Alonso
I splashed water in my face and then looked in the mirror letting out a exhale. Truthfully I didn't really want to go. But I should especially with this case still open. I tried to get Nassiah to stay here but he argued against it. I think he was mad I didn't tell him but truthfully I only didn't tell him because I didn't think it was something he would want to go to, aswell as Nassiah had a tendency not closing his mouth and I didn't know which one of the saints members were arriving. Lastly but not least it's a funereal who argued themself into going to one of them. King cries filled the house and I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding in until I heard Nassiah leave the room. I didn't know why I was acting like this, why I cared we were carrying the cut up pieces of the man who raped my body today. I also didn't understand why I would still catching myself trying to make him proud, or be good enough. I spent my whole life trying to make this man proud of me and that feeling didn't See to go away. Especially more when I realized I was the actual disappointment. I whipped my face not realizing the tears were coming down until my vision was blurry and I could only see splatches of color everywhere. I splashed my face with water again before leaving the bathroom. I wore black jeans so far, that's about as far as I got. I was planning on wearing a black t shirt and calling it a day.
"King I don't know baby but we gotta get ready" Nassiah stressed voice came down the hallway.
"NOOO" the boy yelled back. "Whea mommy go?" He asked between sobs and my heart dropped for the boy. I really do hope Lacey ain't leave. Sure Tas'hania might've beat her ass last night and Donnie might've roasted her but this was Nassiah's house none of theirs.
"How about we see Zo?" The offer made smack my lips at Nassiah's attempt to pass it off to me but before I could really react Nassiah was walking through the door with a bawling King.
"What's wrong King?" I asked when Nassiah put him down on the bed.
"M-mommy eft me gain" He bawled throwing his blanket he was holding off the bed.
"I think mommy is coming back bug" I informed "maybe she went to the store or soemthing"
"To et ookies?" He asked his pout sort of diminishing. I sent a small nod and he seemed to sort of buy it.
"Can we get changed now?" Nassiah asked and king shook his head and continue to lay on the bed rubbing his eyes.
"You guys don't have to come" I tried
"Don't talk to me" Nassiah only responded.
"You eavin?" King asked through sniffles.
"I gotta go see my sister and stuff king" I said running my fingers through the boys messy curls and he kicked his feet a few times.
"I go?"
"King we going if you ever stop acting like a fucking baby and let me get you dressed" Nassiah added stressed out probably about Lacey leaving without a word. She could've atleast said goodbye to king.
"I no baby" he yelled and helped himself off the bed and whipped his face. "I ess me" he said walking out then shutting the bedroom door, lastly you heard his feet heading towards his room.
"Fucking crackheads man" Nassiah mumbled more to himself.
"Where did she go?" I questioned and he looked generally surprised at my question.
"Aren't you glad she left? You all was plotting against her any fucking way" he spat looking through the drawers for something he could wear. "Could've just told me you ain't like her" he kept talking. "But instead you left me with you biggest fan and went ghost for four days" I decided against interrupting him and let him let his shit talking out. "And choked me the fuck up" he added quietly "the fuck you think you are huh?" He scoffed after "got me fucked up" he finally finished and turned to me a upset look still on his face. "Check on your biggest fan I'm getting in the shower" and with That he went into the bathroom.
King was easy to dress as long as he was eating while he was getting dressed. Nassiah has already put out clothes for him on his dresser so here we where eating Oreos waiting for Nassiah to be done. "Daddy" King started with cookies in his mouth. "Daddy" he called again then I felt a small hand smack my arm.
"Daddy" he said once more and my eyes kind of widened- ohhhh that's me? Sure we had that conversation a while ago but I thought Nassiah shut that down. Especially due to the fact that the two of us weren't even married or close to being so. As well as the word held a shit ton of weight. Another smack hit my arm as king let out a loud scream. "You no isten to me" he huffed
"My fault, what's wrong king?" I asked and he pointed to his empty cookie plate making me chuckle a bit.
"I ave more ease?"
"No- he shouldn't have gave you those. You better eat some real food" Nassiah started walking in. King looked at me and I looked at Nassiah then back to king. Damn he came out of no where. Nassiah started making kings breakfast and I took a cookie off my plate and handed it to him. He sent a small giggle.
"What's funny?" Nassiah asked not turning around and the two of us laughed again. Nassiah finished Kings cereal turning around then his face fell. Pow. He smacked me in the back of my head.
"You spoil his ass to much" Nassiah mumbled "he didn't need that damn cookie" he huffed placing the food down then taking the rest of it throwing it away.
"No hit my daddy" King yelled and the word caught me off guard again.
"King eat yo food or imma pop you- how bout that" Nassiah warned and king looked down on the bowl sighing. This boy was to much. A few seconds of quietness later Nassiah spoke up. "Are you still mad at me?" He asked my eyes shifted towards him and shrugged my shoulders.
"Ain't neva was mad"
"Lemme get a kiss den" I placed a kiss on his cheek and he furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Ain't nobody fucking with that childish ass kiss" he huffed his eyebrows staying furrowed a pout coming in his face. I looked at his features for a bit to long and he caught me as soon as he did he extended his pout. "Like why would I cheat on you with a crackhead that don't even make sense" he added and I let out a small chuckle waving him off.
"Ian mad at you"
"So I can get some dick tonight?" He asked a smirk coming on his face. It's like my dick woke up hearing him say that.
"Ome ick?" King responded and Nassiah slapped his mouth making the boy cover where his father had just hit.
"Bye, go get your shoes fore I do it again" Nassiah threatened and king got away from that table fast as fuck.
"That's why you need to stop all that cussin" I informed. "Knowing damn well he can understand yo ass" Nassiah sat down on my lap and cupped my face pressing our lips together and as soon as he could deepening the kiss. I pulled him as close to me as I could waiting for my tongue to be able to sli-
" EWWWW" we broke apart and king was running right back away.
"Now that you're not mad"
"Nassiah, I wasn't mad. You must've just felt guilty"
"No you were mad. You never tell me about shit anyway so why would you start now right?" He looked away about to get off my lap but I didn't let him get up.
"I wasn't mad I was jealous Nassiah. Different, it's not like I thought you cheated on me or something"
..................
After Getting out the car Nassiah grabbed my hand instantly. Let me tell you, Tas'hania wanted to come because she's sick- kill a nigga and show up to his funeral? Sick. But it made me laugh so I didn't argue.
"I thought you said this was small?" Tash asked after putting king down, we had all rode together and let me tell you— sick.
"Oh this is" I mumbled looking around at the maybe 30 different cars.
"Finally Zo" I heard Amor call as we got closer to the church. "I wasn't bout to go in Thea a lot— you know how many people told me I looked like mommy?" She ranted. Dior stood next to her with her crown- she still thinks she's a king.
"Best friend!" Dior ignored the rest of us like we meant nothing to her and practically jumped in Nassiah's arms.
"Yeah well- you look a lot like her" I responded to Amor before we headed in. Walking through the doors I felt myself getting more nervous. But then my mouth got dry when I recognized the first face; Ihsheem. He was handing out the pamphlet. The closer we got I think the tighter I was squeezing to Nassiah's hand because he brought it to his mouth kissing it.
"Oh shit!" Ihsheem started. "How you holdin up brotha" he said holding out his hand with my free hand we did the handshake, the saint hand shake. "I nuva thought Mel was finna go out this soon- not ouhhea. Ian know Chicago had killa like dat out hea" he explained "oh shit and you must be Amor Big Mel oldest- I'm Ihsheem you know Lo taught me everything I know with a gun" he said touching my shoulder.
"Really, Alonso here taught you?" Amor said in a serious tone.
"These your peoples?" He asked his eyes going to Tas'hania holding King who was on her phone and then Nassiah- then our hands.
"Rest Luka for real man" he spoke and honestly the name sent me shivers. "Mel ain't Eva have to shoot some homeboy over 50$" I wanted to laugh but I knew it wasn't the time I just nodded and pulled Nassiah through the door so we could leave the conversation. My father was a liar, atleast he could've admitted was he was homophobic and that he killed Luka simply because he was gay. But guess not.
"Whose Luka?" Nassiah asked as we got far enough away.
"Nobody" I could tell by how he looked at me he didn't like my response but him taking his hand out of mine made it a known fact.
"Bab-
"look at you black ass nigga" person I recognize number two. I turned around and was face to face with Moris.
"Oh Alonso got friends now huh" he said dusting off my shoulders. He was beyond drunk, probably high as well. "Crazy How Mel really dead huh? He was like a father to me" I nodded a bit. Amor and Tash went their own way to help with some things before it starts. They took King and Dior probably because their would be some food wherever they went.
"Nassiah this Moris- Moris this my boyfriend Nassiah" I introduced them.
"Boyfr? That's all you Alonso" he said patting my chest. "Man y'all found who killed him?" He asked and I didn't respond and he smacked my chest.
"You gotta avenge your fathers death- come on here Alonso. You know that's how this shit worked. Ya father ain't deserve that" I felt my stomach tighten at his words. Oh.coming here made me feel guilty, all these people loved him.
"He killed thousands of niggas How ain't he?" Nassiah spoke up and his quiet streak has ended. Moris looked at me then back at Nassiah with a small laugh.
"He treated everyone in here like family"
"Oh except his own fucking son- continue though"
"Aye, y'all had your differences but he loved you Alonso you know that right?" The drunk man turned towards me and I sent him a nod. "Your boyfriend crazy as hell- might wanna keep him in a leash" he said before walking away. I turned to look at Nassiah who was flipping through the pamphlet with a disgusted look through his face.
"I'm not gonna lie- I might spit on his grave" he said as he spit the piece of gum he was chewing into the pamphlet.
"Pa" I said making him hum in response I pulled him closer. "Please don't make one of these guys pull a gun on you" I mumbled in my ear.
"When you start walking round hea with a gun?" He asked as his hands grazed over mine. "You lucky we inna church" he said licking his lips. As much as I would love to entertain that I wasn't joking.
"Pa" I said again
"Don't worry— I'm packing too" he said giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Look at us".
"Nassiah I'm not playing with you" I warned but the boy was already pay attention elsewhere and I could tell.
"Oh gosh Alonso I've been looking for you everywhere I wanted to make sure you were ok" Kohna said giving me a side hug. Before Nassiah came sideways at her I introduced the two.
"And Daze was pose to say something too- but everyone wanna hear from you. They wanna know what you gonna do next" she spoke her smile small but her eyes held hope that I'd say yes.
"Me speak?"
"Him speak for what?" Nassiah asked crossing his arms.
"Well- He is your father. I don't know you're guys full story but I thought you guys got pretty close when you came down" I inhaled and exhaled looking around the room and maybe she was right because as I was looking at least five people and I made eye contact.
"S-sure" she smiled pulling me into a hug. "Thank you so much- sorry for it being last minute I just Amor said you wouldn't wanna talk but everyone wants you to talk so-
"It's fine" I cut her off giving her a small smile before heading towards the second row- sure as hell didn't wanna be in the front.
"You look like you seen a ghost should've told thatfuck ass lady no" Nassiah hummed in my ear looking around the same look of disgust plastered across his face.
"I'll be alright" I said a short nod. I closed my eyes for a second but opened them when I felt someone touch me, my heart sped up instantly but then relaxed seeing king eating a sugar cookie smiling at me. Kohana and her son- my brother. Sat the closest to the coffin.like right in front of it. Amor, Dior and Tas'hania sat in the row in front of Nassiah and I. Then there was King who had recently forced himself In-between us.
"Psst Alonso" I turned my head and saw Ciroc slide in the row behind me.
"Wassup man?" I questioned and he patted my back. "Oh my fault- I'm Ciroc, these ya peoples?" He asked and I looked at him
"Man what you botherin me fore"
"Shut up - you the only other motha fucka in here that know the truth bout ya pops" that caught my attention. Sure Ciroc was Lukas big cousin, he's the one that got Luka in the game technically. The one that introduced us- he was my first and only friend down there but Ciroc and my father never got along. He could talk to him any kind of way he wants, the only man who could hell even his son couldn't. I resented Ciroc for it at times- why did he like Ciroc so much?
"And whats one fact that we both know bout him?" I asked testing the waters
"He deserved to be in that coffin. If it was you that did it Imma just say— good job" I raise a eyebrow turning around but it caught Nassiah attention more.
"How we know you ain't just trynna see what he know bout the murder? Cause y'all obviously don't know shit" Nassiah asked looking him up and down. That startled Ciroc I could tell.
"Who is this nigga?"
"Don't worry bout it unless you sending me a check foo"
"My boyfriend" I respondedand Ciroc just sent a small nod.
"I don't get how your father was so homophobic but his members aren't- that weird" Nassiah added his comment.
"First of all half of these people are trying to get on Alonso's good side— he got left the gang" Nassiah looked at me pissed off, but I was just as surprised as him.
"Why the fuck would he do that?" Nassiah asked
"You're his son— his only son. Everyone here is trying probably hoping you aren't half the asshole the nut that made you was"
"I don't want that shit man, I told you this hundred of times" I responded calmly.
"So you just gonna hand this shit off to who?" He asked "don't do that- you know how powerful someone becomes when they become the fucking leader of a gang this big?"
"Pa I dirsty" king whined but Nassiah was to busy listening to Ciroc. I looked down at him and then around before pointing to Jax and motioning for him to come here.
"First of all back the fuck up- he ain't running y'all fucking wanna be Mexican ass gang. He ain't doing none of that. Y'all got him fucked up" Nassiah started from beside me making me snap back into what was happening.
"What you need Zo?" Jax asked as he made it to me. "And you the fucking leader? Better get all these old fucks out. You know more then anyone shit ain't the same no more"
"Can you get me a juice box or something?" I asked and he nodded we dapped each other up and then I turned back into the conversation behind had next to me.
"Nassiah relax I'm not running nothing" Ciroc let out a clap.
"Oh wow- wow Alonso" he clapped again and I raised a eyebrow. "This makes a lot more sense— you're Nassiah" he said and Nassiah looked at me then at him.
"You talking shit bout me now?" I smiled a bit going to lean into him for a cheek but he pushed me away.
"Nothing bad don't worry— it's just, I seen the aftermath of y'all break up" he said with a small shrug.
"Here you go Alonso" the man brought back a juice box unopened after looking at it I opened it for king and handed it to him.
"you can answer me a question?" Nassiah asked "Whose Luka?" Cirocs face went straight and his emotion showed through.
"My cousin- Uh baby cousin he's dead" he spoke bitterly. "Mel killed him"
"Shit my bad" he responded but Ciroc shrugged it off-
"Actually that's the reason I came"
"You came all the way here to see Mel in a casket?" I asked
"No- to make sure you were okay. I mean nigga you dipped without saying shit" he started and I just gave him a nod. The way Nassiah was watching me though made it kind of suspicious.
"Really? Because I mean Mel killed Luka when he caught y'all together" he said shaking his head. "And at first I was mad- but then I thought for a long ass time.. he killed a random ass nigga for being gay; what would he do to his own son" the words he said made me look away, he let out a small sigh and I heard him sniffle. My eyes went back to him and we held eye contact for a moment.
"I-it's u- I-I'm okay"I forced out
"So I called him out" he spoke again the tears coming faster. "I said Mel- how can you be the biggest homophobic person I know but be gay"
Nigga what?
"You got to be fucking kidding me" Nassiah voice traveled through the church making eyes go over to us. My eyes glanced over to him but the anger was being shown through his face. I didn't know how to process it, I don't think I did truthfully. I just blinked.
"What's wrong?" Amor asked turning around. my eyes went to her and she looked at Nassiah.
"Zo?" Ciroc asked I looked at him and his tears down his face. "I'm sorry- so so sorry" he spoke I raised a eyebrow. "Me and uh your dad— been fucking or had been fucking for three years before I met you. I should've told you" he didn't have to really apologize to me. Wasn't anything I guess I really needed to know.
"I-it's fine" I said barely above a whisper Nassiah's had grabbed my hand by now and was rubbing his thumb over it.
"Alright you can get the fuck out of hea now" Nassiah said shooing away Ciroc.
..............
"I-I fuck- ion really know what to say" I spoke truthfully looking at the people who loved my father. All I felt was hate, from the bottom of my heart hate for this man. My eyes glanced over at the coffin and I exhaled feeling my face get wet-I doubt it was from him being dead but we will go with that I whipped my tear away and a few Niggas clapped.
"YEAAAAH ALONSO"
"BABY MEL"
"YOU GOT THIS"
The screams and claps should've made me keep going or bring my strength. But I had nothing good to say about my father- I mean most of days were bad times.
"Damn-this crazy" I finally spoke. "I mean I knew this nigga my whole life" I shook my head as a few let out a laugh. "My first memory of m-my d-dad" I gulped nearly choking out the word "I was like five, my momma was sleep and amor was sleep. Ramil threw ice cold water on me— the week before I was talking bout how much of a man I was" I informed and the laughter erupted again and s few comments. "And if you know him you know— to be a man you gotta do man shit.. so he dragged me outta be and took me to da corner. Y'all know which one I'm talking bout too— his favorite one"
"OHHH YEAH- pushed the Royals right out the fucking border" some guy yelled.
"So it's five am - im on the block and he tells me; you wanna be grown stay ya ass right here. You can't come home until you make 50$- and handed me 30$ worth of coke" I spoke and a few of them snickered. "And told Big Tex to watch me and every time I tried to leave the corner beat my ass— Big Tex beat my ass eleven times that night"
"Sure did- his hard headed ass" Big Tex said from the middle. Big tex had works with my dad almost my whole life, but he got clean,real clean after he had his kids- unlike my father.
"Ramil taught me everything he knew- I mean he taught me how to weigh a ounce fore I could write my name- shit he thought kids were snitches so until I was 7 he told me my name was Hayden Linden— ramil showed no mercy to anyone" the words shook out of my mouth.
"FUCK HAYDEN" Ihsheem said from the back room. Hayden was a traitor my dad grew up with. He killed his whole family then him.
"When I was younger I wanted to be just like his ass, down to them bad ass black Air Force he wore every time-
"Shit was finna get crazy" the rest of the Saints members finished
"Ramil wasn't a family man- he turned his back on his family" I spoke and it got quiet "but he loved y'all- a shit ton.. he use to ask me what I wanted to be and I would say normal shit— a Doctor, a superhero dumb shit.. he'd get so mad— tell me I was born a Saint and I'm gonna die a Saint. If he was to cut me right then and there that would be a Saints blood dripping I to the floor- I wasn't shit if I wasn't a Saint because that's what I was made to be. Now we finna say goodbye to the best Saint I know"
They went crazy. As soon as I said that shit they all stood up and clapped, I handed the microphone to Bix Tex and exhaled. The tears that were coming down my face was from anger, He broke me. Over and over again.
Nassiah's hand rested on my thigh giving me a sad smile, "Lemme suck yo dick in the bathroom make you feel better" he leaned in a whispered his hand rubbing over my member.