yasmin
"So y'all really ain't seen him since last week?" I looked in between Jayo and Kenya through the screen as I drove.
They was at school, where I shoulda been.
"I mean we talked bout three days ago. He told me he gotta get his mind right." Jayo sighed, "I think he back at his momma house."
Ever since that day we found out he was selling, he left and I ain't seen him since. He don't come school. He don't pick up my calls, or Kalin's. He picked up Jaxon's once to tell him he was good but other than that we had nothing.
I was mad in the moment but at the end of the day, Keem needed somebody.
"Kalin ain't checked over there yet?" Kenya asked.
"Ion know, all he been on is this baby recently."
I was happy for Kalin and Alicia and to be an aunt, but I deadass didn't feel it was the time. But it was just another reason Berkeley wouldn't be seeing me next fall I guess.
"Hold on, lemme call and find out. Y'all be safe." I told them before hanging up.
Dialing Kalin's number, I made sure to call him regularly. He didn't know I had checked myself out of school.
"Yas, you good?" he answered on the third ring.
"Yeah, Im fine. You checked Keem mama house?"
"No. Why you callin me in school?"
"It's lunch hour but why not? Ain't it obvious he'd be there?"
"Yasmin, I ain't chasing bro. I got my niggas looking out for him but if he don't wanna found, I can't do nothing."
"You'd find me."
He sighed, "You my priority."
"And so is he."
"He's not though, at all"
"When shit went left at least we had each other. Keem don't have nobody but us."
"He'll come back when he realize that."
"No Kay, I'm going to find him. With or without your help." teaching where I was going, I stopped the car.
"Aye I don't want you over at that crazy lady house."
"Well I'm going whenever I find the time Kalin."
"Ight damn Yasmin, I'll check. Just not right now, I'm handling sum," he finally caved. I smiled to myself. "But I mean it Yasmin, I don't wanna hear bout you over there."
"Fine."
"Nah, promise me."
"Whatever Kalin, I won't." I avoided saying the actual words 'I promise'. "I'll see you, class starting." I told him before hanging up. As soon as I pulled the phone from my ear, I seen a text from Melo.
melo: hey i know you at school learning and shit but i love yo smart ass, i thought id let you know❤️
I smiled as I replied before making my way passed the mailbox and up the driveway, I reached the door. Loud music was heard from the door. I knocked and was surprised when the door opened at once.
"Little Ms. Palmer." she said as her eyes scanned over me.
There, in all her glory, stood Nana Williams, Keem's mom. Her frail frame stood at just an inch shorter than me. Her clothing that once wrapped around her as if they were made specifically for her now hung from her like the drapes of a window. Her permed hair lied stiff barely reaching the bottom of her ear lobe. She blew smoke from the cigarette lodged in between her fingers, into my face casually.
I turned my head to the side, avoiding the smoke. "Hi Nana. Keem in there?"
"You've come to steal my son huh?" she joked.
"Never that." I sent her a smile.
"You love him or something?"
"Of course."
"Bless your poor soul." she shook her head. "He no good, just like his damn daddy."
I ignored her spill, "Is he in there?"
"Come in" she held the door open.
I walked into the house. I'd only been here a few times recently. But in my younger years, it could've been a second home to me.
Nana was best friends with Kenya's mother at a time. She was well kept, and bright. She had her issues with men always, but Keem had a mother who loved her son dearly. We were in and out Keem's house like it was nobody'd business. From tag as child, to spin to truth or dare as teens, this was our sanctuary.
The closet is where I had my first, second, and third make out session with Armani. The doorstep is where I decided Armani never loved me, as I watched him kiss Becky Santana. And Keem let me cry on his shoulder for the following eight days on his bed. I'd never forgot that.
This was where Jayo and Kenya fell in love. The couch they shared their first kiss on lied there. But it happened to be the same couch my mama would steal Keem's mom on too. We, Keem and I, were far too young to understand as we watched from the kitchen as our mothers snorted a white substance. We were maybe 12.
I had gotten used to my mother's fanatics by that time. I knew the 'white sand' made her crazy, and Jaxon was mine to keep. I understood to an extent of what that sand was capable of and I didn't want in for Keem's mom too. Keem didn't deserve that.
We made these plans. Keem would find the packages and flush them when his momma was out for work. And it worked for a time. But the day Keem got caught, he came to school with a black eye. And we decided it was above us now.
"You a spittin image of Loretha I swear." she looked me up and down. Loretha was my mother.
"They say that."
"Girl, stop standing like it ain't your home too." she moved to the hallway, banging on door, "Hakeem, it's someone here to see you!" she yelled.
"Can you believe this boy selling, and won't cut his damn mama a discount." she laughed, like it was something funny. "You thirsty?"
"I'm good." I cringed as I watched her drink from an obviously dirty glass.
The music stopped, and the door to Keem's bedroom opened. He stopped in place as his eyes landed on me. "Why you not in school?"
"Why aren't you?" I eyed him.
"I'm handling shit. Kalin know you here?" he pulled out his phone as a grin grew on his face.
"Don't." I stopped him. "I just want to talk to you."
"I don't wanna talk."
I sighed, "Come home then. We can talk when you ready."
"I don't got a home."
"Yo ungrateful ass!" Nana got loud, too fast.
"Ma, please," Kalin sighed.
"I give you everything. You got a bed and some groceries in the fridge. What the fuck else you need."
"Home ain't just where you lay your head Nana," I answered for Keem, while staring directly into his eyes. "Home is where the heart is."
"Exactly," Keem agreed
"Where yo heart at then?" I tried it.
I loved Keem, but I wasn't in love with him. But if his love for me was for me was the only thing that could bring him back, I'd use it.
"You know."
"I don't."
"My heart go where you go."
"I didn't mean it when I said I hate you Keem. I love you for real, I always will." I confessed. "If you love me like you say you do, come home."
He sighed, before slowly nodding "Okay."
"But Keem, no more dealing. Promise me."
He just nodded. I realize now, it was just his way to avoid saying the words too.
I keep thinking back on this exact moment, and my heart breaks all over again wishing I'd force the words. Maybe things would have ended differently
—
melo
yasmin: i love you more five star🥰. i'll hit you later.
I dead ass felt guilty as I read the text. Last time I went behind Yasmin back, it ain't go right for me yet here I was back at it again.
They was right when they said it, niggas ain't shit.
I am niggas.
I made sure to lock my car before I made my way through the grass up to the front door.
My heart pounded as I knocked on the familiar door.
"It's open." his voice sounded.
Pulling the door open, I made my way inside.
"This gotta be good." Kalin sat back as he watched me make my way inside.
I had gotten a hold of him through Jayo the night before. This whole week Yasmin been down bout Keem disappearing. Ion know what exactly that dumb nigga said to her but she was back to questioning her worth and shit and I ain't like it one bit. It was bout time I did something bout it too.
I took his hand in mine, greeting him with a handshake bro, "Wassup bro?" I said before taking a seat across from him at the table.
His eyes landed on the envelope, and snapped back to me, "You pull out some pregnancy shit, and I swear I'll kill you right here."
"Nah bro we be safe." his eyes widened at my words "Safe like we don't ever be doing shit." I corrected myself.
"Better not be." he let out a breath, leaning back once again.
I slid the envelope over to him, nudging my head signaling him to open it. He was hesitant at first but after opening, his eyes scanned over it. It was the Berkely letter.
"Wow," he rubbed his chin as her reached the end, "Where you found this?"
"Uh, she dropped it in my car." I lied, realizing I wasn't tryna tell him I been in Yasmin room. He eyed me questionably so I continued, "She was hiding it. She said she ain't going cause y'all need her here."
He scoffed, "She going."
"I told her that when I saw it too." I agreed.
"Hm, at least you got some sense. The lil niggas your age been wildin'." I knew he meant Hakeem. I decided against speaking on it. For once I could see it wasn't my business.
I felt for Keem, I did. I mean I was lucky dealing wasn't my only way to get a bag. But at end of the day Yasmin my priority. And he just a stress for her right now.
"Yeah, this an opportunity Ion think she should throw away."
"It ain't at all." he eyed it again before facing me again, "Good looks bro. I appreciate you bringing this to me. You gained my respect for real."
"Yeah, I meant to bring it earlier."
"Imma handle this shit, but do me a favor?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Don't tell her you was involved in this. She gon hate your ass. And much as I been praying for it, I think she need you right now."
I nodded.