Two months has passed as I lay there on the bed with my legs danging over the edge as they swing back and forth. I stared blankly at the ceiling still wondering who Mina is and why he called me by that name. Again nothing was making any sense to me and I felt that none of my questions were being answered. Should I be worried? Am I overthinking this? Am I being too irrational? I was bombarded with questions formulating in my head that it was giving me a bit of a headache. I've even been going through mood swings. I've even missed a few sessions with Namjoon and have stopped participating in some of the group discussions.
There was a knock on the door and I sat straight up before telling the person to come in. The door opens, revealing the tall handsome figure I knew so well.
"Hello Y/N. Sorry to bother you but I was asked to come get you."
I raise an eyebrow as I lift myself off the bed and onto my feet. I cross my arms and tilt my head. "Hmm. Is there something wrong?"
"No, there's nothing wrong. Dr. Kim Namjoon requested you because he has something important to discuss with you."
Important? What could be so important that he had Jin come to get me for? Was I in trouble? Am I being transferred to another facility? Am I cured? Can I finally go home?
"Alright then. I hope it's good news" I sigh with a small shrug and dragged myself to the door.
Jin doesn't reply to my comment and simply closes the door behind us and leads me down the pathway of stairs and halls and usual. It was kind of strange not hearing Jin talk that much. Usually he's loud and touching his chin and face as he goes on about how good looking he is and where he gets his handsome genes from. I wonder what happened to him that made him so silent all of a sudden?
We finally got to the door and Jin knocks three times before hearing Namjoon reply "Come in". Jin opens the door for me and I walk in, feeling a little less enthusiastic about being here. I did a quick turn around to say something to Jin but it was already too late and the door had closed. I stand there clueless. Goosebumps appeared on my delicate skin and a slight chill ran through my spine. Namjoon soon acknowledges my presence and motions his hand towards the chair in front of him.
"Come sit down. You know I won't hurt you" Namjoon replies with his usual dashing smile.
My legs felt like a bowl of jello as I cautiously walk to the available chair. I don't know what has come over me. I've been here for two to three months now. Why the hell am I acting like this?
My legs soon find themselves in the same comfy chair and I clasp my hands together, waiting for Namjoon to finally say something. He puts away a file, closes his laptop and folds his hands together. His eyes were now darted onto mine, giving me full undivided attention.
"I'm sorry to have you come in at such an inconvenient time but I have something to discuss with you"
I cleared my throat "In regards to...?"
He claps his hands together, bringing his knuckles to his lips. He sighs deeply, thinking really hard for a moment. He opens his mouth and says "It's about your progress here. How do you feel right now? Do you feel like you're getting better?"
"Oh...umm..." I bit my lower lip, not knowing how to answer to such questions. "I don't know. How am I supposed to feel?"
He looks a bit surprised by my answer. "There's is no exact way of telling whether you feel better or not. I only ask because I've noticed that during the last couple of our recent sessions you've been quiet and acting a bit strange. I'm very concerned. Is there something you're not telling me, Y/N?"
I shrug and let out a harsh aspirated chuckle "Well you're the doctor, you're supposed to tell me whether I'm better or not. Besides, I still have not figured out how I got here and why my mental state is impaired"
I was giving a bit of an attitude and was in no mood to talk about how I'm feeling. All I want is to resolve my grudges, get out of here and move on with my life. But how was I supposed to when Namjoon is treating me like someone he loved and cared for. What is it about me that he's still so drawn too? Better yet, why is he falling for me? Or am I still having imaginary thoughts that he is falling for me? Why won't he tell me that he has feelings for me?
"I see...however there's still something you're not telling me. I'm here to help so don't be afraid to tell me anything." He says in steady tone.
I roll my eyes "Tell you what? That I'm still haunted by the nightmares of my deranged past? That my first love is probably dead? That I may never be able to be able to see my family again!?" I shout the last sentence.
Namjoon is not flustered at all. He just sat there observing me. Telling by his posture he knew something was not right with me. With a stern look on his face he says "You stopped taking your medication, haven't you? Why have you stopped"
I roll my eyes and get up from my seat, ready to head for the door "I don't want to be here. I'm leaving"
"Y/N you're experiencing a severe case of withdrawal. I'm afraid I have to have one of the nurses monitor you to make sure you're taking your medications again."
"So what if I have! These medications still aren't helping me! I don't need to be monitored! I'm not a child!"
"Y/N" He says my name, still with a steady tone. "The medications are not meant to cure you. They're meant to help stabilize the chemical imbalance of your mental state.You are a patient here but if you're behavior starts to get out of control, you'll be put into solitary confinement and have no choice but to do what we say. I'm not here to hurt you, Y/N. I want to help you"
"Bullshit! You only want to keep me here to experiment on me! I'm nothing but a test subject to you, just like everyone else here!" I march towards the door not wanting to hear anymore. At this point I had no control of my own thinking or actions.
Without thinking I kicked the door hard, creating a small dent on the door. Just as I was about to kick it again the door flings open. Jin seems startled but with no hesitation stops me from exiting the office. I tried to push myself through him but he wouldn't budge.
"Let go of me! I need to leave!" I screamed, throwing small punches on his chest.
Jin is in a slight struggle but somehow managed to break free from his grasp. He quickly reaches for my arms and pins them behind my back. He speaks into the small mic inside of shirt and was about to call for backup when Namjoon steps in to intervene.
"No. I'll handle the situation. Just close the door" Namjoon says calmly.
Jin is hesitant but nods approvingly, still having a firm grip of both my arms. With one leg Jin swiftly kicks the door close and guides me further into the office. I still had a bit of stamina left in me but due to Jins strong grip I was not able to move. Namjoon stands just a few inches away from me and leans his head close enough for him to see my face. I avert my eyes, refusing to look at him but there was this strange aura coming from him.
"Y/N I know that you want nothing more than to leave this place but you're in no condition to do so. But just like how I promised, I'm here to help you. I'm here to make sure you get all the help you need in order to find the answers to your unresolved grudges"
I remained silent. I wanted nothing more than to kick and scream but the more I look at Namjoon the more I felt I was on the verge of breaking down in front of him.
"Y/N please talk to me. Let me be your ears"
My lips quivered. My eyes filled with tears. "I'm...scared...I feel so...alone..."
Namjoon nods at Jin letting him know it was okay for him to let go of me and that it was okay for him to exit the office. Jin cautiously unravels his hands off my arms and slowly walks to the door. He opens the door and closes it lightly behind him and stands outside.
My head hangs low as a trail of tears escapes my eyes.
"Why do you feel scared? Why do you feel alone, Y/N?"
"B-b-because I feel like no one understands me. I don't know who the real me is. I don't feel right with myself at all"
"Go on...I'm still listening" He assures.
"I'm scared of being alone. I push people away before they could leave because I'm scared of the thought of people leaving me without telling me why. It's happened to me all my life and the only person who stayed with my was my first love. I feel like...it's my fault that I'm here. I feel that it's my fault people leave me!"
"Y/N look at me"
I complied and raise my head and looked deeply into his adoring eyes.
"It's okay to feel the way you feel. People leave for many different reasons. It's not your fault. I'm here for you and I won't leave you" He takes my hands and holds them in his. The warm touch of his hands was like no other feeling. The sound of his sweet tender voice was so pure and filled with so much trust and empathy.
He closes the gap between us by engulfing me into a tight embrace. My heart races as I felt his broad chest pressed against my cheek and his arms wrapped around me. It was something I was not expecting at all but couldn't help but to melt into the warmth his arms. I sobbed onto his chest, releasing all of the built up emotions I had. He lets go and cups my face in his. His thumbs wipes away the last drops of tears off my cheeks and inches closer to my lips.
"I won't leave you, Y/N" He gently lands his soft tender lips onto mine.....