Yoongi drove you and Namjoon to the graveyard. Your heart was pounding in your chest, a rhythmic drumming sound like a approaching war. You world, as you had known it, was falling apart around you. The more you thought about it the more you felt like you were going insane, the more you wanted to scream, the more you wanted to destroy something. Pull you hair out, gouge out your eyes, smash your teeth in.
You did noting.
It was all defragmenting right in front of you.
Yoongi didn't understand how you could stay hidden and dormant for 23 years without a divine noticing. Something about this all felt very suspicious, someone upstairs had to know.
Hiding your existence took a massive amount of energy. The energy equating to a dying star, a exploding planet and a collapsing black hole.
"The mirror." Mumbled quietly Namjoon.
"what?" Yoongi asked.
"She's the crack in the mirror." he told Yoongi quietly. Yoongi's frown deepened a shiver creeping through his body. Namjoon's mother was not technically a god ( as in she didn't rule over any specific domain), but it didn't matter, she was just as powerful. Her mirror was power store and representation of the universe's equilibrium
For it to crack meant something very dangerous was stirring ready to cause the end. They glanced at you who was stuck in a battle within yourself. You weren't quite there. Suddenly, you became sunken and grey, despite a light golden dust dancing around you.
They continued driving hoping that your parent's grave contained bodies , so they could admit they were wrong, apologise profusely and pretend nothing had ever happened.
Deep down Yoongi knew that would would never be the case, he continued to watch as your timeline shifted and fluctuated, seemingly expanding. He squinted as he saw it travel further back than it should've, before it faded into obscurity. He didn't have much time to dwell on it as the graveyard pulled into sight.
Immediately the graveyard came into view you jumped out of the car before it even had time to stop. You scrambled towards the reception, desperately praying to every type of god and saint there was that your Parents were safe and rested. You needed this! You needed them
to be where they were supposed to be.
Something was off
You and the receptionist had met many times before, you had become acquainted over the past few years. She knew you and you knew her so, why did she look at you like it was her first time seeing you? Her eyes only flickered briefly with recognition when she heard your parents name but dulled again.
You barely heard what she said next.
"I am sorry ma'am we have no such names in the directory. "
Your face fell, your heart was pounding like a drum. A drum...A war drum....you had heard the bang of a war drum once...
No!
Your parents had to be here, you watched them get buried. You saw their bodies being lowered into the ground. You saw them! You screamed incoherently at the receptionist as Namjoon held you back. Whispering at you to calm down.
Far in your memory, you remembered something that you had forced away, into the depths of your mind to be destroyed and forgotten. You only started to remember now slowly but surely...
A few days after your parents died, there was a woman you had never seen before. She had long dark hair and sea green eyes, you remembered because you had thought her eyes were moving like the sea. Like the sea you had wanted so desperately to visit. You wondered if she was possibly a mermaid. She had smiled so graciously at you before kneeling down to your level.
"Dear Astra, your life has changed from here...everything....this isn't real, they're not real."
That's what the women said "they're not real", you were warned all those years ago...She was the women in the garden...she had come back for you after all those years in your dreams. A gust of wind blew through the reception. You followed the whistling and turned to see her. She stood next to the graves that were supposed to be your parents. As if feeling your gaze she turned slowly, her mouth curled into a melancholy smile.
You broke away from Namjoon's grip racing toward her, you had to know who she was and what she meant about your life changing. What had changed? Was she talking about all those lonely years ago? You ran as fast as your feet could take, but as you got closer she vanished.
Finally getting closer to their plaques you saw there was nothing. No names, no brith dates or death dates. It's like they never happened. Like you had imagined it all. They had been forgotten.
You turned to Yoongi and Namjoon who had just caught up to you.
"Did you see her? You asked robotically
"See who?" Namjoon asked.
You slumped unto the grass, tracing the smooth blank gravestones where your parent's name were once etched out on. You missed them even if they weren't real. For a short while, they were your world.
"There was a woman that came a few days after my parents died she was so so beautiful, she told me back then my parents weren't real, only it seemed I forced myself to forget...I thought I saw her just now."
Namjoon sat in the grass next you holding your hands.
"I am sorry." He whispered meaning it "You're scared. All of sudden you feel alone, I am so sorry for that it's not fair. I can understand that."
Yoongi also sat on the grass.
"I am sorry too...Even if you feel alone just know we are always here...I am sorry that I ever said anything." Yoongi muttered sincerely guilty.
You looked at him seeing true regret, he had always hated being the god of darkness and death. He would always bring misery to those he met, even if he didn't want to, even if he wished-
"It's not your fault..."
A weak smile attempted to hide the pain you were feeling You couldn't bring yourself to blame them, that would have been too cowardly, too easy. Besides it felt like things were really out of their control, they didn't seem to grips with it. All you could do was pour your energy to finding out what it is you were and coming to terms with it.
"Do you think I could be a Demon?"
"No." Yoongi said at last He knew you were never supposed to know, it was clear to everyone that you weren't a demon. A demon was not this powerful, and a demon could never feel pain so powerfully. It was impossible . He watched you wipe away a tear, as you resolved yourself to harnessing your strength. No more running it was time to be strong.
"Be strong sweet pea! It will give you the strength to smile through a storm" your Mother had always said that
By the time you got to the office If was late. The only person left was you and Jin. Jin was draped in his chair holding a glass of scotch. The bottle was almost empty. His eyes lit up a soft amber haze in the darkness as they trailed you tiredly.
"They were right." Was all you could say.
"I am so sorry Astra." He told you earnestly.
It would never matter, whatever happened, you had Jin, you couldn't quite grasp how he had become So important to you in a space of a couple days, but you knew you were bound to each other. No matter how many times you saw his face the attraction would never fade. He was all you needed, the yearning for him was persistent. He slowed your heart, calmed your spirit, he calmed the endless storm in your heart. Jin watched you, as always fighting the urge, he was dangerously close to just giving in. He even considered that you could be much more beautiful than his mother, Aphrodite. He- he had never felt so connected to someone, he had never felt that someone was as important as you. As dear as you felt to him.
"Come here..." Jin whispered into the shadows. He was yearning for you, you made him so hungry. You silhouetted figure was more than enough. He tapped his knee:
"Sit."
Immediately you placed yourself on his knees his arms instinctively wrapped around you, he was so warm, he always was so warm, but why were his eyes so cold? You could feel his heart beat, focusing your mind on the gentle thrumming you found your heart synchronising to his. He smelled so divine, like a tropical summer on a distant island, sensual and exotic.
"Jin sleep with me." You mumbled "please."
"I can't Astra." He said his voice cracking his true intentions leaking through.
"Just this once I am begging you. Jin I need you." You continued wishing for once he would listen to you.
He told you no once again, reminding you what he had said earlier that day.
"Jin....please understand I am going insane don't you know how much I need you, can you not feel it?" You whispered into his hair.
"Astra..." he swallowed deeply "Can you not feel me right now, if I could I would..."
He was right you could feel him. You needed him so much more now. You weren't playing anymore. You rolled your hips rubbing yourself on his clothed member.
A deep sexy sound erupted from his throat.
"Astra you're being terrible." He growled.
You smiled to yourself still moving. You needed him as much as he needed you, you couldn't understand why he couldn't give into you. He was willing the other day, why had he changed his mind? You knew that he knew that you weren't a demon. Yoongi had said you weren't...
"Jin I am begging you, no one would know."
"Astra lets just kiss..."
He kissed you slowly reminding you why you were so desperate in the first place, the kiss only spurned you on. It didn't take long for your hands to fumble for his belt buckle, he instantly grabbed your hands holding them away for the huge bulge. He looked at you his eyes dark, his chest was heaving as if he had been running.
"Astra don't if you do I won't hold back, please be patient, and I'll take your virginity, I just need to know who you are."
"I-I am not a virgin..."
Jin despite himself couldn't help but smirk cockily: "you'll feel like one after I have finished with you."
You raised an eyebrow moving your hips faster, he moaned into your neck. Gripping your waist he lifted you off him and unto the desk, leaving you pouty, he had no choice you were going to drive him over the edge.
"Jin I know you don't think I'm a demon, there's something else..."
Jin inhaled deeply. There was no other explanation for this it was possible that Astra was a Titan, Titan's were technically deities but were banished by Zeus, the problem with Titans was that they had a habit of escaping.
"You could be a Titan," Jin muttered
"What?" You looked at him bemused.
"If you were a Titan and I got you pregnant, Zeus would personally destroy me and you without hesitation."
You stared at him aghast, but you had no feet to stand on, you had no idea what you were yourself, so who where you to say you weren't.
"I know it sounds strange but I don't know what else you could be..."
There was silence. You could respect that. You had to, he had an obligation as a god to humanity and the heavens, he couldn't sleep with you yet, you would have to quench your thirst with the rest of the gods and Jin understood that. He hated it but he understood.
"Jin do-"
"Please don't say it, it's difficult for me to say as it is for you to..if you must know...then yes I do ..."
He pulled you into a kiss shrouded by the darkness, the way his hands trailed your body the idea of him trailing your naked body caused your body to just gush. Eventually, he let you back on his lap, you moved slowly enjoying the way the god moaned at the movement of your hips. His eyes were shut as his mouth hung open a bit, as his Adam's apple bopped up and down, he gripped your waist firmly guiding it.
"Astra you're honestly despicable." He whispered into your ears before sucking at your neck. You could only moan in response enjoying how his lips felt against your bare skin and how his body felt against you. You could feel him twitching in his pants still kissing. Somehow your half of your shirt was unbuttoned as he peppered your chest with kisses. You grinded over his dick a few more times...
"Did you just cum your pants?" You teased.
His breathing was still erratic, and lust still swirled in his eyes "Maybe I did, when I clean up I'll think of you..." Jin replied amused by your mischievousness.
You had thought that you and Jin were alone in the office, but the young god of the Night and of the Silence, Jungkook had been watching. He himself was intrigued by your very existence he could never get you out of his head. Oh god and it didn't help that you are so gorgeous, so intoxicating. He looked down to see a growing bulge he hadn't allowed himself to play with himself, he could only palm erection whilst watching. It felt wrong and perverted to do anything more, but you were making it so difficult.
"Are sure my mouth can't be of service, it's good at cleaning up." Jungkook heard you say to Jin as his own dick twitched.
Jin looked at you longingly: "I wouldn't be able to hold back, well, of course, you would want that."
You shrugged as Jin pecked your lips one last time.
Although sexually drawn to each other the truth was, the feelings you had thrown away a long time ago were resurfacing, it wasn't just sex you were after, it was him. As for Jin he had made a mistake in the past, he had been blinded by someone he the thought he could trust, he didn't want to do anything with you not knowing if it meant he would be stabbed in the back again, he was aware he was falling.
You sat on the throne holding the rose in your laps, opposite you was a waterfall cascading noisily into a pool that was hidden by the frothing water. You saw your reflection and was too shocked to find it was actually you as you. The memories you knew for a fact weren't yours featured you, as you...
You were wearing an elegant robe, it was soft gold that seemed to cause your skin to glow from the inside out. On your head was a simple crown, wired gold that entangled into your curls, your eyes were the only thing that distinguished from the real you. Your eyes were ruby red, glinting under the light. There was a song floating gently weaving its way into the atmosphere itself, it was mellow and beautiful. It was the same song from the garden. You stepped off your throne, finding to your delight you were barefoot. Birds sang in the distance and you loved the sweet aroma of flowers that caressed your nostrils lovingly. You were sat in the palace made of diamonds, as rainbows reflected at your feet.
"Your Highness, Astra..."
T-that was your name. Where these your memories? It couldn't be possible, this was a different time, you weren't even a speck of dust in the universe, but there you were living another life. You turned to a man. He had dark skin, a short afro curled on his head, he was well built but had dark eyes filled with loyalty and kindness. He seemed vaguely familiar to you like he was a distant childhood friend you had lost touch with. Well, you were open to any type of relationship with him.
"Yes?" You asked.
He smiled at your revealing beautiful teeth.
"Please come with me, you have to answer your pra-"
It was a dream.
A determined air followed you in with the wind the next morning. There were many things you didn't even seem to know about yourself, you though you knew who you were but you were mistaken, you had no idea. Who were you? What did the life you live mean? You just needed an answer. At least knowing would be better than sitting in the dark. Today was the day you would get answers.
You heard a delightful laugh a soft squeak interrupting your thoughts, you turned to the kitchen it was Jimin. He was laughing at something his eyes barely open, his cheeks were a dusted with a healthy pink as he continued. You heart swelled with a sort of love. He just looked so cute as he covered his mouth seemingly trying his best to suppress the laugh, you couldn't help but stare for some reason you felt the need to cuddle and protect him. You always noticed how much softer his voice was compared to the other gods, it was so gentle and reassuring when he wasn't whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Before this mess he was actually very lovely, he had heart of gold, but....
He turned all of a sudden his eyes meeting yours. They, for once were devoid of any mischief. You ducked into Jin's office immediately trying to avoid any trouble.
Was it your sanctuary or was it your hell? You wondered as you closed the door behind you. Light danced in through the window washing the office in a hazy dusty glow. Jin stood by the window a cup of coffee in his hand. He didn't turn to look at you so you assumed he was deep in thought. Even at that angle, he was extremely ethereal. He wore round glasses today making his attractiveness go up by one thousand.
"Good Morning Astra."
Your heart skipped a beat, you loved how he said your name, he has always greeted you a little quietly, his voice wrapping gently around your name. He was like an Oak tree you could rely on him.
"G-good morning sir." You muttered. Calling him sir seemed odd now, you didn't know when you started calling him Jin, but before you always addressed him as sir, or the very least Mr. Kim, maybe you were grasping for a little normalcy. He turned from the window a little surprised.
"Call me Jin I prefer it."
You nodded. He moved across to the floor, you had to look up at him when he was directly in front of you, he held your delicately like you would shatter if he squeezed too tight. He leaned down and kissed you softly on the lips. It was an innocent kiss, he didn't bother hide it anymore, the door wasn't locked and the blinds weren't closed. You had reached a strange crossroad. You weren't dating each other, but you were comfortable enough to allow him to kiss you when he wanted and you knew you could kiss him anytime you wanted. You could kiss his cheeks, drop a kiss at the tips of his nose or peck his forehead and he wouldn't stop you. His arms wrapped around you so when you broke the kiss you were pressed against his chest as he held you there for a few seconds, slightly rocking as if soothing you.
Last night he had admitted to you that he- he was right you couldn't even say it, yet there he was. You were in the arms of the god of beauty, love, destruction and chaos. You were in the arms of a god. Your god. This had to be sin...to be in such a relationship with him.
"It's not a sin, kinda..." he mumbled.
"You said you wouldn't do that!" You told him accusingly. He chuckled kissing your forehead.
"I am sorry."
Jin wanted you and him to be what humans would have referred to as a couple. The feelings he had for you were intense and suppressed and transcended simple lust. It was almost comical that the god of love struggled when it actually came to matters of love, he had no idea how to get you to see how he really felt about you. It was not something he was accustomed to. Whilst Jin wished he had paid more attention to the lessons his mother had provided him, you were working up your own courage.
"Jin...would it be okay we got all the managers here to talk?"
He agreed unsure what type of bomb you wanted to drop next. It barely took 5 minutes for seven gods to appear before you. They all had natural easiness to them which you envied, you were always tense whilst they constantly lounged about without a care in the world. You suddenly became nervous as all eyes landed on you. For once they weren't teasing you which made it even more uncomfortable.
"Why did you call us here?" Namjoon prodded politely. Namjoon and Yoongi were other gods you felt a little more comfortable around. They didn't really sneer at you, instead, they listened to you, they lacked the air of arrogance that the other gods including Jin had. So Namjoon's prompting gave you the much needed confidence.
"I called you here so we could work together, we need to be more honest from now on and try and figure out what exactly what I am-"
"Why?"
Jungkook had spoken up watching you seriously.
"What do you mean...?"
"Why now?" He pressed "You seemed content with burying your head in the sand insisting you were human."
"I-"
"You've closed up your mind, I can't read your thoughts...what are you hiding from us?," Jungkook carried on relentless.
"I learned how to close off my thoughts because you need to trust me and take my word it. The same way I do with you guys ! It only seems fair!" You snapped feeling your temper rising.
Jungkook looked like he had something else to say but what was stopped by Jimin who placed a hand on his shoulder, you were surprised by that. Normally Jimin was one of the people who worked to infuriate you but not this time. However, you could see he was still eying you suspiciously. You could see you still had a long way to go with him. Yoongi threw a dirty look to his younger blood brother. Not understanding where this rebellious streak had come from, usually Jungkook was very mild.
"Okay..."Yoongi said at last "What is it you want it to know?"
You inhaled deeply.
"What about me still causes you to be so uncomfortable? Jin thinks I could be a Titan?"
"You have powers only gods should have." Taehyung informed you causally. "Yet we don't recognise your powers, we can tell instantly if you are a demon, a nymph, a sorceress, a demi goddess, but with you it's all smoking mirrors and blanks."
Hoseok turned to Jin raising an eyebrow. "There is no way she's a Titian..."
"How can you be sure?" Jin Asked defiantly.
"Can't you see it?" Taehyung insisted.
You waited on edge as Taehyung and Jin shared looks. Jin crumbled first letting out a heavy sigh, Taehyung turned to you smiling, he looked almost apologetic.
"You're like us, your energy is similar to us." He paused briefly "by us I mean Jin and me, the sons of Aphrodite."
Hoseok eyebrows furrowed briefly: "she also shares some similarities to a sun god, but there is darker energy intertwined in with it"
Jimin nodded agreeing "it's like...she is the sun but also the night. A walking oxymoron."
You were slightly unsettled by this, particularly the darkness. What were you? Why was it so difficult to pin point your real identity? Remembering that Yoongi called you an anomaly caused you you to shiver as your brought your arms around yourself. Hoseok asked about your dreams, the one with the rose. You turned to Jin accusingly he mouthed an apology.
Sighing begrudgingly you explained that there a rose and a garden, you went into great detail about the red rose explaining the urge to take the rose away but also feeling a dread when you all approached it. The description of the garden was vivid as you closed your eyes recalling every blade of grass and every cloud in the sky. The same rose you kept holding when you sat on that throne. You decided to omit your ancient memories because you didn't even know what to make of them yet. You needed time to just think, it also felt like in explaining the ancient memories your was like sharing a secret that would only end up incriminating you.
"The colour red is a reoccurring theme with her, her eyes flicker from ruby red back to dark brown," Jungkook said looking straight at you
...your eyes were ruby red glinting under the light...
"Also I saw a new star appear the other night, it was blood red before settling back to a normal white dwarf star "
You had noticed that extra star in the sky. You had assumed you were crazy as you let it eat you alive the night you first saw it. It wasn't just you, you weren't going mad, that was a new star! Why would you notice a random star like that? A fraction of second too late and you would have never seen it. It was like it was for you to see. A sign perhaps.
"Jungkook did that star appear Monday around 9:00 pm?"
Jungkook nodded as both your eyes locked. In the metal of a stapler, you noticed that your eyes were indeed a bright red.
"She isn't a Titan."
"No, she isn't," Namjoon said at last. "Her powers, her energy they're ancient, before even grandfather's time, the fear of titans is so distinct within us we would certainly know immediately if she was one."
Hoseok moved towards you pressing his lips on yours taking you by surprise. You allowed yourself to get lost in his kiss, shamelessly melting into him. After what felt like forever he pulled away beaming, evident that he enjoyed it as much as you did. Hoseok's eyes became a crackling jade as a warm light escaped from him, he touched the lips you had just kissed.
After a few seconds, his eyes settled back to brown, his expression dark, turned back to Jin.
"Heaven's residue still remains on her, like I was saying." Hoseok informed everyone. "For whatever reason she is able enter the heavens safely and attempt to look for a rose that allegedly belongs to her"
"It does belong to me." You insisted.
Your body shifted as if something or someone in you become restless, revealing for a fraction of a second someone else. The person was exactly like you but with a subtle difference, your eyes were far more colder, the humanity around you vanished.
Namjoon and Jungkook shared a look but said nothing, even Jimin squinted recognising the face. In fact, your demeanour felt so familiar all of sudden, he had seen you somewhere before. The reason Namjoon and Jungkook shared a look was because they both simultaneously recalled a rumour. Perhaps there was some truth in it.
It had taken you several moments to process the information.
"Wait wait what do you mean I am wondering the heavens?!"
Namjoon smiled, he couldn't help it, he was amused by your blown out eyes, as if the fact had just hit you round the head.
"It is exactly what it sounds like." Hoseok responded.
You turned to Jin questioningly "You said it was only authorised personnel plus one!"
Jimin turned his body laughing, he couldn't take it anymore. Sure he couldn't stomach you, but he had to admit you were adorable. You had no fear for anyone god or human. The way you looked up at Jin with your sparkling eyes as if you were a child who's parents had told them the tooth fairy didn't exist. You were also a liar. He turned to Jungkook as to confirm, you were hiding something and Jimin didn't like that, here you were preaching about honesty and you were lying. He couldn't stand it.
"So that's why you think I couldn't be a human or demon...." you mumbled quietly
"Exactly." Taehyung piped up "That's why big bother decided to make a reach for Titan, which in my opinion makes even less sense."
"Well have you got any good suggestions?" Jin pouted, his ears now having a tinge of pink. He hated how the gods were quick to dismiss his theory, but he had to admit maybe it was a little bit far fetched, but if you weren't a Titan what else could you be? Would he have to end up killing you with his own hands...He couldn't admit his feelings to you until... until he knew that he wouldn't have to kill you after confessing them.
As for you, Jungkook watched you seriously. You were certain he could see through you...the energy felt a little bit off between you and it wondered where all that coldness came from.