the expressions of an alleged teenager

entry five

so this is an entry using my voice because I thought it would be more appropriate that way I feel like I'm in the ranting mood, with edits. so basically I was rereading some of my old updates from this diary, per se, and I seem, well, different to myself at least because I think these updates are from about maybe two months ago which is not even that long ago and if you know me in real life I would never really show you this entire diary, or something of the such I would just so little snippets because you know I don't feel like exposing myself like that, but in my eyes it's like I've gotten into maybe a dark place some might say, not dark but very dim lighting, like i shut in. what I was reading was not something I would say no like oh I live for other people because it does feel like that. I want to do me, want to be me, want to do what I want because that's what I was told I should do a counselor. I have gotten more insecure lately and that's lead to another thing, though i've had this thing for a while. I thought I had myself all figured out and i still do. I know that I don't, I am just thinking of doing this so I have some way of knowing why am like this but I just don't. I know that but i'm not exactly sure why I making this right now I just felt the need to since I like updating on here for me and me only. it's nice that I have actual readers and all, but this all started just as a rant to others since they have a clean slate or their own view because y'all don't know me and that's what I like about this anonymity, that you can't see how I really feel—well not my reactions that is because you do. you see how I feel with my poems and bullshit and whatnot so thank you for that. so I guess this is like a real life update. is it? yes I'm different. I don't know if you can tell from reading and I'm trying to get through all this and figure it out because I'm lost and I'm not sure if you can tell. so if you can relate that's nice I guess, because you have someone and I have someone and I honestly just wanna thank you for being there so thank you.