11
Walking out of school today, I felt light. Like I felt like I was almost free. I genuinely felt happy. When I was with Alexa and Rain, it felt like there was this heavy weight on my chest, like my soul was cold. I felt like I was stuck in a rainstorm, and my whole body and my clothes were damp and they would never dry.
But after my talk with Harry, it had felt like the sun finally had come out, and dried up my clothes and my body and my soul. I know longer felt cold and alone. It was just me and the sun, and it felt amazing.
"Jade!" I heard someone call my name.
I turned around to see who it was, and saw Harry standing near his car waving to me, telling me to come to him. I walked over, trying to hide the huge smile that was threatening to come out.
"Hey Harry." I greeted him once I got to him.
"Wanna ride?" He wiggled his eyebrows and gave a playful laugh.
"Sure, thanks." I laughed with him.
He opened the passenger door for me, and once I got in, he made his way over to the driver's side. His car was pretty nice, there wasn't any garbage or take out wrappers littering the car. I'm not necessarily surprised that his car is clean, but just taken aback.
"I have to go pick up someone, she doesn't live to far away from you." He hummed, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
"Okay," I said, trying not to think of what him and this girl might not be doing.
I shouldn't feel jealous, but that's exactly how I felt.
"Who is it?"
"You know Juliet, right?"
"'I know of her." I said plainly.
Everyone knows who Juliet is. She's one of the prettiest girls at school, she has no problem getting any guy that she wants. I know Harry and her could just be friends, but that's not how my brain wants to work.
"Are you guys dating?" I blurt out.
"No, and I don't see how that would be any of your business anyways." he replied, with a tone that I wasn't too fond of.
"Oh, so that was short lived." I muttered, but he still managed to hear me.
"What was short lived?" We were stopped at a red light.
"You being nice to me."
"Listen, I apologize for being rude to you. I tried to make amends and offered you a ride home. I am being nice. You just don't know how to mind your own business." He scoffed, as the light turned green he sped off.
"Hey, I'm sorry for butting into your business, and sure your relationship status definitely doesn't concern me, but you don't have to be rude. I won't ask you any more questions about your love life." I huffed.
He just rolled his eyes and huffed, clearly annoyed with my presence at the moment.
"Just because I'm friends with a girl, it doesn't mean that I like her or that I am automatically dating her. What if I assumed that you hook up with every boy that you hang out with? Bet you wouldn't like it."
"What? Of course, I wouldn't like that, but I never implied anything about you being a player or hooking up with every girl that you talk to. I just asked if you guys were going out! You're just trying to create a problem out of nothing." I said, my anger rising.
We had stopped at a stop sign, so I took this opportunity to get out of the car. I slammed the door shut and walked in the other direction, not wanting to go home yet. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I needed to get out of the small space with Harry as soon as possible.
I've said it before and I'll gladly say it again. He is the most confusing guy I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. One day he's a complete asshole, the next day he is pinning me up against my fridge, the next day he breaks my camera, and then we have a heart-to-heart. Only to have that short lived friendship shatter in an instant.
Sure, I was jealous and in the back of my mind I might have subconsciously assumed that they were together based on the fact that he is a pretty boy and she is a pretty girl, but I never said that to him nor did I mean it in a bad way.
I ended up walking to an ice cream shop. It wasn't hot enough for ice cream, but it wasn't cold enough to not have it. If you ask me, every season is ice cream season.
"Hi, what can I get you?" The girl behind the counter asked me.
I looked up, and saw that it was Fiona at the register.
"Hey Fiona," I smiled at her, everything I was feeling started to disappear. "I'll have mint chocolate chip on a cone please."
"Is everything okay?" she asked, her big blue eyes filling with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I half smiled. I know she asked me that because that's the type of thing that you ask someone, but something told me that she was genuinely concerned. And then I remember my conversation with Harry yesterday about how I don't realize the amount of people that care about me.
"Thank you for asking Fiona."
"No problem, that's what friends do," She smiled and handed me my ice cream.
I handed her my a $10 bill with my free hand, but she shook her head.
"Ice cream fixes everything, it's free of charge."
Don't ask me why, but in that moment I wanted to cry. It was weird having someone truly care for you. For someone to notice that things are off and try to make you feel better. I wanted to cry because it felt nice, it felt refreshing to have a real friend.
"I appreciate it, seriously. Thank you so much."
I decided to sit in a both in the back. The ice cream parlor was near a lot of homes with families, so there were a group of kids playing outside. It reminded me of when I was younger and would ring the doorbells of my neighbors and go outside to play tag or whatever we were feeling.
I finished my ice cream and made my way back home.
-
"You're home late, where were you?" My mom asked me as she put down plates for dinner.
"I was just walking around." I shrugged
"Oh, okay, I was beginning to grow worried. That boy that you take photos of came here asking where you were." She looked at me and smirked.
"Oh, Harry."
"He told me he just wanted to make sure you were okay." That sly smile never leaving her face.
"I think i'm going to take dinner up to my room." I said grabbing my plate and walking upstairs to my room.
I took out my laptop and logged into my Netflix account, and played The Office for some background noise. I took out my phone and saw that I had a bunch of messages from Rain and from Harry.
harry: jade
harry: where are you?
Harry: please answer me
harry: jaaaaaaaaaadddeeeeeee
harry: i'm sorry
harry: call me
rain: omg
rain: it's important
rain: call me asap
I wanted to call Harry, I really did, but I couldn't. I wanted to talk to him and apologize for insinuating anything bad about him and just make amends, but I'll admit, I was ashamed and a little prideful. And I couldn't call Rain either. I don't want to be the person that has nobody until it's convenient for someone to talk to me.
Focus on the people that care about you.
-
It has been a long month, I feel like a lot has happened, but at the same time, nothing happened at all. It's almost December which is exciting, I'm so looking forward to the holiday break, school is just too much right now.
"Why the fuck didn't you call me?!"
My head snapped up and I saw Rain angrily walking into class.
"I didn't see you text me." I lied.
"Bullshit, I saw you liking pictures online. My boyfriend cheated on me, so I called my BEST FRIEND to have a shoulder to cry on, but you were too busy not caring to answer me."
I know damn well that Rain isn't going to come at me for being a lousy friend. I also don't know where all of this is coming from. For once in my life, I decided to choose myself, give myself a break and the attention that I need, and it blows up in my face.
"Listen Rain,"
I really wanted to say 'Listen bitch' but I wasn't about to do all that.
"I'm sorry that I didn't answer or call you back. I'm sorry that your boyfriend cheated on you. But you don't get to tell me that I don't care about you when you don't even care about me. YOU didn't even tell me that you had a boyfriend, I don't even know who he is! You only care about Alexa and yourself. You gave up on me as soon as you found someone better. You were the only person I cared about." I got up and started to walk out of the room.
"Were?" Rain asked.
I turned around and scoffed at her, as I continued to walk out of the classroom. Seriously, fuck everyone. Nobody deserves me or my time. I'm not the one to start or cause drama, but I draw the line at being disrespected.
I decided to skip my first-period class, I would just go to Ms. Fieldman's class. As I was walking, I ended up walking past Harry and Juliet. His arm was around her and her head was against his chest as she was laughing at whatever Harry was saying to Niall.
"Jade, how are ya?" Niall asked when he noticed me walk by.
Still angry with the conversation I just had with Rain, I shot him a thumbs up and continued walking. I saw Harry turn to look at me, a confused look painted across his face. I eventually made it to Fieldman's class, glad that my voyage here was over.
"Hello, Ms. Davis. Why aren't you in class?" Ms. Fieldman smiled at me.
"I didn't feel like it." I shrugged, grabbing a chair, and sitting at the side of her desk.
"Is everything okay?"
"I guess."
"What do you mean, 'you guess?' You can't guess how you feel, you can only know how you feel."
"But by saying 'I guess', it's easier to dismiss what is going wrong," I explained.
"So, something is wrong then." She turned to look at me.
"Nothing major, just school stuff. Nothing I can't handle." I smiled at her.
"Well, feel free to stay in class, if you get in trouble that's on you." She smiled at me before going back to work.
I walked around the classroom, looking at the different projects Ms. Fieldman's classes have done. Her class currently was hard at work, doing some type of project. I walked into the darkroom, making sure to turn on the light so everyone would know not to come in.
I had some of my photos that I took on film in here, and I just wanted to finish developing them. I'm not sure how much time had passed, but the next thing I knew the door was being opened.
"You're not allowed in here, the light is one!" I said annoyed.
I turned around to see who decided to walk in to tell them off, and by my surprise, Mr. Harry Styles was in the very dark, small room as me.
"Why didn't you answer my texts?"
Not this again.
"Listen, Harry, I'm sorry I didn't text you back. I'm sorry that I didn't mind my business and insinuated that you were a player and stuff like that. I truly am sorry for all of that. I realize how wrong it was and I promise that it wasn't my intention. As much as I would love to sit and chat or go back to class, I am not in the mood to talk to anyone and I would much rather be alone." I sighed, trying to go back to work.
"Why aren't you in class?"
"Why are you asking me so many questions?" I turned and looked at him.
"Can you please answer me?"
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. His features softened and he looked youthful. That very intimidating look that radiates off of him was no longer present. I went back to work, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw disappointment written on his face.
Then I remembered his advice, focus on the people that care about you.
"I'm not in class because I got in an argument with Rain. She was mad that I didn't text her or call her because her boyfriend cheated on her. She never told me she was talking to someone, let alone had a boyfriend and I found out through Alexa and she just doesn't talk to me and tell me stuff like she used to. And now she's mad and saying that I don't care about her and blah blah blah. It's just stupid drama that isn't really a big deal and it shouldn't really matter, but whatever." I mumbled, focused on the task at hand.
Harry walked to me, standing right across from me, the table giving us a good distance.
"If it makes you feel upset, it does matter. It's not stupid to feel upset."
"I guess, but it's all just so dumb." I sighed.
"Listen, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have blown up the way that I did. Everyone just assumes that I am this player, that I hook up with every girl at this school or everyone tries to hook me up with someone. It gets tiring and instead of being recognized as something bigger than that, I'm deemed as a player. Nobody sees me as anything else." He confesses with a defeated look on his face.
I looked at him, taking in every detail in his face. He was so much more than what everyone thought of him. Even though I had seen him in a negative light, I was starting to see more and more of him.
"Well, this might come as a shock, but I don't see you as a bad guy."
He laughed, "I find that hard to believe. You hated me."
"I did, and though there are days where you are certainly not my favorite, you're not a bad guy. You can be nice, charming, funny, talented. But most importantly, you're Harry. Only you know who you really are. And the more time I get to spend with you, whether it ends with a smile on my face or me storming out of your car, I'm very lucky to get to know who Harry is."
He just sat there and smiled at me. We worked in silence for the remainder of the period. I continued to develop photos and he sat there sketching in his tattered journal. I looked up from time to time to see a small smile playing on his lips.
So there we sat, together in a comfortable silence that loomed throughout the room.
As he sat and drew, I couldn't help but hope that he was drawing another picture of me.