“Where the hell are you, Ashton?” I say into his voice mail for the fifth time today.
It’s Wednesday now and he still hasn’t replied to any of my messages or phone calls. I’m getting really worried that something has happened to him and I’m starting to wonder if this is how he felt last week when I locked myself up. Helpless and anxious. I just hope he hasn’t gone into the same stage I was in. And if he has, I wonder what the hell caused him to do it. I can’t imagine him doing it though, shutting off the world like that.
He’s always been my rock, and rocks don’t break. Rocks are solid.
And that pretty much leads me to where I am now; Sunday’s. As I set my foot inside I am surprised Yolanda doesn’t throw herself at me and I actually manage to get to the counter before she sees me.
“Joselyn, sweetie!” Her face lights up with a smile. “Ashton’s not here.”
“Oh. Do you know where he is?”
“He took a few days off. Why?” She asks as she dries her hands on her apron.
“He hasn’t answered his phone so I’m-”
“Worried?” She finishes my sentence, giving me a understand smile. “I can see it in your face, sweetie. But don’t you worry. He always comes back.”
Always? What does she mean with he always comes back? Has he run away before? This makes my thoughts about him breaking once again reach the surface and I step outside as quickly as I stepped inside.
There’s only one place I can imagine him being at - and after looking up his home number on the phone and calling his mom asking if he was at home, then having to explain who I was, involving a 5-minute conversation with her asking me things and I made a promise to come visit her - I made up my mind to go there, to that place. If he’s not there, then I have no idea where he can be.
The drive is long, longer than last time and the GPS system crashes a couple of times, making me even more delayed. I skipped my last class today as well, and honestly, as long as I pass them – who cares if I attend them? Not even the teachers care, or so I overheard two of them talking in the hallway yesterday. Apparently all they care about is the free coffee in the teacher’s lounge and of course, getting paid.
I finally start recognizing the surroundings and I find a clear space pretty close to my final destination. I slam the car door shut and start walking. There’s still a 2-minutes’ walk to the house, through some trees and bushes. It’s so quiet here and I see the grey clouds moving closer across the sky. I hope it doesn’t start to rain.
“Ashton!” I call out.
No reply and I finally see the outlines of the house.
“Ashton!” I call out again.
Still no reply.
I pick up my phone. Maybe, just maybe, will he pick up if I call him, if I have phone reception, that is. To my surprise, I have 2 bars and even internet connection.
“Ashton. Just…please. Just call me or text me if you hear this,” I say. I don’t know how many of those messages I’ve sent to his voice mail. “Where are you? I want to talk to you…No, I need to talk to you. Pick up the phone. Please? I just…hello?”
“The inbox you’re trying to reach is full. Please try again later,” a robot voice says.
“Fuck!” I yell into the receiver, feeling my fingers grip it harder and I want to throw it into the lake. I hear a bird flap its wings above me and make a screeching sound. It flies across the sky. Away from the tall trees. Away from me.
“Hey don’t swear,” a voice creeps up behind me, making me jump.
I turn around and see Ashton standing there, his jeans ripped off by his knees, his grey t-shirt is, to my surprise, pretty clean.
“Ashton,” I run up to him and throw my arms around his neck.
“Hello to you too. Please don’t cry.”
I don’t even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks, making Ashton’s t-shirt wet.
“Sorry,” I say and try to wipe away the tears. “Oh Ashton, I’ve been so worried!”
I let go of him and stare into his hazel eyes who stare back at me. I notice a sparkle, his pupils dilated and once again I feel lost in his eyes.
“I know.”
“You can’t just run off like that.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“I know.”
“Is that all you can say?” I smirk and the dimples appear on his cheeks. God I’ve missed them. Even though it’s only been 2 days, I’ve missed them like crazy.
“I know I shouldn’t have run off like that…”
“Then why did you do it? Why did you run away?” I ask and he looks away, the sparkle suddenly gone.
He shakes his head slowly, so slightly I almost can’t see. He closes his eyes for a minute before returning his gaze to me.
“Let’s swim,” he half smiles, trying to assure me he’s okay, but I know he’s not.
“Ashton,” I say and try to grab his arm, but I feel him slip through my fingers and continues towards the lake. “I’m not going to swim, Ashton.”
His back is still turned to me but he doesn’t take off his shirt or anything. I take a couple of steps towards him and I accidently step on a branch, making it twitch but he still doesn’t move. I know he wants to take a dip, go for a swim. I remember he told me it helped him relax. It’s his escape, like mine is running. I look out over the water and start questioning myself if it’s really a good idea to swim in there. He’s probably swum here a million times, but I can’t help but think how dangerous the water actually look. It looks dirty and dark, almost like in a horror movie.
“Why don’t you wanna swim?” He asks when I’m just a few feet away.
“Because you need to tell me what’s going on,” I reply.
“This isn’t a good way to start this, huh?”
“Start what?” I frown.
“Our relationship. I asked you to be my girlfriend and the day after I run away,” he laughs nervously.
“Maybe I can forgive you if you tell me the reason why you did so,” I say and take another few steps so I stand in front of him.
His eyes turns down to me and I can tell he’s scared. He’s hiding something, and I know that, not only because he ran away, but because of the way his eyes move. He tries to focus them on my eyes but they dart, like he’s trying to decide whether or not to say anything. Yes or no, moving side to side. And his eyelids are heavy, nearly keeping his eyes open.
“You don’t want to hear about it,” he shakes his head.
“Yes, I do.”
“No. Trust me, you don’t.”
“In that case, I guess I will leave then.”
I turn around, but quickly feel a hand grab onto mine, making me warm again.
“Please don’t go.”
“I’ll go if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on,” I raise my voice and turn to face him again.
“Didn’t I tell you not to swear?” He smirks tiredly and I roll my eyes.
I can’t stay mad at this guy for long.
“We should go inside, it looks like it’s going to rain,” he says, looking up at the sky and the grey clouds are now directly above us. A few seconds later I see rings of water start forming as the first rain drops hit the surface.
The cabin is bigger than I thought it would be. We enter the hall, which is also connected to the kitchen and the living room. There’s a bedroom in the back and a ladder up to some kind of loft. There’s a bathroom to my right. Everything is made out of wood and I don’t see many electricity devices such as a TV or computer; only a radio, the kitchen machines and the few lamps in the different rooms. I’m astonished of how clean everything is. Ashton must have read my thought because he tells me he cleans the cabin every month.
“Do you have any food?” I ask as my stomach begins to growl.
“There are cereals and there might be something in the fridge,” he nods towards the kitchen, which is quite small. There’s a fridge, an oven, a sink and a few cabinets but no microwave.
I open one of the cabinets and find a package of cereals and check the expiration date. You never know how long these have been here. But to my surprise they don’t expire for another two and half months. I pour up some of them in a clean bowl I find on the kitchen sink and ask Ashton if he wants any but he just shakes his head and takes a seat on the couch, which looks like it’s going to collapse in any second. I join him with my bowl of cereals. And it’s not until he hands me a blanket that I realize I am freezing.
“The thermostat is broken. I’m gonna take a look at it later this week,” he explains.
We sit there, me in one corner of the couch, him in the other. The only sound is from me crunching cereals between my teeth – and of course a few rain drops hitting the windows, but they are barely audible. I try to eat slower, try to eat them without making a sound, but I fail and he laughs, shaking his head.
“I’m still waiting you know,” I say between cereals.
“I know, but once I’ve told you, things will be different,” he says and my heart drops. “How do I do this?” he asks himself, looking up at one of the wooden beams in the ceiling. I notice a crack in one of them and I wonder how old this house is.
ASHTON POV
I look at Joselyn who’s wrapped up under a blanket, looking like a cocoon, with a bowl in her hands. I bought those cereals ages ago, they must taste awful, but Joselyn just keeps eating them. I hear them crunching and she tries to eat more quietly, more carefully but fails miserably.
I don’t know how to drop this on her. She’s already been through this, she doesn’t need this to happen to her again. It’s like the world is testing her, seeing how much you can put a person through without having her breaking down completely.
“It’s about Michael,” I say after a few moments of silence.
“What about him?”
She puts the bowl on the floor without leaving her cocoon. She looks so innocent. She is innocent, but the world doesn’t understand that.
I can’t do this. Fuck.
“Tell me, please. I need to know,” she pleads.
She’s right though. She needs to know. I could keep it away from her but I should have thought about that earlier, before I went away. Before I decided to disappear for a little. I only did it so I could clear my head.
“You know how Michael’s always so nice to you?”
She nods, furrowing her eyebrows.
I can’t do this. I can’t tell her this. She’ll break, she’ll go down again. I don’t want that. I don’t need that, and neither does she. Her smile is no longer broken, it looks real and I want it to stay that way. I don’t want her to be sad. Who wants the most beautiful girl in the world to be sad?
Why couldn’t I just have kept my mouth shut? Why couldn’t I just pretend everything was alright?
Because I’m not her.
I’m not like Joselyn when it comes to hiding inner feelings, keeping secrets and pretending everything is alright. And I just want everything to be good for her. That’s why I can’t hide this. I can’t hide everything from her. She needs to know the truth to heal. To be the strongest one in the world.
“Well…”
FLASHBACK (the day before)
‘We should celebrate!’ Michael says as he enters through the door to the apartment.
I called him late last night and he told me he’d be here first thing in the morning to ‘congratulate me on this magnificent happening’ – his words, not mine.
‘I just asked her to be my girlfriend, it’s not like I won the lottery. Why should we celebrate?’
‘Because you love her, dude,’ Michael rolls his eyes. ‘People don’t find their soul mates this early in life.’
‘You’re the second person saying soul mates,’ I mumble to myself.
‘What?’ He frowns.
‘Luke said the same thing. He said-’
‘You spoke to Luke? What happened? Why haven’t I found out?’ Michael asks all three questions at once and I can barely make them out.
I tell him about the party, which I thought he would go to, but apparently he had some important game to play on his Xbox that he could not miss. I roll my eyes at him.
‘Shit. I should have been there. Has he apologized to Joselyn yet?’
‘No. He told me he’d give me heads up.’
I haven’t exactly heard from Luke since we made the deal, except a text I think wasn’t meant for me...
‘So have you done the whole meet-her-parents-thing?’
‘We haven’t even been together for 24 hours! Plus, I’ve already met her parents. Why do you care so much about her parents anyway? You asked so much yesterday!’
He shrugs, looking away from me and I know there’s something he’s not telling me. He’s hiding something. Michael isn’t known for his curiosity, I am. Michael’s never been the one to ask questions, he’s always been kind of quiet and in the background. Until Joselyn.
Then it clicks. Everything just clicks. The reason he’s been so nice to Joselyn. The reason he-.
‘You’re using her,’ I say and Michael coughs, turning red.
Everything makes sense. Everything makes perfectly sense. The time he walked her home, the time he chatted with her dad for hours, or so I’ve been informed. The way he always sneaks her name into our discussions, asking how she’s been feeling. And at The Diner yesterday. He goes through her, to get to him.
‘You son of a -’
-
“But you…you said…you told me not to doubt anyone’s friendship!” She cries and suddenly begins to shake, the blanket falling off her body. “You fucking told me that!”
She cuts me off right before I’m about to tell her how Michael suddenly shrinked and I couldn’t hit him. How I felt sorry for him, sorry because he was so damn desperate and selfish he’d hurt someone’s feelings to get something he wanted.
“I know and I’m so sorry but I don’t-”
“And you didn’t know? You’re best friends, Ashton. You should have known!”
“I know and I was blind.” I’ve been blind ever since I met you¸ I think but don’t add. “Michael was my best friend and I should have fucking seen it but I didn’t.” All I see is you.
Her eyes are red and the tears are falling, pricking her t-shirt one after one. I reach over and grab her hand to move closer but she moves over before I reach her and buries her head in my chest. I hear her starting sobbing, which almost makes me cry.
What Michael did is unforgivable. He used her to get that job at Youngman Inc., where her dad works. What scares me the most, is how sneaky he was. Joselyn’s told me how he went to her house and all, but I didn’t figure it out then. ‘Cause who the hell thinks of such a thing? I would never use this girl, this beautiful broken girl. Never. And I wonder if Michael would have acted differently if he knew about her. If he knew she’s been used and lied to before. If he knew how fragile she is.
Hell, I’d never use anybody, no matter who it was. It’s wrong.
Her sobbing is slowly dying out and I hear her clear her throat.
“I don’t think I’m supposed to have friends,” she says, her voice quiet and croaky.
“Shh, don’t say that.”
I rub her arm and try to focus on something else than my thoughts. Her head is still lying against my chest and I wonder if she can hear my heartbeat.
“Everyone is supposed to have friends. No one is supposed to be alone. You’ve just happen to have been at all the wrong places, all these years. And believe me, you do have a friend who will never leave you. A friend who will never betray or lie to you. A friend who will always love you,” I say and she shifts at my last two words. “And that friend is me. Well, boyfriend but I’m still your friend.”
I do, I really do love her. Is it too soon to say?
-
I FOUND SOME MONEY UNDER THE MICROWAVE :)))))))
No one cares, hahah.
Anyway, hate to break this to you, but I did some quick math and there are 4 chapters left of this story. But let's not get saaaaaaad - there are still 4 chapters left and I really hope you'll enjoy them all!
Make the star orange! And write your thoughts about this chapters in the comments :) love you.