***(Y/N) POV***
"Hey...don't push yourself too hard, kiddo! That shoulder of yours doesn't need any more damage!"
It was strange. I knew exactly what I was doing; flinging myself back and forth landing strikes on those titans, except I wasn't alone in my airspace.
"Woah, (Y/N), that's incredible! I've never seen you in action before! That lucky bracelet seems to be doing its job!"
I could almost see their faces, smiling at me from a place beyond. Somewhere I couldn't reach quite yet.
"If you need it, you can always count on me as a shoulder to lean on."
Their presence was giving me a headache, yet I couldn't decide whether they were a hindrance or a blessing.
"(N/N), you little trooper! Look at you, all grown up!"
I screamed out as I landed the finishing blow on the last of the larger titans, grappelling myself onto the side of the castle wall and staring at the smaller enemies below.
"We'll check on the recruits!" I glanced towards Lynne, one of the soldiers, who was making her way up with Henning. Remembering their names came as a bit of a surprise to me, but I shook that off as quickly as it came, turning my attention to something that was barreling through the sky, straight towards them.
Just like Cissy...
Mere feet away from me, one of the equine shelters exploded in a burst of splinters and straw where the horse's corpse landed, but I didn't flinch.
"What the hell..?!" Gelgar barked, almost drowning out that familiar whistle that was growing louder.
Strike...
"HENNING! LYNNE!" Their names were screamed when that boulder struck the edge of the roof, right where the pair had been climbing up. I didn't follow to check on them, as I knew there would be no chance of their survival. It was like I had finally; albeit temporarily, reached that emotionless state I had been craving for since that day in the titan forest. I didn't feel the least bit saddened by their demise, and I hoped I could keep it up until I either died along with them, or managed to get back home.
The beastly titan roared from its place on the wall, and it lit a fire within me. If I couldn't get to it, then I'd destroy whatever members of its kind I could reach instead. There were too many of them to count, but that was the least of my concerns. I wasn't in complete control of myself, and that meant that I was pushing it too far. My gear was running on fumes, and my final set of blades were growing duller by the second, but I couldn't stop.
"GELGAR!" I could hear Nanaba screaming, but it sounded so far away. Their voices weren't at the front of my mind like all the others were.
"Hey, dont'cha think you should take a break, Little Miss..? I'm worried about you..."
"You look kind of tired (Y/N)...It's probably a lot safer up there, on the roof...You could rest up..."
"I'll always carry you...but I can sense the exhaustion on you...You reek of it...Go to them..."
"Please, sis...Don't end up like the rest of us..."
My body knew where to take me. As I swung myself up towards the roof, I finally saw the brutal reality. Nanaba and Gelgar were being torn apart, and many more titans were on their way. I hadn't done a thing to save them, but I didn't feel as horrible as I should have in those moments.
Huh...That could've been any of us...
A pitiful yelp broke through my lips as I landed upon the stone floor, skidding and rolling until i hit the border on the other side. My shoulder throbbed, but i had managed to avoid injuring it too badly, for the time being. Connie was the first to reach me, lifting my up and checking me for any major wounds.
"H..holy shit, (Y/N)..." He stammered, using the back of his hand to feel my cheek. "...you're as cold as winter..! That was amazing, but fuck, just stop for a minute..!" Before Reiner blocked my view, I knew the shaven recruit had noticed me eyeing the corpses of the two soldiers who had been crushed by that boulder. They still had a couple of blades nestled in their odm slots, and I wanted them.
"Oi, oi...Let me look at you..." Reiner held one of my arms down as he studied me, just like Connie, but it was then that I noticed his right arm was slung up against his chest.
"Y..you idiot..." I gently took his hand and pulled it away, but didn't let it go immediately. "Focus on yourself, for once..." For some reason, his golden eyes looked a little glossy, but I was pulled from their hold when yet another figure dropped down beside me.
"(Y/N)...Thank god..." Nicholas moved to embrace me, but stopped himself. I wasn't sure whether it was his own mind telling him go cease, or if it was Reiner's warning glare, but it didn't change what I did next.
"Hey...Nicho...could you help me up..?" I rested my arm over his shoulders, and I could feel his muscles tense at the contact.
"S..sure..." Taken aback, Nicholas gently guided me to my feet, but Reiner didn't release my hand. The pressure was growing stronger, and it was beginning to get slightly painful.
"Uh...Rei...It's okay..." I murmured, swallowing a little when he didn't retract. "Reiner, it hurts..." Snapping out of it, the blond snatched his hand away and stood up, bowing his head.
"S..sorry...I'm just a little shaken up, is all..." He confessed, giving me an apologetic smile, laced with concern.
He doesn't know his own strength...
Nicholas guided me over to the corpses, only letting go when I bent down to retrieve the blades I desperately needed.
"You're...not going back down there...are you..?" He asked worriedly, and I wanted until the piercing 'shink' of my filled blades hit the stone below before responding to him.
"Yep...and I want you to stay up here, with my fr-" I coughed, questioning myself. "...With the recruits..."
Friends, dammit...
"No, if you're going to fight, then so am I...I owe it to you...and Dimitri..." Nicholas straightened up, but it wasn't long before I had his shoulders; his entire body, slouching forward again, as I socked him right in the gut.
"You don't owe us shit, Nicho." I hissed through my teeth, yanking him in for a one-sided hug, which shocked him more than the punch had. "I don't forgive you...but I don't hate you...You've gotta make sure than nobody on this roof, including yourself, dies today."
Me..? Well...I won't be on the roof...
As helpful as it would have been to have backup, I knew it would be the only real chance of Nicholas surviving. He was a Garrison soldier from birth, and despite having mostly the same training, he hadn't experienced titans until now. Our father had been a coward; hiding behind rank and intimidation, and Nicholas wasn't too far off that mark. Sure, he may have been more mellow, and less aggressive, but the cowardice had rubbed off on him under that man's command. He wouldn't last a minute.
"Just...promise me you won't die again...for real, this time..." He whispered, his facial hair prickling at the side of my neck as he turned his head. Pulling back, I clicked the fresh blades into my grips, holding them up and eyeing my paled, almost gaunt reflection in the steel.
"Word of advice..." I sheathed them slowly, rolling my shoulder and tapping at both of the deceased soldier's gas tanks. "...Never make a promise when you're a dog of the military. It's a curse."
Empty, just as I expected. Eld...Marco...Mike...Dimitri...I hope you guys are still with me...I'm gonna need your support for this...
Sucking up every drip and drizzle of my bratty, childish nature, I stashed it away in the very depths of my being as I marched up to the others, who were all gathered around Ymir and Krista, who were in deep conversation. I didn't take much notice of the small dagger the brunette was holding, and cleared my throat to the best of my ability.
"Listen up! This fucker isn't gonna hold much longer! I don't know how any of you are going to get out of this...but I'll try and take down as many of them as I can before my tanks run dry! When this bitch falls, if you manage to come out of the rubble with functional legs, I want you to run for it! Do I make myself clear?!"
I sound...like my father...Wait...no...I sound like...Erwin...Levi...Mike...
"You can't be serious, (Y/N)?! That's actual suicide..!" Reiner stepped out, between me and the ledge. "I won't allow it!" Bertholdt and Connie followed, and I pulled my blades from their cover.
"Are you hard of hearing, recruits..?! That was an order! I said, do I make myself clear?!" I wasn't just going to sit around and wait for death. If I was going to die, then I'd much prefer it happen at the hands of a titan than being brushed by crumbling stone.
With Nicholas by my side; swords drawn in warning, I gave them my harshest glare until they stepped aside. Krista and Ymir were still in some sort of deep, passionate argument, but they weren't in the way. It was just Reiner who didn't seem to want to budge.
Dammit, beef for brains...
"Reiner, I promise I'll come back." I softened, only a little, but he just grew more rigid.
"I know your thoughts on promises like that, (Y/N). That's just a crueler way of saying you think you're at the end of your rope..." He muttered as he stood down, refusing to meet my eyes.
He's got me there...
Trying to avoid becoming too sentimental, I sucked in a deep breath and switched back to the copycat front.
"In my absence, Nicholas is in command! Braun will be his second! I'm putting my faith in you lot, so make it out of here!"
This time, I felt fear coursing through my veins when I took a running leap from the roof of Utgard castle. Looking down into so many twisted, snapping titan faces, I wondered which of them would be the one to steal my life away.
I...can at least take down a few of you before kicking the bucket..!
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***Ymir...Yfar...Ywherever you are***