C.W. Break-up, break down, mention of alleged insanity, crying (duh), mention of heightened anxiety, mention of stress, mention of arguing.
Handsome Devil is such a good freaking movie. Firstly, it's gay, and who doesn't love a good gay movie. Secondly, amazing songs and song references. Thirdly, ANDREW SCOTT IS IN IT. If you're out of the loop, I freaking love Andrew Scott. Anyway, it's an amazing movie, it's on Netflix, w a t c h i t.
So this story is a mixture of today's prompt, two DTIYS's (which I have a separate book for) and a SU episode. Oof.
~~~
Virgil was in the observation room. He'd asked Roman to create it some time ago. It was similar to the one in Steven Universe, you'd select a place to go and it would create the world. The only difference was that there was settings instead of free rein. Thomas' view, a beach, a forest, space, etc.
Virgil always went up there to relax if he needed time to think, get away from the others or calm down if he was feeling particularly anxious. This time, it was a mixture of all three. Thomas was preparing for an audition and was feeling anxious about it (as he always does). Roman had been stressed out of his mind with the preparations, pissing Virgil off more than usual. Logan had been working with Roman to make sure the lines and songs stayed in Thomas' head, leading to more arguments than usual. Patton was trying to be some sort of moderator, which really wasn't working. Virgil had to get away from it all.
So there he was, sitting in the middle of space, trying to clear his mind. He'd been there for what felt like hours. His phone was left behind in his room. He didn't like having distractions while he was there.
His peace was soon broken, though, as the door creaked open. Virgil didn't bother turning around, hoping whoever it was would go away. He heard the person freeze.
"Ah, Virgil. Apologies, I'll leave."
Virgil glanced over at the sound of Logan's voice. It was unsteady and raw, nothing like Logan's usual composure. All he saw was his back but he wanted to know what was wrong. Logan was the only side that didn't often come up here unless he had a specific reason to.
"Logan?"
Logan stopped, door ajar so he could still hear what Virgil had to say. "Please stay."
He stepped back into the room, shutting the door behind him but staying firmly against it. He let out a shuddery breath, keeping his head firmly to the floor.
"Logan, what's wrong?" Virgil turned to face him now. He could tell how upset Logan was from his slumped posture. When he didn't respond, Virgil stood up and walked over to him. He grabbed his arm, maybe a little too rough, and dragged him over to the middle of the room. Only then did he see just how broken Logan looked. His eyes were puffy and red, his eyebrows furrowed.
Virgil pulled him down to sit next to him. Logan immediately crossed his legs out of habit, but kept his slumped posture. They sat in silence. Virgil didn't know how to start the conversation and Logan still needed to collect his thoughts.
Logan looked up at the stars. They served as a memory of him. Logan closed his eyes as he felt them begin to sting with new tears. He sighed as they escaped underneath his eyelids. The memories flashing through his head didn't help either. The good ones, the bad ones, the last one. He hissed in a breath through his teeth, keeping himself from sobbing.
"Logan?"
Virgil's voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he turned to see his friend looking at him with concern roaming in his eyes. He took his glasses off and wiped his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Virgil. I didn't want you to ever see me like this."
"Hey, it's okay. I want to help. Can you tell me what's wrong?"
"It's... it's Roman."
Virgil's eyes blew wide and he leaned back, putting on his 'defensive friend' mode that he'd adopted from Patton. "What did he do?"
"Nothing, nothing, don't do anything drastic." Logan frantically tried to calm down his friend. "We... we broke up."
Tears began to drip from Logan's eyes again. Virgil scooted closer and rested his hand on Logan's arm. "Lo, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine, it was for the best," Logan said with a sniff.
"But you're hurting."
"And I don't know why. Virgil-" Logan turned to face his friend with a strange intensity in his eyes, grabbing his arms. The tears that were slowly falling down his cheeks didn't help and rather made him look slightly insane- "I'm not supposed to feel this way. I'm Logic, I don't have emotions. These ones hurt. Badly. I can't concentrate."
Logan began to card his fingers through his hair. "I'm losing my mind, Virgil. Roman was my stability. I was questioning my entire purpose and he helped me. He taught me that having emotions weren't something to be feared. With him, they felt nice. Tight, but free. Warm, fulfilling. Now they feel sour and tight, figuratively constraining my heart until it's ready to burst. It feels like my brain is trying to figuratively collapse on itself. It doesn't feel good, Virgil. I want them gone."
Now it was Virgil's turn to have tears spill from his eyes. He was terrified, terrified of what his friend had become. He looked insane, eyes wild and hair tousled from brushing it back.
"Logan, you need to calm down." Virgil placed his words carefully, scared that he would further distress his friend. "Your feelings are valid, no matter what they might be. You can't shut them down and you can't shut them out. You just have to deal with them and learn to accept them. You can't control them, as much as you may want to.
"Sure, Roman helped you with this sort of stuff, but he's not you. You're you. You are your own person and you can go on without him. All this break-up means is that you're going to be on a difficult road to accepting these feelings on your own. You're learning about the bad ones too, jeez.
"Logan, no matter what you're going through, I'm here for you. I always have been and I always will be."
Logan just sat there for a minute, shocked. What Virgil had said was so inspiring and poetic, and still great advice. It was like Virgil had figuratively dived into his brain and told him exactly what he needed to hear.
He leaned forward and pulled Virgil into a hug. He needed this. He needed the contact, the support. Virgil was quick to wrap his arms around Logan's chest, pulling him closer.
They sat like that for ages, locked in each others embrace. Logan had started crying again, letting out quiet sobs that prompted Virgil to rub his back. He'd also started playing with Logan's hair, considering that also seemed to calm him down.
All too soon, they heard the shrident voice of Logan's ex-boyfriend calling out for him. Virgil quickly put all of his effort into hiding the entrance of the observation room. They really didn't need him right now. Unfortunately, it didn't know, considering Roman knew where the entrance was usually.
"Logan, I know you're up there." His voice was muffled by the distance but they could still understand him. Virgil clamped his hands over Logan's ears.
"Logan, please, we need to talk."
"Patton's really worried about you."
"I'm sorry, Lo, I wasn't thinking."
"Can't we talk about this?"
"Logan, I'm so sorry."
"Please, Lo."
"Please-"
Roman cut himself off with a broken sob. His wails echoed into the room, Virgil still protecting Logan from the damage they could cause. Logan brought Virgil's hands off his face. He took a moment to hear the sincerity in Roman's howling.
"Let me go to him." Logan stood up, still uncertain.
Virgil nodded and uncovered the entrance. Immediately, they heard the door crashing open and rapid footsteps making their way up the stairs. Roman burst into the room, quickly scanning for Logan. As soon as their eyes met, Roman was in front of him, preparing to wrap him in a tight embrace. But he saw the hurt, the pain, the humiliation in Logan's eyes. He stopped dead in his tracks. It... might not have been the best idea for him to come here.
"Logan I... I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I... I love you. So much. More than you could ever know. I don't know why I said those things, I don't know why I thought it was okay, or at least reasonable. I'm an idiot, Logan, and I want you back. I never meant to break up with you, it was some angered frenzy that I was locked into and couldn't escape from. I love you, Lo."
Logan smiled. He grabbed Roman's face and pulled him into a kiss. Roman threaded his fingers into Logan's hair, and deepened the kiss. Everything they did was to pull each other closer, bring each other back together, reunite.
They broke apart, panting, but staying close.
"Roman, I... I need you, and I love you. It was so painful to think of a life without you." Logan's lips brushed against Roman's as he spoke.
"I know, I know, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like, and I experienced it for an hour."
The couple chuckled at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. They were alerted by the clearing of a throat. They both looked over to see Virgil lying flat on his back, gazing up at the stars.
"I appreciate that you two are back together now, but if you're going to have sex or whatever, I'm trying to relax here."
"Right, Sorry Virgil," Logan said. "We'll leave you in peace. Thank you for all of your help. I apologise for being a mess. I really-"
"Lo, shut up. Go have fun with your boyfriend." A smile played on Virgil's lips so they knew there wasn't any real anger between those words.
"Thank you, Virgil."
~~~
I stg what is my thing with wanting characters to play with each others hair c o n s t a n t l y.
Bruh Lo and Ro are like fucking teenage girls who break up with their boyfriend for 0.2 seconds and then act like it's the end of the world.
As much as I'd like to say that Logan's out of character, this is just my interpretation of what I think he'd be like while upset. I mean, we haven't seen him show anything other and anger, happiness and fear so...
I'd like to ask you to return to the bit where Roman is pleading with Logan outside the observation room. Yes, the slope thingy was intentional, thank you for asking. Yes, I am very proud of it. Yes, it shows Roman's descent into desperation.
Do you people actually read these? Comment 'yee' on this paragraph if you're reading this (and read the other bits too).