While I was away on vacation I got amazing comments and new reads! Thank you very much I read them all and replied to most! ^^
This part was in my head for quite a while but the end was rather spontaneous so let's see how it is going to unfold.
Enjoy ^^
Two months later...
I was back in LA; back to work. Or at least physically.
My mind was somewhere else. It was a blur from the moment I said goodbye to Jared and it just got more blurred as days passed.
I was working in a monotone tone, mostly just following around the manager as it is the best time to learn, but I wasn't getting it.
I wasn't getting anything.
We started working with a new band a month ago; building up their image, doing their marketing and trying to network them into the show business but I didn't put in as much effort as enthusiastic I was when I started.
People were not so friendly or interested in each other generally at the workplace, but I did make two new friends who I've been out with a couple times and recently I have been asked out on a date, but I did not confirm it.
Not just yet.
James was a sweet guy from work who showed interest in me from day one which was flattering, and I was really thinking of him as a potential date material until Jared stir up the calm waters.
I was thinking about Jared every single day ever since then.
Sometimes I missed him less and sometimes I missed him so much I could cry if I would have let myself go.
I couldn't focus on anything; I caught myself daydreaming several times a day. I woke up from hot dreams including Jared.
It felt like what happened that night in Scotland woke something up what might have been always there, deep inside me.
Some days I just felt like quitting just to go back being the assistant of Jared.
I wanted to see him every day and it was killing me when he wouldn't answer the phone for days.
I went the distance to even ask for a day off a month ago for the day after Jared is back from the tour so I finally can get to go and see him.
I had my sentences in my head, I knew what I wanted to say, what I wanted to discuss.
I needed to talk to him about that night. About the things he said, and I desperately wanted it to work out.
To give us a chance. To give this a chance. We could be so good together. I could give him anything he wants without asking. I would give him the world, because I know he deserves it. And if he decides to give me; this nothing of a special person, a chance, I could show him just how worthy I am. That looks are not all, that we could be so perfect.
-
I took a deep breath looking up at his entrance door.
It was two in the afternoon. I didn't want to arrive early as he must have been tired after arriving last night.
I opened the door with my key and walked in slowly.
It was a hot early October, so I put on some ripped jean shorts and a black shirt. One thing I can thank to Jared is making me feel more confident in my skin for sure.
I remembered when Jared saw me after the concert. His genuine smile and how he hurried to hug me, even spin me around.
I couldn't wait to feel his arms around me again.
My heart was racing in excitement as I walked further and turned right into the kitchen when I saw Olivia there making coffee.
"Oh... hey there," I smiled surprised and she looked up to me with a smile as well.
"Avery, what a nice surprise! I was missing you from here yesterday," she said pouring the coffee into three cups immediately, which I thought was sweet.
"Yesterday?" I asked uncertain walking to the coffees.
"Oh, you want some too? I can make more," she offered grabbing a fourth cup and I looked to her uncertain as she started a new brew. "Yeah, yesterday, the welcome party Jared threw together on the plane home."
"Oh..." that was all I could say, and I even grabbed my phone out if I accidentally missed a message from him but there was nothing new in the chat.
That is when my head jerked up to the sound of giggles coming from the stairs. It was definitely a woman with Jared in sync.
Before I could realize what is going on when I saw the woman, I went pale. Although I did not know what to expect when I heard the giggles but seeing Valery walk in with Jared nuzzling into her hair as he whispered something, I froze in place.
If it would have been anyone else, I would just think that Jared was weak again and hooked up, for the fun of it. But Valery was one of the relationships he kind of had after his last break up. She was on and off for around a year.
Now she is standing here with all her glory.
The Russian model, actress and reporter, all rolled into one tall, long legged beauty with long honey brown hair and shiny green eyes. Her cheek bones could have been weapons and when she smiled dimples appeared on her face.
"Avery! You are still around," she smiled not so amazed.
She was a head taller than me just as Jared. She wore a light green beach dress and a Gucci bag on her arm. "Jared said you quit," she said. "Still coming here, though..." she forced a smile on her annoyed face.
Yes, I was the assistant and she was the Queen of the house when she was around.
In my eyes she was nothing but a fame and gold digger, dressing up for paparazzies to show off her new shoes and Jared. I used to be jealous of her. She was beautiful, successful and she always treated me like she is the big sister who needs to help the little sister throughout the awkward teenage years with charity shopping or a new dress if she had to go out with Jared where I had to be around too. Let alone she was 5 years younger than me.
"I kinda... yeah went on a new path..." I mumbled and stepped back awkwardly peaking to Jared who went for a coffee.
"How come you came around?" he asked casually like we just met yesterday.
Like nothing ever happened.
I cleared my throat looking around then to my hand. I was grabbing onto my keys more and more as my palms were sweating like crazy.
"I just... I came to drop off the keys, I forgot about..." I muttered and I tried to get the key off of my key chain.
It was hell and my finger hurt. I felt sweat drops appear on my forehead as I peered around just to see Jared is just staring at me sipping his coffee.
"Here," I breathed as I finally managed to free the key and I dropped it onto the counter. "I guess I'm just... I gotta go now..." I said not really looking up.
"Your coffee is just done," came Olivia's voice.
"Yeah, Avery, stay a bit, let me know about your new job," Valery said walking to Jared and grabbed into his hair pulling her manicured hand through it, her bracelets clicking together as she smiled at me raising an eyebrow.
Jared smiled with closed eyes, loving the touch, too bad from Valery's side it was all about showing off. These two were the perfect match when it came to feeding their ego.
Jared's hair was slightly shorter, the blond is fading away. His beard got a bit longer again, but it still wasn't bushy what would hide the shine of his eyes. His big Gucci shirt was hanging on his thick arms until his elbow and I took a shaking breath.
I looked at Olivia doing "my job". Making coffee as she went through the schedule for the day as she laid it out onto the table for Jared who was more interested in his night-fun company then his work at the moment so Olivia soon will have to get rid of her... if Valery wants to go at all. Or if Jared wants her to...
All of a sudden I fitted less into this picture than ever before.
I felt like I'm loosing it.
"I'm sorry but I need to go..." I said sending a smile to them.
"Just a coffee, Av," smiled Jared sweetly his eyes shining.
"Yes, and then hopefully I'm going to be around a lot, so we can actually all gather here and have some pool time now that you are not working for him," offered Valery as she kept caressing Jared's hair but I just shook my head firm.
"I have things to do... really. But have a nice day," I smiled at her lightly then turned to Jared.
"It's... great to have you back," I mumbled then just turned on my heals and hurried out.
I shut the front door behind me as I was hurrying towards the gates, tears stinging my eyes.
Well. At least I got my answers. Now I can focus on more important matters in my life.
I heard the entrance door closing again.
"Avery!" Jared shouted and I heard his quick footsteps on the driveway catching up to me easily, but I kept walking.
"Avery stop for a moment, please!" His voice was annoyed as he grabbed my lower arm to hold me back.
I sighed as I stopped.
"Jared, please I told you I need to..."
"Yes, but I need to talk to you," he said stepping in front of me.
I kept looking down, hating myself for coming here in the first place.
"What is it?" I asked looking up to him pulling my sunglasses from my head in front of my eyes.
He sighed.
"I don't... I hate to admit it, but I don't remember every detail I said to you back in Scotland, when we were drinking... but I do remember most. And the rest... well, I have a strong guess," his voice was low and serious.
Here it is. He is doing it. But why? Why on Earth he would want to talk about it?
"Avery, at that moment... that day... I meant it. I meant it all. And I regret it. I regret my words and I regret my deeds," he said and if my heart wasn't aching enough, he squeezed it just a little more with his words.
He continued, thinking about it long.
"I don't want to hurt you, do you understand that?" he asked gently and when I didn't answer he must have gotten frustrated with my sunglasses covering my eyes because he reached out and took them down exposing my eyes shining from tears gathering.
"Oh, Avery," he whispered tilting his head, reaching out towards my face but I slapped his arm away even stepping back.
"Don't touch me," I chocked swallowing back my tears as I crossed my arms in front of my chest.
"Please, Avery talk to me. Don't tell me I screwed it up already, I need you, you know that."
"Yes, you need me Jared," I snapped. "You need me to wake you up in the morning, you need me to do the extra work for you, to walk the extra mile, to sing you to sleep, because I cared! Now you got Olivia, who is a professional, who knows exactly where work ends and where friendship starts. You need me to feed your ego, to give you all I have just so you can feel good about yourself while sucking my energy until I am nothing but a fucking potato girl, right? Because I did your make up, because I did your hair, because I bought you clothes! By the time I got some me-time, all I wanted was to sleep!"
I had to let it out. It was not my speech I had planned, and I wasn't even thinking about these things, until now.
Now it just all hurt.
He looked at me stunned; his eyes grew wider as I continued.
"What have you ever done for me, Jared?"
"Well, I gave you that fucking job at Universal Music!" he hissed and this time it was my time to freeze.
"What?"
"Yeah, because you think that a company like this just writes to every assistant-CV from three years ago offering positions. You can't be that dumb!" he hit his own head as weigh to his words and I blinked horrified.
I wanted to ask why, when? But I was so angry.
He didn't even manage to hurt my feelings but my pride as well.
I looked away as tears fell from my eyes, I had to press my palm to my mouth not to start sobbing out loud.
My shoulders were shaking, and I started to hurry away but Jared must have realized he was more than harsh because his tone turned into regretful.
"Avery... I'm... you know I just wanted to help you; I wanted to give you what you wanted I..." he stepped in front of me again grabbing my shoulders, looking at me but I avoided his eyes.
"Please, don't cry, Av, I'm..."
"Jared stop," I cried stepping away. "I don't want to talk anymore. I said it all I heard it all."
"What can I do to make you forgive me?" he asked.
"Just... don't say... or do things that you don't mean," I muttered looking up to him then just shook my head my breathing still out of rhythm. "Go back to Valery, Jared. I hope this time you guys will work it out," I let a small smile then I started to leave.
"Avery..." he whispered reaching out to grab my hand and pulled me back looking at me lost in thoughts as I looked back to him. "Valery... she appeared out of nowhere yesterday and... I fucked it up...I don't know what's with her I don't know what..."
"Just please," I cut him off, "Please let me go now," I whispered defeated, but my hand just kept squeezing his, like my body is refusing to let him go.
He pulled me closer by my hand.
So close to his chest I felt it rising and falling way too calm.
"Promise me I will see you soon," he muttered.
"I don't see a reason to," I sighed looking up to him, still squeezing his hand as he found my other hand to take it into his other palm.
"Give me some time," he asked.
"Jared, you had two months I..."
"I said give me some time damn it, I wasn't asking how long I had to get my shit together! I missed you, girl, but I already hurt you and I... didn't even do anything!" he snapped but didn't move away.
"What's the time for? You have Valery back. She is beautiful, you had her around for a year... that must be something."
"You know me Avery, and you know damn well Valery means nothing to me."
"Good, because I don't think she cares a bit about you either. But at least you get some nice fucks." I stated now firmer as I yanked my hands out of his. "You are the weakest person I have met, hiding behind hookups with faceless holes without any emotions, to validate yourself and make everyone think how macho of a man you are, but I know you Jared, I know how fragile you are and how it's all gonna bring you down. Have fun while it last, I gotta go," I rumbled through the driveway.
"Yeah, be fucking jealous, throw shit at me, but you know what? Sorry for respecting you fucking much, you idiot!" he shouted after me done.
And It was such a split second, it was such a perfect snap back, it came straight from the bottom of my angry heart.
"Sorry for loving you fucking much! Do whatever you please, you selfish jerk!" I screamed back and started to hurry away, not looking back.
At home I opened a bottle of wine and drank it straight out of the bottle like its water.
Can't believe I said that. How stupid I have to be to just say it right there; scream it from the drive way, basically that being the first time I even admitted that for myself.
All I wanted was to get drunk and find a hook up. If Jared loves it so much it must be fun and easy after all. And I needed it. I was so frustrated waiting for this conversation for two months and it turned out the worst way possible. Of course.