Everything was pain. Everything. I didn't exist in a realm that wasn't pain. And I didn't know how long it lasted, but it felt like it was months. Years. My arm was on fire. It was throbbing and burning, and I thought I begged someone to just cut it off. But I couldn't remember what actually happened and what was just dreams.
I had a lot of dreams. Especially about the explosion. And of Quinn. His face was the last I saw before everything just turned into pain. Now it was the only face I saw in my dreams. And he kept exploding too. I just wanted to wake up. I didn't want to sleep anymore, and I know I cried. I know I cried out for someone to wake me up.
I did wake up. I woke up when someone picked me up from the floor and stuffed me under what appeared to be those tables on wheels. I cried out in pain and someone told me to be quiet. It went black again and I woke up on the floor of a moving car. Dy was there. She was wrapping something very tightly around my arm. I cried. I remembered the wetness on my cheeks.
"I know it hurts, but I've got to do this." Dy's words rang out in my head as if she was screaming at me.
The fog cleared slowly. I realised I was awake the second someone spoke my name and I recognised the voice. Was it all a dream? Because Dy was there. She had been there. She had smiled at me from the bottom of the steps, giving me a small wave. I had returned her wave with one of my own, before seeking out my brother, sending him a smile. He had looked so proud. But then so many other images flashed through my head and I was so confused.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked up into a pair of very brown ones. Almost black.
"Hey, you're here." Dy smiled a little and then rose to her feet. I wanted to ask her to stay, but I was too tired. I was so exhausted after having just opened my eyes.
Dy returned with another woman on tow. She knelt down beside the bed I was laying in and took a deep breath.
"Your Highness, my name is Naaja. I've been tending to your wounds."
"My brother," I whispered.
"Alvina... You need to listen right now," Dy said and sat down at the foot of the bed.
"You sustained a lot of injuries but mostly to your right arm. I wasn't able to save it."
My eyes widened. I could feel it. It was right there. I sat up, my entire body protesting to the motion. It was hard to sit up, and Naaja had to help me. I looked down only to find part of my arm missing. From just below the elbow joint it just... Ended. Bandages covered the stump, but I could still feel my arm there. I could feel my fingers moving.
"You had an infection by the time you made it here. And a very bad fever. We were able to break the fever, and you should be getting better now. The phantom pains that you might be feeling will disappear. But we'll utilise them if you want. We have some of the best roprothesthics engineers here." Naaja patted my left hand and smiled a little.
"I need to know what happened."
Dy took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "The Rebellion attacked the stronghold. They were trying to kill you. I... Saw you and just grabbed you before the dust settled. I got you into my car and drove like demons were after us. I managed to stop the bleeding and stuff but... I'm not a very good doctor."
"How long was I out?"
"Three weeks."
I swallowed hard and nodded. "I need to get back to the stronghold. Immediately. My country needs me-"
"You can't. They believe you're dead. They've placed your brother on the throne. It's believed he was in on the whole coup."
"What?!" I growled, anger rising within me. "My brother would never do something like that! He hates everything that has to do with court. This is ridiculous, and I need to get back to the capital. Where are we even?"
"Home. The Aatskina tribe."
I pulled the covers aside and slowly lowered my feet down on the wooden floor. Dy grabbed my hand and helped me over to the window. She pulled the drapes aside so I could look outside. The capital of Andaheim, funnily enough just called Andahavn, looked nothing like this city. My tutors had told a bit about the city. And sure, they had said, the cities in the mountains were on an industrial rise, but this was past "the rise." This was a fully-fledged modern city. Small trains were rolling in the streets besides cars. Massive chimneys were everywhere, providing a true testament to the huge amount of factories they had here.
"Not what you expected?" Dy asked.
"That would be an understatement," I murmured. I glanced up at her. "I really do need to get back."
"I get that. But right now the people in charge are the people who tried to blow you up. Even if your brother wasn't in on it, there are people from The Rebellion crawling all over the stronghold and Andahavn."
I bit the inside of my cheek. "So what? I hide?"
"For now. You have allies, Alvina." She gave my shoulder a squeeze. "And those assholes have been trying to strong-arm us up here into providing them weapons for a long time now. We don't make weapons."
"You make cars. And robotics," I said, finishing her sentence. At least I remembered that much.
The industry came from the huge amounts of mineral and metal mines located in Aatskina territory.
She nodded. "Yeah. We're pacifists too. It's kind of part of the whole 'being one with the spirits.'" She shrugged a shoulder a little carelessly and helped me back to the bed.
My leg was sore too. It had a bandage around it, but I didn't even wanna know what had happened there. So far, I couldn't even truly comprehend my arm was gone.
I looked down at the stump again. "Annoying we managed to finish the tattoos before, huh?"
Dy snorted. "It's okay."
I nodded and then tears started stinging in my eyes. "I lost my right arm."
"You did."
"I'm right-handed."
"That's gonna suck."
I burst out laughing and crying at the same time. Dy didn't move away or anything, she just sat on my bed and patted my knee through the blanket.
"Listen," she said when I had quieted down a bit. "We're going to get you the throne back, yeah? We might be pacifists, but we hate injustice even more. We do truly believe someone with holy blood should be on the throne. And you were chosen. You were branded with the holy marks too. Your brother might have the right blood, but he's not going to get the marks. An unmarked ruler is no ruler of ours."
I nodded and tried to dry my eyes with my right hand, once again forgetting it wasn't there. Dy leaned forward and gently stroked her thumb over my cheek, catching the tears. I looked up, meeting her gaze.
"You saved me."
She gave me one nod.
"Thank you."
She offered another nod before rising to her feet. "So, the first thing we need is to get you back on your feet. And my aunt has already contacted the best engineer in town. They're working on an arm for you."
I glanced at Naaja, who had been trying to melt in with the wall it seemed. She gave me a small wave.
"We thought you would... Like that. If not, I'll cancel the order."
"No," I said and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "No, I... I'll have a look at it."
"We'll walk you through the procedure tomorrow. By then, you should feel more clear-headed. Okay?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you." I touched my fingers to my forehead, the official sign of gratitude.
She smiled and bowed before she left the room. Dy also got ready to leave, but I cleared my throat.
"Please..." I said with a very small voice.
She looked back over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow in anticipation.
"Don't... Leave." It hurt to admit, but I was terrified of being left here alone. I didn't know anyone, but her and I were so latching on to the only familiar face.
She nodded and sat down on the chair next to my bed. "How about I just stay here? You get some sleep. I have a book to entertain me."
I nodded and lied back down. I put my right arm on top of the covers as I eased down my left side.
"It'll be alright, right?" I whispered.
"Yeah."
I knew she was lying, but it was nice of her to do so.
"We connect the nerves through this processor," the engineer explained and showed me a metal armband looking thing. That was going to sit permanently on my arm. "It's a bigger procedure, but it's... Procedure. I've done it many times. All I do is connect the nerves to this, and then we can put an arm on it. Or a leg for that matter. Hell, I could connect a tentacle."
Dy cleared her throat, and the engineer glanced up at her. He was way younger than I had expected. He couldn't be much older than me. But he did look like an engineer. He was pale compared to Dy, indicating he didn't get out much. And he was skinny. Thick round glasses sat on almost the tip of his nose, and he had one and a half eyebrows. Burn scars had taken half of one and curved around his eye.
"An arm will do," I said a little meekly and took a sip of my tea.
"My point was that it's just a processor. So it'll register any kind of tech. I developed it myself." He looked very proud of that. I wasn't sure I understood half of what he was even saying, but I was guessing it didn't matter much.
"How long before I have a fully functioning arm?"
"Well, it takes time. Also, I haven't seen the state of your stump, yet..."
I held it out for him, and he met my eyes with him before he quickly looked down. He unwrapped the bandages around it, removed the cotton pad that was at the end and inhaled sharply through his teeth.
"Okay. Who did this?" He looked back at Dy.
"My aunt. There was an infection."
"Gods, okay." He frowned. "We'll have to see how this heals. If there are too many wrinkles in the skin, it's not gonna be easy to attach the processor. But for now, I'd leave this for two months before I'd try anything."
"I don't have two months," I said coolly.
"Yeah well, the scabs need to disappear. And it needs to not bleed when we unwrap it. Which it is right now."
Dy pushed him aside and very gently grabbed my upper arm, way above where the wound was. She sighed and went to the small dresser, getting new bandages from it. And something to clean the wound with, it appeared.
"It's gonna sting a little," she said softly and dapped something from a little flask on a strip of cotton. She gently put it against the stump, and I clenched my jaw hard to not cry out. She removed the cotton again, it now coloured blue by my blood.
She had big hands. Big rough hands but they were so gentle. And it came as a surprise to me. I hadn't expected someone of her size to be so gentle. Even when she tattooed me, she had been gentle and I just... Kept getting surprised.
"Two months?" I gritted out between my clenched teeth and looked back up at the engineer.
"Yeah, approximately." He shrugged and looked a little apologetic. "If we start too early the infection could come back under all the metal and we'd have to take it off again and-"
"Right," I interrupted. I really didn't need that mental image in my head.
Dy finished up the bandages and carefully pinned them down with plaster. "Maybe we should check the rest too. It's been a couple of days since we changed them."
I nodded.
Dy was about to start, but then she stopped and glanced up at the engineer. "Huck, it's time to leave."
"Oh, right. Yeah. Anyways uh... Here's a little literature on roprothesthics." He left a pamphlet on the bedside table and quickly shoved all the parts he had shown me into his satchel. He left as if demons were on his tail.
"You make him nervous," Dy said as she removed the blanket, exposing my legs. She clenched her jaw, and she was staring at the big plaster on my thigh. Half of it was covered by my borrowed nightgown. I lifted it up for her, and she swallowed hard.
"I'm used to it," I gritted out between my teeth.
She didn't linger too long but just started working, removing the plaster very gently. I had forty stitches, running in a crooked line down my leg.
"It's not gonna be pretty is it?" I asked.
She swallowed again. "I think it's gonna be fine. We managed to get it closed pretty neatly. So the scar shouldn't be too ugly."
"What about the one on my ribs?"
"That was more gnarly." She cleared her throat as she wiped the stitches with more cotton and rewrapped my leg. "Let me see the one on your ribs."
I pulled the blanket over my legs and then pulled the nightgown up, exposing my side.
"I think this one will be okay," she said after she had removed the plaster. "It doesn't feel hot."
"No, it just itches."
"Good, that means it's healing."
I pulled my nightgown back down again.
"And how does your arm feel?"
I looked back at the stump. "I can feel my fingers moving right now. I keep trying to scratch my nose or something, and then I realise it's not there anymore. But it doesn't hurt."
"We numbed it with painkillers." She nodded towards the tea.
I snorted. "Thanks."
"It'll be painful with the roprothesthics," she said then.
"Yes. But I need an arm."
"Why is that so important? You know you'll get used to this right? You lost it less than a month ago. It'll get better."
"Sure, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be known as the One-Armed Queen."
"You'll be one-armed regardless. A prosthetic is not an arm."
"No, but it'll be a good illusion of one. That's what it's all about: illusions and how people perceive you. What's real doesn't matter."
Dy sat back down on the chair and sighed. "Sounds exhausting."
"There is power in no one knowing who you truly are," I murmured.
"And loneliness."
I arched a brow at her. "I'm the queen. I don't have the luxury of feeling lonely."
"But you do still, though. Right?"
I bit the inside of my cheek and shrugged. "No. Not right now."
She smiled. "You should've seen the dress I wore to your coronation. I never wear dresses."
I leaned back against the headboard of the bed and smiled. "I bet you looked pretty."
Every time I had seen Dy, she had been dressed in simple trousers, an even simpler shirt and maybe a jacket thrown over it. She did have a nice jacket. It was long and had pretty buttons on it. Not a single button matched. Just judging from her clothes, I would guess this was how she expressed herself. Through a jacket with different buttons on it.
"I liked your dress. I'm sorry it got ruined."
"Oh, by the explosion?" I snorted. I tried to make things fun. To not make it this big heavy taboo subject. We could talk about it. I needed to talk about it.
"Yeah. Unless you tripped right before it and ripped it."
I laughed and shook my head. "I was born with grace in my body. I don't trip."
"I bet that's not true."
"Take me out, and I'll show you. I'm getting tired of staring at these walls, anyways."
"Okay. I'll take you out. Tomorrow though. Okay?"
I nodded and scooted further down. She smiled again and opened her book.