"Even my butt feels hungry..Are we there yet?!" Sasha whined, lagging a small distance behind the rest of the group. Cringing at her use of words, I peered down at the map, which Moblit had kindly offered to draw up, since Erwin was in no condition to do it himself.
"Eh, not much further. Should be able to see it soon enough." I replied, trying to hide a yawn behind my hand.
Waking up that morning in Erwin's office had come as a bit of a surprise. I did recall falling asleep in his lap, but when I came to, I was curled up on the couch with the Commander's coat draped over me. He had just been sitting at his desk, trying his darndest to get through piles of paperwork. That had been at five in the morning, and I had helped him out until we had to leave, at six thirty.
Oh god...Did I really tell him I wished he had been my dad?!
"Is that it, (Y/N)?" I directed my attention to where Armin was pointing, and spotted a two story cabin, along with a decently sized barn off to the side. It was kind of small for nine people, but I didn't really feel like complaining.
"I dunno. Probably. Come on, last one there is Levi's little bitch..!"
It was a strange feeling riding a horse other than Boy. The mare beneath me was so foreign, especially when I added the fact that I had to use tack. My ass felt like it was raw from the leather seat of the saddle. What was even weirder, though, was that I wasn't in the lead, like I usually was. I was right near the back of the group, and it hurt.
Boy...I miss you, Buddy...
What made things even worse, was that I was now staring right into the back of Eren Jaeger's head. I knew that my hatred wasn't healthy, nor was it completely justified, but it was still burning behind my eyes as I gripped at the reins, trying to lean further into the gallop, just so I wouldn't lose.
In the end, I was the second last person to skid to a halt by the side of the barn, leaping off before my horse had even stopped moving completely. It was just in time to see Jean and his mare canter up behind me. He raised his brow and gave me a small smirk as he dismounted.
"Thought I'd spare your ego this one time." He snickered, and; ignoring the ghastly flutter in my chest, I returned his exact expression, walking up to him and pressing my finger into his chin.
"Yeah, but that makes you Levi's bitch."
"You're all my bitches." For some reason, I flinched when I heard his voice, but I was lucky enough to trap the startled squeak that tried to slip out of my mouth. Turning, I watched the stoic ravonet approach me, and I backed up until my back bumped into Jean's chest. "What sort of time do you call this, brat? You should've been here yesterday nightfall, at the latest."
He was majorly pissed. I could tell by the way his nose screwed up in the centre of his face, but that wasn't why I was nervous. I still couldn't shake the conversation I had had with Erwin out of my mind.
"From the furthest reaches of my heart..." I reached up at patted my chest lightly. "...my bad."
It was great to know I was still quick on my feet. When I saw the captain's leg twitch forwards, I was out of the way in the next heartbeat, and the shin that got booted belonged to a now yelping copperette. I'd never admit I felt kind of bad for letting him take the hit, but it did make me wince in sympathetic pain when he crouched down, holding his leg.
Wait...Levi was going to actually kick me..?
"Well, sorry Jean...You know what we gotta do with horses once they're lame." I heard Eren's chuckle from the cluster of recruits, and my mood did a complete one eighty. Though, this time it wasn't his mere existence that was making me see red. It was the comment that currently hit a little too close to home.
Before I knew it, I was being pulled off of him. The feeling of his throat beneath my hand, and the harsh twist of my dodgy shoulder caused by Mikasa prying me off...I hadn't even known that was what I was doing. It was just like the first training course, back before my world turned to shit.
Again, even though I had released the titan shifter the moment I came to my senses, I was pulled back, and the hand around my wrist didn't relent as it began to drag me off towards the cabin.
"Deal with your horses. When you're finished, I've got the cleaning supplies prepared, so get to work." Levi ordered sternly, whisking me away. I didn't even try to fight back this time, knowing I likely needed whatever tongue lashing he was about to bombard me with after such a violent display.
I blacked out...
Into the cabin, up the stairs, I was plonked down in what looked like a study, right on the floor. Levi walked a few paces before heaving a sigh, turning to look down at me.
"Was this the first time that happened since training?" A straightforward question wasn't what I had been expecting at all, so it took me a few moments to answer.
"I mean...kind of..? I think it happened at that castle...but...I..." I rubbed my head, flattening a few stray hairs into place. "...I have no fucking clue."
Before responding, Levi turned away and walked towards the window, likely peering down at his new squad.
"You need to let me know if this happens again. When it first occurred, I didn't like it, so I asked Hange to do some research. It turns out that post traumatic stress disorder can have a similar effect on the brain..." He folded his arms snug against his chest, dipping his head a little. "It can be dangerous, (Y/N). I think you can realise just how much so after nearly ringing Eren's throat like a dish rag..."
I would never get used to hearing my name spoken in Levi's voice, but even when that made my chest seize, I could still completely focus on the severity of the prognosis.
"In my defense...it probably would've happened eventually, whether I blacked out or not..." I admitted bitterly, letting myself slowly fall back until I was laying flat on the wooden floorboards. "It makes sense, though...The fall...Trost...The forest...That hairy ballsack titan cunt...It honestly wouldn't surprise me if I was a nutcase..."
Actually, it would explain a lot...Just what I need. More bullshit.
The squeak I had trapped before came out full force in the next few moments, as before I knew it, Levi was standing over me, a leg either side of my body. He was looking down at me with a look I hadn't seen on his face before. Not angered, nor exactly soft. It was something I couldn't quite identify.
"Even if that's the case, I need my nutcase to be at the top of her game. Not sprawled on my floor, looking like a piece of meat."
The only other sound I could hear apart from his words was the deafening thud of my heartbeat in my ears. I didn't need a mirror to know I was blushing, as the heat was scorching in my cheeks, as well as other places I didn't even want to begin to think about in such a moment. Responding was out of the question. If I had tried to speak, nothing but a sputtering wheeze would have left me.
He...said...his..?!
"Unless..." There was no missing the swell of his pupils as he lifted one of his legs, pressing his boot down, somewhat lightly, upon my pelvis. "...you want to be seen as a piece of meat by me..?" If I had been in shock before, god only knew what sort of reaction my body was having after he opened his mouth and said that, of all things. I hated the fact that I kind of enjoyed the way his weight pushed down on me, even if it was barely enough to keep me pinned. It was as though he was testing the waters, whether or not I'd try to get out of the situation.
I didn't. I wasn't sure that I would have been able to, even if I wanted to. There was something about his eyes; so devilishly hungry, that kept me the one thing I had always denied to be.
Obedient.
"S..Si-" Before that word; that one, fateful word, could slip past my lips, the door opened, followed by a panicked shriek from our resident potato muncher.
"THE CAPTAIN KILLED (N/N)!" Sasha wailed so loud, it seemed to break me from my trance, but Levi merely glared at her in annoyance.
"I..I'm not dead, Sash..." I murmured, still pinned to the floor by a polished boot.
"(N/N) IS ALIVE!"
I'm really not sure after that...
Again, my little heart to heart with Erwin circled around in my head, and I wasn't sure if I felt sick or excited.
"Your chores are waiting, brat..." Finally; almost hesitantly, Levi stepped away, allowing me to scramble to my feet. Even when Sasha grabbed my arm and began pulling me out of the room, my eyes remained on my captain.
That was...I don't even...Why did I...enjoy that feeling..?
It was a kind of adrenaline I hadn't experienced before, and it lingered long after Levi's dark, piercing eyes were out of sight. As Sasha dragged me along, towards the stairs, I started thinking about both Erwin and Connie's advice. Instinct had never given me anything worthwhile, apart from a grim survival, so an idea popped into my head. Something that I really knew would be one of the worst possible string of events for my fragile state to try to handle.
If Levi made me feel like that...then...what would...they make me feel like..?
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***Reader definitely had an extra helping of dumb bitch juice today***