***(Y/N) POV***
"I can hear your teeth chattering from here. Calm down." Levi sighed, glancing over to me as we walked towards the town square, where Nicholas' cremation was taking place. I found it so disrespectful to hold such a thing in a public space, but nobody else seemed to think so.
"Well, excuse me for being scared shitless..." I muttered back, gravitating closer once I spotted the large crowd of people ahead.
"We can stay by the back, and leave whenever you feel ready to. Just remember to breathe through your mouth, unless you want to swallow back your own sick..." Levi did a double take when he realised my unimpressed expression, but merely offered a shrug of the shoulders as a form of apology.
"-lcome, citizens of Wall Sheena and Wall Rose. Today, we gather in memory of Section Commander Nicholas (L/N), of the eighty ninth, fallen in battle. Son of the late Section Commander Clifford (L/N), survived by mother, Linnea (L/N) and sister, Felicitas (L/N)...We-" When that man gestured to the side of the crowd, my eyes followed, and I breath halt midway up my throat.
Dressed in black, my mother and sister just stood there, watching with surpringly calm faces. Neither of them seemed to be upset by losing Nicholas, but it didn't really shock me all that much. My mother's hair was highlighted with silver, peeking out from the brim of her ridiculous hat, and her eyes just watched the announcing soldier as he spoke.
Felicitas, on the other hand, had grown into even more of a beauty. Long, ashy hair fell loose over her shoulders as she looked around, her face screaming boredom. One look at her waist let me know that it had been cinched tight for the occasion, and it made me seethe. Of course she was the type to think of only her appearance on such a day.
I snapped out of it when Levi nudged my side, giving me a look that said 'Quit being a coward. You're fine. I'm right here'. Even if that was the case, I couldn't help but feel uneasy, but that feeling quickly turned to anguish once they lit my brother's body aflame. The smoke was dark and rotten, but I kept breathing in and out of my mouth, each breath causing me to shift closer to Levi until I was pressed right up against his side. He didn't make a move to push me away. He just stood there and watched quietly, letting me use him as whatever support I needed.
This was a mistake...but...I'm glad I came...At least someone in this family actually gave a damn...
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but let my sights wander to my estranged family. Memories of my childhood began to bubble up to the surface, and my organs felt like they were twisting into knots.
***FLASHBACK***
"What is wrong with you?!" Felicitas screeched loudly, bringing the handle of the broom down for a third time against my back, causing me to squeak out in pain. "Why would you do something so disgusting?!"
I hadn't thought there had been anything with wrong with what I did. I had simply used a hairbrush to get a chunk of something brown out of the cat's fur. My mistake had been not realising that brush had belonged to my sister.
"I..I'm sorry..! Y..you can have mine..!" I yelped, bracing myself before I felt the wooden broomstick smack against my head.
"Yuck! I'm not gonna use yours! That's worse!"
Wilbur wandered into the room, chomping on an apple and unphased by the scene before him.
"What'd the little freak do this time?" He asked, wiping his mouth and looking to his twin.
"She got cat crap all in my new brush, that's what! I almost got it in my hair!" Felicitas huffed, choosing to throw the broom at my cowering form before stamping her feet. "Daddy isn't home so I gotta punish her!"
But...it was an accident...
Thinking for a few moments, Wilbur suddenly clicked his fingers, pointing to me, and then towards the kitchen.
"Why don't ya chop her hair off? I mean, she acts like a boy, and looks like a rat...Make her look like she's got mange or someth'n!" His excitement terrified me, but I knew I didn't stand a chance if our sister thought it was a good idea. Of course she thought it was a good idea.
"You grab her, I'll get the knife!~" Felicitas' sing song voice was alarming, and the second I felt my brother grabbing at my arms, I began to scream and beg them for forgiveness. That was a common occurrence in my life, but it was my normal. The only time I had any chance of peace was when Dimitri was home from his duties with the Garrison, which was becoming rare.
"P..please..! I'll do anything you w..want..! Ma..Mama will kill m..me..!" I pleaded in a fit of sobs, grimacing when Wilber squeezed me tightly.
"Shut up, (Y/N)! You're such a crybaby!" He scoffed, forcing me to keep somewhat still as Felicitas entered with one of the kitchen knives.
She stopped in front of me; a hand resting on her hip, and smirked in amusement.
"Let's see..." All I could do was thrash and cry when she moved in, proceeding to grab fistfuls of my (H/C) hair and hacking it off as close to the scalp as possible. I eventually stopped moving in fear of getting stabbed, and my leaking eyes squeezed shut as she delivered her form of punishment.
Mama and Papa are gonna be so mad at me...
"There! Now you look like one of those dirty beggar boys downtown!" Both of my siblings began roaring with laughter as I was dropped to the ground, landing in a pile of my own hair. Instinctively, my hands flew up to cling at my head, feeling the uneven patches of fuzz that had me feeling like a stray animal.
"Just wait till Mama gets home! I'm gonna tell her you did it all by yourself!" Felicitas giggled cheerfully, giving me a quick kick in the side before skipping off with Wilbur in sluggish tow.
***END FLASHBACK***
When my mother had gotten back that day, I had been belted by the very same broomstick. I had only been six years old. Coming back to my senses, I realised that, at some point during my trip down memory lane, I had grabbed hold of Levi's hand. It was slightly cooler than I had expected it to be, and he didn't seem to be at all disgusted by the act. Not outwardly, anyway.
"Would you like to leave?" He seemed to notice me awkwardly staring at where we were connected, and I instinctively pulled my hand back, quickly darting my eyes to the front of the crowd. People were already dispersing, and the fire had dulled down to a low flicker.
Shit...How long was I spacing out for..?
"Y..yeah...I need to leave..." I murmured, hurrying to turn my back and begin walking back towards where our carriage awaited us, several streets away.
"Oh, Captain Levi, Sir!~"
Fuck my entire asshole..!
Levi stiffened almost as much as I did, but he didn't hesitate in turning around and backtracking a few feet, whereas I stayed exactly where I was, taking an age to look back.
"I never expected to see you attending my son's funeral, Captain. It really is an honour." My mother's voice dripped silk and satin, just as it always had when she was in the public eye. Too sickly sweet for a supposedly grieving parent.
"I was simply in the area, so stopping by to pay my respects was appropriate." Levi replied flatly, folding his arms across his chest, which I knew meant he was trying to avoid coming off as too rude.
"Still, it's very much appreciated, Mr. Captain, Sir! I'm Felicitas, by the way..." The urge to throw up was steadily creeping up my throat as my sister gave him a flirty smile, offering her hand to him. Levi just looked at it, not making any sort of attempt to physically greet her.
Thank the heavens...
My mother began to yammer on about something I wasn't wanting to hear, but I couldn't help but notice my sister's huffy face as her eyes landed upon me. I could see it; the cogs turning in that one-tracked mind, and I wanted to turn tail and run.
Please don't please don't please don't...
The click of her shoes against the pavement told me I was done for. She smelled of overpowering cinnamon as she came to a halt in front of me, and the look in her azure eyes made me feel two inches tall.
"Enjoy the view, (Y/N)?"
Her whispered words almost floored me. I had faced off with dozens of man-eating titans, watched my comrades be slaughtered, and stared down the barrel of a pistol, but that was what had me quaking in my boots.
She...knew....
"I really thought Papa got rid of you..." She continued, making sure only I could hear her. "Mama and I saw you earlier...Why were you so close to the Captain, huh? Playing him just like you played big brother, with that pathetic crybaby act?" I wasn't sure I was able to breathe. It was like I was trying to suck air through a soggy kitchen rag.
"G..get away from me..." I stammered, barely hearing my own voice.
That damned smirk on her face grew, and she reached up with her hand, pinching my cheek. I could feel her nails digging into my skin, and it definitely stung, but I wasn't even able to push her away. I felt small, lost and paralysed with fear.
"Y'know, I never thought you'd be good for anything...but maybe sharing the same blood will have its perks..." Her smirk was replaced with an attempt at a soft smile in seconds, pulling her fingers away from my face and stepping back. "Im so glad you could come! Nicho would have been so touched!"
Levi was by my side in a second, and I realised she must have heard his approach. His hand came down on my shoulder, and he turned his sharp attention to Felicitas.
"We're needed elsewhere. We're sorry for your loss." He drawled, spinning me around and pushing me into a walk.
"Aw, okay, Sir! A pleasure meeting you!~"
That was the end of it. Neither of them tried to catch up to us, and no major arguments had broken out. Despite that, my sister's words played over and over in my head, looming over me at a greater height than a titan ever had. We walked in absolute silence until we reached the carriage, and even once we climbed inside, I didn't make any attempt to break it. It remained that way until I felt Levi's thumb swipe lightly over where Felicitas had pinched my cheek.
"I knew I should have ignored them. What did that cow say to you?" He spoke gently, and I breathed out a long sigh that was far from steady.
"Something...about it being good we share the same blood..." I murmured, calmly taking him by the wrist and pulling his hand away, but not letting go immediately. "They...knew about the wall...and what happened to me..."
Then...why didn't Wilbur know..?
Levi hummed, using the hand I had finally released to prop his chin up, leaning against the side of the carriage.
"Whatever their plans are, we'll end them before they cause any trouble." He allowed his gaze to drift out the window. "Honestly, I half expected you to break down in a snotty mess when we got in here. Either you've hardened up, or you're truly terrified."
Latter...
"I just...don't think I'll be coming back into Sheena for a while..." Chewing on my bottom lip, I pulled my legs up so I sat criss-crossed upon the seat. "My eternal hatred for you aside...I really appreciate you coming with me, Levi...Seriously, it means a lot..." Those smoky hues flickered back to me for a few moments, and I found comfort in their colour before he stole them away again.
"If you hate me so much, then why was I the one you wanted?"
I didn't mean it seriously...Not entirely...
Leaning back, I focussed on the rattle of the carriage and the rhythmic clopping of hooves upon pavement.
"I thought you were the Lord of Sarcasm, short-ass. If I actually hated you, I wouldn't be in your squad." I needed the distraction of his banter more than ever. It was growing increasingly more difficult to not burst into tears, and I knew if I could keep myself occupied, I wouldn't succumb. Levi always made a perfect distraction, even though he still caused my chest to seize at the best of times. It was starting to become near impossible to pin that on intimidation.
"I suppose the feeling is mutual, then. I don't particularly hate you..." He said quietly, watching the buildings roll past us.
"That's good to kno-"
"One might say...I'm becoming quite fond of you..."
.
.
.
.
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***I re-vamped Felicitas' design a little when I was screwing around with brushes and crap earlier
She low-key looks crosseyed.
Anyway, more Levi fluff, I guess. I gotta give more attention to my other boys, though***