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"A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty."
The doctor's office hallway has as much personality as the rest of the clinic. The floor is slate grey and the walls dove. Above the ceiling is made from those polystyrene squares laid on a grid-like frame. The light is too bright for your eyes after the darkening gloom outside, you find it abrasive, enough perhaps to bring on migraines.
You sit there quietly in the chair, keeping your eyes closed, matching your breaths to the beeping of the machines that surrounded these halls, the only indications of life, your stillness. Your legs were numb.
You were utterly afraid.
What if there's something wrong with you?
What if there's something wrong with the baby?
Oh god, now just thinking about it is freaking you out!
CALM. DOWN.
Is this normal?!
Your breathing rapid and shallow. You can feel your pulse pounding in your temples. It's a relief that you're in a chair because between the heels and your legs shaking, you're afraid you'll fall out. Suddenly Taehyung seizes your hand and, massages them, "Baby are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, do I not look alright?" You ask, drawing your hand away.
Taehyung pauses for a moment before uttering a response. "I mean...you're bugged eye."
"No, I'm not, I'm f-fine, really, I'm good." Your nails were already bitten down to the quick. You nibbled at their frayed, form edges like a famished mouse for cheese.
"Seems like your pretty nervous to me."
"Nervous, w-what- me nervous? Pfft, it's just butterflies."
"Aww, baby don't be scared, you both are going to be alright." Taehyung grins and reaches his arm out to you, placing his hand on your belly, gently giving you warmth and affection.
"Tae..." You swallowed. "W-What if something happens, I'm worried, ugh this is so nerve-wracking?!" Your breaths came in sharp pants now and you tried to gain control, but nothing was working. It hurts. It HURTS! You tried to breathe calmly, but every time you looked up those cruel, shameful, unavoidable doubts were there. Doubts you had known long before your mind had loaded them. Doubts you had waited for with anxiety and worry, knowing, somehow, what they might say.
How would you handle the stress of a crying and demanding baby?
You're worried if you'll be a good mom or not.
You're worried you won't live up to the expectations you've set on yourself.
All these thoughts on, what are you getting into?
Self-confidence down 100.
Before you could cause your own mind to split, Taehyung reaches for your hand, hugging it tightly, but comfortably. "Calm down, don't stress-" You met with his eyes and they were eyes that spoke of a beautiful soul and his movements told of a need for nurture.
Comfort.
Just like the first time you met eyes with him.
Memories.
You got this, calm down Chan-ri.
Taehyung's here for you when you may not be yourself.
He's got you.
Calm...
"Mrs. Park?" Someone called out. You jolted your head away from Tae and there was a woman, efficient from her shiny shoes to her pearl necklace. Her white suit was crisp and ironed to perfection. She coiffured her hair and spoke with an aristocratic tone, it was almost too easing that it actually became intimidating. Her face was set almost as firmly as a mannequin and when she spoke to you it was with the clipped tones of one who has enjoyed her profession.
You're not there.
Not even close.
Self-confidence down 1,000.
Softly you spoke like you were a mouse, "Y-Yeah that's me..."
She gave a firm smile, "Dr. Jung is ready to see you."
"A-Alright!" You jumped up from out of your chair. When you did, you mistakenly started walking, the wrong way. Taehyung stretched his arm out to turn you, the corner of your eye catches the young woman staring at us both, you made a fool out of yourself again!
Taehyung just smiles, frantically, but indeed smiling as he whispers, "Baby, please just hold my hand."
You walk and walk until you stand at a plain door, a plain door decorated with a golden plate with the words, Jung's office.
And for the first time today you felt relaxed, kinda. The woman opens the door for you both and once you stepped in it was like walking into an expensive coffee shop, the aroma. There are flowers, beautiful paintings, leather chairs, and soft music. On the wall is a plasma screen and the bed looks so comfortable, for a hospital bed, with fluffy white pillows. Just one foot in the door and you're as untroubled as you would be at home.. besides the whole enormous ass ultrasound machine in the corner of the room.
It was so distractedly pleasant that you didn't even notice that there was a doctor, yeah a whole person in the room and you didn't even notice.
Shame!
"Ah, good afternoon Mrs. Park, take a seat, I'm Dr. Jung Hoseok and I'm going to take care of you, how are you today?" The doctor spoke. You were pleased to see the black hair, pinned up into a man bun. He had a face like some guy you'd ask for directions in the street, non-threatening. In his doctor's scrubs, he was clean cut but had that loveable smile, dimples, that was only ever removed from his features when he needed to be serious.
His voice, clean and loud, loosened.
You spoke up, "I-I'm fine, just a little nervous..." The butterflies in your stomach buzzed with excitement.
Softly he spoke, "Don't be nervous, I'm just going to ask a few questions about your health, check on little one and suggest some things, alright?" Dr. Jung stood up and walked over to a counter and pulled out two blue latex gloves out of a box, slipping them on. His posture was like that of a soldier. Every action he took was precise and purposeful. He turned back to Taehyung and simpered.
"You must be daddy?" His voice remained as warm as early spring as if his heart beat so steadily.
Taehyung boastfully stood, nodding his head up high. "Yes, yes I am."
"Alright, Park Chan-ri first I need you to take another urine test to confirm that you are pregnant. You know, store-bought ones can be a little wonky."
Yeah, you know that.
You nodded your head, taking a deep breath. "Okay."
Not again...
"After you hear a beep bring the test out alright?"
You nodded your head again and started to head for the bathroom, the heartbeats grew louder as you approached the door, your heart rate quickly surpassing the rhythmic beat coming from inside.
This is nauseating.
CALM. DOWN.
You step into the bathroom and the moment your heel touches the floor, there's this echo, frightening you.
Hoe calm down!
It's okay.
You repeated the actions you did that fateful day, except, you waited until the beep told you that the test was done.
For a while, you paced back and forth, hoping to god now that you were pregnant and all these feelings lingering in your mind was not rubbish.
You stepped out of the bathroom and there your eyes rivaled Taehyung's as he stood there, waiting at the door with a hopeful simper.
"Holy shit, stop that, standing at doors is getting creepy now."
"S-Sorry." He backed up.
You walked to Dr. Jung and handed him the test, making your way onto the bed as he looked at it thoroughly.
He then sat at his desk and started to write in a notebook that sat heavily in the palm of his hand. It wasn't a large book or particularly thick, but it held all the information he needed. Peacefully he muttered. "...An hCG level greater than 25mI, you're undoubtedly pregnant. Okay, so any, drug allergies, psychiatric problems, or past surgeries or hospitalizations, any unusual problems?"
"No." You shake your head.
"Do you smoke, drink, use drugs?"
"Well, I drink but not frequently, wait, I did drink some champagne, but I-I didn't know! Will that effect the baby?!" You shouted, your body jerked up, holding your tummy. Taehyung firmed his grip on your hand, whispering, "Shh, calm down..."
"Yes, I'm going to need you to breathe Mrs. Park, don't yell. Now, there is no definite amount to what is dangerous, but I definitely need to keep watch over you alright. You're going to be fine."
"Okay, okay..."
"Now have any your families had birth defects in your history?" His smile is passive, it cools you down while he's doing a head-to-toe evaluation and making notes, adding every detail he could recall to the medical notes. You and Taehyung look at each other and swayed your heads, peering back at the doctor.
"Alright, now let's get you set up, you wanna see your baby right?" He set the notes down and rolled out of his chair.
"Yes, yes we really do." Taehyung voiced as he sat up straight, edging closer and closer off of his seat.
"Alrighty, let's see what's going on in this tummy here." Dr. Jung movements were unhurried, choreographed and deliberate as he set up the ultrasound, turning on all the buttons, reaching for some bottle. His voice was profound and for the most part, you understood what was going on and periodically he would stop to address you directly of what was going on, to explain the next procedure and what its purpose was. It was oddly comforting.
Dr. Jung had chuckled and before you knew it, you had flinched. He had put some type of gel on your tummy, the frigid coldness penetrated your skin, chilling your blood, sinking into the marrow of your bones like wet concrete, as he begins rubbing the transducer on your stomach with pressure, "Tssk, it's cold..."
"Yeah, you should've seen my wife, when she had an ultrasound for our son she squirmed like a caterpillar having a seizure."
"I don't blame her."
Thud-Thud
Thud-Thud
Thud-Thud
The tiny tympanic heartbeat from the ultrasound wand was an outward sign that a new life had begun within you.
Beautiful.
"Woah-" Dr. Jung expressed.
Taehyung sits up straight, eyes enlarged, "Woah what?!"
"It's only eight weeks along but this baby got a pounding heartbeat, it's faint but powerful..." The beating gets louder and louder, this inharmonious thrumming rhythm.
With a sigh, Taehyung's shoulders relaxed and his face lit up into the person you loved. "Oh, okay I was worried. I just got a mighty baby. Keep pounding that tiny heart of your's precious..." Taehyung shook his head a bit and placed his hands over his eyes, slow desolate tears ran from his unblinking eyes and dripped steadily onto his suit, now he's wiping his tears on his collared shirt. "I'm n-not crying."
You notice how overwhelm Taehyung seemed, red in the face, and you could understand, it's real.
Seeing that little dot was life-changing. It's like you know you're pregnant but when you see this tiny thing on the ultrasound, it hits home that you're about to be responsible for another life. You feel a sense of duty to protect this little dot both inside and outside of your womb. You had already loved it so much but seeing it, listening to its's heartbeat, just caused that to intensify. You were excited and scared at the same time.
This is motherhood.
After the settlement of this being real, Mr. Jung had scooted closer to the scan and pointed to a big blog, "You see that's the head right there."
Aww, look at his big head.
"Woah, hehe, he's got a big ass head like you Tae." You smirked.
"Wow, now I know you're not talking, five head." He plucked your forehead.
Taehyung paused, head tilted towards you as you reached your hand out to hit his lap.
Quickly he reiterated, "A fivehead that I love." As soon as the last syllable escapes his lips, you find yourself interlocked in a kiss. The tender touch you both share makes the room around you disappear into a cloud of burning flame of your love.
Mr. Jung had cleared his throat, laughing with an awkward stance, "Well, lovebirds it looks like everything's healthy, normal heartbeat for little baby here. I'm just going to take a few more test and you'll be free to go."
You both nod and giggle along together.
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After all the test and procedures Taehyung and you both found yourself exiting out the room and into the bland hallway, you're hands interlocked. "Honestly Tae you have no right in saying my head is big, look at yours." The corners of your mouth lift up into a smile.
His eyes were gazing into yours, cheesing hard. "Well look, I might have a big forehead, but I'm adorably cute and there's no denying that."
"Sure you are." You bluffed. Taehyung draws closer, wrapping his arms around you. You feel your heart beat so hard, you're praying so hard that this is the moment he kisses you, that this long drawn out love of your will leap. Your love is sweet, yet more as fresh fruit than candy or confectionary. Your love is colorful, yet more as summer blooms than the neon lights of frenetic city streets. Your love is steady and forgiving, yet more as the wise mother than the servant in chains. It was something magical.
That good cheesy love.
"You know you were a mess just for a check-up, imagine how you'll handle labor?" Taehyung laughed bitterly.
"Don't remind me I have to go through that and plus you wouldn't be able to handle it either, crying all over the baby-"
As you continued to walk down the halls and pull your gaze away from Tae your eyes begin to rest, rest on familiarity.
Huh...?
All chills brought up to your neck.
It wasn't a pleasant chillness. It was the kind that made you frozen and strengthen your stance. No matter how warm the blood in your veins, your face got frozen just the same, looking at him again.
Hate.
Pain.
Broken-Hearted.
Your eyes had matched with him.
Along with a woman and a little girl.
This is real, huh?
. . .
"...Ji-young..."
"It hurts you more than it hurts him and it just keeps going round and round. "
Authors Notes: Hello guys, It's been a while now. Oof I'm sorry about that, you know senior year is being the senior year so I've been busy with all these presentations in my classes on top of not feeling so well with my allergies. By the time I get home and try to write my allergies set out this plan to kill me. I take some medicine but then, that basically knocks me out cold so yeah... Sorry for my lame ass excuse, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's nothing too wild, but I hope you liked it as I am planning on where to take this story next. AND I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS LATE UPDATE, I REALLY FEEL BAD! BTW thank you for over 830 followers and over 337,000k reads! I know you guys must be sick of me thanking you, but seriously I'm so happy people enjoy my book and actually take time out their day to read it. I really appreciate it, so thanks! Okay UPDATE: PERSONA COMEBACK IS A BOP! FAVORITE SONG RN IS GOTTA BE HOME OR MAKE IT RIGHT. JUST...okay calm down with caps. What are your favorite songs?