I didn't have the courage to face mom at the moment. How could I tell a wife her husband had another family? How could I tell a wife her husband really didn't care. That's the thing, I couldn't. It would break her. Tear her heart apart.
So this was why I was sitting on my bed at home with my knees pulled up to my chest and in a really dreary mood. Despite my desperate need to be alone, Caspien was here in my room, annoying the hell out of me by being here for me. I knew what you would say. 'Oh how is that annoying? Roll eyes emoji.' It was annoying when all you wanted to do was be alone. Caspien wouldn't budge and it annoyed me. He was lounging on my office chair on the left side of my bed.
"I feel like I'm going insane." I told Caspien, pulling the blanket closer to me. That small action exposed my entire left leg. I was wearing shorts so I guess there was too much to see. I however, was too caught up in my thoughts to do something about it. Caspien's eyes traveled down the length of my exposed leg, his pupils darkening in shade. I ignored that, continuing with my words. "I hate him but I don't hate him. Is that making any sense?" I glanced at him and he cleared his throat.
"I understand what you mean." He nodded. His mind seemed occupied though.
"I'm being stupid, aren't I?" I suddenly asked with a shake of my head. I was so stupid. "After everything he did. I want to hate him so bad but I just can't. I can't hate Jason Adams."
"He had been a great dad to you for fifteen years. That's something you can't dismiss in one week. Trust me, I understand you, Lenna." He assured me. "I had a best friend named Kail for mostly all my life. He too disappointed me in the end. He chose to destroy our friendship for..." He trailed off, passing his hands through his hair tiredly. "I can't hate him because the friendship we had couldn't be dismissed easily as I thought. Sometimes we think we hate people because they hurt us so badly but deep down we're just disappointed and hurt. We feel betrayed." I stared at him, letting the words sink in. He was right. As always. That's exactly how I felt. "Sometimes we just want to know why. It's okay to feel how you're feeling." I nodded again, resting my head on the head board of the bed.
He reached out and pulled the blanket over my exposed leg, his pupils dilated. "Be careful what you do in front of me, Lenna. I'm pretty strong minded but sometimes when I'm around you, I don't think I'm strong enough to control myself." He looked up at me, his eyes capturing mines.
Wait. What did he mean exactly? He lost me. Self control? Did he think I was trying to seduce him or something? My eyes widened and before I could say anything, he started talking. "For example, you speeding off in a car without your driver's licence, one driving lesson to back you up and crowded thoughts. Not cool, Lenna. Not cool. The Society will sacrifice me if anything happens to you on my watch." He gave a forced, awkward laugh. He pushed his chair a little further away from me.
Oh. That's what he was talking about. I thought it was...never mind. Don't get your hopes up, Lenna. "If something happens to you, The Society will feel bad and then I'll be in huge trouble." He explained. "So be careful please." The last sentence sounded like a plea.
"And how would you feel?" I asked, watching him closely. His face fell.
"What?"
"If something happens to me, how would you feel?" I sat up. I needed to hear his answer. It would determine whether or not Caspien personally cared for me or was only concerned for his ass getting in trouble with The Society.
He shifted, his eyes sad. "If something ever happens to you that will kill-"
"Lenna!" Isa's voice interrupted and I cursed under my breath. "Are you okay? We got your text." Keeva emerged from the doorway with multiple bags. I texted Isa like an hour ago. At the time, I needed her company here but now Caspien and I were in deep conversation, she just had to show up. Talk about bad freaking timing.
Isa sat on my bed and grasped my hands in hers. "You don't usually call us over to talk about your problems so this must be affecting you greatly. I'm all ears." Keeva's head was buried in the bag and Isa went straight into chit chat. I don't think they noticed Caspien sitting right there. At all. "Oh and Dylan is downstairs waiting for you. Wink wink." She playfully shoved my shoulders while winking. I was at a lost for words. When I texted them to come over I only meant both Keeva and Isa alone. No one else. "We met him in your driveway when we just arrived. He said he wanted to check up on you. Cute, right?" She awed as I tried to keep up with her rant. That's when the screeching sound of the wheels on the office chair being scraped on the floor was heard. Caspien pushed back the chair away from him and headed for the doorway. Both Keeva and Isa's eyes followed him out the door. Caspien looked pissed. I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing. Great.
"He was here the entire time?!" Isa asked with wide eyes as Keeva smirked. "What were you guys doing?!" Isa questioned with a wide smile, her eyes sparkling. She was enjoying this.
"What weren't they doing? That list might be shorter." Keeva added in with a suggestive smirk.
"Guys we didn't do anything." I informed them, rolling my eyes.
"Except each other?" Isa asked and I smacked her with a pillow as I grinned. I wish. That would only happen in my dreams.
"Not the case. We were only talking." I defended as Keeva placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Hon, lips can talk when you don't speak." I groaned, covering my ears. What a nuisance they were, giving me false hope like that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I told Isa and Keeva everything. Starting from three years ago when Liam left up to yesterday's encounter with my father. They were completely shocked about some of the news. They knew my dad was rarely home and that we barely talked over the phone. What they didn't know though was he had another family. I was still surprised as the words escaped my lips when I told them. It still seemed like a terrible nightmare that I had yet to wake up from.
I also talked to Dylan after Isa and Keeva left. I didn't tell him everything. Only that my family situation was in a bad place and a divorce was yet to come. He comforted me like everyone I told did. He assured me that I would get through it like everyone else I told did. He even gave me the 'I'm here for you speech' and as you might have suspected, everyone else I told fed me that speech too.
The next few days were even more stressful. I felt like I was walking on broken glass. Each shard that jabbed at my foot was an obstacle in my life and the pain that came after was as a result of those obstacles. Caspien disappeared to God knew where. I hadn't seen him for two days now neither did he answered his phone. I was on edge the entire time. What if something bad happened to him? It would kill me.
Also within that same week, I told my mom about my little conversation with dad. Apparently he requested a divorce through the mail a week before she collapsed. She just never told me anything. That took me by surprise, honestly. She should have told me. In that way, I could have consoled her. I could have been there for her.
I found out that my mom didn't know about his new family. She cried like a baby. It made me want to slap Jason in the face with a concrete truck.
I hated seeing mom like that. She was already stressed out to the point where she collapsed and almost split open her head. To add such heart wrenching news on her list of worries could have been a crime in itself. At first, I regretted telling her about his other family but then I realised it was better to tell her now than later. She deserved to hear it from me than someone else.
So I watched her cry her eyes out. I watched her completely unravel. I watched her fall apart. But I watched her do all of that while tightly embraced in my arms. I didn't dare let her go. I didn't dare watch our relationship wither yet again because of something Jason Adams did.
We talked about our decisions after she calmed down. She poured her heart out for me about how she was feeling at the moment. Those feelings included ones of hurt, disappointment and sadness. After being married for 25 years, such betrayal was bound to knock her down a peg or two.
She decided she would sign the divorce papers whenever he sent it over after a long discussion. Her words were, 'If he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be a part of this family then there is no reason for me to not agree to it. I cannot continue to love someone who doesn't love me.' I nodded, happy that she understood. She was no longer too lovesick as Liam said once upon a time. 'I want him to find happiness. And if that means signing those papers then so be it.' I took it back after she said that. Lauren Adams was still too lovesick. She was still doing things to ensure his happiness.
I guess I kind of understood. Those feelings didn't just go away. Maybe years after they would fade but not fast enough to bring peace to our troubled hearts. It would haunt her like a shadow once she still loved him and I totally understood why she would love him after that.
The doctor said she would be discharged in a week so that gave me a few days to figure out a plan to keep my mother's spirit up. Stress free would be the way to go at this point given her condition. Thank goodness after some tests and that MRI, it was safe to say that there was no long term major injuries on her head. So that was one less thing to worry about. That blood pressure though, that was going to be a problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I pressed the button for the elevator numerous times as I waited. Aggravated wasn't a big of a word to describe my annoyance. I just met up with Jason. Yeah, I wasn't going to call him dad or father because it made me want to throw up every time. So I met up with him to talk about some issues regarding the divorce and whatnot. I made it my duty to not entertain any small talk that he initiated.
I wasn't pissed with Jason because he decided to get a divorce. That was him and mom's choice. Unlike certain kids that got worked up over that, I clearly didn't because I. Don't. Give. A. Shit. Anymore. For the past three years it really did feel like they were already divorced, just exclude the official signing. To be completely honest, it was better that way. It would hurt mom less when he didn't call because they were no longer husband and wife. It would hurt her less when he didn't visit because at least this time she knew he had no obligation to do so.
I was pissed at Jason however, because of his betrayal. Harbouring another family in secret. What a messed up move. He didn't even wait to be divorced before running off with his perfect family. I hoped he choked on a business contract.
Wait no, I take that back. What was wrong with me? Wishing for people to choke on contracts was not a nice thing to think about. Or was it?
After swiftly exiting his office without a word, I was now here waiting for the elevator. Why was it taking so long?
The elevator door finally parted and I quickly made my way in. After pressing the floor number, I noticed someone else in here with me too. As the doors closed, I turned to meet the gaze of the one person I didn't want to be in here with. Wait, that would be one of the persons I didn't want to be with because there were many people I couldn't stand to be near right now.
The elevator lurched and I grabbed onto the metal wall, my eyes widening. Don't tell me I was stuck in here with...Carmen.
The elevator wasn't moving and the lights were flickering on and off. I glanced over at Carmen who was leaned against the elevator with her hands crossed over her chest casually. "You've got to be kidding me." I muttered before hitting the emergency button.
I stood in the corner at the further end of the elevator, farthest from Carmen. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. My phone started buzzing in my pockets and I quickly got it out, answering it and bringing it up to my ear.. "Cas-Jayce?" I corrected, glancing at Carmen.
"Where are you?"
"I'm stuck in this stupid elevator for over two minutes now. Can you wait for me at the park?" Caspien agreed and I hung up.
"Ever so demanding." I heard Carmen muttered to herself. I took a deep breath, ignoring her. Why were they taking so long? Carmen's phone started ringing and she answered. "No, don't wait for me. I have no idea when I'm getting out of here. I'm here with literally the worst person I could be locked in here with." I shook my head, trying my best to ignore Carmen. I wouldn't call her the worst person to be in here with but instead I would say it was the most awkward considering our history. She hung up not too long after that.
I wasn't going to say anything to her at the start but then I realised I had to get a few things cleared. If I was on my way to a stress free life then I had to try and get rid of all misunderstandings. Including what happened last year at the bonfire on the beach. "I know you're still hung up on what happened last year." I said, never making eye contact with her.
She laughed humourlessly. "Still hung up, huh? You ruined my life, Lenna." She spat my name out like it burned her tongue. "I trusted you to keep one secret and you didn't."
"Carmen, I can assure you that I never told anyone your secret." I looked at her to see her reaction. She laughed again. I was a joke to her.
"How would you know for sure? Hm? Drunk Lenna mixed with attention seeking Lenna with a sprinkle of bitchy Lenna and just a touch of backstabbing Lenna. I would say that's a recipe for betrayal."
"I didn't betray you in anyway, Carmen."
"You were the only person I told!" She shouted in anger and her voice reverberated through the closed up space.
Third person POV
Carmen and Lenna sat on the bed in Lenna's room as they laughed at a few pictures taken together the previous night before. The two were as jolly as could be. Carmen's smile then faded, her eyes growing sad. Lenna placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "Are you okay?" Carmen shook her head as she fiddled with the edge of the blanket thrown over her leg.
"I don't know if I should tell you." The blonde, blue eyed girl said. Lenna took Carmen's hands in hers, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
"Tell me what?" Lenna could see the trouble in her friend's eyes. She didn't like how agitated Carmen looked in that moment. She worried for her friend.
At the same time the girls were chatting upstairs, Asha knocked on the front door of Lenna's house. Mrs. Adams rushed towards the door, a pot spoon in hand. As she opened it, Asha smiled brightly and pulled her into a hug. "Asha darling. It's been a long time." She chirped, assessing the beautiful blonde she'd known since the little girl was in diapers. To her, Asha was a niece . "Come in, come in." Mrs. Adams motioned for her to come in. "Lenna is up in her room so you can go ahead and meet her up there." Asha nodded.
"Okay. See you soon, Mrs. Adams." Asha made her way up the stairs and towards Lenna's door just in time to hear the beginning of Carmen's tragic story as she called it.
"It's a secret though. Promise me you won't tell anyone." Asha peeked into the slightly opened door to see both girls sitting on the bed. She was about to head in but became curious as to what Carmen Lynn had locked in that brain of hers.
"I promise. I won't tell anyone." Carmen nodded, believing the brunette girl she called her friend.
"I'm actually adopted." Carmen announced and Lenna's brows furrowed. Lenna thought that her secret was to the extreme.
"That's not too bad." Lenna admitted, smiling a little. "I thought you killed someone or something." Lenna laughed a little but Carmen didn't reciprocate.
"I didn't. But my biological father did." Lenna's eyes widened. She was surprised and confused at the same time. "My mom went insane after that and was placed in a psych ward and my brother was into drugs and almost killed me." Lenna didn't know what to say. Words wouldn't escape. "My family was messed up so I had to move from Canada to the U.S and Melanie adopted me." Asha was listening intently. "But you can't tell anyone. Melanie doesn't want anyone knowing. Everyone thinks I'm her real daughter who came to stay with her after a long time. She's doing that to protect both me and her." Lenna nodded, still flabbergasted. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone but I trust you and I wanted to talk to someone other than Melanie."
"I understand." Lenna told her with a small smile.
"Sometimes I feel like I'll be crazy just like they were." Lenna felt sad for the girl. She wanted to hug her and make her smile again.
"No, you won't be."
"How could you be sure?" Carmen questioned, doubt in her voice.
"I just know." Lenna told her. "We've been friends for six years. I know you. You're not like them. Okay?" Carmen nodded apprehensively.
"You probably see me as some freak now." Carmen laughed softly but there was sadness in her voice. Her insecurities were very much obvious.
"No way! Their actions do not define yours." Carmen nodded, smiling.
"Just promise to keep it a secret. I don't want to cause trouble to Melanie." At this point, Asha turned on her heels and headed for the stairs. She always knew Carmen wasn't as perfect as she was thought out to be. If she had a gift for seeing through one thing was people's flaws. So instead of seeing Lenna right away, she decided to keep Mrs. Adams company.
*BONFIRE*
"Isn't he hilarious?" Asha laughed at a drunk Cade who was gyrating on a rock. The bonfire party on the beach was a success. Everyone was having fun. Some, a little too much fun.
"Isn't he hot?" Abi responded, smirking seductively. Asha shoved her shoulders, standing from her position on the large log where everyone else sat.
"You think everyone is hot." The blonde girl rolled her eyes as she dusted off her hands. "I'm getting a re-fill." She announced before walking off towards the coolers near a tree.
"Asha!" Lenna drawled, her words slurred. Lenna was drinking a lot that night and drunk wouldn't be a great of a word to describe her condition. Her dad had once again made her mom cry. She was miserable. Asha rolled her eyes at Lenna before opening the cooler.
"One last beer." Asha whispered to herself and at the same time, Carmen reached down to take hold of it. "I was already getting the last can, sorry." Asha smiled fakely, reaching for the beer. Carmen pulled her hand away.
"Too bad I also want the last can." She said, smiling the same smile Asha just gave her. She gave her a last look before turning on her heels and Asha grabbed her arm roughly.
"Listen here, you psycho. I don't like people meddling with my life, okay? I'm really trying to be friends with you but there's just one problem. I. Don't. Like. You." Asha punctuated each word as she glared at Carmen. "You think you have the perfect family and perfect friends and you can do whatever you want like make subtle passes at my boyfriend. But I got news for you. I will destroy you, okay? I won't let someone like you, ruin my life."
Carmen pulled her hand away, fully facing Asha. "Someone like me? I'm not the only one with scars, Asha. You're not flawless as you make yourself out to be." She eyed Asha as she said every word. "It's true I have scars but I know for a fact, you do too. I have mental flaws and you Asha, have physical flaws." Her eyes skimmed Asha's neck before staring right into her flaming eyes. "Don't fool yourself Ash, you're not perfect." Carmen backed away slowly. "No one is." Carmen turned on her heels then retreated back to the others.
Asha slammed the cooler lid closed, her breathing increasing. If was one person she hated was Carmen. The girl made her angrier with each encounter. She then spotted Lenna walking into the woods all by herself. She sighed before following her. "You've become more of a burden in the last two years to me." Lenna glared at the girl.
"You're so mean to me." She pouted then started laughing at her own voice. "You're mean to Carmen too. Leave her alone." She poked Asha playfully in the chest. "Leave. Her. Alone."
"She really is your best friend, isn't she?" Lenna smiled, trying to eat a strand of her hair. "You must know all her secrets." Asha stated, her eyes narrowed at Lenna. The way her voice sounded in that moment would immediately spark anyone's attention but with Lenna's current state, she found the girl rather funny. She took the hair from her mouth as she tripped over her legs.
"Of course, I do!" Lenna chirped proudly. "She's my best friend! But why are you so interested in Carmen? Do you have a crush on her?" Lenna giggled. 'What a mess', Asha thought.
"Why don't we talk about that secret of hers?"
"Really?" Asha glared at her and Lenna raised her hands in defense. "Okay okay."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Asha returned with Lenna on her arm, she was agitated. Even more so when she couldn't find Chris, her boyfriend. Lenna pulled away from her, sitting on the log between Keeva and Isa. Her eyes barely staying open.
"Where's Chris?" Asha demanded with crossed arms.
"Carmen asked him to help her carry the rest of the beer from the van." Someone answered and Asha frowned.
"Out of everyone she asked my boyfriend?" Asha was fuming as her eyes searched for the two.
"They were pretty cuddly too." Ami piped up while watching Asha's reaction. Asha's hands balled into a fist. She was not letting Carmen off the hook for that.
"What a freak." Emily said, shaking her head. Everyone was whispering as thoughts about Carmen arose.
"Who's a freak?" Lenna's head bobbed up to look at Keeva, her eyes closing.
"Did her brother really tried to kill her?" Abi asked and Asha shrugged nonchalantly.
"Guys, I don't know. That's what Lenna just told me. Emily and Carla heard too." Asha answered and they all snickered.
Lenna sat up straight, pointing her finger at them. "What did Lenna tell you?" She asked. The girl's head was spinning and she barely heard the voices of her peers around her.
"Not cool, Lenna. Not cool." Isa scolded softly and Keeva sighed.
"I mean Carmen is like a wolf dressed in sheep's clothing. One day someone might push her buttons and snap! She might flip like her dad did and kill one of us." Asha stated with a fake worried look.
"Asha..." Cade started with a disapproving look but Lenna cut him off.
"Carmen is not her dad." Lenna stood, glaring at them. Although she was drunk, hearing them talk about Carmen like that made her angry. "She's our friend. Do you really think she's a psycho?" At that very moment Carmen showed up, her eyes welling up with tears. She only heard the last sentence Lenna said.
"Really, Lenna?" Carmen asked and Lenna turned around to meet Carmen's eyes. "I told you one thing and you couldn't shut your mouth."
"And thank God she didn't. We wouldn't want a psycho killer drug dealer sitting around with us. Who knows when you'll snap." Asha voiced and Cade gave her a look that said 'shut up'.
"Carmen, I didn't tell-" Lenna started but Carmen cut her off.
"You promised me! Are you really that kind of person!" Carmen was hurt. She trusted Lenna so much. She believed in the promise she made and here she was facing a crisis she never anticipated. The only person she told was Lenna.
"I really didn't-" That's when she slapped Lenna right across the face. Lenna fell on the sand, a hand pressed to her cheek as shock took over her face.
"Hey, watch it." Keeva shoved Carmen's shoulder roughly, giving her a warning look. She was never afraid to drag someone for her friend.
Cade and Dylan rushed to Lenna's side. "Are you okay?" She nodded, still caught up in the surprise.
"See guys. How dare she put her hands on our Lenna?" Asha cooed, feigning surprise and fear. "She definitely picked up her family's trait." A tear escaped Carmen's eyes as she looked at everyone. Everyone who she called her friends were looking at her like she was a murderer. She slowly backed away as her heart sank further. So that's what they thought of her. A drug addicted, crazed murderer. She turned on her heels then ran, tears falling from her eyes.
Meanwhile, everyone crowded around Lenna to ask her if she was okay. She answered with a simple nod. Asha was slightly bothered that all attention was shifted to Lenna like it always did. Everyone seemed to like the brunette and she couldn't figure out why.
"Could you guys imagine someone like her thought she was better than I was?" She laughed mockingly.
"I know. Poor Melanie adopted someone as screwed up as her."
"Well at least she came that way and Melanie didn't have to do that herself."
Everyone was voicing their thoughts and Lenna was getting angrier with every word. "Stop!" She shouted and the whispers died down and everyone's attention shifted to her. "Just stop talking about it! Stop with the comments!" They all looked down, their eyes wandering guiltily. Asha rolled her eyes as yet again, Lenna drew the attention she always seeked. She was getting tired of the girl. "All talk of this ends now. This topic does not leave this beach. One word about it in school and I would make sure to bring it to the principal." Everyone nodded slowly. Asha sucked in a deep breath. She was wondering how could Lenna have so much power that everyone would be so obedient.
"Let's get on with this party and forget all this drama."
Update!
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Finally some insight on the Lenna-Carmen drama.
What did you guys think about this chapter? Comment your every thought and share some love by tapping that star ; )