I was fading in and out of consciousness. I never passed out, but I just couldn't cope with what had happened hours beforehand. Boy had returned not long after the beastly titan had made its leave, and Nicholas' horse had come upon command. Eventually, we had caught up with the southbound team, just as it hit nightfall. We saved a lot of time without having to stop and check villages.
"Y..you two..?! Where's..." Nanaba raced up to us, torch in hand, whipping her head back and forth. "Where's Squad Leader Mike..?"
"Dead..." I whispered hoarsely, simply laying limp across the length of Boy's back. "...He's extremely dead..."
Nicholas went on to explain everything that had happened, and I just stayed there, zoning in and out, only moving to scratch those damn itches that just wouldn't go away.
"(Y/N)...Hey, c'mon...It's dangerous riding like that, and you know it..." I didn't even blink at Reiner when he came over to me, leading his horse by the reigns.
Don't care...May as well die from a cracked skull or broken neck...
"Alright, sit up for me, will ya?" For some reason, I chose to cooperate with the blond as he pulled me upright, mindlessly scooting closer towards the stallion's neck as he nudged my lower back forwards. What happened next was almost enough to pull me out of my shattered state, as Reiner; grunting loudly, mounted my horse behind me.
Boy complained about the sudden intrusion by dancing about a little, snorting in annoyance, but that was it. He didn't buck, nor did he bolt, like he had done in the past with both Eld and Dita, when they had attempted to ride him.
Why...Riener..?
"We're heading to that abandoned castle. We saw it in the distance a few miles back. We'll get you looked after when we get there, right?" When he pulled me back to rest against his chest, I shuddered. Not from terror or from cold, but from the indescribable warmth that radiated from beneath his shirt. It was strangely comforting, in a sad, pathetic way, and I just leant there as he began to walk us onward, hoping someone else would lead his horse in his place.
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***REINER POV***
The castle; signage out the front called it Utgard, wasn't in the best shape, but I couldn't care less, as long as it was somewhere we could regroup. (Y/N) just kind of left her body for a while, allowing me to carry her inside and sit her down against one of the walls in the main chamber.
"She looks really pale..." Krista murmured worriedly, pressing the back of her hand against the girl's forehead. "Her skin is like ice..!"
"She's in shock..." Nicholas approached, taking his hooded cape and draping it over his sister's front like a blanket. "I am too...but (Y/N) is...I don't want to say sensetive...but something close to it...I'm mostly to blame for that..." Something about his closeness made me feel angered; having known how she felt about her family, and I cut into him with my narrowed gold.
"I thought you were supposed to stay away from her."
Nicholas swallowed, shrinking down under my glare, but not once taking his eyes off the acting captain.
"That's...true...I was ordered to keep my distance, unless absolutely necessary...I think getting her away from that titan called for it, though...I killed her once...and I don't want to see it happen again..."
I don't trust him...Not one bit...just like that other brother...
Nanaba seemed to sense the tense atmosphere between us, and she pointed to Ymir, Bertholdt and myself with three outstretched fingers.
"You guys carry her up to one of the spare chambers. Make sure she drinks some water and gets some rest, alright? We need to assume that Captain (L/N) is no longer in any condition to be an active member of this mission." The boyish woman knelt down in front of the pale girl, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Captain...is that okay with you?"
The way those (E/C) eyes stared back at Nanaba; once so bright and bold, reminded me of everything dark in their world. No response came from the poor girl, and Nanaba looked almost scared by that. I had seem the two of them interacting over the past days, with her being one of the only people (Y/N) had been civil and kind to.
"She's...been like this since it happened...The only thing she's said since we made a move to catch up was when we got here..." Nicholas murmured, having distanced himself.
"She's catatonic. Seeing Mike end up like that...I really can't blame her..." Gelgar spoke up from across the room, fiddling with the cords on his gear. "I would honestly be in the same state after hearing one of those bastards speak..."
Heh...bastards...
Standing up, I effortlessly lifted (Y/N) in my arms, opting to sling her over my front to make it easier to get her up the staircase.
"We'll let you know if she has any change. Come on, you two..." I grunted to Bertholdt and Ymir, who followed behind me as we left the room.
(Y/N) looked so eerie in the torch light, dimly flickering a vermilion hue across her gaunt, (S/C) face. Ignoring the presence of the other two, I propped myself up against a wooden crate and sat the girl in my lap, giving the side of her face a home against my chest.
"Wow, Braun...I never took you for a guy that was interested in girls..." Ymir teased, crouching down to dig through a box of junk.
"That's funny...I never took you for a girl that was interested in guys..." I smirked a little, and the freckled brunette returned it before going back to her searching.
"I'll...uh...try to give her some water..." Bertholdt lowered himself to his knees beside me, and I held (Y/N)'s chin up, silently pleading with her to drink. The girl immediately retracted when the cool steel of the canister made contact with her lips, and I knew it wasn't going to happen.
"Okay, okay...We'll try again later..." I wanted to avoid stressing her out any more than she had been already, and I allowed her to lay back into me. Bertholdt and I shared a concerned look, but his was a little different to mine.
"Hey...I know this is gonna sound kind of...harsh...but..." The ravonet caught his lip between his teeth, motioning his eyes to (Y/N) before lowering his voice to a ghostly whisper. "...you know this is going to end in tears, right..?"
I've been trying to avoid thinking about that for the longest time...
Without my consent, my fingers tangled in her (H/C) hair, brushing through it as gently as possible.
"It could...but it doesn't have to..." I mumbled, telling him with a short cough that he better leave it at that. Obediently, Bertholdt silenced himself, shuffling back and sitting against the wall a few feet away.
"Oh, sweet...Not a big fan of herring...but can't be too picky for a last supper, aye?" Ymir held a can up, studying the label and humming loudly.
"Any more of those? Let me take a look." I called out, realising just how long it had been since any of us had actually eaten. The snarky girl tossed the can over, and I caught it with ease before it hit either myself or the blank girl in my lap.
Scanning over the label, even in the dark, I could tell something was off.
"This says Herring..? I'm surprised, Ymir...you can read these sorts of things..?" When we met each other's eyes, they were equally as wide. I could see the panic flashing across her face, and something hit me like a runaway coach.
Wait...if she can...then that means...
"EVERYBODY GET TO THE ROOF!"
Instinctively, I hugged (Y/N) closer to my chest, leaping to my feet. Allowing Bertholdt and Ymir to pass by me first, I hurried to follow them up to the roof, making sure that I wasn't jostling the comatose girl too much.
"Th..the moon came out...and the next thing I knew..!" One of the soldiers was stammering, pointing out over the edge of the stone roof. There were titans everywhere, crawling through the courtyard and groaning mindlessly.
"Wh..why are they still moving?! It's past sunset!" Nanaba shouted in a panic, gripping her straps tightly as though it would keep her grounded.
"H..hey...Look at that!" Connie directed our attention to the east, and my mouth dried up instantly. There, slowly stalking around the perimeter of the castle grounds, was a humongous titan. Brown fur covered it's body, and showed absolutely no interest in us whatsoever.
Z..Ze...
"Death row..." I flinched, looking down at the girl in my arms, who was now staring with wide, almost shaking eyes at the beast.
"(Y/N)...don't look at it..." I tried to cover her face, but she struck me away, refusing to focus on anything else.
"We're all...on death row..."
No...Not all of us...
"Look..! That big one is heading towards the wall..!" Krista shouted, but there wasn't anything anyone could do.
"Recruits...step back. It's time to switch to vertical maneuvering..!" Nanaba ordered, unsheathing her swords and stepping onto the ledge. "Ready?!"
The affirmative chorus made my nerves rush, and I decided to move back and set (Y/N) down on her knees, further away from the edge. She seemed more alert now, but far from discerning, with knitted brows that crinkled her forehead.
"They've got our backs...We just need to sit tight." I sighed, squatting down beside her and trying to keep my tone even.
If all else fails, I can get you out of this...
"H..hey...do you think there's anything after death..?" (Y/N)'s voice was small, but there was no longer any fear within it. I really had no idea how to answer her.
"There...isn't really any way of knowing that..." I murmured, hearing some faint, distant voice inside my head, desperately pleading with me to take her in my arms again.
"Oh..." She tilted her head, and I had never seen such a lost, empty expression on someone's face before.
"(Y/N)...what are you thi-"
"I...might go see how Eld's doing...Seeya, Reiner..."
Eld..? Wait...Wait, no, don't you-
I wasn't quick enough to grab her. Feeling her cape clip through my fingers, I crashed into the stone floor, hurrying to scramble after her and catch her before she jumped over the edge. I would have toppled over myself if it hadn't been for Connie and Bertholdt latching onto my arms, yanking me away from following towards a certain death.
"YOU BETTER COME BACK, DAMMIT! (Y/N)..!" I would never know for certain if she heard me call out to her, but as I watched her melt into the bloody fray of the fight, my body began to ignite from the inside out.
No...She can do this...Death isn't stupid enough to be biting at her heels just yet...but if it tries...I'll whisk her away before it can even get a chance..!
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***I love my undercooked chicken nuggie boi***