, if there was any call from the companies. Sadly, there was none so I got up and went to Hamza's room.
I knocked before entering as we are not doing anything couple like. So it was a formality. I found Hamza on the bean bag doing work, already on his sweat pant and shirt. I freshen up and prepared myself to face Hamza. I slowly walked towards him and sat on the bean bag beside him.
"Hamza?" I called him. His finger came to a halt and without looking at me he said
"What?" after a whole week not taking to me, the first word my husband told me was what.
"Can we talk?" I said. Hamza took a deep breath.
"Why?" He said curtly.
"You surely know why!" I snapped and got up.
"You put that thing aside and look at me! I'm sick of you pretending I don't exist! For Allah's sake Hamza! I am your wife! Not your girlfriend whom you would stop talking and end everything! We are tied by a sacred bond! At least don't disrespect something which we had for the sake for Allah!" I said in a frustrated voice. Hamza looked down on the floor and said nothing.
I realised I just let out the frustrated Sabrina. So I took another deep breath and knelt down before him, careful enough not to touch him.
"Hamza, look at me....." I pleaded. He still didn't look at me.
"Please don't do this to us, Hamza. I love you with all my heart. It pains seeing you like this. It pains seeing us like this. We promised each other lifetime. All I know is your name was written next to me long before I was born and that was done by none other than Allah. I know something is bothering you, paining you to no limit. Hamza, if Allah has put us together, there must be a reason behind it. You can share with me. I'm here. I'm not the best person to control my temper, but I'll try my best to be understanding. We are married Hamza. We are supposed to share our pains together. Don't do this to us, please. I have seen marriages like this. Please don't hold back anything. Don't hold back any kind of dissatisfaction, anger towards me. Let it out before it's too late. I couldn't help my parents Hamza, but I wanna help myself, us. I don't want us to drown in the sea of misunderstanding. I believe in Allah. If he has given the pain, he will surely take away replacing it with heal. Please, Honey, please talk to me. Say it out everything you want to say. Just let it out" I said in a very breaking of voice. My inside was breaking seeing him so vulnerable.
For a long time, Hamza stayed still. Looking at the ground. Then he closed his eyes.
"Do you really want me to let it out?" Hamza said in a very hoarse voice. I nodded as a tear slipped from my eyes.
"I'm afraid Sabrina." Hamza said. I was tempting to hold his hand but still didn't.
"Why?" My voice came out as a bare whisper.
"You'll not understand me. You'll think in another way. You will judge me. I'm just saving you from the truth." Hamza said looking at the floor. His words hurt me. He didn't trust me. He couldn't just rely on me fully.
"You've hurt me enough in the process of not hurting me, Hamza. I don't think anything matters now. You don't have to save me. I think I'm strong enough to handle the truth." I said a bit louder trying my best to hide the hurt feeling.
He opened his mouth two-three times, but couldn't form a sentence.
"Do you want me to hold you hand?" I said softly.
"You won't be holding it by the time, I'll finish." said Hamza sadly. I sighed.
"If you think that, then I can't help." I sighed and pulled the other bean bag in front of him and sat there.
"But please look at me." I said softly. after a long time, Hamza looked at me. His eyes were red, his handsome eyes had bags under it. Those eyes weren't shining like it always used to do. Those orbs lost its spark. MY heart ached.