A/N: I love this chapter, and I am so excited to hear what you think of it. Due to some personal issues, I was unable to update as promised, but I'm trying to get back to a normal schedule the best I can. For now, I don't want to commit to a specific schedule, but I hope to keep updates within a week of each other. Thank you guys so much for your understanding.
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I've read stories that tell you how it feels to be in such a state of panic that it's as though you're floating outside of your own body. In all of the stupid reality T.V. shows that Moira and Ashlee talked me into watching, there's always someone driving to the hospital to see someone and acting as though they're the ones that are in critical condition.
I can't mock those people anymore. Simon's driving, he's holding my hand and talking to me, but I still can't hear anything. My head feels like someone took it in their hands and swung it left and right a hundred times. I know that somewhere in the chaos, Simon called all of my friends to them what happened. I'm not sure if it's because he thinks I need them, or because Jared was the other driver and he wants him to have someone there too.
I'm not sure how much all of us would have to hate Jared to not care about what happens to him. He's been a pain in the ass this last month, and I'm still almost certain that he's never going to be able to repair the relationships that he destroyed in the process of falling for Kristina.
But that boy has been with me through every struggle I've ever faced. God, I'm worried about my mom, but I'm also breaking over the fact that I might lose Jared all over again. I should have tried harder to stop him when he drove away. I could have prevented this before anyone got hurt.
And why, why did I have to ask my mom to come get me? I could have easily taken a cab home and left her out of this entire night. She would be safe at home right now, in bed with a book while my dad watched T.V. beside her.
"Paige," I heard. I knew that it was Simon talking, but I couldn't find the strength to turn my head. My eyes felt like they were glued half-open, and my hand was just a lump of clay lying in Simon's. "Paige, she's going to be okay. Jared's going to be okay. You have to..."
Was he going to tell me that I needed to calm down? Because we both knew that wasn't going to happen. I may not worship the ground my mother walks on, but that woman means more to me than I would care to admit.
"You have to call your dad, Paige. Why don't you give me your phone and I can do it?" he offered. Whatever concrete was holding my neck in place gave way, and I found the strength to turn my head. Simon's eyes were on the road until he felt mine boring into him. There weren't any tears; tears would mean that my body understood what the hell was happening. I'm pretty sure that stage was still ten minutes out, and right now I was just trying to let my brain catch up to reality.
"I need you," I whimpered. The words burnt on the way out, like I had just run a marathon. He glanced at the road and back again, squeezing my hand.
"I'm not going anywhere, love. I'm wherever you need me," he smiled, but not letting it reach his eyes. I have no idea how we got here from screaming at each other less than fifteen minutes ago, but yet again a weight on my shoulders was lifted. Given, it was replaced by the fear I felt for my mom and Jared, but it was a relief for about five minutes.
Staring into Simon's eyes, feeling the curve of his hand that was made to hold mine, I knew that whatever I was about to face, I could face it with him.
~~~
"Paige! Paige...Paige..." my dad sighed, pulling me into his arms. My hand was still glued to Simon's, who didn't even drop it when my dad pulled me out of my chair into a hug. I had come to the conclusion that my body had in fact caught up to the reality of everything, but somehow, Simon's hold on me was keeping me together. I had refused to shed a single tear as of yet, but I was pretty sure now that my dad was here that wasn't going to be the case for much longer. "Simon. I'm so glad you're here."
Simon shook my dad's hand with his free one, standing up to greet him. When Simon called him from the truck, he was already on his way. Moira and Ashlee had assumed that we would be distracted trying to get to the hospital, so they told him as soon as they heard. It made me beyond guilty that I had let Simon tell my friends before my dad, but he was here and that was all that mattered. We were in a family waiting room, which was secluded and in a different part of the hospital than the emergency waiting room.
The rest of our friends were here, but they couldn't wait with me unless they were family, and I didn't want to leave in case the doctors came with an update. The only reason I got Simon in here was because he told them he was my brother.
"Thank you for getting Paige here safe. It's been too long since I've seen you..." my dad trailed off, his lungs trying to catch up. He obviously ran here from the parking lot, and I had no doubt that his truck was probably still idling at a curb with the keys in it.
"Of course. Do you want to sit down? Tessa's in surgery now, but they told us that they would come out with an update soon," Simon explained, squeezing my hand as he repeated what little information we knew. My dad nodded and collapsed into a seat next to me.
"I'm going to get you a coffee. I'll have my phone on me, okay?" I told him, finding words out of thin air. It was the longest sentence I had been able to piece together, but my dad looked grateful that I wasn't a crying mess.
I expected Simon to let go of my hand when I mentioned leaving, but he followed right behind me. My response was to lean into him as we walked, using my other hand to hold onto his arm for support.
"How are you feeling? Do you need some food? How much did you drink at the party?" Simon murmured. I grinned at him, silently thanking him for being here with me. It should have felt weird, being this close and going back to the way things used to be so soon after forgiving each other, but it didn't. It felt more than right; he was the only person I wanted with me right now, and if it was anyone else, I definitely wouldn't feel ready to face whatever came next.
"I'm okay. I'm not really up for food right now," I admitted, walking up to the coffee cart that was stocked full of supplies for waiting family members. Simon finally let go of my hand so that I could fix a cup for my dad, but he placed both hands on my shoulders so that we were still touching.
"Do you want to talk about anything? I feel like I'm not helping you at all—"
I set down the cup I was holding and turned around to face him. The hands that were on my shoulders now dangled in the air, so he placed them on my hips instead. It was an intimate position, but I didn't mind. "Simon, if you weren't there for me tonight, I would be having a mental breakdown in the freezing cold right now. I can't thank you enough—"
"I know that there's something you aren't telling me," he insisted, massaging my hip with his thumbs. It felt so good, but I knew that it wasn't as innocent as it looked.
"I don't want my dad to think that I don't care what happens to my mom. I mean, he knows how I feel about her, but she's still my mom. I wasn't even the one that told him she was in an accident—"
The words started pouring out, and I had no idea where they were coming from. Simon saw that I was on the verge of falling apart, but his arms were around me before that happened.
He spoke over my head, my face buried in his chest. "Your dad knows that you're just as scared as he it. Fighting or not, you love your mom, and no one's going to question that," he insisted. We stood like that for a second, letting the words sink in. I loved my mom through anything. Of course my dad knew that. I didn't want to lose her, but most of all I didn't want to lose our family.
"They died in a car accident," I whispered. My voice was so low and almost lost in his t-shirt, so I wasn't sure if he heard me, but he pulled away and looked at me with soft eyes. He heard. He always hears.
"Who did?"
"My grandparents. I talked to them on the phone in the morning, and that night we got the call that they were gone. I don't want that to happen to her...this can't be the same..."
When my lip trembled, I knew that all hope was lost for holding myself together. There was no escape from the pain that was clawing at my chest. This entire thing was all too familiar. Even though I was barely old enough to remember back then, I knew the pain that followed all of this. First you have hope that they'll get better, but more often than not, it was only your mind making up excuses. Eventually, you just have to accept that people don't always get to stay in your life.
"That is not going to happen to your mom. She is so strong, and she has a hell of a lot to fight for. There's no way she's going to leave you and your dad. Everything's going to be okay, Paige," he promised. His warmth felt like a lifeline. The rise and fall of his chest brought me back down to Earth, holding me steady while I tried to pull myself together. I needed to put on a strong front for my dad. I couldn't face him like this, let alone talk to my mom's doctors.
"We should probably go back," I sniffled, turning back to fill a cup with coffee. Simon's hand was immediately grabbing mine, squeezing tight while we walked back to the waiting room. My dad was still sitting in the chair that we left him in, but his leg was bouncing obsessively.
Simon stopped me while we were still out of earshot. "Do you think he knows that it was Jared in the other vehicle?"
I considered it, but I knew that he would be a lot more frazzled if he knew. I wasn't completely sure if it would be because he was worried for the boy that he once considered a son, or if he would be fuming that the boy that hit his daughter now put his wife's life in danger.
"I'm not sure, but let's just wait and see. If it comes up, then so be it, but there's no reason to make him more emotional than he already is," I explained. Simon nodded and stared a second longer, glancing at the dried tears on my cheeks. He used his thumb to wipe the remnants of them away, his finger lingering on my skin. I shivered underneath his touch, despite the warmth radiating off of his body.
I heard my dad clear his throat, and my neck snapped to attention. I gave him a weak smile and broke away from Simon to bring my dad his coffee, already craving his touch again. I wanted to question why it was so easy for me to snap back into this relationship with Simon, but I already knew the answer.
"You two look like you're getting along again," my dad grinned sadly. The mischief was in his eyes, questioning if my relationship with Simon was truly as innocent as I we had always claimed, but the rest of him showed how scared he was. Simon had left the waiting room, probably to give me a minute with my dad. Should I vent to my dad so that it could distract us both? Or should I try to focus on my mom, and think about what I can do to make this easier for him? "It's okay, if you don't want to talk about it. I just thought we could both use the distraction."
His hands were gripping his cup so hard that I was sure that the styrofoam was going to burst, so I decided that the distraction might be the best.
"We had a fight and—"
He smiled and cut me off. "Let me guess...he told you how he felt about you."
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. Simon and I were talking again—so why did it hurt so much to tell my dad what happened?
"Oh, Paige. I didn't mean it like that. We can talk about something else if you'd like—"
I shook my head. "No, it's fine. I just needed a second." I paused and he wrapped his hand around mine. I could tell my dad anything. He proved that when I told him what happened with Jared. He didn't kill him, like I thought he would. He just wanted to make sure that I was okay.
"Simon didn't tell me how he felt..." I trailed off, understanding dawning on his face. "Well, to be fair, I didn't actually tell him. He overheard me telling someone else."
"And he was mad about that?" he asked, surprised. He obviously thought that whatever was going on between Simon and I wasn't just something that sparked up in the last couple of months. I'm sure that he'd let me in on whatever he had been picturing, but for now I wanted to make sure that he knew the entire story.
"He was mad that I was ruining our friendship. He never actually admitted that he might have feelings too until a couple of weeks later. All he could think about was his relationship with Kristina, so he just blamed me for a lot of things and pushed me away," I murmured, my eyes finding pictures in the patterns on the floor tiles. I knew that I needed Simon, and I wanted so bad to forgive him for hurting me, but that didn't change the fact that it still hurt like hell.
"I can kind of see where he's coming from, in terms of trying to salvage his relationship with his girlfriend," he started, setting his coffee down on the table beside his chair. "But that shouldn't mean that he had to make you feel like you did something wrong by expressing how you felt. He's your best friend, and reciprocated or not, he should have been there for you when you were confused."
"Why do you say confused?" I asked.
He shrugged, staring at my sneakers. "I've watched the two of you a lot over the years, trying to find the right way to be together. You're definitely best friends, but I can only imagine what it's like to try to piece together feelings that might threaten that bond."
I scoffed. "When did you become so brilliant?"
He let out a soft laugh, squeezing my hand. "Paige, your mom and I both knew that this was going to happen eventually. Anyone who was around you and Simon could see that there was something more there. I just never thought that it was going to happen anything like this."
"Dad, it's not like that. Simon and I talked. We're okay now," I assured him. I knew that if he thought that I was still angry with Simon, he might act differently around him too. But I didn't want that. I wanted things to go back to normal.
"Are you sure? I can—"
"Dad, I am perfectly capable of kicking Simon's ass myself if I wanted to. I promise, everything's okay."
"That's what I like to hear. Your mom would help you, if you wanted to kick his ass I mean," he grinned. I smiled with him and nodded.
"I know. I kind of think she enjoys beating people up a little too much," I laughed.
"Oh, without a doubt. I practically had to hold her down while you were trying to talk to Jared. That woman is the definition of Mama Bear," he smiled, his eyes trained on a single spot on the floor. It was good, that we were thinking about her when she was healthy and happy. She needed to be okay. We might not be the closest family, but I would do anything now to change that. I just wish it didn't take something like this to make me see that.
~~~
"Aiden Grey is no longer on my list," Ashlee huffed, crossing her arms and falling back into her chair. After I had felt up to seeing my friends, and being told by the doctors that my mom would be in surgery for at least another hour, I finally left the waiting room. When I walked out, Simon wasn't there like I had expected. When I asked Ashlee and Moira about it, they both told me that they hadn't heard from him since he called them on the drive here.
But they had been doing an amazing job of keeping my mind off of things. Brandon, Alex, and Drake had gone home and were going to come back in the morning, so that Moira and Ashlee could go home and rest.
It wasn't that I didn't think that they would be worried about Jared, but they were surprisingly anxious. It made me happy that he wasn't going to be alone when he woke up. Brandon had called his parents a couple of hours ago, but his dad was overseas and his mom was on the other side of the country.
"Oh shush. You've been crushing on Aiden Grey since fourth grade. I bet all is forgiven by tomorrow morning," Moira teased. We exchanged knowing looks, but Ashlee caught us and scoffed.
"He was so drunk he passed out on the staircase and slid down in his own drool. He wasn't even conscious, let alone aware enough to be here for Paige. He's a stupid little—"
"Alright! That's still her boyfriend you're talking about, Ash," Moira said through clenched teeth. Ashlee rolled her eyes and stared out the window, seemingly more agitated than I was.
"To be honest guys, I didn't even notice he wasn't here. It's not that big of a deal," I assured them. Moira looked deep in thought and Ashlee looked like she was going to say something but stopped herself.
Aiden and I had gotten closer, but I still had six other people that I would want to see before him.
"And just to be clear, we're not dating yet. We—"
"Did you guys not leave the party to go upstairs?" Moira asked. I took a deep breath and shrugged.
"I mean, we were about to. But I was kind of mad that he had tried to start a fight with Simon, so I went outside to get some air and ended up asking my mom to come get me. I texted you guys that," I pointed out, but they both shared confused glances.
"We didn't get a message from you—hold on a sec'. You went outside in this weather? How did you not freeze girl?" Ashlee cringed.
They didn't know that Simon and I had made up yet. Was I ready for their invasive questions? They weren't stupid; when I asked where Simon was earlier, they probably put two and two together.
"I was kind of distracted...screaming at Simon," I confessed. They both gave me their saddest looks, but I knew that they were tired of hearing about my fights with Simon. I grinned at them and suddenly Ashlee was jumping out of her chair.
"Did you guys kiss and make up?" she screamed, disturbing the entire waiting room. A young couple in the corner looked up and I could see that the woman was wiping tears from her eyes.
"You need to be quieter," I hissed, pulling her back into her chair. Both of their mouths hung open.
"Oh my god! You did kiss and make up," Moira whispered. I rolled my eyes and tried to talk, but they were both there to stop me.
"Oh thank god. I was getting so tired of waiting for you guys to bone already—"
Ashlee butt in next. "What are you going to tell Aiden? I mean, you aren't dating yet, but you just said you almost went upstairs with him tonight—"
Moira laughed. "I have to say, I am excited that I don't have to help Simon come up with excuses to not eat lunch with us anymore."
"Enough!" I boomed, drawing the attention of the entire waiting room yet again. This time, Moira and Ashlee were the ones to scold me and I almost walked away.
"You guys are the most infuriating—"
"We know," they agreed in sync. I ground my teeth together and tried not to freak out.
"If you would just let me talk, Simon and I did not kiss and make up. We're friends, that's it. There will be no boning anytime soon," I assured them. The look that they gave me made me want to smack the both of them.
"Right..." Moira started.
Ashlee finished for her. "Let me know how that works out for you."
"What's that supposed to mean? We both agreed that all we can be right now is friends. That's all. Nothing more," I insisted.
"Say it one more time and maybe we'll believe you," Ashlee giggled. I flicked her hand and she let out a squeak.
"Come on, Paige. We all know that when you say 'we' decided, you really mean you decided. All Simon wants is a relationship with you. It's all he's talked about since he broke up with Kristina—"
Ashlee hit Moira to stop her from talking and gave her a dangerous look.
"What are you talking about? He only broke up with her like two days ago. He has no idea what he wants—"
Ashlee cut me off. "Okay, you need to shut up. Stop denying it already. Simon is in love with you, and both of you want each other like it's mating season. This is just getting ridiculous."
The entire time Ashlee was scolding me, Moira was looking at her like she just told her that her pants made her look fat.
"You just got mad at me for trying to tell her that Simon's in love with her, and then you go and blurt it out," Moira sneered.
Ashlee turned away from me to face Moira. "Would you stop complaining. We're talking about Simon and Paige."
She turned back to me and opened her mouth to start talking, but Moira pulled her back. I don't think I could have paid attention anyways. My mind was still reeling from 'Simon' and 'love'.
"Yeah, well I was trying to do that. What makes you think you should be the one to tell her?"
"Guys, please stop," I whispered, pulling their attention to me. "I kind of already know."
"What?" Ashlee gasped.
"And you still told him that you only wanted to be friends?" Moira asked.
I shrugged. "Well...yeah. As much as I care about Simon, he still hurt me. I can't just go from moving on to falling in love with him in a heartbeat. I need time, guys."
Moira looked sad and grabbed my hands to show her support. "I'm sorry Paige. I shouldn't have—"
"I'm sorry too," Ashlee butt in. I let out a soft laugh, grabbing Ashlee's hand too.
"No, guys, it's okay. I know that this thing hasn't exactly been easy for you. I get why you'd just want us to be together. But I—I know that it's not going to be that easy," I explained. It felt better to say it than I realized.
They looked to each other for something to say, but decided on a hug instead.
"Here we are, supposed to be making you feel better, and you're the one talking reason," Moira laughed half-heartedly, guilt written on her face.
"God, no! You have no idea how much it means that you guys care this much about me. I don't even know if Simon and I would have a relationship at all right now if it wasn't for you two," I admitted, standing from the coffee table I had been perched on.
Moira and Ashlee's attention was on something behind me, so I turned to find what they were looking at. My mom's doctor, in the doorway with my dad. And they weren't smiling.
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