Camila's POV
"Dear Diary... or rather say, dear Lauren,
Now it's exactly 00:03, officially the worst and most painful day I spent in Miami ended. Things don't happen to be in an easy way around here, we are all very upset. Today was only the first of many days in which I feelt your absence, it is as if there was a void in all the places I see, something is missing. You miss.
I know you don't want to see me sad, however today that was inevitable.
I'm sorry (?)
The only thing that comforts me to know that you are far away is that you will return free of that flaw and finally you can start a new life again.
As John Lennon said: “patience and perseverance have the magical effect of making difficulties and obstacles disappear.”
So dom't forget that even if it takes a little while, things will end up working out.
I hope they are taking care of you.
I love you.
Camila."
I closed the notebook that I am using to write what Lauren asked me, and put it on the side of the bed. Of her bed. I couldn't sleep tonight in another place that wasn't here, although wherever I see my stomach twists, making me have the impulse to want to run out and throw myself in her arms,
I need to endure, by Lauren...
So I decided to sleep with her perfume, in a frustrated attempt to calm the pain.
Lauren's POV
I stood on some steps that were on the side of the windows, in the white room with the smell of a hospital, I saw the moon in the distance, small, shining, free.
When I arrived at this place I was sure that I wouldn't be able to stand a long time without first going crazy. I saw my arm and moved the bracelet that Camila tied earlier, for the first time in a long time
I knew what it was to miss someone.
Bianca, my nurse, came in to see what she was doing. She didn't take long, always respecting me.
I am constantly being watched, simply isolated from everything and everyone, we who are here, we look like the miserable of society, which is a pity.
I sat down and saw my suitcase still intact, I sighed and opened it taking out the two frames I had brought, one with a picture of my family and the other with one of Camila. I put both on the side of the bed, on the shelf. At the same moment the door opened and Bianca went back inside.
“Dear, are you feeling okay?” she asked,
I nodded. “Aren't you hungry? I found out you didn't want to eat” she said and I newly denied.
“Lauren, right?” she asked and I nodded again “the medicines are strong, you can not take them on an empty stomach, you need to eat something...”
“I'm not hungry.” I answered, without looking at her.
I am ashamed to be here, ashamed to know that she knows what I did to be in this place.
One week was completed and I already felt weak. I ran my finger over my arm, over the marks left by the injected needles, the medications have been strong enough, to prevent me from thinking about drugs, however it is difficult not to do so in a place as depressing as this one.
Every time my body begins to show signs that it is about to go crazy, with trembling and sweating on the hands, they increase my dose. I stayed in the room, even though they tried to force me to go to the garden to breathe fresh air.
Bianca had become my only company, I knew practically everything about my life.
She is about 28 years old and is the nicest nurse in the place, for the simple fact of not seeing me with grief, as everyone else around here seems to do.
On some occasions she reminds me of Taylor, she's a little crazy, tough and loves to pass me moral classes, daring me to do things right. one If all this is no longer enough to be desperate, there is still nostalgia.
To see the sun, walk freely, my house, Camila.
The guitar became my great companion in here, now that I have all the time in the universe I am trying to compose a song.
A song for her.
I sighed, looking sideways at the bracelet that I didn't have the courage to remove. It's the only solid thing I have about Camila.
“Good morning Jauregui” Bianca said and entered the room, smiling.
“I this good?” she referred to the tray with medication that I was carrying.
“You have to be happy to see me, girl” she left the tray on the dresser “not everyone has that luck” I closed my eyes “how did you spend the night?“ ”
“Normal” I said and shrugged.
“If you know you shouldn't hide anything, right?” I nodded “Ok, I will give you a vote of confidence” she said and prepared the medicines “now, be a good girl and take this.”
I grimaced, but obeyed.
“Good” she smiled “how about a walk now?” she asked but I shock my head no “come on Lauren, you're going to go into depression if you're still here...”
Camila's POV
" Dear Lauren ...
Today is the seventh day of torture,
your sister and Drew drag me wherever they go, as if I were a puppy, I feel bad at inconveniencing them and for staying veiling them most of the time.
I miss you, I miss you so much.
It's still hard to wake up every morning and not trip over you or see your zombie face at eight o'clock in the morning, haha. Every moment I think about what you are doing or how you are doing.
Your parents constantly call the clinic looking for news, however they don't allow us to have any contact with you, so we only stick to what doctors say, which is very superficial.
Things have lost favor around here, my exchange became less interesting now.
I know that many times all the tears and feelings of sadness may appear exaggerated, after all you are alive.
But what hurts the most is knowing that I won't see you anymore, I will return to Mexico without even knowing how you are doing. That's why I cry every night.
That is what leaves me without encouragement to do anything.
I know that this is a bit selfish, but, nevertheless, I must think about you and not about my need to have you near.
I hope you are well. I miss you.
Camila."
Lauren's POV
I no longer have a sense of time, I have no notion of anything. The days and nights are the same, the crumpled sheets of the unfinished songs were all the way down to the dumpster. I got irritated. Also, I get irritated by anything.
This week I had one more crisis, every part of my body asked for a chemical, I needed to ingest drugs. This day they applied a ‘calm lion’, leaving me completely immobile.
The doses of the drugs come stealing much of the mood, I feel weak, unable to get out of bed, that's why Bianca constantly comes to talk with me, to distract me.
Like today.
“That's it, next time I'll bring you a book of fairy tales for you to read” sheteased, sitting on the chair next to the bed where I lay.
“Bring it.” I said in a low voice.
“You're not well today, right?” she saw me, worried “You still don't get used to the side effects of medications...” she said more to herself, stood up, touching my face “you're sweating Lauren” she quickly took a cloth with ice water and passed it over my face, gently. I closed my eyes.
“I'm nervous.” I murmured. “I don't like to feel prey. It suffocates me.” I opened my eyes “I swear to God that I am dying.”
“You have to be very strong to endure all this..” she said and put the cloth on the tray. And she tied her long dark curly hair.
“Then I think I'm weak.” I sighed.
“Don't be silly” she sat down again
“you are very strong, girl” she smiled.
“No false modesty with me...”you miss your family is not it?” I nodded “I think that is the worst part” I looked at her again
“Who do you miss the most? Your sister, your mom ...?”
“Camila.” I answered, convinced.
Camila's POV
THIRTY DAYS.
And I'm about to have a nervous attack.
A month without her affections.
A month without her smile.
Without her protection.
A month without her kisses.
A month without Lauren.
And I already feel as if years have passed. I sincerely believe that I already did everything I could do in Miami to distract myself and now, that I don't know from what other side to run, what I have left is only to close my eyes to think about her.
Her perfume, her arms wrapping my body, in her voice... I can see her in her room, listening to music while complaining softly about life. Then I go there and she approaches, approaching more and more, and closer, and closer... I can feel her perfume and the delicate touch of her hands on my cheeks, her breathing mix with mine and ...
“I'm dead.” Taylor said and threw herself on the bed, in my bed. But precisely about me “today I walked much more than usual” he said breathlessly “and what were you doing?” she bombarded me with information.
“I was almost kissing your sister” I murmured “but you arrived at the right moment and you woke me up.”
Taylor started laughing. Laugh, no, laugh. She fell off the bed and kept laughing on the floor, her hand on her abdomen and her eyes full of tears.
“What!” she laugh at the misfortune of others. I laughed with her cause, in the end it was funny “you'll see when I put between you and Drew.”
“At least Drew is not just my pillow” said in the middle of the laughter “ay help Camila, you kill me.”
Lauren's POV
“Do you want to tell me about her?” she asked, her voice light.
“She is simply the most amazing person I've ever met. The reason for everything I do to be better.” I took my hand, automatically, to the bracelet, as I always do when I think of Camila “she was the only one who really seemed to want to help me, who felt my pain...” I played with the bracelet “and not I wanted her to feel it more” I bit my lip “that's why I did not resist the day I came here” I sighed.
“She must be a wonderful person..” she smiled, seeing me “only that Lauren, you have to concentrate on your treatment, thinking about the people from the outside will only make you more depressed and therefore, more dependent on something to alleviate this.”
“The truth, thinking about Camila causes the opposite effect on me...” I said with the firm voice “makes me have a reason, a force to fight.If it hadn't been for her I would have sent everything to hell the day they told me they would intern me.”
“You love her, don't you?” she saw me tenderly
“I love her.” -I affirmed “I love her very much.”