Lauren was sitting on the floor in her office with her back against the wall, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, but her eyes were closed. She was awake, but barely. The morning at the office had been a little chaotic and she was still trying to get back into the swing of everything. She had struggled for so long balancing her creative life and home life and then was whisked away to London only to fly right back home into personal chaos. Some days she wished life had a pause button or at least days where things were just easy. But those days were gone, especially now with kids involved. The thought brought her back to the present and she opened her eyes and looked to Michelle.
"So, what draws you to photography?"
The teenager was sitting in her office chair, feet kicked up on the desk, her drink from lunch still in her hand. She pondered the question for a moment and looked around. "It's hard to explain. It's... lots of little things that just sort of combine to make a mound of reasoning that, at least at this point, I can't ignore or argue against."
Lauren bit her bottom lip at the lengthy, rambling, and very Camila like explanation. "Try anyway." She encouraged. "Photography is an art. Art is an expression. So... express yourself."
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"Absolutely not." The answer was quick and with a beaming smile. "You want to learn from me, but I can't just share my secrets and have them click with you and then boom you have a successful career. Connections and lessons don't work like that. You need to understand yourself, your emotions, your desires, and your fears. Then you can apply my lessons that fit if any actually do."
Michelle worried her bottom lip and leaned over to set her drink on the desk, making sure not to set it on anything that looked important. "It's going to sound stupid."
"I doubt that, try me."
"But..."Michelle tried arguing. Lauren could see that awkward struggle she had to express herself when she was younger all over her daughters face. "How do I know it's going to make sense to you? I can ramble on and on and you'll just be sitting there staring at me like I'm an idiot."
The older woman huffed a laugh and absentmindedly plucked a few pieces of fuzz from her black dress pants. "I have met a few idiots in my life and you are not one of them. Expressing yourself is scary. You're putting a piece of yourself out there that has never been seen before and you're not only asking people to accept it but to also understand it. Not everyone will." Lauren admitted fully, knowing from her own personal experience. "But once you learn more about yourself and are comfortable and confident in who you are, then it won't matter. Because then you will realize that expression isn't to please others. It's something you do for you, and sometimes, if we are lucky, other people accept it and understand it like we hope they do."
The teenager thought about it for a moment longer. She enjoyed talking with Lauren when it was just the two of them. It was comfortable and calm. There was no push or pull or awkwardness that most people would expect. "I'm an only child," she began cautiously. "I never really had anyone around to talk to a lot of the time. Eventually, there were friends in high school, but, you know, it's high school. Most kids can't look beyond their own day to day dramas."
Lauren bowed her head in acceptance of that fact. It was the same when she was younger and probably when her mother was that age too. "What about with Ariana?"
Michelle slouched a little so she was now lounged and looking up at the ceiling. "It's like I said last night. Mom has always been supportive, but there are certain things where... the enthusiasm only goes so far sometimes. And I don't blame her!" She assured the other woman quickly, meeting her eyes as a show of certainty. "I mean, there's only so much excitement I can have after the 20th viewing of Funny Girl. Yes, it's amazing. Yes, the music is great. Yes, the cast is incredibly talented. But come on!"
Lauren laughed and nodded her head. "I understand that more than you know."
"I know, right?" Michelle exclaimed with excitement, smiling at her mother. "You do. You totally get it."
"So keep trying to explain everything else to me and let's see what else I get."
The teenager settled back down into the chair with the same light smile on her face as Lauren. "Well, there was a certain point where I just stopped trying to share certain things and just focused on the things we had in common instead. Not just with mom, but friends too. So trying to now share those things that I've never said out loud before... it's... scary, putting yourself out there to be judged when you don't know how they will take it." She admitted with a weird twist on her face. "Just like you just told me it would be."
"Which brings us right back around to my first question. What draws you to photography?"
The room suddenly felt very tense in the silence. Not an awkward or painful tension, just deep. "To share." Michelle's voice was hushed and full of serious emotion. "I haven't always had someone there with me to share things with. But when I take pictures, I have them to show and share moments and experiences with others when they're ready or interested. They are like proof of things I saw or did that I can hand to someone and it's like they were there with me then, experiencing them as well."
Lauren studied her daughters face silently. She was looking up at the ceiling again but not really seeing it. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking of something very intently. "Let me in."
Michelle turned her head and their eyes met. She had heard Lauren and Camila say that to each other before. It was one of those aspects of their relationship that Michelle admired. They showed each other that they truly cared for the whole person, not just the easy aspects. They wanted to know and to understand. "I want to change the world."
The photographer sat there patiently as Michelle lowered her feet to the floor and pivoted. She was still slouched in the chair, half hanging out of it as only a kid could, but she faced her birthmother to continue.
"People see their world what they allow in it and what they deal with daily but little else. I want to shatter their world in a sense. Show them things they never knew existed. I want them to see things and feel things that make them unable to continue living their current lives because something in them has changed and it is too big to fit back into such a small box. I want them to see more, feel more. I want to see and feel more." The passion in her voice grew with each sentence but then faded. "Does that sound stupid?"
Lauren hesitated, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat. "No. That's not stupid at all." She paused and cleared her throat as she moved her attention to her pants, running her hands along with them. "I envy your passion and I hope you never lose it. It is a rare gift."
"One I apparently inherited from you." Lauren smiled but she knew she couldn't take full credit. Between her, Camila, and Ariana, Michelle had grown up surrounded by people with overflowing levels of passion. At least until recently.
~/~/~/~/~/~
"Thanks again for having me over, Lo." Normani said as she sat down on the sofa in the married couple's living room. Most everything had been put away by now. Only a few stray boxes piled in the corner remained from their latest move. The sofa and chairs formed the main portion of the long room by the white fireplace while the end was designated for the kids and filled with toys. "I won't lie. I've been a bit lonely lately. It's not a good look for me. Though, at least, with Mike's insistence that the restaurant is geared more towards higher-end clientele, I haven't gone without great food for a long time. I will have to thank Camila for continuing that streak when she gets back down."
Lauren smiled and joined her friend, handing her a glass of wine before taking a seat in one of the high back chairs across from her. "She didn't cook."
Normani narrowed her eyes and took a sip of her beverage. "Well, we all know you sure as hell didn't. We aren't all dead and it wasn't on fire. Or even just charcoal."
Lauren narrowed her eyes back at her but accepted the criticism before taking a sip of her drink as well.
"I cooked." The voice was distant but footsteps could be heard coming from down the hall. Michelle entered the room and took a seat next to Normani, curling her legs underneath her. She had settled in nicely to the Jauregui household and her comfort level seemed to increase every day.
Normani looked impressed and motioned her hand towards the teenager but looked at Lauren. "So, clearly each generation is an improvement upon the last." Michelle smiled and blushed a little bit. She wasn't as put off by the constant comparisons to her birth mother anymore. She was starting to see them herself. Growing up, she had always had the similarities she had to Zayn pointed out to her. Usually, it involved being grounded or detention or someone's mother calling Ariana about something Michelle said or did that may have been pushing the acceptable line. But she had Lauren's graces and smile to keep her on the right side of it usually. Even if it was just barely.
"Any chance I can get a thank you in the form of a drink, as well?" Michelle asked eagerly, looking at the drink the two women had. Lauren didn't move or even attempt to respond but held Normani's eyes. Normani was judging her potential reaction but the held out her glass of wine to Michelle to take anyway.
"Don't look at me like that." Normani scoffed despite the fact Lauren's facial expression hadn't changed. "She deserves it after cooking dinner like that. And for, you know, actually living with you two. It must be nauseating to see you two all mushy and shit all the time. But, maybe I should hire you to cook for the restaurant too." She continued looking back to Michelle who returned her glass to her hand having only taken a sip.
"I thought you found everyone you needed." Lauren broke her silence and took another sip of her wine before setting it down on the table next to her chair.
"Oh, I did. But with my history of firing people because of incompetence and just general stupidity, I'm expecting to need another cook within a month. I've managed to keep these through the opening which is promising," She assured her friend, "but I don't want to get too confident. There are a lot of stupid people out there and you can't always see it right away. Though your dad is pretty good at it."
The older raven-haired nodded her head and looked towards the stairway, waiting for Camila. The brunette had disappeared a while ago to put the younger kids to bed. "How has he been for you? I know he can be a bit much sometimes."
Normani rolled her eyes at her friend. "I can handle him. I handled you before, didn't I? And you two are far more alike than either of you want to admit. You're both opinionated, self-assured in business decisions, a pain in the fucking ass when something isn't being done to your liking, and you both keep quiet and hold your thoughts to yourself until it's needed. Or until I screw up and you get to point it out to me. That can be rather intimidating and also, quite frankly, annoying at times."
"Did you just admit that I can intimidate you?" The smirk spread across her face as she made a mental note of the day and time to be recalled later in life. Normani would never live this one down.
"Don't get it twisted, Lo. Everyone was intimidated by you at some point when your hormone levels rivaled those of two stray cats created while in heat. You've even scared the shit out of Camila and she's supposed to know you better than anyone." There was no response beyond a shared amused smile. It was all accurate and there was no reason to deny it.
"I have a question." Michelle interrupted the stare down with a raised finger. "Well, more than one but just one to start with. Why is it... that everyone has a nickname except for Camila?"
"She used to have plenty of nicknames," Normani assured her. "Manhands. Treasure trail. Unibrow. Yentl... the list goes on. But that one," She pointed to Lauren before finishing her glass of wine. "Said I can't call her anything other than her name now."
Michelle's eyes shifted between the two women, trying to understand their new dynamic. There had always been a push and pull between them, neither giving up their level of authority or autonomy. But now, Normani was admitting to submission. "And you listened?"
The distaste for the topic was growing more and more apparent on Normani's face to Lauren's amusement but the raven-haired felt like she should put her out of her misery. "There's a story behind it. When I'm pregnant, I can be a bit hormonal and demanding."
"I was going to say a heinous bitch. It would have been more accurate." Michelle's eyebrows lifted as high as they could and Normani continued to explain. "Lo had me backed up into the corner with her beluga bump of a baby stomach a few years back when I called Camila by a nickname and I do believe she even threatened my life. She would have followed through if it hadn't been for my savior, Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao Jauregui. See, I'm using her whole names now. I'm being all sorts respectful."
"You called her a bitch." Lauren interrupted before grabbing her glass and standing to go refill it as well as Normani's.
"I called her your bitch." Normani corrected, calling down the hall as Lauren disappeared to the kitchen. "There's a difference. There is. Right?" She added in a lower tone, looking to Michelle who only smiled and nodded in agreement. "Thank you. This is one of the many, many reasons why I've always liked you. You're smart and a badass. You are still a little badass, aren't you?"
"I'm not so little anymore, but I can't deny that I have an issue holding my tongue at times."
Normani arched an eyebrow and looked back, awaiting Lauren's arrival with more alcohol. "If you were older I would have a few comebacks to that."
Michelle rolled her eyes and shifted sideways to lean one arm along the back of the sofa. She was still a kid to some people. Not everyone had caught up to the photographers' comfort level with her presence. "I'm basically 18 already."
A smile crept over Normani's face. A mixture of feeling old because she initially wanted to mock the girl for having to point out that she was almost 18 as a mark of pride, and amusement at the twenty or so completely inappropriate and sexually based responses that effortlessly popped into her brain. "Basically?" That was the safest response she could come up with.
"Yeah, this year. But I'm already done with school and everything, so now I just have to wait a little longer to make it official."
Normani's brow dropped. That means Lauren's birthday would be coming up soon. Thirty-four. Just after Lauren had become comfortable with thirty-three. Normani was going to have come up with a celebration for her. Something more personal for them. Lauren had really stepped up their friendship since the two had been reunited in Miami expectantly. They would always have their combative nature but it was more out of good humor and banter anymore. With the move to the city, Lauren had been a rock for her, even with Lauren's immediate family grows larger and larger. She knew Lauren wouldn't want anything big or fancy or attention-grabbing. Maybe something one on one.
"So what's the topic of conversation this evening?" Camila asked walking into the living room and plopping down on the other chair. Lauren also entered the room, returning Normani's drink to its spot on the end table and offering Camila her own but it was waved off.
"Michelle is trying to impress upon me the fact that she is near of legal, consenting age by Miami standards." Everyone's eyes snapped to Normani who smirked and sipped her wine. "Want some more wine, cutie?" She offered the blushing girl her drink again with an outstretched hand.
Michelle was too focused on controlling her blush to accept. "That's not what I meant."
"I very distinctly remember the conversation." The discussion continued to Normani's amusement, still holding her glass out for Michelle to take. "You felt compelled to inform me that you're not little anymore, will be 18 soon, and something about the use of your tongue."
"Normani!" Camila called out, slapping a hand over her face at the bluntness and slightly inappropriate nature of the conversation. Lauren just closed her eyes and tried to forget everything she had just heard and ignored any continuing thoughts it was causing to pop into her head.
Michelle quickly snatched the drink from Normani's hand and gulped it down, causing Normani to arch an eyebrow in curiosity. Clearly, this was not the same kid who used to come for holidays and little mini vacations. She wasn't little anymore and was having Normani looking back at how she and Lauren used to be at that age. There were parties, drinking, sex, and drama. It was basically a very, very secured version of adulthood without all the responsibilities because while their parties had toned down to after supper talks, there was still plenty of drinking, sex, and drama. The only real difference is they still had to go to work the next day.
"Did you know the age of consent is actually 17 in New York?"
"Normani!" Camila called out again, now glaring at the woman across from her.
Normani smiled and took in a deep breath. "What? And Lo, is it as intoxicating for you to hear your wife scream my name as it is for me?" This time Michelle burst out into laughter as Camila blushed while Lauren just held Normani's gaze with a challenging glare. There was no point in objecting. It would only spur her on more. "This must be rough for you. To hear another woman's name fall from Camila's plump, juicy, and tempting lips just after hearing that your daughter was exploring her own sexual options with me."
"To correct you," Michelle interrupted, still smiling and blushing herself. "Miami's age of consent is actually 17. So I've been legal for a while now and I didn't know you were an option."
"She's not and I think I need that drink after all," Camila stated, leaning over to take Lauren's but the raven-haired quickly swallowed it all before she could.
"I will get you your own."
"Just bring me the bottle."
"Yes!" Normani agreed, raising her empty glass. "Let's lower those inhibitions some more. The night is still young and I can't even remember the last time I got laid."
~/~/~/~/~/~
The night had actually been quite enjoyable. It was one of the more stress-free evenings the group had experienced in a while. Normani had been hidden away in the restaurant or hiding from Camila and her constant attempts at hooking her up with people, but she was slowly starting to creep back into everyone's lives. Her absence was noted and her return was greatly needed for the comedic relief and laughter she brought to every occasion. There was already too much seriousness choking everyone.
"Okay," Camila began, pulling her wife's attention to her. Lauren was washing the dishes from supper in the sink and looked over her shoulder to the approaching woman. The brunette grabbed a hand towel and began drying the clean dishes, looking at her knowingly. "So, when are you going to tell me whatever it is you aren't wanting to tell me about my mother?"
Lauren paused for a brief moment to process. She knew she had never mentioned the older woman. "You figured it out, huh?"
"Wasn't all that difficult." The actress explained as she began to stack the dry dishes on the counter. "We just spent multiple days discussing how we can't and shouldn't shut each other out and then there you were, keeping something from me. Knowing you as well as I do and knowing your understanding of me as well as I do... I figured there would only be one single topic that you would feel was necessary to delay: my mother." Camila met Lauren's eyes and smiled lightly but the kick in the chest the topic caused would always be there.
Lauren sighed as she grabbed another plate and submerged it. "Well, the topic itself was only part of the reason I figured it could wait. In all honesty, I didn't tell you right then and there because there isn't anything concrete to tell you. It's just something that might happen or might not. And I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of stressing about every little thing."
Camila could understand that. Between her career, the kids, the kids' health, worry for Kim, worry for Normani, and now adding Michelle to the mixture... it was becoming a lot. "Okay. Well, I accept the reasoning for your hesitation in sharing, but I think we should stick with our agreed upon a policy of open communication still."
Lauren nodded before pulling her hands out of the dishwater and drying them off. She pursed her lips together in the thought of how best to explain it before accepting the fact there was no good way to explain it. "Michelle said that Ariana is considering relocating to be closer to her should she decide New York is where she wants to stay. And before you panic, Michelle isn't sure if it would actually happen even if she did decide to stay."
Silence filled the kitchen except for the clank of the dried plate Camila added to the stack before setting her hand towel down. She wasn't expecting that. She had thought that maybe there was some stress or tension between Ariana and Michelle about moving here that Camila could relate to and help with. Or maybe that Ariana was planning a visit for an extended period of time and Michelle wanted her around and in the house during it. But nothing as permanent as moving to the city. "Oh."
It was a single word, but it said a lot.
"Hopefully you can see why I didn't want to tell you right away. Especially because of the uncertainty of it actually happening." Lauren added, but after seeing the distant look in Camila's eyes, she began to doubt her choice. Maybe it was a good thing that Camila had asked about it now.
"Actually," The brunette started and then paused, returning her focus to drying again, "I'm glad you told me now rather than later. It allows me time to brace should this adventure ever comes to fruition."
Lauren didn't resume her washing. She just watched silently as Camila busied herself with work. She studied every aspect of her wife's face. How she kept her eyes focused downward, the firmness of the corners of her mouth as she focused on not showing her disappointment. She was hurting all over again. Camila wasn't as at peace with the topic as either of them thought. "Michelle offered, more or less, to go back to Miami after this year to keep Ariana from moving here."
Camila's head snapped to look at her with wide eyes. "What?"
Lauren nodded slowly. Michelle was a smart kid. A smart and very caring kid regardless of any remaining teenager like qualities. "She gets, to some extent, and apparently always has, that we... don't... exactly get along with Ariana." Both women shifted a little in the silence that followed. Neither of them had ever expressed their relationship with the other woman in those words before, but it fits. They didn't get along. Ariana's personality caused a lot of issues for them constantly between her back and forth with Camila and the probably intentional power plays with authority over Michelle. That's not how either of the two younger women worked.
"And so, she, what?" Camila asked cautiously. "Doesn't want to go to school up here now? Or is it just because-"
"It's just because of Ariana and us." Lauren clarified quickly and with certainty. "Michelle seems to really want to make a go of New York but is cautious to admit it to herself, I think, because of this thing with Ariana moving here."
Camila shook her head vigorously and once again returned to drying the dishes aggressively. "Well, that's ridiculous. If this is where she wants to be when she needs to be here. We will deal with whatever else happens if or when it does, no matter how frustrating or personally painful it may be. There's no way we are going to let her alter her life just because of that woman."
"I know," Lauren admitted softly, also returning to the dishes. But she kept an eye on Camila. This woman amazed her with her caring heart. "I told Michelle as much."
"Good," Camila added for the measure. "And I will tell her myself as well."