Max Crumbly x Female Reader "...

By Su_Akemi

41K 1.4K 781

[COMPLETED] I don't own any characters that I use in the story, they belong to Rachel Renée Russell! And of c... More

1. My Secret Life As A Super(hero) Zero
2. If there's a dead body inside my locker, its probably me!
3. How darth vader became my father
4. SOMEBODY GET ME A DIAPER! QUICK!
5. Why I stuck my toes in my sister's bowl of popcorn
6. Yes, bat kid is my little brother!
7. Sippin' prune juice from a red plastic cup
8. JUST CALL ME BARF!
9. How I Accidentally Busted My Pants, Bashed My Knee, and Bruised My Ego
10. Grandma chokes on her dentures and dies! (Again.)
11. Warning!! Beware of the freaky locker vampire!
12. Setup for a Lockdown?
13. HELP!! I think I'm gonna throw up!
14. The king of clean rocks?!
15. Rantings of a Locker Lunatic
17. Just Kickin' It!
18. I Enter The Deep, Dark Bowels of . . . Where Am I?!
19. Lord of the Labyrinth
20. Do They Really Serve Mighty Meat Monster Pizza in Prison?
21. If I Make It Home Alive, My Dad Is Going To Kill Me!
22. How "Cinderella" Lost a (Glass Slipper) Sneaker
23. Attack of the Killer Toilet!
24. Out of Luck, Covered in Muck, and Drenched in Stench
25. Why There Was A Boy in the Girls' Locker Room
26. WORST. RINGTONE. EVER!!
27. A Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal?! Really?!
28. How I Discovered the Stinky Note of Doom
29. The Mortifying Misadventure of Max Crumbly (Sorry, Dudes! My Bad!)
Milestones ☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆
Bloopers (Part 1?)

16. Who Says a Zombie Can't Rap?!

801 36 5
By Su_Akemi

BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP!
BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP!

My eyes fluttered open and my heart pounded like a bass drum as I was startled awake from a deep sleep.

The fog began to clear in my brain, and I realized my watch had just beeped 9:00 p.m. But for some reason it seemed a lot later than that.

My bedroom was a lot darker than usual too. Did I need a new bulb in my night-light?

My throat felt raw and my legs were cramping. Actually, my ENTIRE body ached.

And I'd just had the CRAZIEST dream!!

About . . . THUG THURSTON?!!

I leaned over to turn on the lamp sitting on my nightstand and . . .

BANG!!!

I hit my head against cold, hard metal.

OW!! That HURT! It felt like someone had rung a bell inside my brain.

"WHERE the heck am I?" I wondered.

I reached into the darkness and felt my coat, my backpack, my journal, and . . .

FOUR METAL WALLS?!

Suddenly all the memories came flooding back to me.

After school. Thug. Locker. Darkness. Janitor. Mop. More darkness . . .

THREE-DAY WEEKEND!

"NOOOOO!!!" I moaned. "Please let this be just a NIGHTMARE!"

But it WASN'T a bad dream. It was my REALITY. I was STILL trapped inside my locker and waiting to be rescued!!

UNLESS . . .

I closed my eyes and considered a horribly morbid thought.

Could I possibly . . . already be . . . DEAD?!

Sure, I felt a little achy, but I didn't feel . . . dead.

Although, I couldn't be sure, since I'd never been, you know, dead before.

I shifted into a more comfortable position and then wiggled my toes to help relieve the intense cramping in my legs.

Actually, muscle cramps were a very bad sign. I'd read somewhere that a corpse could have a weird, intense muscle spasm and suddenly sit straight up.

YIKES!! Like, how FREAKY would THAT be at your great-grandaunt's funeral?! But HOW could I be dead when I still felt so . . . ALIVE?!

UNLESS . . .

I had an even MORE horribly morbid thought as chills ran down my spine.

What if I had already DIED inside my locker and come back as a . . .

ZOMBIE?!!

NOOOOOO!! (I was NOT happy about this!)

Well, one thing was for sure. Being UNDEAD was definitely NOT going to help my nonexistent social life or improve my really CRUDDY rep. . . .


I've seen the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE movies 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. And, basically, zombies are just mean, ugly, rotten people. No pun intended.

That's when I had to ask myself a really deep, philosophical question.

Do I STILL need to worry about Thug actually KILLING me if I'm a ZOMBIE and I'm ALREADY dead?

NOPE!! SWEET!

Which meant the next time Thug rolled up on me, I wouldn't have to be worried about him knocking me into tomorrow.

And I'd finally be able to squash our beef once and for all.

HOW?

I'd simply rip off a body part that I don't really need (like an ear or a thumb) and just hand it to him and watch him totally FREAK!! . . .


Maybe my life as a zombie wouldn't be so bad after all. I was so inspired I decided to write a rap:

***************************

MESSAGE FROM A MIDDLE SCHOOL ZOMBIE

I'm a zombie rapper, as you can see,
cursed to rock the mic for all eternity.

Although I'm undead, my rhymes are hot,
because unlike my corpse, my skills don't rot.

So don't be skurd. Don't tremble and shake.
Yes, I eat human flesh like it's birthday cake.

My eyes are sunken. My heart is like stone.
But I ONLY commit MURDER on the microphone!

My swagger is huge! My ego is chunky!
And my rotting smell? No joke, it's funky!

But the girls still love me! They scream and cry,
"OMG! It's a zombie! I'm too CUTE to DIE!"

Flies buzz all around me, and I'm dribbling drool.
But believing in myself is what makes ME cool!

Fitting in with the crowd was my only crave
in the life that I had before my cold, dark grave.

Listen up! If you seek, then you will find
YOU possess power that'll BLOW your mind!

Be true to YOURSELF when life gets INSANE!
I didn't get this smart from just eating brains!

I'm Zombie Max! My words cut like a knife.
I'll SLAY you first! Then I'll give you LIFE!

***************************

WHOA!! I think this rap is actually kind of deep.

Who would have thought this zombie stuff would be so empowering?

Well, the GOOD news is that I'm pretty sure I'm NOT a zombie. WHY?

Because I hadn't had anything to eat since lunchtime, I was practically starving and my stomach was growling like a T. rex.

But I wasn't craving HUMAN FLESH at all! All I could think about was a juicy burger and a hot, cheesy double-sausage pizza.

However, the BAD news was that I could now add DYING OF STARVATION to my long list of personal problems.

That's when I suddenly remembered . . . !!

I felt along the bottom of my locker until I hit the jackpot!

It was a small plastic bag with three stale gingersnap cookies my grandma had made for me the first day of school. Her cookies were always as hard as a rock and tasted like cinnamon-sprinkled hockey pucks.

Anyway, I snarfed down every last crumb of those doggy biscuits like they were my favorite warm, freshly baked double chocolate chip cookies.

Dude! These were the best NASTY-TASTING cookies I'd ever eaten in my ENTIRE life!

Thanks to my little nap and not-so-yummy snack, I had a burst of energy and optimism.

Maybe there was a way out of my locker after all.

I just had to find it. AND FAST!

Apparently, I WASN'T a half-rotted ZOMBIE (yet, anyway)!

But I'd been cooped up in my hot, stuffy locker for so long that I was definitely starting to SMELL like one. FOR REAL!

Ok guys, thank's for reading!! Tell me in the comments on how the story is!

(Btw plz check out my other stories!!)

Remember to vote, tell your friend's about this story, and to have a good morning/afternoon/night!!

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