"Morning," Laurel chirps once I sit down at the breakfast table.
I offer her a small smile, still unable to pull my thoughts away from Jace. I hope he sobers up- was I wrong to tell him I didn't want to talk to him when he was drunk? What if he just gets even more hammered, and its my fault?
"Hey- you okay?" Ivy asks, nudging my side lightly.
No.
"Yeah- I'm fine," I lie.
She seems convinced, and goes back to eating her breakfast- this morning, Claire made us french toast. Though I don't have much of an appetite, I take a small bite, knowing I need to eat. I have a feeling today is going to be a long day.
"So how'd you sleep last night?" Laurel asks, making light conversation.
Instantly, images of waking up in bed with a shirtless Avery fleet through my mind, and a blush creeps up to my cheeks.
I almost say that I slept alright, but memories of my dream- or rather, my nightmare- keep me from doing so.
"Not so good," I reply, shaking my head. "Tossing and turning most of the night."
She frowns at me.
"I'm sorry. You must be tired," she sympathizes.
"I'm always tired," I laugh.
Before either of us can say anything else, Claire enters the room, clearing her throat.
"Good morning everyone," she chimes. "I just wanted to tell you that we will be having a new girl here for a little over a week. She's a family friend, and I told her parents I'd watch her."
Claire shooting a cautious look at Avery, whose face is significantly paler than usually, before continuing.
"Her name is Tessa- please, everyone be nice to her," she says, offering a weak smile. "And that's all. Enjoy your breakfast!"
I frown, my gaze landing Avery. He looks visibly distressed, but he quickly masks his emotions when he sees me. He stands up and walks out of the room. A few moments later, I hear the front door open and close.
Every fiber in my being wants to go after him to find out whats wrong, but I know I can't. People will start to get suspicious if I leave the room every time he does.
I sigh, and turn to Ivy. She has a questioning look on her face.
"What's wrong with him?" she asks, her voice hushed.
I look toward the direction he walked off in, before whispering, "The hell if I know."
*
I haven't been able to get Avery alone, despite my efforts. Everytime I find him, he has to go help someone with something, or finish a chore, or someone else walks in and I can't talk to him. By the time I see him putting Dakota up for Chrissie, I've basically given up hope.
I peek into the aisle way to check if anyone else is there- there isn't.
I stride over to Avery, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," I say softly, offering him a small smile. He doesn't look at me at first, just closes Dakota's stall, making sure its latched properly.
"Avery," I start, before he cuts me off- just, not with words.
He twirls me around, pressing me against the wall before crashing his lips into mine.
He kisses me urgently, as if I were going to disappear into thin air if he let me go. I respond for a moment, before I realize we are in the middle of the barn, and someone could walk in at any moment.
I move my hands from my sides upwards to press against his chest, pushing him away from me. He stumbles backwards, taken slightly off guard.
"Avery," I hiss. "anyone could have walked in here!"
He doesn't meet my eyes, but I can see that he is in pain right now, although the reason is unknown to me.
"Avery," I sigh, stepping towards him. "What's wrong?"
For the first time since this morning, his eyes meet mine.
"Nothing," he replies, his voice low.
"Avery, don't lie to me," I whisper, reaching up to lay a soft hand across his cheek.
"Grey, just let it go," he growls, shaking my hand off.
"It has something to do with that Tessa girl," I go on, ignoring his warning. "What is it about her? Is she an old girlfriend or something?"
His eyes snap up towards me, a glare on his face cold enough to freeze over a desert. I'm taken aback by the heat in his eyes.
"Leave her out of this Grace," he warns.
"So it is her!"
"I said let it go!" he snaps, his eyes flaming.
I jump backwards, startled by his tone. His gaze softens.
"Grey," he murmurs, placing a light hand on my arm. I recoil at his touch, taking another step backwards. Before he can make another move towards me, someone else enters the barn.
"Grace," Laurel calls. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Can it wait," Avery snaps. I shoot him a cautious glance, before turning to Laurel, plastering a smile on my face.
"Sure," I reply. "I was just leaving."
I head towards Laurel, not looking back. Once we're out of Avery's view, I stop walking.
"What is it?" I ask, silently gracious that she got me out of there before I said something I didn't mean.
"I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go on ride," she replies.
"Yes," I say instantaneously. "Nothing would make me happier."
And I'm being fairly honest. I want to get out of here and have some time to think.
"Great," Laurel chirps. "Secret's already tacked up, so just meet me in front of the barn with your horse when you're ready."
"Will do," I say, smiling. "I'm just going to go tack up.
As soon as I turn around, my smile morphs into a frown. I do not want to go back in there with Avery. Luckily, when I turn into the barn, he has disappeared.
I fetch Trigger out of his stall, and lead him to the crossties. Some people here don't clip their horses in when tacking up because they 'trust them' enough not to. I, on the other hand, am calling it like it is- although Trigger has come a long way, he could easily bolt off and I'd never see him again. So, I clip him in.
I go to the tack room and grab his saddle, bridle, and saddle pad in one trip, not wanting to be going back and forth.
When I get back to him, I run him over with a few brushes (a bit lazily, I might add). I pick out his hooves before quickly tacking him up.
Smiling at my work, I lead him out to meet Laurel and Secret.
When I get out of the barn, Laurel is there but Secret is not.
"Laurel- where's your horse?" I ask.
She frowns at me, shaking her head. "I can't go on the trail ride- I completely forgot I promised my sister I'd Skype with her, and she'll kill me if I cancel. I already put Secret into her paddock. I'm sorry you got tacked up for nothing."
I shake my head. "Its fine- I'm still going to go. I need some time to think about everything."
"Alone? On Trigger? Are you crazy?"
I laugh. "No, I'm not crazy- and Trigger's not a bad horse. I trust him enough to not throw me off."
"Whatever you say," Laurel chuckles. "but even the best of horses throw their riders."
I slide my foot into the left stirrup, bouncing a few times on my right foot before slinging myself up onto Trig's back.
"See you later Laurel," I say. I don't wait to hear a response, pressing Trigger into a quick trot instantly. I smile, loving his fluent motions. I turn him down the trail, heading in the direction of the spring Laurel and Piper took me to that one time.
It doesn't take me too long to get there- maybe fifteen minutes. The weather is nice, and the ride is pleasant. I don't enjoy it, however- my mind is elsewhere.
On Jace.
And Avery.
I dismount once I get to the water, tying Trig up to the tree that has hooks screwed into its trunk.
I pull of my boots and roll up my jeans so that I can dip my feet into the water. It's cold.
But not as cold as the look Avery gave me earlier.
It was almost as if he hated me, in that moment in time. And the thought that he could hate me terrified me more than it should.
Hell, he's just a boy. A boy I met at my psycho therapy horse camp I didn't even want to go to.
A boy who seems to have stolen my heart in only a month.
How is that even possible? We've been 'dating' only a week.
I used to laugh at people who believed you could fall for someone that fast. I'd meet couples who had been dating for a week or two, and were so love struck you'd have thought they were puppies. And Chey and I would make fun of them, laughing behind their backs.
Because we knew- we knew that love is not a game people can play, and love is not something that you can just find that fast.
If the feeling comes on that fast, we always classified it as lust, as an infatuation.
But I've been infatuated with someone before, and as much as I hate to admit it, what I feel for Avery is much different. I can say with some certainty that it is not an infatuation.
Love, however, I have never experienced. Sure, I loved Chey and I love Jace, but I have never been in love with someone. So, I can't say that I'm in love with Avery.
I can't say that I'm not, however.
Despite the strong feelings I have for him, I refuse to believe its love though. That's stupid. Love is something that happens over time, something that two people work for. We have been working at this for a week, and half of that time we've been fighting.
No, I can't possibly be in love with him.
The person I do love, however, is in trouble and I'm not there to help him.
Jace still hasn't called me back. I'm so completely worried out of my mind, but its not like I can really do anything. I can't go back though I want to- if I could, I'd leave right now to go be with him. I'd come back, because I can't leave Trigger after all the work I've put into him, but I want to leave right now. I want to be with Jace right now.
When you strip away everything, Jace is the only one who really knows me, the only one I have. There's a part of me that lives becasue of him, just like there's a part of me that hasn't been alive since Chey died.
I can't lose him, too. I can't lose Jace. He has to be okay.
I'll call him. As soon as I get home, I'll call him.
"Grey?"
I jump, startled. My head whips around, though I know who it is before my eyes land on him. No one else calls me Grey. I stand to my feet.
"Why'd you follow me out here Avery?" I ask, annoyed. "And how'd you know where to find me?"
He dismounts Feather, and takes a few steps towards me.
"I just had a hunch," he says softly.
I snort. "Of course you did."
"Grey," he starts, placing a hand on my arm. I look up at him, my eyes hard.
"What?" I growl.
His expression is soft, the opposite of my own. "Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. And I'm sorry for being a jerk yesterday, too," he says, his voice sincere.
I soften, offering him a small smile.
"It's- okay," I say quietly. Although I say the wordss I know he expects to hear, I can't be sure that I mean them. Am I okay with the fact that he keeps going off on me?
I don't really know.
"Can you at least tell me why you were so upset earlier?" I ask, pressing a hand against his chest.
"Grey, let it go," he pleads, his voice tired.
"Why? Why do I have to let it go?"
"Grey, I don't want to talk about it," he sighs.
I step back. "Of course you don't. You know, Avery, I have told you basically everything about me, but you are still a closed book. This works two ways, you know. If you are going to shut me out, then you can expect the same."
I turn around, and untie Trigger before climbing onto his back.
Before I ride away, I turn towards Avery.
"Don't even think about following me."
And then Trigger and I are gone with the wind.
A/N
Reference to my favorite book of all time in the last line! Whoop whoop!
Anyways, I'm sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoyed this exceptionally long chapter. I'm not going to write a long author's note because its late at night, I'm tired, I have church tomorrow, and I'm also hungry.
Also, I'm watching The Walking Dead. I started it about 1-2 weeks ago, and I keep not watching it for a few days then binge watching it for 12 hours or so. It's fun. Addictive show if you can handle gore.
Goodnight My Lovelies!!!!!