Juniper POV
It had been four month's.
4 month's since I was diagnosed with a co-morbid condition, O.D.D and skitsofrenia. Well, skitsofrenia at least, I already had O.D.D.
It had been 4 month's since I started going to therapy and psychology sessions.
4 month's since Tyler's mom overdosed.
4 month's that have changed us completely.
We were at the docks. We sat on the ground under a wooden bridge near the water while the rain hit furiously.
Tyler had cut his hair so it didin't fall on his face anymore. He was all the same and not the same. At plain sight, he was the same. But inside, he wasen't the Tyler I had met 4 month's ago.
I wasent the same either, neither physically or mentally. I had let my hair grow and dyed it silver. Origally, my hair reached just a little below my shoulder blades. Now, the tip of my curls touched my lower back thanks to the treatment I used. I havent really bothered cutting it and I dont think I will.
Im still an emo bitch , thought im learning to look for a variety. I have taken more therapy sessions than I can count and im still doing psychology lessons with Sussanah. My legal guardian is now Aunt G and I now live with her. This happened after Jimmy gave me a serious beating for not wanting to change. He wanted me to be a girly goodie two shoes and I refused. I was tired of having to change who I was to satisfy other people. The next day, Tyler had seen my bruised up face and broken lip, he was furious. He dragged me to Philips office where I was obliged to tell the truth: that my mothers boyfriend beated me on a daily basis and whenever I failed to complete his orders.
After that, social workers got involved as well as the Family & Child Services Department. It was decided that my 'home' was no longer safe for me. My mom refused to break up with him, choosing the bastard over her own blood. Aunt G heard what happened and took me in. I've been living with her ever since. She has helped with with so much. She has been there at my therapies, lessons, school reunions and what not. She even signed me up for piano lessons, a secret desire I've had since I was a kid. My seizures have stopped, the bruises on my arms have healed completely as well as the others from the beating I took. I still get nightmares, the man in my dreams continues to torment me and I am currently working on how to get rid of him, searching for answers in my past. I've learned too control the headaches I get for thinking too hard about things that im supposed to leave forgotten.
Thing's weren't pretty & pink but they weren't as bad as before. So I guess I can say its a happy medium.
"What are you thinking about?" Tyler suddenly whisperd in my ear, making me jump and breaking me out of my train of thought.
"All the things that have happened." I answerd.
We were quite for a moment.
"How are you? How's everything going? " I asked him, leaning my head on his shoulder.
He sighed.
"Im still pretty distant with my dad, school's good I guess. Im waiting for the transfer to be complete. I'll be oficially back in a couple of day's. Meanwhile, im still missing her." He said softly.
Tyler had left after his mom's burial. He had spent 3 solid months over in another continent, promising me that we would talk everyday.
And that we did.
We talked everyday, called each other and also face timed. I understood he needed time to heal. I wish I had had that luxury when dad passed away. He had flown back a couple of days ago and we have been hanging out ever since.
"I get the feeling. I'd do anything to have my father here with me. I miss him so much, It would be all so easy."
I wonder what would he think of my co-morbid condition, about all that was happening in my life currently. I thought to myself.
He was suddenly alert.
"Wait, what? " he exclaimed.
My eyes darted to him in question. "What what?" I asked.
"Juniper, what the hell do you mean ?" He said standing up.
I raised my head.
"What do you mean?" I asked again, and my answer only seemed to annoy him.
"I know for a fact co-morbid is when a person has more than one chronic diseas or condition, in fact the correct term for it is comorbidity." He said and crossed his arms over his chest. He didin't look mad. He just looked concerned.
"Shit." I cursed under my breath. Great, turns out not only did I think it, but I said it aloud as well. Smart, Juniper, real smart.
I sighed. "Its complicated, Ty." I said softly, looking up at him.
He knelt down and sat in front of me.
He stroked my cheek and said "I can handle complicated."
I took a deep breath.
"The day your mom died was the day I found out that I was diagnosed with two mental disorders, scitsofrenia and O.D.D." I stated simply.
He frowned.
"What's O.D.D ?"
"Oppositional defiant disorder is a childhood disorder that is defined by a pattern of hostile, disobedient, and defiant behaviors directed at adults or other authority figures. It also has to do with my angry and irritable moods, as well as my argumentative and vindictive behaviors. That's what my therapist told me. It turns out my problem is bigger than just simple anger management issues." I said.
"I found out that my O.D.D was diagnosed at a young age and that my skitsofrenia had come up on an MRI I had gotten done a while ago. My mother hid both things from me, as per usual." I added when he didin't answer.
Silence again.
"Is your skitsofrenia that bad?" He asked tentatively.
"I hear voices 24/7 and I have serious issues of paranoia. Im constantly seeing shadows and my nightmares are on a scale of 1 to 10, a 20. Theres more to it than that but yeah." I said with humor.
"The nightmares again?" He asked.
"Theres more to it than you think. Basically, there's a man in my dreams that torments me. This started happening the night of my 16th birthday. Who is the man? I have a hunch its my dead brother, whom btw I saw die at the age of 6."
"Wait what? Your brother? You have a brother?" His eyes were wide with shock.
"Correction, I had a brother. He passed away when I was little. But I forgot all about him until recently, when I discovered he was real, that he had existed." I briefly explained.
"J, how can you forget you have a brother? How does that even work?" He asked, and I knew he found it as hard to believe as I still did.
"I also suffer from repressed memories. His death traumatized me and made me forget him all toguether, as well as miss out on full years of my childhood." I said in an almost dismissive tone.
"Wow, this is all so..." he trailed off.
"Yeah, crazy I know." I agreed, watching the waves as the crashed angrily on the shore in the distance.
"Why o you think its your brother? If you don't mind me asking, that is." He asked after a while, and I avoided his gaze.
"Because there's a curse in my family. A family member dies, is unable to find peace, his soul gets trapped in God knows where and starts tormenting a relative. The only way for the relative to help the family member find peace and free his soul is to say the relatives name three times. I dont really know how this works but thats the basics. The man in my dreams call's me Krissy, a nickname given to me by my brother. He was 16 when he died, I was 16 when I met him. It can't be a coincidence. " I said as the rain kept on pouring.
"But, he's your brother June. Why would he want to do anything that would hurt you?"
"Because I watched him die, he called out to me for help and I didn't listen." He frowned at me and I sighed.
"Wen I was six, we went to the river. We were playing and I had gotten out to get something to drink when a blow of water and took him away. He screamed at me for help but I thought it was all a game. I let him die and he hasn't forgiven me. I took away his life, Tyler. I don't-" I stopped talking and tightly closed my eyes.
"Its all a big nightmare. Thing's are kind of better than before, but its not enough." I sighed.
"June, look at me." Tyler said and I was forced to open my eyes.
"Of course its not enough. You dont deserve all of this shit that's happening to you. You were six Juniper, you can't blame yourself. You were too little."
"That's what everybody keep's telling me, Linda, Sussanah, Aunt G, my stupid mother, you. But your wrong. I could have done something to help him. Other people would have done it." I said bitterly.
"But your not other people, your Juniper. Dont compare yourself. Just because other people have it easy or act differently doesn't mean you should." He said softly, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear.
He raised my chin so I could look at him.
"Im sorry I didn't realize anything sooner. And here I was, complaining about my mom when you have millions of problems."
I waved my hand dissmisivly.
"Dont worry about it. Like I said, I know how you feel." I said, turning so I could face the water.
"I thought she was better, you know. I never expected this to happen. She was fine, finally in control. I should have seen the signs." I heard him whisper.
"We all think that Ty. But at the end of the day, you weren't the one who shoved drugs into their hands, you didin't give her the idea to chug it down with alcohol, you didin't tell her to do it. When your an addict, its extremely hard to get sober, to stop the tingling feelings, the urge, the desperation. All we can do is try our best." I said.
"You sound like you say it from experience."
I shook my head and once again leaned my head on his shoulder.
"My dad was an addict. Most of the nights I sneaked downstairs to get something to drink, he had a bunch of pills infront of him. I used to tell him to be careful and he always said he will. I could have told him to stop but he woudin't have listened. Same with your mom Ty. Those kind of things are beyond our control." I told him.
After that we took a walk.
Hand in hand, not bothering if we got drenched, not caring if we got sick. We were alredy sick.
Of the world.
Of people.
Of our lives.
But we didn't have the courage to say it aloud.
We didn't know how to stop it.
Thing's were spiralling out of control or at least, that's what my mind told me.
That day, I remember feeling my hope falter.
Thing's weren't going to change.
I needed to keep going.
If not, I was doomed
To stay in the dark,
Were I belong.
Edited