[ t r u t h ]
When i woke up i noticed Zane was not in his bed. After sitting up and rubbing my eyes i saw that he wasn't even in his room. Wondering where he could be, i decided to get up and explore the house. I was thirsty after all, and thought about getting a protein shake like Zianna wanted. I still felt extremely guilty about going through their house like it was my own, but it was an order to do so from Zianna and Zane.. and in the process of healing i thought id try to take care of myself a little more, hoping that would help. I nervously got up from the bed making my way down to the kitchen, where i started making my protein shake with guilt. A guilt for eating, a guilt for not eating, a guilt for violating someone else's stuff.. i felt terrible the whole time i did it. But i did anyway.. After i sat down on the couch to drink it while scrolling on my phone, Zianna came into the room greeting me.
"Good morning, Travis. I see you made yourself a shake. Thank you for doing that.." She said softly with a warm smile, then made her way to the kitchen to make coffee. "Zane is in the shower he should be right out." She continued. I stayed quiet. I guess she noticed. After a second of silence, i heard her footsteps make their way behind the couch and she grabbed my shoulder. "Are you okay, Trav?" Her touch pulled me out of my headspace, which i was deep into. Like being lost in a void. I didn't know how to respond so silence filled the air. After another awkward second of nothingness, she walked around the couch sitting next to me. "Talk to me hun, what's bothering you?"
I hesitated, not wanting to cry. "W-why am I not good enough.?"
"Oh sweetie, why would you say that.?" She asked me holding my hand.
"I constantly let my dad down, and I can't make Zane happy, I wish I could.. A-and.." i hesitated. i was gonna tell her..
"What's wrong sweetie? you can tell me anything you know that, im here to help." she rubbed my cheek with her thumb as she saw tears forming in my eyes.
"...G-Garroth he- ... he hurt me and made me bleed.. he forced m-me to do things.. my d-dad would be ashamed of me.. for letting a male take my virginity- And I-I never got to come out to him.. I just wish I could've.." I just started balling my eyes out and babbling about a bunch of different things that popped into my head that I thought Zianna should know and honestly, she looked at me like she understood everything I was going through.
"Garroth hurt you? In this house?" I nodded.
"What he did is unforgivable. to me or you.. im sorry he did this to you. I'll make sure he is punished for his actions.. As for these feelings of guilt you have, i understand. Garte left us, and i blame myself for that. He didn't want any more kids after Garroth, but accidents happen, and i was thrilled to have Zane. Garte wanted a son to carry out our family business. When he found out i was pregnant he started to become cruel, and when we found out Zane was a girl Garte made sure he let him know every day of his life he would not succeed as a woman in this family. As Zane started transitioning he showed more hatred and anger, towards the both of us. He left one night.. didn't come back. His important things were gone. I blame myself for that a lot. He raised Garroth to be a shameful young man.. and i will make sure he is dealt with as soon as possible. She teared up. Im so glad she could share her story with me.
"Im sorry, Zianna, i had no idea.. Thank you for telling me that it means a lot. but you are enough. youre both more than enough. Youve both done so much for me.. and you don't have to apologize for what happened.. Garroth chose to do that it was nothing you did." I said holding her hand back.
"That means a lot to me. You're so sweet, even after everything you still manage to care for others. I wish that no one can ruin your pure heart. I see you as my own now, and you can come to me for anything i hope you know that." She said and hugged me. That meant a lot to me. She was a better mom and friend than my own mom ever was, she cared about life and feelings and...me. my mom was never there, even though she was the best thing in my life. I didn't know how terrible she was until now.
"Travis. You know mom was a bitch. Dad wouldn't hit you, mom would."
"What are you talking about?" I ask out loud.
"What.?" Zianna asked me confused.
"Oh sorry.. I-I have a demon form, my dad was one.. He's just talking to me about my mom.." I said embarrassed and continued to listen to Demon, hoping the 'oh im a demon' part wouldn't bother or scare her.
"Mom would come home high, drunk, or even both. She never cared about us Travis. We were a mistake and she constantly told us that, you were too young to remember it. She was the one who hit you not dad. Dad loved us more than she ever did. He didn't want you to know that until the time was right, and I think the time is right. Dad and i would bond as our demon forms together a lot, when we were little of course. He told me, the night you remember as him hitting mom was actually the opposite.. mom would ask dad for money or steal it from him for drugs. After he started taking medications for actual illnesses, money got tighter and she started threatening him and you. one night she pushed it too far, and tried sticking her needle into him, and he pushed her back in self defense. he even threatened to call the cops on her but couldn't bare to send his own wife away. once she killed herself, he couldn't bare the blame and started drinking and popping pills himself. She made it seem like he was the bad guy and he wasn't Travis. She was, she killed herself because she was fucking crazy, and too deep into drugs."
I didn't know what to say or how to feel. I just broke down and Zianna hugged me and told me to take a warm bath to help. She took me to her master bathroom, which was beautiful and full of marble and tile. It seemed like the bathtub was as big as a hot tub.
"You can take a warm bath and soak. Maybe itll make you feel better okay?"
"Your bathroom is beautiful, I love it, thank you so much.." I smiled and she gave me a face as in 'don't mention it'. She said I could use anything in the bathroom but she already put a ton of Epsin salt and bubbles in the water to help me calm down. She left and locked the door behind her. I got undressed after a few minutes and stopped the water, jumping in it quickly. I closed my eyes and laid back enjoying my warm bath. I felt myself relax, mind and body.
"Now this is relaxing"
I know right..
the colors started coming back a slight bit, I wonder how Zane's colors were?