"Because," Katrina muttered, "I love him." Her eyes were still red and her face was streaked with tears. I bit my lip, trying to keep from being a bad friend. I looked out the window and watched the rain roll off of the glass. She sniffled and I wanted to reach over and slap her until she realized what he was doing to her.
"I hate him," I groaned, "he's such scum."
"You're just mad because he's hurt me so much," she said, "you don't mean it."
"You just admitted he's hurt you, more than once. I think you have a fear of being alone."
"I don't," she said, "I have you."
"Always." I said, "Now, wipe those tears. I think we should find a party to invite ourselves too."
"No," she whispered, "I'm not in the mood Cadence."
"Suit yourself, but I'm going." She looked me over trying to determine if I were serious or not. I was, completely. She determined that for herself and dabbed her eyes and looked into the mirror.
"I look like hell, you can't be serious." She groaned and I grinned.
"I am," I said, "buckle and put some concealer on your bags. Everybody looks like hell after shots." She groaned and did as I said and I realized how opposite we were, my best friend and I. She was short, and blonde with piercing blue eyes and tan skin. I was pale, with dark eyes and black hair. She was flawless and innocent. I was pierced, and covered in tattoos. She was light, and I was dark.
"Don't you have any good CD's?" She asked, digging through the pile. I raised an eyebrow as she shifted through my metal CD's.
"Those are all good ones." I said and she rolled her eyes.
"You know what I meant." I didn't. I never did, but I nodded; pretending girls weren't hard to understand. I whipped the car around quickly and pulled into the McDonalds drive through. She shot me a warning glance and I shrugged.
"I've got to eat," I said, "want anything?"
"You know I'm watching my figure and counting calories."
"Well," I said, "I'm not, and frankly, don't care about your calorie count." She looked offended and I smiled sweetly as I placed both of our usual orders. I paid, and scanned the card. The cashier tried to flirt with me, and shamelessly, I blew him off.
"You're impolite." Katrina said under her breath.
"You always come around," I said, "it can't be that bad."
"It is," she said, "I never know why I come back." The words stung, but I pretended I didn't care. Why the words stung? I left out a tiny detail when I described the polar opposites between my best friend and I. I'm a lesbian, and she's straight. I'm also head over heels in love with her, and she'll never know it.
"Eat something," I tossed the bag into her lap and took a sip of my coke. I decided it was plain the way it was, "hand me the bag?" I asked. She looked at the McDonalds bag and then realized I meant my purse. I poured straight rum into my drink and shook it. I tried a sip and nodded, "better."
"You can't drink and drive." She whispered harshly.
"Well, you're without a license, so I have to, eh?" She turned her head and looked out the window. She occasionally ate and that was good enough for me. I said nothing, just let her pout. My rum was settling hard in my stomach and I tried to concentrate on finding a party. I drove down the roads slowly until I found one. I pulled into the driveway and Cat turned on me, eyes wide.
"We have to leave! Now!" She yelled. I studied her, she looked serious. I put the car in park and faced her.
"Why, on earth, would I do that?"
"He's here," she gasped, "Gavin's here!"
"Who cares," I said, "you look fine and I want to get trashed." I shut the car off and dragged myself to her side. I opened her door and she crossed her arms.
"I'm not going in there, not alone."
"You're not alone," I said, "you're with me."
"But this isn't a date," she said, "he probably has a date." My throat chokes up, and I look at my hands and then hers. She looks sympathetic, like she knows I'm in love with her and I look away.
"That's an idea," I said as I disguised my emotions for a thought, "I am your date." I push, nervously. "I'll be the best, most sweetest girlfriend. He'll be jealous, and come back for you." I remember having watched that in a movie. It didn't work, and the girl ended up falling in love with the boy she used to make her ex jealous. I crossed my fingers as I threaded them through my hair. She tugged at my hand and climbed out of the car.
"I feel bad," she said, "using you like this."
"You're not, it's my idea." I said. I walked towards the house with her on my arm, beaming. She felt safe in my skin and I wanted her to permanently be there. We reached the door and I turned to her, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"You're sure you want to go through with this?" I asked, and she looked scared but certain.
"I want too," she said, "I mean it." Just then the front door opened and the light spilled out onto her face. She looked frozen, and unsure of what to do. My hands were in her hair, and hers were on my wrists. I took the opportunity and went for it. I leaned in and kissed her gently. Her hands tightened on mine and she kissed me back. I took her than, pressing my mouth to hers harder. She leaned into me and hooked her hands around my neck. I slid mine to her waist and then she pulled back and looked to the doorway. It was Gavin, with a girl.
"Hey Gav," she smiled to him and the girl, "hello.." she trailed, waiting for a name.
"Natalie." She said. I felt used, and knew that was what I had signed up for. I tried vigorously to shake the feeling off.
"You already know Cade, Gavin." She motioned towards Natalie, "This is my date, Cade." She said to her. She removed the term 'girlfriend' and improvised 'date' instead. I scowled into the distance and then looked Cat in the face. She was beaming, still wrapped in me and I felt the anger and hurt lift slightly.
"I'm going to get a drink," I said and walked into the house, "this is a fucking joke." I muttered when I was far enough away. I ventured into the house and reached the counter in the kitchen. The table was lined with pre-poured red solo cups and I knew it was hazardous to drink something you didn't fix yourself, but I drank them greedily. One, after another until my head was rushing and my throat ached.
"Straight Vodka," a male voice said from the kitchen door frame, "not my choice of alcohol, but if it suits you."
"Men," I said from the counter as I downed a few more, "not my choice of sex, it doesn't suit me."
"Noted," he allowed himself into the kitchen further and I looked him over. He was tall with dark hair and a nice smile. His piercings tapped his lips making a audible clicking sound while he grinned. I must have looked awestruck, or like hell. "I'm Archer."
"I'm Cadence, but that's gay, so call me Cade."
"Cade," he smiled, "I like it."
"Archer's pretty cool too," I laughed, "are you good with a bow and arrow?"
"Actually, terrible. We took archery in gym, and you can imagine the slandering I got." I laughed again. He was good humoured, and I admired him for being so friendly towards a completely drunk stranger. He downed a cup from the counter and I watched with a raised brow.
"I believe you said this wasn't your type of alcohol."
"I did," he grinned making his snake bites click again, "however- when you're going through a bad break up and need to get fucked up; it does the trick." I raised a glass and he touched it with his cup.
"Amen," I said, "too my should-be-never-was-girlfriend."
"Amen," he whispered, "to the bitch that broke my heart." I laughed as I swallowed the fire in liquid form.
"You should keep in touch," I said, "I don't hate you."
"I'll take that as a compliment," he said as I jotted my number down on a napkin slipping it into his hand, "thank you."
"I've got to find that should-be-never-was-never-will-be-girlfriend."
"Good luck." He said. I walked from the kitchen, dismissing the strange feeling. I rounded the corner to the doorway and looked for Cat's blonde head. I'd know her from other blondes because I was so used to seeing the top of her head. She had to look up to look at me, and I've spent a lot of time looking down on her wondering if she would look up back. She never did. I spotted the figure that matched Natalie's and walked towards the living room.
"Hey," I yelled over the music, "can we talk somewhere more quiet?"
"Sure," she yelled back sniffling, "upstairs works." I nodded and headed that way, the crowd parted as I made my way through. She followed behind me closely, and I grinned. She was scared, and should be. I reached the stairs and walked up them. She was on heel as we reached the top, I turned and looked her over. She was half crying, and unsure.
"What's wrong?" I asked, knowing I'd regret it.
"Gavin," she said and I felt the pit open wider. I prodded her with my eyes to continue but she stopped and sipped a cup.
"What about him," I asked darkly, "tell me." She walked past me into a bedroom and I walked in behind her. She was crying on the bed when I got in, I shut the door behind me and locked it. I continued in and sat down next to her, sighing deeply. I knew that to get to her I'd have to be more sympathetic. I rubbed her back and she tensed. "What's wrong?" I asked again in a sweet tone thick with trying-too-hard.
"Gavin," she said in a different tone and I waited for her to continue, "I'm pretty sure he only brought me here to make Katrina jealous.
"False," I said, "Katrina only brought me here to make Gavin jealous. Actually, false again. I brought Katrina here knowing she was going to use me to make Gavin jealous and am still hurt over it."
"How come?" She asked looking into my eyes.
"Because," I said slowly, "I'm in love with her." Twice in one night I admitted out loud the feelings I had for Cat. It felt bittersweet, but Natalie didn't look like she was going to judge me. She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled sweet and tickled my skin.
"I knew she was faking," she said, "I've seen it."
"Oh yeah?" I laughed under my breath, "A lot of experience with fake lesbians?"
"I've been one, for years."
"What?" I asked blatantly.
"The closet's a cold place." She whispered back to me.
"You're-"
"Lesbian." She continued, "There, the secrets are out. You're in love with a straight girl, and I'm good at pretending."
"How do you know you're not straight?" I asked.
"How did you know?"
"I've been attracted to girls my whole life."
"Same," she said, "you're hotter than Gavin, if that makes you feel better."
"It does," I smiled, "thank you."
"Will you kiss me?" She asked. I looked her over. She had chestnut colored hair and bright green eyes, rimmed red with tears. I dabbed them off of her smooth cheek and traced a circle with my thumb. She grinned sadly and I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Have you ever kissed a girl?" I asked with vodka thick in my breath. She shook her head 'no' and the strand fell back down. I tilted her head up and pressed a tight kiss to the corner of her mouth all the way to her jawline. She gasped and her pulse picked up. I worked my way down her neck and too her chest before coming back up to her mouth. The way she looked at me was unforgettable. Her pupils were huge, and her lips were parted. I took her face in my hands and kissed her hard. She pulled me closer too her, but the only way to get closer was backward on the bed. I wasn't going to pressure her into it, but she took the initiative. We tumbled backwards and she planted herself on top of me, slipping her hands up my shirt. Her skin was smooth and I had no objections to letting her discover herself. In the back of my mind, I remembered Cat; with Gavin somewhere being used. I let her roll of my thoughts and focused completely on Natalie, because she was real and interested here and now.