Love has always been this glass ball
I ran out my room and suddenly found myself in the woods, I looked around, confused.
That could be put back together but everything that happened,
I didn't know where to run, taking deep breath, I ran. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care.
The pieces got harder and harder to put back,
I fell on knees, grabbing my chest as my hurt began to feel like it was filling with water.
Each time it was broken.
I felt my shirt get really warm and wet, I removed my hands from chest and saw that my hands cuts all over and I bleeding.
But I feared this ball. Well love that is. I was always so scared of falling or being inlove.
I began to panic, what the hell is going. I looked around, as I did the woods began to melt away and I was in black room with a large mirror. I walked over to it. I saw myself as in teen in it, I had dark her hair and black tips, bangs too. The pain in chest began to get stronger, I fell on my knees as teen me did the same.
I had seen what it did to my friends. My family.
I looked up and the person who I am and the person who I used to be me met eyes. my eyes widen as looked at her, she, me as teen. I was so broken, so wrapped in writing that missed out but everything I let some on in, they broke me one way or the other. I watched her pick of the shards of what I guess was something she cared about.
I mean for fuck sake I was too scared to get so close to family member because even that can cause you pain.
I watched as the glass slowly started turning red and I started at her and put my hand on the glass, I leaned my head against the glass, tears left and steep down my face. I let them fall for the first time in a while, I allowed myself to be weak, to cry.
When I did fall, I learned that nothing was worse than broken heart.
I stopped after a couple seconds and I got up and began to walk away from the mirror.
Well maybe just maybe getting hit by a car.
"Wait" I heard teen me call out. I froze in my spot and waited for a second. "don't forget, don't forget me. Please. I'm proud of you"
"I won't"
I remember when showing love for me was awkward.it was a pat on the back.
I couldn't even tell someone I liked them with gagging it was really bad.
I remember people telling me was heartless and cruel.
But it didn't mean that it kept them far away.
I wasn't alone. I just didn't care for other people, rather I was scared of them.
You see loves comes in many forms, shapes and depth.
But matter what form, shape or depth it was. The outcome was always the same you get hurt and the
Pain it's the same. And depending on what happens, two things can occur with this:
You move on and get a move a with your life and that's when you get ready to dive in again and get
Hurt. But that doesn't matter you got your hopes up again and you're ready to take over the world.
Or your love becomes hate. And everything you once loved about them becomes annoyances but you're Ready to move on with bitterness in your heart but hey that's just life right.
I sat and rubbed my eyes. I walked to the bathroom, replying the dream over and over again. It's been a month and a week since I moved out of Carrie's and Alex's house and moved in with the new weds. It's been a month and a week since I went out and broke up with jace. We were best friends, I preferred it that way. I mean I liked him. Everyone knew were still into each other even if we said we weren't. It was safer this way. I scrubbed myself in the tub and picked up the blade I had in my bathroom. I stared at it. It was beautiful. It had stains from the nights before. I sighed and put it back, finishing my shower I threw it out and stood in front of the mirror.
"I won't forget." Tying my hair up, I hum to random song. Walking out to the dining room, I saw that new weds had already set the table up and had the breakfast ready...weirdo lazy early bird people.
"So gen, what are you doing today" Clara asked me, while eating her pancake.
"Music shop, with jace...why?" she smiled and stared at me...after a couple of seconds, I grab an apple and walk out.
"Are you sure that we are allowed to play theses" I asked as jace plugged in the guitars to little base thingy that you plug it into. We play around, playing a couple songs and talking about random stuff and life.
"So you're going to sing for me, right...?" I asked him, setting the guitar down and looking at him, while he shot me a look, shaking his head.
"No." I rolled my eyes at him and when to say something back to me when my phone started ringing.
"Hello" I muttered answering it. On the other line I heard Clara voice. It was shaky.
"Gen" she said softly.
"Yeah, what's up? What's wrong?"
"I just, I need you home now." With that she hung up. Shit! I looked at jace with a worried expression.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Um, I have to go home. Something up with Clara."
"Really? Let's go."
"Sorry I had to cut this short." I said as we waited for the bus that took us both home.
"Nah, it's okay. You're needed." We boarded the bus and sat. When the bus started moving, I remember something that he told me weeks ago.
"Hey jace, if you knew when we younger do you think we'd be friends?"
"mhm....I don't think so...seems like nerd obsessed with her work." He said, laughing a bit. I stared at him for second before huffing at him.
"I wouldn't want to be friends with an wannabe rebel anyway." I snapped back at him. Feeling a bit pissed at the fact that he saw.
"Come on, Gen. I was joking of course we'd be friends...though I think it would be same as it started for us in the beginning."
"You mean with me disliking you and you hating me"
"You hated me too"
"I don't hate"
"Whatever you say" he said getting a bit closer to me. I turned to him, looking into his eyes.
"I don't hate."
"Whatever you say." I knew we nearing to his stop and I rolled my eyes at him.
"I don't it's pointless. It doesn't-"I froze as jace called out 'goodbye' and ran at the bus. I bit my lip and stared at the floor.
"What in god's name just happened?" I muttered as an older woman took a seat next to me, she smiled.
"I believe he just kissed you" she giggle as I hummed a bit and smiled a little, looking the floor.
I got the building that the newlyweds and me lived in and started looking for my keys in my bag. My phone rang and I answered it with my head phones on.
"Sorry." I couldn't help but giggle a bit, but I cleared my throat and started smiling hard.
"For what?" I asked, playing stupid with him.
"For you know what, Gen."
"What are we teenagers again, but fine? Just tell me...did you regret it?" I asked, a part me of hoping it wasn't, the other part of wishing he meant to do that all along.
"No" he said the second I asked him.
"So then don't say sorry, does this mean...we are together now."
"It's up to you."
"You kissed me, so yeah. I guess so."
"okay-"
"I'll call you soon. I have to go in." walking in to my house. I saw Clara sitting down at the dining table with paper covering something in front of her. She had been crying. Rushing to her comfort, she stood up and smiled at me.
"Gen"
"Yes" the moment the words left my mouth, she pulled the paper up to reveal five devil peeing sticks that make or break a women's life if she was too young. I got closer to the table and saw that there's was a plus sign on all of them. "Oh...my god...are you sure?" I asked picking one up and looking at my best friend's eyes. She handed me the paper and it was basically said what the devil peeing sticks said. "I'm going to be a god-mommy." Tears rushed into both of ours as she laughed and hugged me, though I thought it was a bit early I was excited for the new addition of our little family.
"I haven't told him, I wanted you to first. I feel special." She pulls away and smirk.
"Any good happened."
"I don't think good the word for it but Jace kissed me and-"
"What! No way. Really? So you guys are dating"
"Yeah we are." She started dancing and wiggles. In ways I couldn't even talk about nor wanted to talk. I shook my head and went to my room. Showered and sat on my bed. Jace. Jace. Jace.
Why me? I sighed. I like him a lot. A lot more than I would admit, but I couldn't help but think what would become of our friendship. I mean I didn't want to lose him. He was great friend but I knew that playing this game of we're just friends was going to blow over in my face and just get weirder and weirder. If things ended badly this was going to sting...no it was going to hurt. Was this risk I was really willing to take? I laid down and call jace with that sicken feeling growing in my stomach.