I had expected for Nicholas to look terrified, or at least something close to it. A wild, agonising fear that I could bask in, before I tore him to shreds with my words.
I had not expected him to fall at my feet.
"Y..you're...You're alive..!" His coarse voice had aged some, but I couldn't tell if it was due to the obvious tears he was trying to hold back as he clutched at my shirt. "Th..thank god, you're alive..!" Only slightly more shocked than disgusted, I ripped his hands away, taking a large step back and swallowing thickly.
"Get...off the ground..."
I didn't want a huge scene to unfold. There would certainly be questions if anybody gathered at the entrance turned around and saw a district commander grovelling before me. Luckily, Nicholas obeyed, and climbed to his feet, but he chose to step closer instead.
"I..I know you'll never forgive me...I should die for what I did...but...I'm just so happy that you're alive, (Y/N)...Did...did Dimitri..?" When I had chosen to confront my eldest brother, I had assured myself that I was prepared. Now, standing there, I knew I had been severely mistaken.
"He...saved my life...He took the brunt of the fall...and died on impact..." I murmured hesitantly, trying to choose between standing my ground or racing back to Levi for cover. Nicholas jerked to reach out to me, but when my eyes widened, he retracted, using his other hand to physically restrain himself.
"I've...never been able to forget that day...It makes me sick to my stomach...If I could go back...and make things right..." He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and I drew my lip between teeth that wanted to chatter violently.
"W..well...you can't." I hissed, wishing that I could hate him more than I did. The blame would always lay partially upon his shoulders, but that was what he had been programmed to do. He was nothing but an obedient machine, following orders. I watched as his teal coloured eyes swept over me, and my breath seemed to hitch in my throat as they grew even more concerned.
"You're injured...How did it happen..? I know...I don't have the right to ask questions...but..." He trailed off, sinking his gaze to his boots.
Why do you have to be so fucking apologetic..? It would have been easier if you were like Wilbur...
"I'm a scout now. They found me out in the open months ago. Where you and our cunt of a father left me. You know all about our latest expedition, considering that you're here today." I was surprised I could keep most of the emotion out of my voice, but I knew my scared self was showing in other ways. The tapping of my fingers against my hip, and the way I kept swallowing every so often, gulping down dry regrets.
Nicholas' head whipped around, as though he was searching for something.
"Then...you would be serving under Commander Erwin, right..? I need to speak with him...R..right now..!" Retreating back to Levi seemed like an incredibly good idea to me in that moment, because I had absolutely no clue as to why Nicholas would want to speak to the commander. I felt myself unconsciously take a step back before I stopped myself.
"I...serve with him...not beneath him...My conscription isn't so black and white..." I muttered, narrowing my eyes as he turned back to me. "Don't bother talking to him. We've already made a deal. He promised I wouldn't be sent back to you, or those vile bitches..." Flinching back, Nicholas shook his head slowly, tearing himself away from me as he started walking towards the entrance.
"Those...vile bitches...have nothing to do with this...I shall find him myself..."
Ah fuck fuck fuck..!
I groaned loudly in exasperation, jogging after my brother and cursing myself out for ever thinking this had a chance of going to plan.
"Like fuck you will..!" I darted in front of him, having to crane my neck so I could glare up at his superior height. "I'll get a polished boot rammed up my colon if either of us cause a scene!"
When Nicholas grabbed hold of my arm, I froze up completely. It wasn't rough, and it wasn't vicious, but it was painful in a way that wasn't quite physical. We had never been very close at all. He had never beaten or belittled me during my childhood, but he never comforted me, either. Not to my knowledge. The only thing I could remember about him, apart from the obvious, was that he was always at my father's heel, like the perfect little puppy dog he was.
"(Y/N)...I have to do this...I should have done it a long time ago...Just...could you please get out of my way..?" His tone was pleading, and so was his expression. It didn't sting like I had imaged it ever would, but it startled me beyond words. I almost had the chance to speak, but before I could, someone had forced their way in between us.
"I thought I told you not to start any bullshit, you stupid girl..." Levi muttered in annoyance, glaring up at my brother with one of the most ticked off expressions I had ever seen come across his face. Straightening up, Nicholas saluted him; fist clenched tightly over his chest, and bowed his head.
"Captain Levi, Sir...I am-"
"I know who you are." The ravonet bit back at him with a sharp tongue, taking a as he step forward to force him backwards, away from me. "You have seven and a quarter seconds to explain what your intentions are before I turn you into a fleshy scabbard."
Levi...you beautiful, scary son of a bitch...
Almost fearful, Nicholas swallowed, letting his eyes flicker to me for a split second before he opened his mouth to respond.
"I...wish to openly confess to my crimes, directly to Commander Erwin Smith...then to Premier Zachary, once I am able to seek a conference with him. I want to pay for what I did..."
The unexpected sure was coming in waves. I wasn't upset with his reasoning, not at all, but I just hadn't thought he would act in such a way. Levi clicked his tongue so loudly, I could hear it bounce off the walls in every which direction.
"Is that so? How responsible of you. He's at the front of the swarm, over there. Go. Confess your sins. Quickly now, before I decide to play god." Levi spoke so apathetically that it even sent a chill down my own spine.
Understanding that his threat was no joke, Nicholas parted from us without so much as a word, leaving me to stare awkwardly at the back of Levi's head before he turned around.
"You...didn't have to do that, y'know..." I murmured, sweating a little as I noticed his darkened eyes following the form of my brother over my shoulder.
"This caught me in a bad mood, is all. Besides..." As he moved to pass me, Levi placed a firm hand on my shoulder, leaning over ever so slightly so I could head his next whispered words. "...if he had been in my line of vision for even a moment more...I would have murdered him."
I gulped down some strange, gurgling feeling as he continued on towards the side of the hall, away from everyone else. Goosebumps prickled at my skin as I released the long, wheezing breath I had been holding.
That...definitely wasn't a joke...Fucking hell...That man is terrifying...
I glanced over my shoulder, watching as Levi leant against the stone wall, his lips puffed out in an angsty, unbecoming pout.
...Still a complete asshole, though...
---------------------------------------------
"DO YOU WANT ME TO CLAW THOSE EYEBROWS OFF YOUR FUCKING FACE, ERWIN?! DO YOU?! BECAUSE I SURE FUCKING THINK YOU DO!"
If I hadn't been in such a rage, I would have pitied poor, petrified Armin when he walked into the Commander's office and froze on the spot.
I had somehow managed to climb Erwin like a tree, ripping at the collar of his shirt as Levi unenthusiastically tried to pry me off by the legs. Hange was absolutely beside herself with laughter, nearly clocking her nose on the desk as she rocked back and forth in strangled hysterics.
"Uh, C..Commander, Sir..? Do...you want me to come back later..?" Armin squeaked out, regrettably making his presence known instead of using his big, juicy brain and fleeing the scene undetected.
"No, Arlert, it's fine. Please, take a seat." Erwin addressed the young scout nonchalantly, as though I wasn't violently shaking his head back and forth.
"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME, YOU HULKING COCK NOZZLE!" I yowled, thrashing and foaming like some kind of rabid animal in the captain's grip when he managed to peel me away. "WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL MADE YOU THINK THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?!"
I had a very good reason as to why I was so furious with Commander Erwin. He had spoken with my brother back at the capital, and things only got worse from there. Apparently, Nicholas had demanded that he be punished for his crimes, and the choice that the elder man had made was what had caused me to become a violent psychopath.
He had formally requested that Nicholas join the Survey Corps.
"Calm down, you extremist bitch...You'll throw your shoulder out again..." Levi muttered, obviously having a hard time with my resistance.
"I WILL BITE YOUR DAMN EAR OFF, YOU GREMLIN!"
"Aw, come on, (Y/N)! It won't be that bad! I mean, he won't be in your squad, if that helps? If you want, I can get him stuck with my old pal, Mike! He'll work him so hard he won't have any time to even consider coming to see you!" Hange suggested, wiping away her tears and leaning back in Erwin's chair.
No..! This is fucked..! I don't want him anywhere near me..!
"Erwin..." His name came out of my mouth in a jarring growl, and I halted my struggling to look up and narrow my (E/C) eyes. "...if you're sticking to this bullshit punishment...then we've gotta make a new deal..." I could see the curiosity flash briefly across his face, and the man adjusted his crumpled collar before nodding to me to continue.
"Well then, Miss (L/N)...What is it that you want?"
I think you fucking know...
"I want...to know who murdered Eld Jinn, and the rest of the special operations squad..." When the assailant had been captured, I had been left with Levi at the court house, forcibly restrained, and unable to get so much as a glance at the bitch. After we returned to the barracks, I had been put on immediate, indefinite lockdown, and I was starting to lose my mind.
"You fuckwit...You aren't emotionally stable enough to-"
"You can't fucking talk about stability, you emotionally stunted slut-weasel!" I was really just throwing out poorly executed insults left, right and center now, but I was livid. I had the right to know.
"Are you positive you wish to know, (Y/N)? There will be nothing you can do against her, as she is completely untouchable at the current time..."
Yeah...I at least overheard Hange blabbing about that...along with the titans in the wall...The fucker sealed herself away in some crystalline shit...
"You've gotta understand...I need to know this..." I replied through my teeth, still tense against Levi as he held me back. Erwin sighed, leaning against the edge of his desk, and glanced between Hange, Levi and Armin, before finally settling back on me.
"The female titan was found to be graduate of the one hundred and fourth...Annie Leonheart."
My entire body laxed against the captain. Out of anybody, I never once suspected it to be someone from training. She had never been very talkative, and I had barely shared more than a few, brief words with her, but it was enough to make my chest burn.
"Uh...(Y/N)...Are you alright..?" Armin asked meekly, worriedly watching me as I straightened myself up. Turning to him, my mouth was a thin line, hiding the sight of my tongue being crushed between the weight of my molars.
"Of course. That wasn't so hard, was it, Smith..?" I pulled against Levi's hold one final time, and he released me without hesitation, arms dropping to his sides as I began walking towards the door.
"No, I suppose it wasn't..." The blond man hummed, clearing his throat. "I would appreciate it if you would visit the medic again within the next few days. Once we are sure your injuries have healed well enough, we need you back on the special operations squad. As second in command, as per Captain Levi's request."
His request..?
Pausing by the door, I tilted my head a little, just enough so I could look back at the four of them, who were all watching after me with their own strange expressions.
"Second on command, huh..? I'll think about it."
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***Pray for me pls cuz I think I'm coming down with the flu***