[Y/N], 08/05/2019
I remember, it was a Monday.
Mondays suck.
It was raining and it was cold.
All I could think of was holding you close.
I remember the way you looked at me.
Your cheeks were rosy.
Your touch was warm.
Your eyes were bright.
You were smiling and telling me everything was going to be okay.
You were telling me that no matter what happened to you, I had to fight and I had to win.
The first time I noticed something was wrong was by looking at those oh so bright rosy cheeks, they were white.
I felt uneasy.
I knew there was something wrong but I was wrapped up in my head to really notice.
The second time is when you came into my room one night and you were freezing.
You lied and said the heat went out in your room.
I knew you just wanted to be there with me, to be as close as I wanted to be.
The third time your beautiful eyes were slowly sinking into your beautiful face. I finally said enough was enough and asked you about it.
Yo told me everything.
Like I said before, Mondays suck.
You died on a Monday and I was crushed, demolished, fragmented... I was broken.
For I don't know how long, (You might want to ask Sam) I was crippled with severe depression.
I didn't eat for about three weeks.
Sam had to force me.
I became an alcoholic.
I'll admit it.
After you were gone, I started sleeping around.
I was trying to replace what I lost.
Do not think I didn't love you because I do.
I love you with all that I am.
I don't think I will ever find someone who is as good as you.
Soon after I came to that conclusion, I became so hopeless and started contemplating suicide just so I can see your beautiful face.
But then something out of this world happened.
My mom came back.
I sometimes think you had something to do with it.
God, I hope you're okay.
I hope you're with your parents and your dog.
I bet she is happy to finally see you again.
I would give anything to see you again.
[Y/N], cancer sucks.
I've written to you every Monday since you passed away.
I've loved you for one more year.
I will never stop loving you but this will be my last letter.
I have to get passed this not passed you.
I will still visit your grave, just not as often as you would like because Sam and I have some catching up to do with our Mom.
We just got her back.
I love you and I miss you every single day.
Love, Dean.