"I miss you so much, Dawn. Won't you come home soon?" my mom said with a worried frown on the screen of the telecaller I was using in the Pokemon Center.
Only a week had passed since I lost in the final round of the Johto Grand Festival to May, who was now a three-time Top Coordinator. After the loss I shut myself in nearest the pokemon center, avoiding contact with anyone and everyone.
"No need to worry, Mom. I'll make it home eventually. Besides, I'm 17 now, it's not like kids my age still live at home anymore," I said with a forced grin.
My mother, Johanna, was my idol since I was little. She became a Top Coordinator when she was very young and even now was teaching hopeful coordinators every day in her backyard. I always dreamed of becoming a Top Coordinator and following in her footsteps. The blow of losing to Zoey back when I first started my journey when I traveled with Ash and Brock had been hard, but I picked myself up and tried again... only to lose in the Semi-Final round to Kenny.
After that, I decided to try in a different region. I competed in Kanto, Hoenn, and this was my second attempt at the Johto Grand Festival. Each time I would get to the semi-finals or even the final match but no matter what my pokemon and I tried, we could never win.
I just don't understand what I am doing wrong, I thought to myself, feeling numb and trying not to allow feelings of anger and sadness to overtake me. Numbness seemed a much better alternative.
"Dawn? Dawn, are you listening to me?" my mother's voice asked, breaking through my thoughts. I blinked, shaking my head slightly and frowning apologetically at the screen.
"I'm sorry, Mom. What were you saying?"
"I was saying that I miss you and would like to give my daughter a real hug face to face," she said with a small huff and I again forced a bright smile.
"I miss you too, Mom. I would love one of your hugs, but I haven't decided what I am going to do now..." I said, trailing off and trying to keep my misery from showing.
My mom sighed and I took a moment to study her perfect bob of blue hair. I was shocked to see that there were a few grey lines running through it now and there were small wrinkles at the corner of her eyes that I didn't remember noticing before. How long has it been since I went home? I wondered to myself guiltily.
"Well, whatever you decide I am proud of you, Dawn. You have grown so much since you first left on your journey and I love watching all of your contests," she said with sincerity and I felt like someone was reaching a hand through my chest to squeeze my heart.
How could she be proud of me when it's been almost eight years and I still haven't been able to make my dream come true?
"Thanks, Mom. It's getting late, I think I'm going to turn in for the night," I said, trying my best to sound like my normal, chipper self.
"Alright, sweetheart. I love you!" she said while blowing me a kiss through the screen. I mirrored the gesture and clicked off the call, watching as the image of my mom flickered for a moment and then went black.
"Dawn, your pokemon are ready for you. Thank you." Nurse Joy's kind voice floated through the speakers of the pokemon center and I couldn't help but let a world-weary sigh escape from the depths of my being.
As I pushed up from my seat to head over to the nurse's station I tried to snap myself out of my melancholy. I didn't want my pokemon to see me in such a depressed state after they had given their all to the festival.
"Is that you DeeDee?" a deep voice from behind me asked.
I immediately stiffened, feeling my normal annoyance and anger at the stupid nickname boil up in my stomach. The feeling was doused just as quickly though and my shoulders slackened as I turned to look over my shoulder.
"Hey, Kenny," I greeted flatly, meeting the eyes of my childhood best friend.
Kenny had grown a lot as a coordinator and a person since we first began our pokemon journeys. After Ash left for Unova and Brock decided to become a Pokemon Doctor, I traveled with Kenny and my best friend Zoey for a year. It was a lot of fun traveling together with other coordinators and I managed to dodge all of Kenny's obvious advances while we traveled. After he beat me in the Semi-Finals of the Sinnoh Grand Festival when I was eleven though, he confessed his feelings for me and I had no choice but to reject him.
It wasn't that I didn't think Kenny was great. I'd be the first person to say that he was one of my best friends, after all. Still, I had never felt attracted to him. To try and help him get over me I decided to leave Sinnoh and travel to other regions that had contests to hone my skills. However, no matter where I went he always seemed to catch up to me.
"I thought you left right after the grand festival! Your last battle was really something," he said enthusiastically.
He took a step closer to me, but that only made our height difference even more apparent. Kenny was a good two inches shorter than my 5'10", which was admittedly very tall for a girl. When I turned 14 I suddenly started to shoot up in height. I felt awkward about my height for quite a while, but just this year my body was finally beginning to stabilize and I could honestly say I liked how I looked now.
"Thanks..." I replied reluctantly, trying to keep the tears at bay as I remembered my last grueling double battle against May's Blaziken and Delcatty.
"I was hoping that we could catch up for a bit," Kenny said with a hesitant smile. I regarded my friend while trying to keep my discomfort from showing.
"Sure, Kenny. Let me just go grab my pokemon," I agreed reluctantly to which he beamed.
"Sounds great! I'll walk with you," he offered, still beaming for all he was worth and I tried not to sigh in exasperation.
I listened as Kenny told me about his latest journey through Kanto where he placed second in the Grand Festival. At least you're a Top Coordinator, I thought bitterly, remembering his jubilant expression when he went on to win the Grand Festival the year he beat me in the Sinnoh Semi-Finals when we traveled together.
"All of your pokemon are in perfect health," Nurse Joy proclaimed with her signature smile. Piplup chirped excitedly, jumping into my arms from his spot on the counter where he had been waiting outside of his pokeball for me to come.
"Thank you very much, Nurse Joy," I said, politely bowing my head to her before retrieving the rest of my pokemon all tucked safely away in their pokeballs.
"C'mon, DeeDee! Let's go get something to drink, I'm thirsty," Kenny said with a smile and I nodded mutely.
"Lup?" Piplup chirped, looking up at me with both concern and confusion.
Piplup had been with me through every single journey I made and I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. I smiled tightly at him, trying to communicate that I was fine without words as I followed Kenny into the eating area of the PokeCenter. I got myself a cup of strawberry milk while Kenny went to the self-serve ice cream machine and poured himself a heaping portion of vanilla ice cream before sitting down at the table I had chosen near the window to watch the sun set gently behind the forest's tree tops.
"I thought you said you were thirsty," I commented trying to sound teasing instead of sarcastic as Kenny scooped a large spoonful of his treat into his mouth.
"Ice cream is just frozen liquid, DeeDee," he rebutted in a superior tone. I rolled my eyes, almost wishing that my normal anger could break through the numbness that had been dogging me since the Grand Festival disaster. "Hey, you haven't gotten mad at me once for that nickname. Are you okay?" Kenny asked with concern sparkling in his brown eyes.
Piplup wiggled slightly on my lap, prompting me to look down into his own concerned expression.
"I'm fine, Kenny. You said you wanted to catch up? If that's all then I'll..." I said as I made to leave my seat but Kenny quickly reach out a hand as if to stop me.
"No, no! I still want to catch up!" he mumbled around the ice cream in his mouth. I reluctantly settled back into my seat, glancing out at the setting sun again. "So, uh... This was your second time challenging the Johto Grand Festival, right?" Kenny asked after swallowing his ice cream and I nodded. "Did you catch any new pokemon?" he asked, obviously doing his best to get me to join the one-sided conversation.
I glanced over at him, feeling a little bad for being so uncooperative. Eventually I let out a sigh and nodded.
"Yes. I caught a Bellossom," I said, causing Piplup to fold his flippers in a silent pout.
The Bellossom I caught had taken a shine to Piplup. However, she had a personality that liked to tease the one she liked. She enjoyed sneaking up behind him and then sending a weak magical leaf attack at his back to make him shriek and scold her.
"Wow, a Bellossom? That's cool!" Kenny exclaimed energetically between bites of his ice cream.
I shrugged silently as I glanced at her pokeball on my belt. Bellossom was a hard worker, but I hadn't ended up using her in the Grand Festival since she had a hard time with combination attacks. She was fantastic in solo performances and battles though. Silence stretched between us as I sipped my sweetened milk.
"So.... what are your plans now?" Kenny asked, his tone extra happy as if he was trying to dissolve the awkwardness around us.
"I don't know," I whispered, still staring out of the window.
"Lup. Piplup Pip!"
Piplup suddenly jumped off my lap and waved his flippers angrily at Kenny, as if he were saying to leave me alone already. His antics made me smile and I reached out and hugged him to me, chuckling as I noticed that he was still glaring angrily at Kenny who looked shocked at my little partner's explosion.
"Sorry about that," I said to Kenny without really meaning it as I stroked Piplup's head. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do next yet. That's why I haven't left Johto. What are you doing here, Kenny?"
Kenny blushed and glanced down at his half-eaten bowl of ice cream before raising his eyes to meet mine. Uh oh, I thought tiredly, mentally bracing myself.
"Well, I was looking for you actually. Zoey told me that you hadn't contacted her yet, so she thought you probably stayed here."
I closed my eyes while trying to hold back a grown. I made a mental note to explain to Zoey once again that my feelings had not changed for Kenny and I did not appreciate her attempts at matchmaking.
"I got here as soon as I could so that I could ask you to travel with me again..." Kenny trailed off, his hope-filled eyes sparkling as he ignored his melting ice cream and stared at me.
A little surprised that Piplup hadn't reacted to Kenny's proposal, I surreptitiously looked down at him. I almost choked on a laugh as I saw his face which looked akin to the famous painting of a ghostly figure screaming silently.
"I'm sorry, Kenny. But I do not want to travel with you," I said as firmly yet kindly as I could possibly be. Kenny's smile faltered for a moment before it resurfaced stronger than ever and he leaned forward against the table.
"But Dawn, you said you don't have any plans! I know you said you don't like me, but if we spent more time together then you would see that I've changed!" Kenny rattled enthusiastically and sadness washed over me.
"Kenny, I don't want you to change. I want you to be my friend and rival, but I don't want you to be my boyfriend and that will never change. So please," I begged while standing up, leaving my half-finished milk on the table. "Just let me go."
I turned abruptly and walked away, ignoring Kenny as he yelled my name. I walked swiftly up the stairs and down the hall to the room that I had been staying in for the last week. I quickly opened the door and shut it, sliding the lock closed with finality.
"Pip pip pip piplup pip!" Piplup chirped out angrily, jumping down from my arms and dramatically kicking a pillow that had fallen to the ground while I was getting out of bed this morning.
With a tired sigh, I leaned my back against the door and slowly slid down until I was sitting on the floor. Piplup, noticing my lack of emotion, stopped his angry chirping. He waddled over to me and leaned one of his soft flippers against my outstretched legs.
What am I doing? I wondered, trying to fight off the deep melancholy that I had never experienced before. I should have washed my hands of the loss and moved on as soon as the final ceremony was over. No need to worry, right? I asked myself but then blinked in shock as I felt moisture slip down my left cheek. Reaching up a hand I wiped my cheek and felt a small stream of tears flowing.
"Piplup?" Piplup cooed at me, clambering onto my lap and doing his best to give me a hug. I wrapped my arms around his little body and held him tightly, finally allowing myself to realize that I had given up hope. I chased my dream for seven years with nothing to show for it and I no longer knew what to do.
Brring Brring. Brring Brring.
Almost on autopilot I reached into my jean shorts pocket and pulled out my pokegear, opening it without even checking to see who was calling.
"Hello?" I answered, inwardly wincing at how much my voice was shaking.
"Dawn? Dawn is that you? Are you okay?" A musical voice asked with deep concern through the pokegear speaker.
"Serena?" I asked, desperately wiping at my eyes and willing myself to stop crying.
"Yes, it's me. Dawn, are you crying? What happened?" Serena asked, sadness and concern obvious even through the speaker.
"Dawn's crying?" I heard a masculine voice in the background ask.
"Shush, Ash. Go train some more or something," Serena snapped to the voice before turning her attention back to me. "Dawn, what happened? I'll listen; just tell me what's wrong."
The tears kept falling as I cried into the phone, listening to Serena's soothing voice console me. I met Serena in the Hoenn region last year. We faced each other in a contest with me ending up claiming the ribbon. Even though we saw ourselves as rivals, we became fast friends and completed our journey until the Grand Festival together. She and I grew as close as sisters throughout our journeys and I had encouraged her to straight-up tell Ash her feelings (since he was too dense to ever understand it any other way). I had been the first one she called when they became a couple.
Slowly, through my tears, I explained how I was feeling. That no matter how hard I tried I could never reach my dream of becoming a Top Coordinator and I was thinking of giving up. Serena listened to me with the occasional "ah" or "oh" to let me know she was still listening. Piplup patted my stomach as he cried fat tears as I explained my pain and how I felt like I was letting down my pokemon that trained so hard. When I finally let it all out Serena sighed and I thought I heard her sniffle.
"Oh, Dawn, I am so sorry I can't be there to give you a hug," she said sincerely and I felt a genuine smile spread across my waterlogged lips. "You and your pokemon are so talented, Dawn. I don't think you should give up on your dream at all. But..." she trailed off after a while without finishing her thought. I blinked, tilting my head in anticipation for what she had to say.
"But what?"
"Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself to become Top Coordinator," Serena suggested gently.
I frowned, stroking Piplup's head absently as I considered what she said. "What do you mean?" I asked slowly.
"Maybe you need a change of pace? You know that my dream was to become Kalos Queen, but in order to get strong enough to do that I ended up traveling for several years in other regions. Right?" she reminded me. I nodded, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see me. "Well, after my training in contests and visiting Alola with Ash, I finally felt like I found the reason why I had failed to become Kalos Queen in the past. I was able to use all of that experience and I finally achieved my dreams," Serena said, and I knew that she wasn't just talking about becoming Kalos Queen, but also about having Ash accept her feelings.
"So... you think I should stop doing contests?" I asked hesitantly and I heard her chuckle nervously.
"It sounds counterproductive, I'm sure. But yes. I think if you gave yourself a break, let go of all of this stress and pressure you have on yourself, then maybe it'll help." Serena's voice was hopeful and bright through the pokegear against my ear and I closed my eyes and really considered her advice.
"What would you suggest?" I asked quietly, trying to imagine what life would be like without participating in a contest every month.
"You could always try for Kalos Queen. Or in Alola they have created something really interesting called a Luau Showdown," Serena said with excitement obvious in her voice and I couldn't help but laugh.
"A Luau what now?" I asked with a grin and Serena laughed as well.
"The name may need some work, but it's really fun! It's kind of a mix between a pokemon showcase and a contest. There are two rounds and in the first round you have to perform a dance with your pokemon, however many the showdown allows. Then you have to battle against opponents in a themed battle where you actually participate!" Serena gushed and I blinked in shock.
"Wait, what?" I asked, leaning forward as my interest was piqued.
Serena and I talked about Alola and the Luau Showdowns for almost an hour before I heard Ash complaining that he was hungry. Serena excused herself, saying that she loved me and believed that I would reach my dream no matter what I ended up choosing. Feeling lighter than I had all week, I hung up with Serena and looked down at Piplup who had started building a little nest on the floor out of pillows and blankets he had pulled from one of the beds in the room.
Piplup met my gaze and scooted off the pillow he had been standing on to waddle over to me while peeping hesitantly. I smiled down at my precious partner and reached out to tickle his sides, surprising him so much that all he could do was fall over and laugh as I continued to tickle him. Eventually, I pulled back and allowed Piplup to calm his laughter and breathing as he lay panting on the floor.
"Piplup," I said, causing him to sit up and look at me. "Would you go with me to Alola?" I asked him hesitantly.
He jumped up onto his little webbed feet, tapping his chest proudly. Then he chirped determinedly as if telling me to leave everything up to him. I smiled and gathered him into my arms for a hug.
"Thanks, Piplup! Maybe there really is no need to worry," I said, feeling excitement beginning to build within me.
I wasn't giving up my dream of being a Top Coordinator, but I would do as Serena suggested and look for different ways to grow. Maybe if I stopped focusing on contests so much I would finally be able to have fun like I did when I first started my journey.