Pidge stood there stunned.
She weighed her options out and no matter what she did she knew Keith was right.
"AAAUGHHHH" she yelled at the now empty cafeteria.
She decided it was best to follow through with Keith's advice. He was right and sadly all the other options that surrounded her would probably lead to worse outcomes.
She walked defeatedly to the Atlas's main headquarters. She found that only Shiro seemed to be there at the moment. Apparently, Iverson and Coran were asked by Nadia to join that video vlog so Shiro had decided to let everyone have a bit of a break.
"Hey Shiro...u alone in here?"
"Ya I thought everyone should go out and relax for a bit. I feel like this is going to be one of our last relaxing moments on this trip."
"Ha I know what u mean. Though I don't think we ever had any relaxing moments to begin with" Pidge said jokingly with just a bit of nervousness in her voice.
"Now that is very true" Shiro said with a chuckle "Is there something important u wanted to tell me? I mean you don't come down here often. Usually you go work on different projects with your parents during this time of the day."
Pidge suddenly looked away.
"Actually Shiro...yeah i do need to talk to you about something and this time it's kind of..." she held her breath "...personal?"
Shiro could see a brief appearance of bright red running across Pidges face.
"Is it about Lance?" he asked a little mockingly.
"NO" Pidge blurted out embarrassed "OK yes it's about him..." she finally said in defeat while taking a seat on one of the chairs nearby.
"Pidge trust me it's nothing to be embarrassed about"
"Yes it is! I can't get him out of my head! I mean he's dating Allura which means he isn't available.This means, logically, that I should stop thinking about him because it would only hurt me in the long run. BUT MY BRAIN THINKS THIS IS SOME SICK JOKE! I keep thinking about his blue eyes that sparkle just the right shade of Copenhagen blue when surrounded by the night sky! Not to mention, his jokes, that even if I find it stupid at first, always manage to make me laugh. Plus, his smile...that smile...there's something about the way he smiles like... he knows how to fix every problem I have no matter what it is simply by flashing that stupid looking grin towards me! "
Shiro looked at her with a smile of sadness. He could see how much she had fallen for Lance and it broke his heart that Pidge was going through so much. It was hard being a teenager. It was harder being a teenager in space fighting dark alien forces.
Shiro walked over to her and placed a hand on Pidges shoulder.
"Pidge everything is going to be ok." He said, " Having a crush isn't the end of the world."
Pidge sat there curled up in a ball and muttered "I know. I just wish it didn't feel like it was.I also kind of wish it hadn't happened now. Shiro...my heart...I feel like it's slowly breaking...is it always going to feel like this EVERY TIME I fall in love?"
Pidge looked up towards Shiro. Her eyes seemed to grow in size the longer she stared up at him.
Shiro didn't want to break her heart, but he needed to tell her the truth. Pidge probably already knew the answer anyway.
"...sadly it will always feels a little like that...even after years of being with a person you can end up feeling...well...crushed..."
Shiro suddenly remembered the day when Adam refused to wait for him. The day he had refused to step down from the Kerberos mission for the sake of their relationship. The emotions all fled back in an instance.
"...but when you do find the right person" he continued "the emotions u will feel are...unimaginable. Pidge...whatever u do don't give up on love. It's what makes the world go round"
"Ya...when it works out. It's never going to work out for me... it's not even my priority in life!" Pidge sniffled in defeat. "I don't even know how to deal with a crush even less anything revolving around the idea of love..."
Shiro pulled her into a hug. He hated seeing her like this.
"Pidge listen to me. Just because u don't have a partner right now and have ur heart shattered doesn't mean nobody will ever love you. Believe it or not you've already experienced love. If you hadn't according to Frederick II u wouldn't even be alive right now! We All need love to survive u know. "
Pidge looked up at him and smiled.
"Ha...I guess that's true to a certain extent...If u REALLY want to use that kind of logic. If I remember correctly he wanted to see what language a baby would develop if it had no influences from the outside world. The maids who were responsible of taking care of the babies were forbidden to speak or to give them any human contact whatsoever. In the end all the babies died due to lack of love or affection of any kind. I mean it wasn't his experiments goal, but it did make quite an interesting discovery regarding the fact that babies do need affectionate stimulation to grow."
"You sure do know a lot about science." Shiro chuckled, "You are one of the many people who were lucky enough to find a passion to focus on In This world"
Shiro pulled away slightly a grin slowly appearing on his face. "You know...piloting has always been my passion. When i felt overwhelmed about things i used to go out for a ride, usually on my hovercraft, and when I could I would pilot a plane for a bit...it Always cleared my head. Maybe that's what u should do Pidge. Use your passion to help you focus on the problem from a different angle in a carefree manner."
Pidge couldn't help breaking out into a smile. That was perfect. Why hadn't she thought of that earlier?
"Shiro...u know ure a genius"
"I know I am" he said smugly in a funny tone. "Or at least I hope I am by now. Srsly I'm pretty sure I've lived more than one lifetime by now!"
They both laughed for a bit.
"Thanks Shiro. I should've talked to someone sooner.Sry I was so defensive back on earth."
"It's ok Pidge. Not everybody feels comfortable sharing their thoughts with others. I should've given you more time."
Pidge smiled and hugged Shiro. For once in a very long time she had finally found...maybe...(if it worked anyway) a solution. Pidge knew exactly what she had to do. It was a mundane way to express herself but it was an efficient idea. She ran out of the room waving goodbye and wishing him luck for the rest of the day.
Shiro smiled and returned to his previous work.
"Ah kids" he whispered under his breath as the door closed behind her.
...
Pidge ran straight to her room where she ran into Lance in the hall. He was on his way to meet Allura. Again.
"Hey Lance!" She said enthusiastically for the first time ever since their departure from earth.
Lance smiled surprised that she didn't seem mad... or whatever had caused Pidge to act out lately towards him and be distant. He was just glad to have his Pidgey back again.
"Hey! Where are u going so quickly?" He called out "We need to start playing killbot phantasm one soon!"
"Don't worry we will later! I just gotta go...write something down! That way I'll be ready!" Pidge yelled back disappearing down the hall.
'They better not be cheat codes' lance thought while he headed to Alluras room.
He was still a little stressed out since...well Allura was stressed out. Those alteans were giving her a really hard time. To top it all off, she hadn't even said that she loved him back yet. Allura was sad almost all the time now and he just didn't know how to cheer her up.
Hopefully, pidge would find time in her busy schedule to talk abt it with him she always had rational solutions...
'ugh even if love isn't her forte i bet she knows how to deal with this!' He thought to himself. 'She always has the best ideas'.
...
Pidge got back to her room. She rapidly dodged all of her mechanical equipment and scraps of metal. She easily found a pencil and soon grabbed her favourite notebook. She hadn't written in this book since the day they had found the blue lion. This is where she wrote all of her ideas schematics notes etc. Even if she loved technology, she always had a fear of losing what she had been working hard to create. this is why she had an idea notebook.
However, when hunk got his hands on it without her realization on the matter she feared the others would find a way to look at it too. Since then she had abandoned the idea of using idea notebooks...but smg felt so good about writing things down on paper. It made her feel like everything that was going on in her head was in fact real And what she wrote down was proof. Proof that her thoughts, ideas even creations were about to become reality.
She slowly got to her desk and sat down with the book laying right in front of her. She went to grab her headphones when she noticed they were no longer there.
'Lance must've taken them AGAIN. How appropriate.' She thought.
"Oh well I guess It's now or never Katie" she said to herself.
She opened the book, but before she could set down her pencil onto the paper...she stopped. Fear HaD just tapped her on the shoulder.
What if Hunk finds it again? What if lance is the one to find it this time? What if my mom found it?!? OMG EW...I COULD NEVER FACE HER AGAIN!...hmmmmm
She settled the pencil down for a second thinking about her best options.
If i were to write it in English... everyone could read it...or almost everyone...so that's not an option...
If I wrote it in Italian... my parents could read it....definitely not an option...
The only other language I taught myself is Altean...I'm not the greatest at it but I could manage...and the only ppl that could have a chance at reading it is Allura or coran...but they would never come near my room or even open one of my books since they would already have a preconceived assumption that it would be in English.
Altean it is.
Pidge took a deep breath in "here goes nothing".
This is Pidge signing on. I know I haven't written in here in quite a while but it's time I get this off my chest. Keeping it in is only making matters worse. Keith was right. He somehow knew I needed some kind of help. Therapy If u will. I guess he knows a thing or two about building walls up around you.
Anyway, I always fill this notebook up with things I love. Usually, I would be filling this notebook up with scientific discoveries schematics etc. But not today...
The worst part out of all of this is that the outcome has already been predetermined. No matter what I decide to do in the end, I will end up in a lose lose situation. This is why I am writing this. I am hoping to get over this... weird feeling...so that I can in the future think more clearly.
Pidge lifted her pencil from the paper. She couldn't help clamming up. It wasn't natural. Her emotions...she could never express herself properly when it came to emotions and right now she was trying hard to spill her guts out. To get everything off her chest. Maybe the key to this was to just stop thinking. But...how could she possibly do that?!?
It's ok Pidge just...take a deep breath in...imagine ur on the roof again. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly imagining that wind was once again caressing her face above on that platform.
She was ready. She could do this.
This weird feeling...I have to admit has been caused by a guy. He's tall, lanky and has eyes that sparkle just like the ocean's deepest seas. I don't know why it took me so long to figure out my own emotions...
Matt knew. Shiro knew...and yet I was as oblivious as him.
I'm smart. He can be a bit dumb.
I'm short. He's tall.
I'm an introvert stuck in my cocoon. While he's a social butterfly....
We're complete opposites sometimes!
But...
Maybe that's why I like him so much. Maybe it's because he knows how to be a better person. He knows how to treat others right in his own weird ways. I still remember when I first met him amd how, even though I didn't want to hang out or talk to them, he would always try to include me. To make me feel welcome. He cared. He always cared about my well being from the very beginning. To tell you the truth, I didn't know how to handle him. I was always used to people treating me badly. So when he started treating me like a person, I didn't know how to react. I was skeptical for a very long time, but then...he saved my life. From then on I knew how genuine he really was. That he did in fact care.
No matter how annoying he got, I couldn't shake the fact that someone paid so close attention to my actions. To what I was doing. But, when you look to close you become oblivious to rather visible and obvious facts. He has a certain charisma if you will...And yes he has flirted with every single girl in the galaxy...except me. I am...to tell the truth...a little jealous that after all this time he seems to have also forgotten that I exist. It's quite an interesting contradicting predicament.
Now...once I figured out my true emotions...it was too late. He's now with an amazing girl who also has the same sparkling charisma. They both share the blue lion and have grown strong thanks to one another's support. I could never come between them...
So Lance if u ever end up reading this...don't worry about it. I'm ok. You and Allura r lucky to have eachother. I am only a wedge between ur guys happiness. Don't let me get in ur way.
Signing off, ur faithful amd caring Pidgeon.
Pidge turned to the next page and in a wave of impulsion she wrote:
Ill never forget how you flipped my whole life around. I know im not the typical girl and u could never fall for anyone like me but i...
"I love you." She thought.
But before she could write those last three words down the alarm rang.
She jumped out of her seat forgetting completely about what she was writing. Her book lay open on her desk as she raced out to join the others.