Empty bottles,
casted on the nightstand,
unread books
laying in dust below.
I don't tell time anymore
by the sun or the moon
or by the clock next to me,
it's when I take my pills.
One in the morning.
One when needed.
Three after dinner.
Two before bed.
One to calm me.
One to fight the monsters.
One to strengthen the other.
One to sleep.
Yet, I am not calm,
my monsters are still strong
and I can't sleep.
Nightmares plague me
night after night
and I wake up
not knowing what is
truth or dream.
One big white
one long white
four little whites
and one blue.
They make their own music,
as they rattle inside the
fluorescent orange case.
I used to be embarrassed,
I'm taking pills,
but now,
I am too tired to care.
I want you to stop
I want you to stop
I want you to stop
Stop
Stop
Stop controlling my anxiety
stop controlling when I take my pills
stop breaking my heart.
7 pills.