Be careful reading this chapter if you're easily triggered.
•••••••••••••••••••••••
• Aria's POV •
It seemed as though only a second had passed when really the entire day had gone by. And now I was standing in Louis' bedroom doorway with Quinn behind me and Louis in front of me. It was dark, only the weak light from a lamp inside the room casting its glow across the floor. My wedding dress was bunched up in my fists.
Quinn rested her hand on my shoulder and nudged me forward. "Go on hun. It'll be alright."
My breathing quickened as I heard the door click behind her, signaling that I was now alone with Louis—my husband. I had no idea what was going to happen. He promised he'd never ràpe me, but now we were married. Wouldn't sex be expected? Should I just do it and get it over with? As my hands started shaking, I knew I didn't want to.
Louis broke the heavy silence by handing me a white package wrapped with a pink bow. "I...bought this for you. So I hope you'll wear it since I didn't steal it."
I took it and avoided his gaze, staying quiet.
"Its been a long day. You can take a shower if you like. I won't bother you." He offered, walking over to the adjoining bathroom and gesturing inside.
Reluctantly nearing him, I remembered the last time I had slept in here on day one. He had made me sleep with him, but hadn't touched me. Maybe he would do that again, seeing as I had no choice but to stay in his room from now on.
I swiftly walked passed him without acknowledging him and shut myself in the bathroom. I took a long relaxing shower, trying to calm my nerves and get my mind on something else, but nothing helped. When I got out, I wrapped myself in a towel and wasted more time blow drying my hair until Louis knocked on the door.
"Almost done? It's been nearly an hour." He called through the door.
"Yes." I replied, switching off the blow dryer and opening his gift to see what he wanted me to wear.
When I spotted the silky expensive material of a soft pink nightgown I put it down. It wasn't horribly scandalous, but it was a nightgown, so it was very revealing. He hadn't given me any other clothes so it was either the wedding dress or this. I really didn't want to put the uncomfortable dress back on, so I hesitantly went with Louis' gift. There were matching panties, but that didn't make me feel any less exposed. I studied myself in the mirror and was nervous over how good the nightgown made me look.
When the doorknob rattled, I gasped and wrapped my towel around myself again. It was locked however, so I gingerly went and unlocked it, peeking out. He hadn't changed, but had removed his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. I could see the skin of his tattooed chest peeking out.
I gulped. "U-um I don't feel comfortable wearing this in front of you."
"You don't have to feel that way around me anymore, Aria." He said.
"Nevertheless I do..." I dropped my gaze because he was staring at me so intently.
He took my hand, leading me out of the bathroom. The bedroom was dark, all of the lights having been turned off and now only the light of the moon through the giant windows illuminated the room. I was breathing so rapidly that I felt faint while he led me toward his bed. He must have noticed how nervously I was staring at the giant bed because he turned me away from it, having me face him instead.
"Try to relax." He suggested, taking my hands and watching my attempt to not hyperventilate.
My lips trembled, not knowing what he expected. I felt like he was planning to claim me. I couldn't speak for fear that I would cry. Should he make me actually do it, I promised myself I would be brave and stay strong. I wouldn't cry. He was my husband now so maybe it was required of me.
Suddenly the towel that was hiding me started slipping down. I moved to catch it, but Louis took my hand and held the slipping towel up himself. He locked eyes with me and although I expected to see a stern threatening look, I saw a gentle gaze instead. He wasn't going to force me to take it off.
"You don't need to hide from me." He murmured.
Confused at what I should do, I looked down at his chest tattoos. He inched the towel downward, testing my reaction. It wouldn't be the end of the world if he saw me like I was. It was fine now. We were married. Right? I didn't move and he took that as a sign to continue and he cautiously let the towel drop to the floor.
As his eyes traveled over my body in the nightgown, I could see his expression change even in the darkened room. He was turned on by what he saw. That knowledge made me more nervous. Louis took my hands again, stepping closer to me. He looked down at my lips and inched foward. I sucked my lips in and moved back.
Pausing, Louis studied me. "Are you okay?"
I nodded, pretending like I was fine because I wanted to appear strong. But he could certainly feel me shaking. His knuckles brushed down my cheek gently.
"You're my wife." He whispered and my stomach lurched.
Hearing him say that shook me. I never thought that this would happen, and yet here we were. It wasn't supposed to work out this way. My chest rose and fell quickly.
"Will you be okay if I kiss you?" He asked me.
I shook my head.
"It'll be okay baby girl. I'm not going to hurt you. Remember that day we kissed against your bedroom door?" He said.
I nodded.
"You enjoyed that didn't you?" He asked knowingly.
Rather than giving him the answer he wanted even if it was the correct answer, I lowered my gaze. I wasn't going to admit anything to him. I couldn't speak right now anyway.
"Just imagine that kiss happening again. You wanted it then. You could want it now too." He said.
He tipped my chin up so I would look him in the eye and I was frozen as he stared at me. He moved forward and touched our lips together. I held my breath and closed my eyes. His mouth moved softly against mine for a moment and then he pulled back to see how I would react.
I could only stand there frozen. I had no clue what to do. He took my silence as a greenlight to continue and kissed me again, one of his hands sliding around my waist while the other held my neck. My lips moved on their own in sync with his and I felt my body calming down slightly. That is until the hand that was around my waist pulled me flush against his body.
I gasped into his mouth and my palms landed on his chest, keeping an inch of space between us. He didn't realize that the action was one of fear and he continued kissing me. He was gentle and careful and I was desperately trying to convince myself that it was okay.
He let out a small moan and his lips brushed along my cheek and to my neck, just below my ear. When his mouth touched there, my muscles instantly relaxed and I sighed in pleasure, relaxing into his arms. But it was only for a second.
When his wandering hands lifted the nightgown slightly I tensed up again. His mouth moved back to mine and he nudged me backward. My bare legs felt the cool material of his bedspread and I shivered, even though my body was burning up.
He paused, breathing hard and his eyes darted around my face. "Lie back on the bed?" It was more of a question than a demand.
At my nervous look, he cupped my cheeks. "Slowly. We'll go slowly."
When he started guiding me backward so I sat on the bed, my trembling picked up. I scooted back, away from him. My breath hitched as he swiftly removed his shirt, revealing his tattooed torso. I had seen it before, but it was still a shock to see such beauty. However, his beauty was lost to me the moment he knelt on the bed and crawled toward me.
I didn't want to lay down, because that would put me in a vulnerable position, but the closer he got, the further back I leaned. He moved to kiss me some more, but I was trying to get away from him and so I ended up leaning too far and I found myself lying on my back with his face too close to mine again.
Now he was over me, entirely able to do whatever he wanted to me. And he wasn't wearing a shirt and I was wearing barely anything. I felt so exposed and vulnerable underneath his body. He continued kissing me, his mouth moving swifter and a little rougher. His hands started sliding along my sides, brushing against the sides of my breasts and down to my hips. My breaths were becoming so deep and rapid that I felt like I might pass out. I wanted to tell him to stop.
But I was afraid that if I told him no—if I told him to stop—that he might not stop. He might force me. And that would make this so much worse.
Then he lowered his body down on me, causing me to feel all of him against me. It was at that moment that I couldn't stay quiet any longer. I couldn't take it. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't do this. My hands let go of the covers I was gripping tightly beside me and I pushed against his chest, bursting to tears.
"I can't do this, please don't make me. I don't want to do this!"
Louis quickly removed his lips from my neck and lifted his body off of me while I struggled to get out from under him. He looked surprised. "What?"
"Please don't force me. Please, Louis. Please." I begged him in fear, my entire stomach clenching in dread as I scrambled away from him.
What if he forced me?
"I'm not going to force you. I won't make you do anything." He assured me, sitting up. He seemed worried, but I was hyperventilating so I couldn't really register his emotions.
I scooted back until my back hit the headboard and I continued to cry, my eyes filling up with giant tears that dropped quickly down my cheeks. They just kept coming. I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed.
"I have no one on my side. There's no one to help me, no one to stop you. Please don't make me." I pleaded, feeling my fear only rising as thoughts of him taking advantage of me filled my mind.
"I told you I wouldn't ràpe you, remember?" Louis said, crawling a little closer, but giving me enough space so he wasn't touching me.
I pressed my back into the headboard, wanting to get further away, but there was nowhere to go. "You could if you wanted to. Nothing's stopping you. I can't protect myself."
"Aria, I won't force you. Why didn't you ask me to stop?" He asked seriously, his eyebrows furrowing together at the sight of me cowering from him.
"I...I was afraid you wouldn't stop." I confessed, hardly able to see through the tears that continued to fall.
Silence followed my statement and he seemed affected by my words. I wiped my running nose with my arm and couldn't stop crying. My throat hurt. Louis stared at me.
"I thought you wanted it." He said finally.
"Why would you think that?" I cried.
"You seemed nervous, but it looked like you were enjoying it." He murmured quietly.
"I wasn't." My voice cracked as another sob burst from my lungs. I hadn't cried all day long even during the wedding and now I was making up for it.
"Next time, speak up. You weren't saying anything so I thought you didn't mind what I was doing." Louis told me.
He moved to get closer to me and I hugged my knees tighter, overwhelmed by his exposed skin being so close to me.
"Please..." I whimpered.
"Aria...I'm not going to make you do anything." He repeated, pulling down the covers.
"How can I be sure?"
"Why do you think I'm lying?" He asked defensively.
"You're a serial killer." I accused.
He frowned and lowered his gaze, hesitating a moment to think about my response. I mean it was the truth. He was a criminal serial killer; skilled in lying, stealing, cheating, manipulating, murdering, and so much more. How could I trust anything he says? Sighing, Louis touched my arm and I flinched. He ignored it however.
"Lay down." He said. At my fearful look, he assured me, "We're going to sleep."
Slowly, I scooted down under the covers and laid down, my hands gripping the sheets close to me. My tears were still running down my face and my whimpers were uncontrollable. Louis laid down on the left side of the bed and faced me.
"I feel so unsafe. I hate it." I said.
Louis only stared at me, his face a mask of hidden emotion.
"No one can help me." I whispered.
"I won't hurt you." He promised, barely audible.
I sniffed, still feeling paralyzing fear gripping my body. I turned to face him. "Louis..."
"Yes?"
"I'm scared." I whimpered.
I expected him to be indifferent, but his eyes turned concerned. The moonlight from the window behind me lit up his blue eyes as he listened to my pitiful worries.
"I'm so scared. And there's no one to comfort me." I admitted quietly. I didn't think he'd care. But I had no one else to confide in. He was here and no one else was. There was no one in this house I could go to for comfort. Quinn didn't care. Felix couldn't touch me, let alone talk to me. I felt so alone. "I want to be comforted. I'm scared...I'm so scared."
"Let me comfort you." Louis said softly.
I shook my head at the preposterous thought. He was the very reason I was terrified out of my mind.
"Let me hold you. I'll hold you, nothing else." He suggested, reaching over and brushing my hair behind my ear.
"You're the one I'm afraid of." I pointed out.
Although I'm sure my words stung, he ignored them. "Pretend I'm someone else. Aria, baby girl. Let me hold you. That's all."
We stared at each other for a moment, listening to my quiet cries, and then I couldn't take it. I wanted, no, needed to feel comforted. I scooted toward him and he immediately moved closer, wrapping his arms around my sweaty body and holding me close. My face was in his chest and I sobbed against him.
"I'm so afraid." I cried. He didn't say anything, only let me feel strong arms around me while I cried myself to sleep.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••
If any of you ever feel pressured to do something sexual and you don't want to do it, speak up. Stand up for yourself. Make your feelings known. Even if you're married, you don't have to do something you don't want to do. ❤