Jason Adams.
Two words I couldn't stand anymore. A name that made me want to punch something and letters I couldn't bare to see joined together.
What I now found out was that, despite being called three days ago, Jason Adams never came. Despite being told his wife was near death, he never came. Despite being told that his wife was in the hospital, Jason Adams pretended to hear the news for the first time today.
"Thank you so much, Jayce." My mom beamed and I felt a little guilty that she knew him as Jayce. His fake name. She really took a liking to him.
"It's no problem, Mrs. Adams. I'm happy to be of help for both you and Lenna." Caspien smiled and she tried sitting up.
"I'll help you, mom." I reached out to help her, propping her up. She patted my back softly and I grinned. "Oh, Keeva and Isa send their love." Her eyes lit up as tears formed in them.
"These girls have grown and matured so much." She wiped her tear away and I smiled. "Speaking of the girls, why aren't you in school, young lady?"
"What do you mean? I'm here at the hospital taking care of you not at a Rock concert." I rolled my eyes and she hit me on the arm. "It's already Wednesday, I'll just take the week off." She gave me a look and I pretended to not notice. Moms would be moms.
My mom's face went blank as she stared intently at the wall. "He's not here." I immediately knew who she was speaking about. I glanced at Caspien who was leaning on the wall.
"Actually, he said he'll be here today." The smile I expected to see wasn't there. Instead, a frown graced her beautiful features. I thought that would make her happy. I glanced over at Caspien. He shrugged. There was an awkward silence now.
The room door opened and a doctor and nurse came in. "Okay Mrs. Adams. Let's see how you're doing." The doctor said with a smile and I got up from the bed, giving him some space to do his job.
"You make me sound old. Please call me Lauren." My mom stated with a small pout. I smiled at her childishness.
"Funny how your daughter said the same thing." The nurse chimed with a grin. Oh yeah. She was the same nurse that took care of me. I beamed at her. I looked towards the wall and Caspien was no longer there. Where did he go?
"So how are you feeling, Mrs...Lauren?" The doctor asked, taking a look at his clipboard.
"Like I slammed my head against the edge of a counter." Both the doctor and nurse chuckled. "But all joking aside. My head hurts a lot." My lips pressed into a thin line. She must be in so much pain.
"As expected. You hit your head pretty hard." She shifted. "The pain medication I prescribed you, you're taking them right?"
"Yeah but it's not like it makes a huge difference. I can still feel my heart beating in my head. It gives me an entire different understanding of think with your heart." She joked and the doctor chuckled.
The doctor told me that they wanted to do an MRI on her so that they can get a look of her brain to see if there's any long term injuries and that based on other tests, nothing life threatening was detected so far.
Mom had fallen asleep a while ago so I was now roaming the hospital halls. A nurse wheeled a guy down the hall in a wheelchair and I gave a short wave to him in which he smiled brightly.
I went outside for some fresh air and was surprised I saw Caspien sitting there with a hand running through his hair. He looked stressed. I tapped him lightly on the shoulder. When his eyes met mine, it looked sad. "You've looked better." I joked but he never smiled.
"I just called your dad to find out when he's going to get here and he said tomorrow. He came in today from overseas and is at his business here in town." I stared at him. "Apparently he has something-" I cut him off.
"That came up in the office. Nothing new." Caspien gave me a sympathetic look and I looked away. I could see a repeat of history here. I forced a smile onto my face. "Let's go eat."
We were seated in a booth at Mixers? I think that was the name. It was a small restaurant close to the hospital. After going home to grab some toiletries for mom, we came back here to eat. I was picking at my pasta while Caspien watched me. I lost my appetite.
"Is it okay that I don't have faith in my dad at all?" I asked out of nowhere. "That I can't even have a slither of hope that he'll come?" I looked up at Caspien. "Is it ungrateful for me to think that way?" He looked deep in thought before sipping some water and sitting back in his seat.
"It is normal for you to feel that way after witnessing how many times he disappointed you." He told me and I shrugged.
"I'm just so mad at him." I voiced. "I'm so mad at him, you have no idea, Caspien." I was gripping the folk tightly. "He's doing the same thing to mom that he did to Liam. He never realises his mistakes. No, he never acknowledges them." I corrected myself. Geez, my head hurt. I brought a folk full of pasta to my mouth. "Inside scoop on Jason Adams, huh?" I laughed bitterly. Caspien took my hands in his and gave me a small reassuring squeeze. "I can only hope mom isn't stressing about it too much. The entire reason why she's in the hospital to begin with is because of her increased stress levels." I sighed, placing my chin in my hand.
"The good thing is, you're here for her at least."
Kudos to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two days had pass. No phone calls. No Jason Adams.
I tried remaining sane for the most of it. It was a hard task to keep on par with but I was trying my best. Trying my best to not lose control. To not smash something. To not shed a tear like Liam made me promise him. I tried a lot of things and for the most part it worked out. I had a lot of anger tucked within my troubled soul. A lot of it that was just waiting to spill out. To let free.
Keeva told me the best way to get rid of that was to thrash somewhere. So I figured I should volunteer Jason's home office as tribute. I had never been in there in my seventeen years of life. He never liked people in there so I respected that. Now, I really didn't give two flying ducks about his rules. He could choke on my rebellion for all I cared.
"Nice office you've got there." I said to the empty room. A large oak desk sat in the middle with neatly stacked papers and a plush leather office chair tucked under it. A tall bookcase was shoved to the left with hundreds of books.
I sat down in his chair with a sigh as I placed my foot at the top of his desk. What I would give to see his face after I was finished with this place. I opened one of the drawers and pulled out a pen that had Adam Minors Agencies scribbled on it. I rolled my eyes, throwing the pen at the door. It hit it with a thud, falling to the floor where it broke apart. Nice throw, Lenna. As I was about to get up, my feet hit a stack of papers and it fell to the floor, scattering in the process. Oh well.
I took up the glasses resting on the desk and placed it in my eyes, on the bridge of my nose. As my eyes swept the room, something caught my attention. A letter addressed to me. I pulled the glasses out of my eyes and moved towards the letter. I stooped low, picked it up and scanned the name Liam on it.
Liam sent a letter to me? I never got a letter. I opened it quickly, my eyes sweeping over the words on it.
Dear Lenna,
You hate me, don't you? *Laughs awkwardly* Look I'm sorry for leaving like that. I really am. I hope everything is well with you and mom. Like I said before, I couldn't deal with Jason and his crap anymore. I changed my number due to reasons so if you don't entirely hate me for leaving you behind you can give me a call at this number------->516-9836. I really am sorry again. Call me soon and I'll explain why I really left.
I crumpled up the letter in my hands. So he hid this letter from me. All this time I thought Liam didn't care at all but he did. He changed his number but he sent it for me via letter. Then why would he tell Keeva to not give me his number? He must've changed it again.
Now I know why dad made me switch numbers after a while. How could he be so selfish? I sat on the floor, gripping the letter. This letter was sent a week after he left. He must've thought I really hated him and that's why he didn't let Keeva tell me anything.
None of this made sense. None of it did.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I quickly pulled it out to stare at the screen. Mom. I answered it, bringing it to my ear. "Mom?"
"He didn't come." Was her first words and it broke my heart. "I thought when you told me he would, he would actually come because you're always right when it came to him." I closed my eyes, listening to her sad tone. "You were wrong this time. I feel so hurt, Lenna. I feel so hurt. Both physically and emotionally. I now feel how Liam felt three years ago. It's demeaning. Did I not do everything right as a wife? Did I not play my part? I feel awful." I pressed the end call button on my phone without saying goodbye.
The rage I felt was taking over every fibre of my being. I balled my hands into fists as I glared at the door. My adrenaline was slowly building. How dare he made my mom question herself like that? How dare he made her think she was the one screwing up when it was obviously him? How dare he?! I swiped a vase off his table then stared at the broken shards. Just like my relationship with my father. Broken. I then turned around and swiped some of the books off the bookcase. The stacked papers on his desk were practically begging to be torn into pieces. I had no choice but to tear them apart. Grabbing the picture frame from the desk, I barely glanced at the family photo before it was colliding with the desk in front me. Rage. Something I felt for the first time in my life.
I heard Caspien calling for me in the living room and I paused. "Lenna!" As soon as I opened the door he appeared in front of me with creased brows. "Are you okay?" I reached into his pockets wordlessly, grasping his keys. "What are you doing?" He eyed me as he went into the office, assessing the mess.
In the mean time, I was heading towards the door. When the front door closed behind me, I heard Caspien calling out for me. "Lenna!" I ran towards his car, unlocking it then getting in. I was so angry I was willing to do anything. Even if it meant driving without a licence.
Now what did Caspien said to do first? Um... "Lenna, get out of the car!" I heard him shout as he ran down the driveway. You know what, screw it. I shoved the keys into the ignition, pressed down onto the right pedal then pulled off onto the road. I could hear Caspien shouting for me to stop and I quickly glanced at him in the rear view mirror. The last thing I saw him doing was tugging at his hair as he stared at the car.
It took five seconds for me to actually realise what I was doing. There were three things I thought about in that moment. Those were:
1. Let's just hope I recalled certain things from Caspien's one driving lesson with me.
2. I was going to curse off Jason Adams.
3. Wow, I was going to die.
I was speeding. I was barely keeping off the sidewalk and I was changing sides of the road. Luckily for me, there were barely anyone out here on the streets. I fooled myself thinking an open field in the middle of nowhere was comparable to the actual streets and boy was I wrong in so many ways. How was I going to stay alive for fifteen minutes?
Still, that didn't keep me from pressing down on the gas pedal. The adrenaline I felt now was the one pushing me forward. I was so mad. So hurt. So damn tired. The built up torment was finally spilling over.
When I finally saw the outline of the business, I swerved to the side and pressed down on the brakes. The tires screeched against the pavements in which I was sure left skid marks behind. Without hesitation, I made my way outside of the car, slamming the door behind me.
As I hastily made my way towards the building, I glared at the big, bold letters written in a glossy red on the top front; Adam Minors Agencies.
I pushed the door open, heading for the stairs. I didn't bother taking the elevator. I was sure dad was in his meeting room at this time of day which was on the second floor. "Oh miss! You can't just barge in. You have to check in here f-" I ignored her as she scrambled towards me with what looked like uncertainty. I rounded the corner, taking the steps by two. "Oh my god. I just got this job." I heard the secretary mumble, her voice shaking.
As I shuffled up the stairs, I wanted to turn and run back downstairs. There were two sides of me right now. The one that said, 'Lenna that's your father. Be rational and don't do anything stupid' and there was, 'Don't hold back now. You've finally built the courage to confront him.' Caspien always wanted me to talk it out with my father so I was doing it now. Whether he pictured it a civilised conversation or not.
When I reached the second floor, I walked towards the meeting room. "Miss, there's a meeting there now. You cannot enter." A young flustered girl said. She looked around twenty one and her hair and eyes were the same chocolate colour. As if she could stop me from shutting down this stupid meeting. I shoved the door opened and it hit the back wall with a loud thud. Everyone jolted and around ten pairs of eyes found their way to mine, confusion coating them.
"Are you really that heartless?" Was the words that came from my mouth when my own eyes found him. The man that claimed to be my father but acted anything but. The man that brought tears to my mother's eyes day after day. The same man that made my brother pack his bags and walk away.
I would admit, the man I prepared myself to see wasn't the same man standing before me. The Jason Adams I knew was brighter. His eyes had more sparkles in it. His skin wasn't as pale before that it was now. Bags were under his eyes and he looked genuinely tired. Older. A light beard caressed his lower jaw and he looked more intimidating than I thought he would be.
Heh, was it too late to back out now?
"Lenna, you know how this works. You should've spoke with my-" He spoke calmly but there was an edge to his tone. I remembered my mom saying once that a man's workplace was his pride. They refused to be called out on their mistakes once in work. In all honesty, I didn't care about the boundaries Jason had set up for me over the years. I didn't care about who was watching or listening or whatever sort of eavesdropping they were doing. He was going to hear it as it was.
"Receptionist, right?" I glared at him. "Yeah well, I don't give a crap anymore." I replied and the people's eyes widened. He quickly walked towards me, straightened out his suit and I followed his every movement.
"Let's talk about this in my office. I don't tolerate tantrums in my workplace." He rested a hand on my upper back, guiding me towards his office. More like dragging me by the arm to his office. He was fuming on the inside but his face was still blank to keep up a show.
"Is that what it is, Jason? A tantrum?" I asked, shrugging off his hand resting on my arm.
"Lenna." He gritted out through his teeth. "Stop making a scene." He pushed his office door open and I walked right in. He closed the door behind him and I turned to face him.
"A scene?" I shook my head, eyeing his desk before swiping off all the papers and folders on it. "This is making a scene. This is Lenna Adams definition of a scene!" I told him. I was hurting so much it was physically paining me.
"Lenna!" He shouted. I could tell he was angry. I was happy we were now on the same page. "The more I do for this family, the more ungrateful you and your mother both become." My brows furrowed out of confusion and hurt. Tears formed in my eyes and I blinked it away. 'Promise me something, Lenna. Promise me you won't shed a tear again for Jason.' Liam's parting words. I didn't dare cry because of him.
"Ungrateful." I whispered while looking at the floor. I couldn't look into his eyes. I couldn't watch someone I called my dad for years say such hurtful things to my face. "You abandoned your family." My voice was weak and I hated it. I thought I was hurting before but now I was truly feeling it. In full effect too. "You tried doing it three years ago but feared for your stupid name so you stayed." For a fleeting second guilt washed over his face. It was then replaced by a blank expression and clenched jaws. Courage built within me again and my voice became stern. "In order to keep your name you acted like you cared about your family when in reality you didn't give a squat. You just wanted people to think you're in this beautiful marriage but in all honesty, you might as well been divorced and I might as well been disowned because that's what it feels like. Liam felt that way and he left. For the first time in three years I understand how he truly felt. This-This-" I was fumbling with my words. "It's suffocating."
"You don't understand anything, Milenna. Don't assume things."
I laughed dryly. "I'm not speculating anything. These are facts." I wanted to punch his face in. How could he be so calm? So uncaring? I couldn't get one emotion out of him. Not guilt. Not anything. "You neglected your own wife. You cause her so much pain. She loves you so much but I don't know if I could say the same for you."
"Don't you dare question my love for your mother!" He bellowed and I jolted, caught off guard. Was he hearing himself? Did he think about what he was saying before he said it? He could fool everyone in this town but he couldn't fool me. Not anymore, at least.
"Because of you, she's in the hospital. You almost took my mom away from me!" The water sprung to my eyes again. "It's been a week. You never visited her even after hearing her condition. It's the same thing you did to Liam."
"Leave Liam out of this." He warned and I looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. After all that I said, that's the only thing he got from this? The only thing he cared about?
"You keep making the same mistakes!" I told him, shaking my head. "You can send all the money in the world for us but it can't buy love. All we ever wanted from you were your affection. Your care. Your attention. Your physical support." He was looking me dead in the eyes. He stood rigid, his eyes fixated on his desk. He didn't dare look at me. "It's not much to ask for. All I wanted you to do was drive me to school. Tell me that everything will be okay when I had a bad day. Yell at me for getting drunk because you're disappointed and not because you didn't have time to make me behave because your name is on the line." My voice softened as I stared at the carpet. A stray tear fell from my eyes and I didn't bother wiping it away. I was too carried away. "I wanted you to have dinner at the table with us." My eyes drifted towards the picture frame hanging on the wall. Another tear escaped and I wiped that one away with a sniffle. "But I guess you're doing that with your new family."
"Lenna-" I quickly made my way towards the door. I was done listening to his dumb excuses. From the minute I walked into his office I noticed the various pictures of a beautiful blonde woman with pretty blue eyes and a young boy around age fifteen. At first I thought my eyes were deceiving me but throughout my slew of emotions and hearty speech, I noticed it was indeed a family photo. "Lenna. Get back here. Let's talk this out."
I stopped, my back towards him. What could he possibly want to say to me? All along he had another family. He was probably driving some other guy's kid to school. He was comforting him and that kid was probably so perfect he never had to yell at him for getting wasted. He was having dinner with them.
"What? If I leave this office I'm not your daughter anymore?" He told Liam the same thing so now I was throwing it in his face. "Well from now on, I'm not your daughter anymore." I turned to look at him. The guilt was finally catching up to him. "You are noth-" My voice cracked and I couldn't say the words Liam said that day. I couldn't say Jason meant nothing to me because deep down I knew he was my everything when I was small. When I thought back to five years ago, I adored Jason Adams. Him and mom were the smile on my face everyday. They were my joy. He was my joy.
So I couldn't bring myself to say it. I couldn't say he was nothing to me. Even after he proved I meant nothing to him. "You disappoint me." I walked off, never turning back. He never called after me either.
I shoved the front door of Adam Minors Agencies open and made my way down the paved pathway. I saw Caspien leaning against his car with a worried look on his face. I really wanted to be left alone right now. Not even Caspien could make me feel better.
When his eyes met mine, he immediately pushed off the car and walked towards me. I cursed under my breath. "Lenna, have you gone mad? You don't even have a driver's licence. You could've gotten hurt." He scolded. This was the reason I didn't want to see Caspien right now. I was in no mood to listen to him scold me about how irresponsible I was.
I brushed past him and he gently grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. I tugged my arm away so that he would free me but he remained persistent. "Lenna." I didn't want him to see my face. How worked up I had gotten over Jason. I even broke my promise to Liam. I let Jason witness two tear drops from the Lenna who never cried. I let him break me.
"Caspien, please let me go. Just let me go." I pleaded softly, finally looking at him. I probably looked absolutely horrible because Caspien's expression resembled someone who just witnessed a car crash.
He grasped my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I rested my head on his chest, my hand limp at my sides. "I won't let you go. Not now. Not ever." He assured me as he patted my hair soothingly. I finally wrapped my arm around his waist, hugging him tightly.
I didn't want to let him go either. Not now. Not ever.
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