I had to stay after class today to get back to tutoring, and though I'll admit there are a million other ways I'd rather spend my afternoon, but it worked out perfectly because it made my and Tyler's schedules sync up. He asked me to give him a hand with his college application essay, so we're heading to his house after his football practice, which should be wrapping up right about now.
With my bag hanging loosely off my shoulder I walk from the library to the football field across the school. I see the cheerleaders heading to the locker rooms and one red and white blur comes at me at full speed.
"What's up chica?" Syd hugs me tightly.
"Ugh, gross! Shower first, hug later," I say pushing her away as her sweat makes her flyaway hairs stick to her face.
"Rude," she scoffs, untying her hair from the tight ponytail she had it in and combing it out with her fingers, auburn waves cascading all over the place, "So listen. Friday night. You and me. The football guys. Jackson's house," she says with a pause between each sentence.
"Yeah, I'm going to need a little more details," I reply, narrowing my eyes skeptically.
She sighs "Jackson invited me to hang out at his house on Friday, and I thought 'Oh cool, this guy is finally taking a hint and asking me on a date.' But no. He said his friends from the team are coming, and I don't want to be the only girl there, so I was hoping you'd come with me...?" she smiles and puts her hands together in a plea.
"Just you and me, alone, with all those guys?" I raise my brows pointing to the football field.
"And Ty..." she adds hesitantly.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Tyler identifies as a guy, so you're not really helping your case."
"Come on, pleeease?" she puts her best puppy dog face on "It'll just be a couple of hours and I can't go without you! Besides, don't play so hard to convince, I know you're dying to get another chance to be alone with Noah." She makes kissing noises mocking me and I put my hand over her mouth.
I feel awful that I still haven't told her and Ty about my date with Noah last week. I've been trying to keep everything that happened between us, well...between us; but seeing Noah every day at school makes it very hard for me to keep my distance. The fact that he's an insufferable tease, flashing cheeky smiles at me across the hallway, or a devilish wink whenever he walks past me on his way to class, doesn't help either.
I'm not hiding it because I'm ashamed to be seen with him or anything, but it's like Noah said, my personal life shouldn't be anyone else's business other than my own. I know my best friends should be the exception, but recent circumstances have made things...complicated. Ever since that day Tyler voiced his concerns about my dating life, I've decided it's best for our relationship to keep everything boy-related out of our topics of conversation. And with Syd, I love her with all my heart but that girl has some loose lips, and I know if she finds out, Tyler's next. I'll have to tell them at some point, it's inevitable, but I'm hoping that point is a little bit farther in the future.
With the afternoon sun directly in my face, I can hardly make out someone jogging up to us, and I try to appear deeply engaged in conversation with Syd as the light catches his golden hair and I recognize who is approaching.
"Hey Mads," he smiles behind Syd.
"Hey, Noah. What's up?" I ask tightening my ponytail, something I always do when I'm struggling to hide how uncomfortable I am. He doesn't pick up on it, but luckily Syd does.
"Alright, I think that's my cue," She says as she starts heading to the locker rooms, "Think about it Mads!" she yells before picking up her pace and disappearing into the crowd of girls in red and white uniforms.
"Think about what?" he asks.
"Nothing," I brush it off shaking my head. I'll consider Syd's invitation later.
"Okay, I know you don't want us to be seen together, but I'll be quick. Do you have plans for tomorrow?" he asks.
"Well Thursdays are usually reserved for movie nights with Tyler, but he's swamped with college application stuff, so I think my calendar is pretty clear."
"Are you looking for Tyler's replacement?" he takes a step closer, lowering his voice.
"That depends," I look up at him, "Are you volunteering?"
"Maybe," a crooked smile on his face as he leans in, "Do you want me to?"
"Maybe..." I bite the corner of my lower lip.
"Okay, this could go on forever." he cuts our back-and-forth short. "I have a plan and I think you'll like it."
"I'm intrigued Mr. Reed," I put my hands behind my back and rock back and forth on my heels.
"I'll meet you at your house after school, five o'clock. Will your parents be there?"
I shake my head.
"Sweet." he grins and I hear someone calling out my name from behind him. "I'll see you then," he whispers, stealing a quick kiss on my cheek before jogging away.
"Mads!" I hear my name being called again and see Tyler looking around for me.
"Over here!" I stand on my tiptoes and snap my fingers in the air to catch his attention.
His head turns to me, "Meet me in the car in ten!" he yells back. I give him a thumbs-up, before starting towards the parking lot, a smile on my face and my hand over my burning cheek that was just sneakily kissed.
***
"Okay, so what's the prompt?" I ask as I pace back and forth in Tyler's room. He sits at his desk, shuffling through his papers and I plop down on his bed, hanging upside down from the edge and letting the tips of my fingers touch the floor.
I've always loved Tyler's room. I've spent so much time in here with him that in a weird way it almost feels like my own. It's spacious enough, with a high vaulted ceiling, but appears smaller, partly because of its black walls, and partly due to Tyler's inability to keep it tidy. Leaving his laundry piling up in the corner, his books sprawled around all over the place, and his sheets tossed messily on the bed. I'm surprised the wooden floor is still visible. He has a large plywood wardrobe that takes up a whole wall, with sliding doors that are covered in laminated copies of the cover art for each of the goosebumps books. He keeps an acoustic guitar in the far corner, next to the window, but I haven't heard him play it in a long time.
"Tell us about a time where you had to either take a risk or stay safe. What did you do? What happened? Would you do it again?" he replies, his voice muffled as his head is buried in his hands.
"Oof, Tyler Holden taking a risk?" I ask, teasing "I'd like to see that someday."
"Hey, I take risks!" he argues, spinning in his chair to face me.
"Name one time in your life you haven't played it safe." I challenge him.
"I'm trying!" he whines, "And you're one to talk."
"Well I'm not the one who chose the prompt, am I?" I say and he bangs his head against the desk in frustration.
"You know what your problem is Ty? You don't know what you want."
"Believe me, I know what I want," he looks at me and I raise an eyebrow at him.
"And what is that?"
He sighs, rubbing the back of his head, "I want to get out of here."
"That's a good start," I encourage him, "What else?"
"I want to graduate, get out of this town..." he says and I make a gesture with my hands telling him to keep going, "I want to move to New York, study acting, make a career out of it, but get over my stage fright first. I want to travel the world, see new places, meet new people, learn new languages. I want to break out of this snow globe life we live in."
"You can have all of that, Ty," I say, "Who says you can't?"
"You know I can't Maddie. My whole life is planned out for me, starting next year. I'll go off to college, spend my prime years studying business management, all to come back here to this shithole to take over my dad's company. I'll buy a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, where I'll live with my trophy wife, hand-picked by my mom, and I'll have a bunch of kids that will follow the steps of my mediocre life for generations to come."
"That's not bleak," I say, kneeling down in front of him and grabbing him by the shoulders, "Look, Tyler, you're at the point in life where you finally get to choose your path. Your path. Who cares what your parents think? They had their shot at life, they made their choices. Now you have to make your own. This is your chance to break the snowglobe, but you have to do it yourself."
"Mads I-" he starts, looking down at the floor.
"No, listen," I cut him off before he can contradict me, "If you go down that road you're going to be miserable and you know it. I can't watch you do that to yourself. Now is the time to take a risk, Tyler. Because it all comes down to this. If you don't go after the things you want then you'll end up spending the rest of your life looking back, wondering if things would've been different if you had."
Tyler looks back up to meet my gaze with a muddled expression. I can practically see a million thoughts swarming around inside his head, behind his tender blue eyes. I open my mouth to finish my argument but the words get caught in my throat as he closes the distance between us and presses his mouth against mine.
He has his index finger tipping my chin up and I hold my breath, frozen in place by my confusion. My thoughts are speeding through my mind trying to make sense of what is happening and failing to figure out how to handle it, but at the slightest movement of my lips against his, Tyler pulls away abruptly.
He stares at me with wide eyes before covering his face with his hands. "Shit," he breathes.
"Ty..."
"I should not have done that," he says slowly, turning on his chair and tugging at his hair, "I should not have done that."
"Tyler it's okay," I try to put my hand on his shoulder but he cringes away from me. "It's all right, I'm not mad," I try to reassure him.
"I think you need to go, Maddie," he says in a small voice that makes my heart ache. His back is still turned to me.
"What? No!" I refuse.
"I-I need to be alone," he stands up and I do the same as he starts leading me to his bedroom door.
"Tyler, wait! Please, we need to talk about this!" I say walking backward, stepping through the threshold without meaning to.
"I-I can't," Tyler stammers, face contorted in a helpless expression as he finally meets my eyes, "I'm sorry."
The door closes and I hear the lock click into place.
"Tyler!" I bang my fists against the wood over and over again but it won't budge. "Tyler open up, please!" I yell, knowing that we're the only ones in the house, but he doesn't respond. All I hear is the sound of Tyler on the other side, leaning back against the door and sliding down to the floor.