"Hello, May 5, 2005
My name is Rhian R. Howell, if you're reading this you've found my time capsule. Congratulations for finding this time capsule. I am writing you as a 14 year old who's life is in peril as I write this letter. See, I have been diagnosed with Leukemia. I don't know how much time I have left, the Doctors said anytime within 3 months from writing this letter, I may get worst and ultimately die or not. If anyone finds this, please find me. I would love to be your friend if I am still alive by then. Please return the pocket watch to me and you can keep the lucky old coin I dug up in the yard. I hope it brings you luck as much as it did in mine. I am leaving for the U.S. tomorrow, well not tomorrow per se, but tomorrow as in at the time I wrote this letter and buried my time capsule. Sorry, I tend to correct my thoughts every so often that I sound so defensive. But, I am actually a cool girl my best friend Bianca would agree. Anyway, I hope to meet you someday and please read the Diary I have included in this time capsule, the diary has my secrets that might help you find me. Good luck, Stranger!
- Rhian R. Howell"
I read the the letter I wrote and when I am satisfied, I slipped it into the time capsule, along with my prized possessions, my Diary which contained my secrets, my lucky Track and Field Jersey, Wristband which my Best friend Bianca gave me for my 13th birthday, 100 pieces of poetry written in between my diary, my Grandpa's brass pocket watch which he gave me before he died, a coin I found in our yard once when I was digging up soil to prepare the plants I would plant in our yard, a movie ticket from my very first date with Jeremy.
It was midnight, I slipped out of our house and ran to the vacant lot adjacent our house. Where I dug up a hole to place my time capsule in. In the middle of the night, when the whole world is asleep, I sat near the whole I dug up earlier, I cradled in my lap the time capsule, I thought it was easy to part with the things I valued the most, I cried silently as I placed the time capsule into the whole I dug up earlier.
I thought it would be easy if I left my prized possessions into the hole, hoping that sometime in the future another girl as young as me would come across it and find the treasures I left for her to wear as her own. I have long accepted that I would die soon, ever since my diagnosis summer of last year I felt surreal as I tried to process the fact that my life would soon end, when exactly I myself don't know. My dreams of becoming a Botanist when I grow up felt like they were stolen from me, I had to quit school eventually as the doctors required me to undergo rigorous tests and treatments, each one failing. It's been over a year, after hundreds of doctor appointments, tubes and needles and hospital rooms, my parents ultimately decided we go back to New York and have me try another new treatment for my leukemia which has now gained popularity in the U.S.
I scooped the dirt with a hand shovel. When I am done, I got up and took the hand shovel with me. Bumalik na ako sa bahay, making sure no one caught me. Ibinalik ko na ang hand shovel sa gardening tools ni Mang Rod. Tapos ay pumasok na sa bahay. My room is up in the attic, I silently made my way there. I didn't tell Bianca about me leaving the country soon, I never plan to kahit mamayang umaga aalis na kami. Since she is in the province for a week, I left her with a self-care box with her favorite things on it, snacks, books on the genre she liked, a jar of mood boosting quotes, a blanket, a mug and packets of her favorite cocoa drink. I wrote her a note too explaining that I was not able to say Goodbye properly but promised to call her once I get there.
See, the hardest thing to do is to be separated with Bianca, since she was like a sister to me both of us were an only child of our parents so it was inevitable for us to treat each other as if we were sisters. I grew up with Bianca, I know she doesn't like being left out. But I had to leave it's not like I had any choice on the matter, see I would love to live through this sickness and find a cure for it. It scares me knowing that in the Philippines there isn't much alternative routes we could take it was either I undergo doses of Chemotherapy or wait for my body to deteriorate. My Dad didn't agree with the doctors in Manila, so he decided to research on the matter and found that there was indeed alternative cure for the Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Given that mine was treated as soon as possible. It's just been a year since I was diagnosed with the disease, thankfully my healthy diet has kept my condition under control it has not progressed to a critical level. I'm thankful that I love to eat healthy and exercise despite the pain I was feeling. I guess you could say that my pain tolerance is high. I turned in for bed at around 12:15 A.M. roughly 3 hours of sleep before it's time to fly back to New York.
I hugged my pillow and allowed myself to cry for a bit, I can't help but feel scared and overwhelmed. Madalas kong maisip what if I just let myself go? You know? Like accept my imminent death and give up on myself? Every time I think of this my parents and my best friend Bianca comes to my mind. They wouldn't want me to give up on myself. So I solder on and pretend that I am fighting very hard. Well, a part of me wants to but parts of me wanted to give up. Naka-ilang dasal na ako kay Lord to guide me and help me accept the reality that one day I may die. I just want to be prepared for when that day comes. For the nth time tonight, I pray to God to bless every one I love with a strong heart to accept my fate. To have as much fun as I could when ever it is possible and mostly I pray that my parents be given with a strong heart and mind just in case I won't make it.
I fell asleep soundly after I have finished praying. I was awakened by Manang Rosa at around 3 A.M. to get ready for our flight.
"Rhian, hija. Gising na at mahuhuli ka sa flight niyo." She said softly at me.
Kinusot ko ang mata ko and let out a whine at her.
"Manang, five more minutes please." I called out weakly to her.
"Rhian, mapapagalitan ako ng Daddy mo." She said.
It was my weakness when ever Dad scolds her, dahil ako naman ang may decision sa lahat ng ginagawa ko, but he doesn't ever scold me. He scolds Manang Rosa or Ate Merly kaya nang marinig ko ito ako na mismo ang bumangon. I looked at Manang Rosa, Manang Rosa is quite old like my Grandma Felicity. Manang Rosa has been with our family since Mom was just a new born baby, eventually when Mom got Married, my Lola gave Manang Rosa to Mommy as chief of the household. Manang Rosa is quite efficient at her age, medyo spoiled ako kay Manang Rosa. I'll miss her for sure. I smiled weakly at her before pulling her in for a tight hug.
"Manang I'll miss you po. Thank you for taking care of me po." I said to her.
"Walang ano man hija. Ipagdadasal ko na sana gumaling ka na, magpagaling ka at wag mo kaming isipin. Makaka-balik na ako sa probinsya namin, kaya ayos lang ako." Manang Rosa said.
"Babangon na po ako, Manang. Yung box po na ibibigay kay Bianca ha?" I reminded Manang.
"Ako na bahala Rhian." She said as she left me in my room.
I went to the bathroom and took a bath, the last time I'm ever going to at this home. Dad said he will eventually sell our house at sa States na kami titira for good. I got dressed and went down the kitchen to have breakfast, the final one before I left this country for good. Manang Rosa prepared my favorites such as Garlic Fried Rice, Eggs, Bacon and her special Tsokolate de Batirol. She makes it every weekend, it's not yet the weekend but I guess because it's the last time I'll ever have breakfast in our house so she made it for me. I gave her a hug before sitting at the table.
"Salamat po Manang Rosa. Sana magkita pa din po tayo, kapag gumaling po ako sa sakit ko kayo po unang hahanapin ko." I said to her.
"Walang ano man, sa Baguio lang naman ako nakatira. Maliit lang ang Baguio. Nasabi ko na din naman sayo ang apilyido ko." She smiled as she hugged me back.
I nodded at her, I had her name written down on my journal as well as where she lives in Baguio. I promised to visit her should I survive my illness. But for now, I need to eat a lot and stay healthy. This is the only unhealthy breakfast I am having for the past year, Mom and Dad wanted me to eat healthy. I asked if I could eat an unhealthy breakfast before I left for the states, something they graciously agreed upon. Mamimiss ko ang Garlic Fried Rice ni Manang Rosa, pati na din itong Tsokolate de Batirol nya. I ate heartily, smiling at all of the things Manang Rosa has done for me, her memories I would always keep with me. Nakatakdang bumalik si Bianca from her vacation tomorrow, unfortunately hindi ko na siya mahihintay. I wish I could and hug her one last time. But I knew Bianca could fly to the States and visit me. After all we were born and raised in the U.S. It was only 5 years ago that we had to go home here in Manila. After my hearty breakfast, I waited at the living room for Mom and Dad to come down, I watched some cartoons to take my mind off the impending treatment I was supposed to get in the U.S. all the aspects of it I pushed aside. If my parents would like to fight for me, then I shouldn't give up on myself just yet. Ito lang ang iniisip ko kahit na ilang ulit na akong pinanghihinaan ng loob, it is hard for a 14 year old like me, I was just starting to experience High School life and the thrill of having a crush and other exciting new things. Ever since last year, I pretty much had to mature early and understand that all this treatments were meant for me to get better. Bianca was with me through everything, we played track and field in school and were on the varsity team previously before I was diagnosed with leukemia, ever since the diagnosis I had to stop playing. Bianca didn't want to continue with her being a varsity player, so she stayed with me all through out my treatments, often coming after school to the hospital to give me my notes and the assignments we would have. Mine was to be submitted via E-mail as I didn't want Bianca to bother about carrying my notebooks back. Exams are to be done via email as well for me, where as Bianca had to come to school. Everything changed and last year, every one visited me in the hospital and there we had a class Christmas Party in the hospital room. It was Bianca who thought of doing this, she said the true meaning of Christmas is cheering someone up and what better way than to have them visit me. It was 4 AM when Mom and Dad got down from their room, My Dad dressed in his button down shirt, slacks and leather shoes. He looks handsome and dapper at the tender age of 45. Mom was dressed in her blue straight cut dress, her hair up in a bun. Looking so beautiful and gorgeous. I smiled at them upon seeing them.
"Ready?" Dad asked me.
I could only nod, I can't tell him I don't want to try other treatments. I can't tell him to stop doing what ever it takes to have me another lease on life. I can't disappoint him not now or ever. I smiled at him. He only nods back and went outside, inutusan nya ang driver namin na si Mang Andoy na ipagmaneho na kami papuntang Airport. I rode at the back sa gitna ni Mom and Dad. Iniulo ko sa balikat ni Mommy ang ulo ko.
"My dear, wag ka nang malungkot. It's for your health that's why we needed to go." Mom whispered.
"I know mom." I replied.
I looked out the window with my head on my Mom's shoulders. I need to be strong for them because they are strong for me. Sabi ni Bianca I am lucky to have parents such as them they care for me and truly loves me. What Bianca doesn't understand is I don't want to go against God's plans for me. I want to live my life as authentic as I can, meaning no treatments and diets to follow. But I know they would hate me if I asked them to give me up to the Lord. That's the reason why I am still alive after a year of trial and error treatments. I guess I have to be grateful to every one who loves me and cares for me because I am living right now because of them.
A/N:
Hello Guys! This is an adopted story from Wayfarer_11, Maraming salamat po sa suportang ibinigay ninyo para sa akin at sa stories na ipinublish ko dito. I want to thank you for all your votes, add sa mga reading lists ninyo at sa mga comments ninyo. This will be the last story I will write about RaStro. After nito, I will abandon this account altogether or perhaps not. I'm not yet sure. I am writing this Author's note during an emotional point in my life. I may keep the account but I will be publishing mostly Rhian Ramos Lesbian Fiction on here or maybe move forward with a different account. It depends on my mood the following weeks.
The reason I am writing this last is because alam ko nang panahon na para mag-move on ako from RaStro Stories. To explore other partners for Rhian Ramos, dahil alam naman natin na wala na ang Barko natin. Wala na si G, inunfollow na ni Rhian on IG and G already unfollowed her. Also if you guys have noticed late 2018, nag-iiyak si Rhian palagi. I have a feeling she and G finally broke up and called it quits. Most of you speculate that they were together, I am one of you. LOL. Although I have discovered TRMD quite late, wala nang ganap between them by the time, I chose to still believe they were actually together in real life. Pero minsan, kailangan natin magpalaya, kahit gano kasakit. Rhian was strong enough to let her go, why should I beg to differ? I am glad that Rhian is now happier and glowing. Sana kayo din, suportahan nyo sila individually. Let's always remember to respect both women and the decisions they had to make. So for the last time, let's enjoy this last story I am writing for you guys. Au Revoir! Ciao! Sayōnara! Bye! Tatakas na ako pagtapos nito at hindi na babalik pa. Hahahahahahahaha!
Always spread light and love where ever you could and whenever possible!
-Sky