A/N: in this chapter, Alex refers to black, ex; the blackness swallows me whole. This is not, and i repeat THIS IS NOT ALEC BEING RACIST. Alec is referring to a colour, not a race, not a skin tone, he is just referring to a colour. I just wanted to make this clear, just in case someone is sensitive to that and i didn't want anyone to interpret that wrong. Love you Captain Nemos', enjoy the story.
Alec POV
Black seemed to be the most convenient color. It expressed the pain that you didn't want to talk about. It showed heartache, self-hatred, pain, divorce....
Oh yeah. Your parents are getting divorce. My brain whispered to me.
My mom had enough of Robert's bullshit and yelled that they were getting a divorce.
It wasn't like I hadn't seen it coming. We all had, even Max. I was rarely at the Institute anymore, we didn't have any demon attacks to occupy us.
Then there was Robert. Every time he saw me he'd take the chance to ridicule me. Whether it was about my lack of training or to tell me that I wasn't good enough. Or that they would never approve my marriage. He'd tell me that I was ugly and that Magnus was using me.
I could barely sleep without being drunk because his words echoed in my head everytime I closed my eyes. When I fell asleep and wasn't drunk Isabelle would wake me and say I was having a nightmare. She'd always ask what it was about and I'd just say Magnus. And then she would get that I didn't want to talk about it.
I don't know what she thought. Maybe she thought that I had seen him die or something of that sort. Most of the time it was something like that. He would die, or let me die. Others he wouldn't be at the alter and then my father would walk in and then throw his dead body at me. Or it would just be my father taunting me.
I had become as closed off as before I had met my beautiful Warlock. I was mostly quiet and I rarely ate. I rarely got out of bed. And barely cared about my diminishing figure. There were ugly bags under my eyes and I was much too pale.
I might've even done something about it if i cared.
But I don't.
At random times my father would call me up and I'd leave the room if my siblings, or mother as she had been around these parts to worry about, were with me. He'd scream and yell at me. Call me every nasty name he could think of. And then hang up. I'd spend a few minutes crying in self-pity and drink myself unconscious.
Jace would pass worried glances my way and I'd answer them with a half-hearted smile. He'd often try to get me to talk with him in our heads but I'd block him out.
I was depressed and i was being to accept the fact that everything my father said about me was true. I am ugly, I am stupid, unworthy. I should probably go die somewhere but even if I did people wouldn't look for my corpse.
"Alexander Gideon Lightwood just stop it!" Jace yelled. I looked up at him with a blank expression.
"Jace, Alec isn't doing anything. There is no reason to yell" Mom said, coming to my defense at Jace's sudden outburst.
"Mom, no you don't hear what I hear" he said, stressed.
"Clearly not because Alec hasn't said anything" she replied.
"Alec was thinking about suicide" Jace blurted out.
"WHAT?!" Everyone in the room shout, with the exception of Jace and I. Isabelle, Mom, Clary and Simon all stared at me.
I ignored their looks and went to grab a bottle of vodka. I could feel their eyes on me but I did nothing about it, as if I didn't know. I grabbed two tablets of aspirin, as i could feel the headache already forming, and swallowed down with a mouthful of vodka.
When I finally met their gazes, it ranged from sadness to worry to anger. I shrugged and sat down on my chair, next to the one that Magnus loved. I continued to drink as they looked at me like I had lost my mind.
I probably had.
"Alec, we should talk about this" my mother said calmly, her voice laced with concern.
"What would you like to talk about?" I asked, taking a few more drinks from my bottle.
"Why don't you put the bottle down?" She asked, smiling at me gently.
"No" I replied, my voice wasn't cruel but I left no room for questions.
"Okay then. Is what Jace claims true?" She asked.
"Sorta. I wasn't thinking about killing myself, just if I what it would be like if I was dead" I replied, my voice void of emotion.
"Why?" Mom questioned.
"Because I feel dead" I replied.
"Why?" She asked, sounding more concerned.
"Because I do" was my only response. The bottle was over half way empty.
"Alex talk to me please" Mom said, her voice on the edge of pleading.
"Why?"
"Because I'm worried about you"
"Why?"
"That's what mothers do, they worry about their children"
"Why?"
"Because we love our children"
"Why?"
"Because we do"
"You don't have to"
"No I don't but I love you and all of your siblings. I just want to help you" my mother stressed.
I shrugged. On the outside I looked blank on the inside there was terrors running around my mind. The pain, the regret, the fear, the heartache, the loss, the blackness. They all found home in a broken person. In my broken person.
"Alec you aren't broken, just in pain. And you won't let anyone help you. Magnus isn't here to help you, he is literally in Hell, you are going to have to let us help you" Jace said.
"I'm fine" I replied.
"Bullshit" he retorted.
"Please, Alec" Isabelle begged. I gave her my best soulless look and then drained my bottle of vodka.
"Alec, stop being an ass. Your family wants to help you. I have a psycho brother, a demented father and a nother who is being held by the Clave. Your family is right here for you" Clary told me.
"Not Magnus" I replied, my voice betraying my pain.
"He can't be here, if he could he would" Clary said, sounding exhausted.
"I miss him" I replied, wanting to hold him.
"I know, but whatever he is doing in is important. Right?" Mom replied, seeing her chance as I finally agreed to talk with them.
"His father thinks it is, Magnus seems indifferent and just wants to come home" I replied.
"Then why doesn't he if it isn't that important?" She asked.
"It's not that simple. You don't know who is father is" I answered.
"Then who is he?"
"I can't tell you that"
"Why not?"
"Magnus doesn't like people knowing" I replied. "He is a dangerous person who doesn't like to be crossed and will get what he wants no matter what" I said.
I saw Jace scribbling note and setting the on fire, multiple ones coming back at a time. Isabelle was helping him do it.
"Yes!" Isabelle exclaimed.
"What are you two doing?" I asked, confused.
"Getting you help" she replied with a smile.
I was about to respond when a portal started forming beside the chair that I was sitting in. Once the portal was complete, the love of my life walked through the portal.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked, clearly whatever Jace and Isabelle worried him enough to come here.
I opened my mouth to say something but broke diwn crying instead. Magnus sat down on yhe arm of the couch and petted my hair as I cried.
Magnus POV
The last two weeks have been grueling. Constant battle made me bloodthirsty, I was scared to go back to Alec like this. With my mind on nothing but killing.
I hated that it was so easy for me step back into this role of a ruthless killer. I guess that's what I am, and have always been.
I was about to call it a night when a fire message floated in front of my eyes. I grabbed it out if midair, hoping it was Alec.
We need your help
Was wrote on it. Nothing else, until a load of fire messages were floating. I used my magic to put them in order of arrival and read them all at once.
We need you. Alec's doubting himself. He said he feels dead and thinks about dying, about suicide. He hates himself and Robert tells him the worst things ever. And Alec's starting to believe it. Please help us help him. We need you Magnus. He is acting like before he met you, he's a better person with you and I hate seeing my brother like this. Please.
Fire and rage raced through my mind. I must have been letting off torrents of magic because my father walked over and asked me what was wrong.
"Alec, need to see him" I replied.
"I see" he muttered as he skimmed over the fire messages that I had been sent.
"I need you back in two days. That's when we will strike" he told me.
"Thank you" I replied, I quickly wrote back a message that said that I am coming and created a portal to leap through, to reach my beloved fiance.
When I walked through the portal into my living room, everyone was looking at my fiance, concern etching their features.
"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked. Alexander looked at me and opened his mouth. But he didn't say anything and just broke down crying.
I sat down on the arm of the couch, and slowly maneuvered him until he was sitting on my lap and crying on my shoulder. The entire time I was whispering sweet nothings, words of encouragement and support.
"Alexander, you don't always have to be strong, not around me" I said when he tried to force himself to stop crying. This act brought another bout of sobs.
When Alexander had finished crying after about thirty minutes, which I didn't mind because he needed it and I needed to hold him. Alec looked at me with his huge blue eyes and smiled softly. I kissed his forehead and the other occupants of the room cooed.
"Alexander darling, what's been going on?" I asked, it hurt to see him so injured. "It's okay Alexander, I love you. I want to help my fiance, please let me baby. I know I haven't been here for a few months but let me do what I can while I'm here" I begged.
Alexander spilled everything. He told me what his father had said about him, the phone calls that he had gotten just so that man could insult him. About how he had behind to believe those words of hate and how he felt that no one would care much if he died. Alexander put his heart on his sleeve and his pain on the table. And I would take care of him.
"Alexander, there is nothing wrong with you. You are the most beautiful, perfect angel I've ever met. Then next time I see that bastard I'm going to rip out his throat" I said, the last sentence I growled.
Alec turned my head slowly so that he could kiss me. The kiss was slow and full of love, with the extra bite of longing to it. We kissed for a while, until Jace dog whistled and Alec pulled back, pink tinted his cheeks.
"You don't have to go through this alone" I told him. "These people love you, we all want to help you. Please, if I'm not available, let them help you"
"Okay" he replied and nuzzled into my neck. Alec was about to doze off when his phone rang, interrupting out conversations with his family.
Alex answered and I felt him freeze in my lap. I took the phone from him, which he let me do willingly, and i looked at the contact name. It was Robert and my vision turned red.
"This here you piece of shit" I said into the phone, cutting him off.
"Alexander is the most wonderful person ever and you're a cheating, lying bastard. If you say, no, if you think of an insult towards him. If you look at him the wrong way or simply breathe a derogatory word in his presence, I will kill you. I will rip you limb from limb and throw you into the farthest reaches of Dudiel, where not one of the four red suns will reach you. And then I'll reincarnate you and present you as a gift to my father. Do I make myself clear?" I said into the phone, rage was the only emotion coloring my voice.
"Like you would do it" he scoffed, fear evident in his voice despite his words. The volume was loud enough that everyone in the room could hear what he was saying.
"Then try me, you will not be happy with the results. No one, not a single person, will make my beautiful fiance feel less than the perfection that he is. And if I have to make an example out of you, I will do so, gladly" I said.
"As if, you wouldn't kill me" he said, his voice shaking.
"On the contrary, I have no problem killing. That's all I've been doing for the past two and a half months. I've seen and caused so much blood that I could fill the River Styx five times over with demon blood. One poor excuse for a person does not deter me" I responded.
"That thing you call a fiance is a poor excuse for a person. It's a monster, just like you" he replied.
"Stupid man" I said, shaking my head slightly. "Does anyone have any last words to bastard?" I asked.
Everyone looked at one another, and then shook their heads. I looked at Alec and he nodded. I handed the phone over to him.
"This could've been avoided. Don't expect any visitors in Hell. You're past saving and I truly do hope that you like what you've wished upon me for weeks on end. Rot in Hell you bastard" Alexander said. He sounded like he knew that he had defeated that man.
"I'll be there in five" I replied into the phone, not expecting the voice that answered. No one else was expecting it either by the looks on their faces.
"There is no need to come over, Magnus. I've handled this piece of useless life. You enjoy you're familytime with your fiance and I'll figure out where to put this on Punisher Wall in the castle. One day, you can give him the proper punishment promised but I'll use it for now, the old ones are getting boring. Remember, two days and then it's over" my father said and then he hung up.
"Who was that? What's a Punisher Wall?" Maryse asked.
"That was my father. A Punisher Wall is like a training wall with undead people as targets. Gruesome but gives those who deserve punishment, their dues" I answered.
"Who is your father?" Jace asked.
"That's a conversation for another time" I replied.
"Are you okay baby?" I asked, looking at Alexander who had curled up against me.
"Yes. He's gone" Alexander replied.
Alec pulled me into a kiss, an extremely beautiful, heated kiss. As our tongues fought for dominance inside of each other's mouth, Alex let out a sinful whimper.And that when his family simultaneously got tired and left us.
That night I made love to my fiance on multiple surfaces in the house, to make up for lost time of course.
Hey Captain Nemos', this chapter is late but I was busy yesterday and didn't have anytime to finish writing. This chapter massed a lot overall and I knew that we needed a Malec moment after more Bullshit teasers that FreeForm has given us and by Bullshit I mean either no Malec or sad Magnus and Alec.
Anywho, My Love has 3.57k reads. This is insane, ridiculous, amazing. I'm like on the verge of breaking my face from smiling, and throwing up because wow this is a lot to take in. I always thought that My Love would be a flop. I got so close to actually taking this story down, it was insane. I was just going to quit and then IamSage88 just started voting on all of my chapters and I was like "If one person reads, then I'll write for this one person". And fast forward a couple months and I'm at 50 chapters, 119 votes and 120 comments. Plus I have 9 followers and that is incredible since I thought that I was only ever have 2. So that is incredible. And I have many frequent commenters and I enjoy talking with them, Hellfire43 and Uhura2urSpock_19. And to everyone, that I haven't mentioned I love you all too, these three are just examples and people that I have personally messaged on Wattpad Messages. And if you want to talk, just message me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
That was a very long thank you, and the entire point of it was to thank those who have been here since mainly the beginning and fkr everyone who has joined along the way.
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Be happy, stay strong, and Love Yourself
- Nautilus