After the two got back from the store and when our conversation was disrupted, Jennie avoided me like a plague. I guess that's normal since I learned about her secret, which, by the way, I totally missed all these years.
The clues were already scattered everywhere but I missed every single one of them. For example, they were the ones who became close first. They went to the sauna house, talked about nothing and every little thing about them in their birthday suits which made them best of friends after.
Before debut, they would hang out, play billiards and go to the mall and visit shops.
After our debut, they were attached to the hip. Fans see them together at airports, Jisoo and Jennie are infront of us while Chaeng and I follow behind.
That explains the clinginess of Jennie towards Jisoo. The gazes, the holding of hands, the hugging, Jisoo calling her a Jendeuki. That explains how clingy she could be to Jisoo but not to us. Not to me and Chaeng. Not to that extent.
Inside the plane, they were still beside each other. How they acted during the Running Man show, the interviews hinting that she loves to sleep beside Jisoo. The photoshoots and all of that. What you see on on-cam was also the same as off-cam.
Was I too blind to see the truth? Why didn't I see it? Felt it, even? I don't know. I really don't and that frustrates me as hell.
After the movie which I totally didn't watch nor understand one single bit about its plot, I said my goodnight to them and went to my room.
I made sure to lock the door and turn off the lights but I plugged a little night light near me. I settled in to my bed and snuggled Leo who purred softly in my arms. Luca was sleeping soundly in his little made up bed.
I closed my eyes, hoping to finally drift off, to sleep but none came. I twisted and turned, evened my breathing and counted sheeps while my eyes are closed but sleep eluded me like I've drank 3 liters of coffee and a gallon of energy drink. I sighed again for the nth time today.
I sat up which startled Leo and he dashed somewhere in this dimly lit room. To where? I don't know. I'm too preoccupied to notice or care at all. I reached for my phone above the bedside table and unlocked it.
My fingers hovered above the youtube app icon, deciding whether to watch those videos again to look for the things I've missed and/or things I should probably pay more attention to or to sleep.
My head suddenly throbbed. This was too much. Everything was too much and yet, it feels too little for me. Groaning, I placed my phone on my right leg to massage my temple. Maybe I should stop this. I need to sleep. I've strained my eyes for too long and it needed its rest.
I lied in bed again. I gazed at the dark ceiling, watching nothing, letting my thoughts consume me.
I tried convincing myself that watching those videos again won't help me but without me noticing, my hand has reached for my phone. I sat up, plugged my earphones and typed "Jensoo", the shipname that was coined by their shippers.
Hundreds of videos popped up, tempting me to watch every single one of them. And I did. Stupidly dedicating my time on this instead of sleeping.
After how many videos in which I lost count already, I looked at the time on my phone and groaned when I saw it's almost 5 in the morning.
I went out of my room when I felt like I was gonna explode. I am in need of water, and I need it fast. I was rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes when I saw a movement in the kitchen. I looked around and everyone seemed to be sleeping. I remembered the ghost stories Jisoo told us and my past experiences with paranormal that I became scared. With a loud beating heart and slow steps, I peeked inside the kitchen.
I felt the hairs on my neck stand up when I felt someone close to me.
"Lisa-yah."
"Jesus Christ!" I jumped from shock and clutched my chest tightly. I can feel my heart beating so loudly that it might as well explode.
Someone was laughing beside me and when I opened my eyes, I saw Chaeyoung almost rolling on the floor clutching her stomach and wiping the tears on her eyes from too much laughing
"Are you freaking gonna kill me, Chaeyoung?!" My tone rose an octave higher which made her look at me.
She stopped laughing when she saw my expression, or tried to stop atleast. She was still giggling when she spoke,"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you that much."
I was still breathing heavily and I can't normalize my breathing no matter how much I tried. I started to panic, fear flooded my chest which made things worse.
"Lisa. Lisa? Breathe. Slowly breathe."
"Are you okay? Wait, I'll get you some water. Sit first."
Chaeng gave me the water and she patted my back, soothing me with her voice and with the patterns she made with her hands on my back.
"Chaeng, stop. I'm okay."
"Are you sure? I'm sorry again." She looked at me worriedly and touched my cheeks.
"Why are you crying, Lisa? Did I scare you that much? I'm sorry. I really really am."
I glanced at her and she was almost crying. Guilt was etched on her pretty face.
But with the sight of Chaeng kneeling infront of me with tears on her eyes made me smile. No pretense behind, not like what I was giving them awhile ago. "No. It's not that. I'm okay. Really. I was just too startled."
Using her natural aegyo voice, she said, "Lisa-yah, Chipmunk is sorry. Chipmunk Chaeng doesn't want to see you cry. Forgive me. Pleashue? Pleashue?"
I stood up, faced her and jokingly shuddered plus made a gagging sound. "Yah! That's disgusting, Chaeng! Yuck. Stop."
She was pouting while standing up which made me laugh but what she did next startled me. Chaeyoung hugged me. Not knowing what to do, I didn't move nor hug her back.
"Are you okay now, Lisa?" She whispered soothingly near my ear. This made me return her hug and bury my head on the crook of her neck.
A contented sigh escaped my lips. The first of today. I'm so thankful for her. She's my soulmate. My first bestfriend. My family. "Yes, Chaeng. I am. Thank you."
She made me face her and cupped my face in her hands then she looked me in the eyes and said, "You know you always have me, right? I'm here. No matter what."
My heart skipped a beat. "Yeah. No matter what."
We lounged in the kitchen for a little bit longer before she decided to head back to her room. "Hey, knock on my door if you want someone to talk to, okay?"
"Yes, Chaeng. Now sleep. Go. Shoo."
I gave her another sincere smile before she turned her back on me. I looked at the wall clock near the door and saw that it's almost 5:30 in the morning. We have no schedule for today so I think that they'll sleep in until noon or so.
Being alone once again made me think about what I saw on youtube. Playing with the rim of my glass, sudden flashbacks appeared on my mind that it was like I was seeing them right infront of me.
Some of my questions were already answered by the videos I watched but a lot of them still linger at the back of my mind, probably will be unanswered forever.
I was spacing out but suddenly snapped away from it when I heard footsteps heading towards where I am.
A small smile played on my lips and turned towards the door, "Forgot something, Chae-"
I gulped seeing who was infront of me. I suddenly averted my gaze and played with the rim of the glass again.
"Lisa?" She seemed shocked to see me here, well the same goes for me. I didn't say anything nor move from where I sat. I heard her shuffle through the cabinet and then heard the door of the refrigerator open.
I saw her shadow nearing the table that I suddenly stood up. "I'm gonna head back to my room."
Without glancing towards her, I started walking. After taking just two steps, I felt her hand on my arm stopping me from going any further.
"Lisa, let me explain, okay?"
"No, it's okay, Jennie. I told you, right? I got you."
"Lisa. Lisa? Face me." When I didn't, she moved infront of me and blocked my possible escape. I sighed.
Everytime she's near me, all I can do is sigh.
"No. Listen to me, okay?"
I nodded so she continued, "I know you told me to not keep any secrets because we're family. And you hate secrets. You hate people who keep things from you and lie to you. I remember you saying that, I do."
She let go of my arm to rub her eyes. When she opened them and looked at me, frustration and guilt and desperation for me to understand were clearly seen swirling in those dark orbs.
"I do. And I hate to keep this to you. But what choice do I have? I can't say it to anyone fearing that they'll have something bad to sa-"
"Even me?" She looked shocked of my question that she was unable to say anything.
"Even me, Jennie?" I didn't mean to but my voice cracked. It hurts. I told her everything, I told them everything and all I asked for them was to not keep any secrets from each other because we're family which they agreed to. She even specifically said that families don't keep secrets.
I tried to smile which turned into a grimace. When she saw this, she flinched. "It's okay, unnie. You told me that a family doesn't keep secrets, right?"
She nodded slowly as if analyzing my next move then she smiled when I smiled.
"Right. But I don't think you treat me as one."
The last thing I saw before I turned my back on her was her smile faltering and her lips quivering in that dim lighting in the kitchen.